dailywriting_mint1412写作贴

mint1412UID: 2545153

我托福一战作文只有21分，希望参加这个活动逼自己练习写作，写作能力太差了哎╮(╯▽╰)╭
9.16独立写作

09.1.23NA
Young people should try several different jobs before they take career in a long term.

Nowadays, there are more and more young people who would like to change their jobs frequently. Sometimes, one even changes three jobs only in one year. Is it good for them to try several different jobs before they take career in a long term? In my opinion, trying several different jobs is benefit for the young people to get a well-done long term career in the future.

Trying several different jobs can help young people to realize what jobs they are really interested in and suitable to do. Since there are many different jobs in the big society and young people can know the jobs better through trying them. If people choose a job that they are not interested in or suitable to as the whole life career, it not only makes these people despaired but also disturbs the development of the industries these people work in. In a word, being involved in several jobs before to take career in a long term is a good way for young people to find a most match job and for the job to find a most match person.

Trying several different jobs can help young people adapt to society quickly. When young people first leave the college, they feel curious of the society. Trying different jobs can make them meet lots of different people in variety fields. When young people in different jobs, they work with many kinds of people, deal with lots of different tasks and get involved in variety problems. Going through these experiences, young people will become more mature and to be more capable with the future careers which are waiting for them.

Trying several different jobs can help young people develop divergent thinking. Since people have contacted different jobs, they may learn a lot of methods to deal with many kinds of troubles and absorb many fresh thoughts in these different jobs. When they engaged to a career in a long term, they would bring different cultures to this career and maybe find a new method to figure out the troubles in this field. These new people will not work with an old thinking logic. They have a combined thinking of different fields and more creative to deal with working tasks.

With these three main reasons mentioned above, I think trying several different jobs before young people taking career in a long term will do more benefit for the young people and the society.

17308001UID: 2737541

第一段 beneficial


dierduanit notonly disappoint the people but also do great harm to the operaton the company.
语言质量不太高 注意句型的转换 如 伴随 插入 被动 定语从句等

第三段When young people take part  in different jobs, they work with many kinds of people, deal with lots of different tasks and get involved in variety problems.

S酱UID: 2883188

抱歉来晚咯～～

Nowadays, there are more and more young people who would like to change their jobs frequently. Sometimes, one even changes three jobs only in one year. Is it good for them to try several different jobs before they take career in a long term?（好像没有这种说法） In my opinion, trying several different jobs is benefit （beneficial ）for the young people to get a well-done long term career（没有这种说法，已google）  in the future.

Trying several different jobs can help young people to realize what jobs they are really interested in and suitable to do. Since there are many different jobs in the big（修饰society最好换一个别的，Big Society算是一个专有名词，是一个什么计划）  society and young people can know the jobs better through trying them. If people choose a job that they are not interested in or suitable to （do）as the whole life career, it not only makes these people despaired but also disturbs the development of the industries these people work in. In a word, being involved in several jobs before to take career in a long term is a good way for young people to find a most match job（match不是形容词，不能用most修饰；同理match不能修饰job） and for the job to find a most match person

Trying several different jobs can help young people adapt to society quickly. When young people first leave the college, they feel curious of(about) the society. Trying different jobs can make them meet lots of different people in variety fields. When young people in different jobs, they work with many kinds of people, deal with lots of different tasks and get involved in variety problems. Going through these experiences, young people will become more mature and to be more capable with(of) the future careers which are waiting for them.

Trying several different jobs can help young people develop divergent thinking. Since people have contacted different jobs(这个地方觉得中式英语了), they may learn a lot of methods to deal with many kinds of troubles and absorb many fresh thoughts in these different jobs. When they engaged to（in） a career in a long term, they would bring different cultures to this career and maybe find a new method to figure out the troubles in this field. These new people will not work with an old thinking logic. They have a combined thinking of different fields and more creative to deal with working tasks.

With these three main reasons mentioned above, I think trying several different jobs before young people taking career in a long term will do more benefit for（没有这种搭配，有这种搭配do somebody benefit from）the young people and the society.

先改这么多哦～
觉得语言和用词比较单一，用来用去一直是many，different，interested，troubles 比较单调；
有的用词和固定搭配需要推敲，介词要注意下，你给我改的介词也有改错的，所以可能你需要更加注意下固定搭配问题；
结构还不错，写得比较认真的感觉