jcf2008的作文贴

942wadeUID: 2948617

不好意思，你不太幸运，没跟牛人分在一组，我没办法给您评分，但是我会尽力认真看你的作文的。希望您多多指教！！
When facing choosing（感觉两个Ing在一起有点别扭， 可以改为faced with job selections） jobs, people's opinions differ into（好像没有这种说法） two main groups. Some claim that their jobs must be highly paid, and the length of vacation time will not bother them. However, the other group of people, especially people of younger ages（young people是不是好一些呢）, prefers(复数吧) the work with more vacations, and they do not care about the（上文没提到好像不用特指） salary. For my part, the experience I have gained leads me to believe that people can not be successful and really happy without enough（lower可能也是enough的，建议改一下） money.

It is true that life without pleasure will be tedious and miserable. Vacation time ensures people to have a larger portion of their life to do what they want to experience, such as spending time with their close friends and relatives, or take（ing） a trip to some tropical island. Those stuffs are definitely attracting to people who want to take a(没得) full use of their lifetime having fun. Take myself as （an）example. One of my greatest dreams is to travel around the world with my family in the future. However, without enough deposit, those kinds of dreams can never come true.（感觉有点混乱，又说vacation重要，又说deposit重要，而这两项是属于两个groups的。）

Furthermore, with the rapid development of the market economy, people's living standard and need of money also rise. Imagine that, if one of our family members was diagnosed with a sever（severe？） disease. But as his/her closest relative, we can not even afford the treatment. How awful and desperate we may feel and suffer（suffer的应该是名词而不是awful和desperate吧）? It is clear to see（不要to see 比较好） that a job with little（Little有点过分，人家说的是lower也不是义务劳动啊） payment can not guarantee our life with joy always.

Finally, no one can deny that high salary vocations（高薪假期？） might acquire（主语是人吧，意思上也说不通啊，） us more energy and time on it, but it also（not only呢？） brings（s） us satisfaction about our successful careers which appeal people as well as the vacations,  from some aspects.（这句没读懂，我长难句学得不太好）  For example, there are millions of people without a career claim（ing要不就双主语了） that their life is more meaningful and enjoyable than those（that of those） rich gays who waste all their life on work. But take a glimpse of the life of the(the太多了) people who devote themselves to careers, we can find their pride and satisfaction on their fantastic work which have positive impacts on the society.（跨度有点大，没有详细解释对社会的贡献）

To sum up, from what have been discussed above, comparing（ed，否则与主语不搭配） with the benefits and drawbacks the job with enough payment and little vacation still weight over（没见过这种用法，建议确认一下，outweigh可能会好一些啊） those（单复数不一致） with lots of vacations.
简单总结一下，语法还有些毛病，论据不充分，中心不够突出。唉，其实这也是我最大的毛病，希望楼主能多多赐教。

jcf2008UID: 2681015

54# 942wade 谢谢点评，发现作文中的不少问题。其实wade同学也是牛人啊，别谦虚~别不承认~
PS： 第一段的最后其实我还是想说明我的观点，即没钱不行，看来这样写没成功；vacation & vocation一个是假期，一个是职位。

942wadeUID: 2948617

不好意思，没看清楚，vocation和vacation。谢谢，望 多指教！！

jcf2008UID: 2681015

56# 942wade 我这样的水平谈不上指教，大家共同进步吧

jcf2008UID: 2681015

11月16日作业 马上就要考了，望大家看后留下个分数（主客观都行），让我有个底，谢谢。

jcf2008UID: 2681015

Visiting museums is the best way to learn about a country.
抱歉前段时间没上QQ
When people want to get to know about a foreign country, there are several ways available, such as reading a travelling book about the country, surfing the Internet, or having a visit at the museums about this country. People's opinions are varied on this topic. For my part, visiting the museums of art, history and customs do help a foreigner understand some aspects of a country.

To begin with, museums are always well organized by the government or society to display the most famous art works or prosperous history of the country. When designing a museum, as a landmark of a city or even a country, statesmen and the whole society will spend quite amount of money and energy to establish the travelers and foreigners a complete and wonderful impression about their country. For example, the Imperial Palace in Beijing, the capital city of China, was designed fantastically to be a platform and media for people from other country to have a glimpse of China's masterpieces and multicultural history. It is clear that museums give us a comparatively integral impression about a country.

Furthermore, people can also pick up some information and learn some customs according to the guides' introduction, or via the chatting with the faculties in the museum. It is true that information from the guides or local residents is far more practical and reliable than that from books or Internet. Take myself as an example. Once I had a visit to Japan with my parents. As there is few travel information about Japan is at hand, we gained our knowledge from the tour guide in a museum and the hospital local citizen.


Last but not least, the museums acquire little money or are charged free. The facilities are always funded by the states and supported by society; so barely they run on the travelers' tickets money. And in some specific situation, in some specific museums, people can even visit museums for free. For instance, in my hometown, there are hundreds of museums set up by the government. And showing your student ID may give you a half discount or even free of charge. Visiting a museum is more financially friendly than the books or magazines.

To sum up, by comparing visiting museums with other methods, it is safely to say that visiting museums still weights over on getting informed of a country. But when putting it into practice, combining all the means together can result to a much fabulous and inspiring success on your travelling or research.

ilovevickyUID: 2937658

59# jcf2008

改好啦，个人拙见，希望对你考试有绵薄之助。。。。

When people want to get to know about a foreign country, there are several ways available, such as reading a travelling book about the country, surfing the Internet, or having a visit at the museums about this country. People's opinions are varied on this topic. For my part, visiting the museums of art, history and customs do help a foreigner understand some aspects of a country.

To begin with, museums are always well organized by the government or society to display the most famous art works or prosperous history of the country. When designing a museum, as a landmark of a city or even a country, statesmen and the whole society will spend quite amount of money and energy to establish the travelers and foreigners a complete and wonderful impression about their country. 句子稍微长了点。For example, the Imperial Palace in Beijing, the capital city of China, was designed fantastically to be a platform（用这个词还可以稍微斟酌一下，可能用渠道之类的词更好） and media(media是复数) for people from other country to have a glimpse of China's masterpieces and multicultural history. It is clear that museums give us a comparatively integral impression about a country.( k4 `& k1 u5 ], W, }- H3 z. E" o  Y


$ d, k- p9 h  X+ [' w! E
Furthermore, people can also pick up some information and learn some customs according to the guides' introduction, or via the chatting with the faculties in the museum. It is true that information from the guides or local residents is far more practical and reliable than that from books or Internet. Take myself as an example. Once I had a visit to Japan with my parents. As there is few travel information about Japan （is） at hand, we gained our knowledge from the tour guide in a museum and the hospital local citizen. 例子之后最好加点总结得句子更给力。9 H  |! }% ~0 n& k9 o3


Last but not least, the museums acquire little money or are charged free. The facilities are always funded by the states and supported by society; so barely(后加倒装) they run on the travelers' tickets money. And (前面是句号)in some specific situation, or in some specific museums, people can even visit museums for free. For instance, in my hometown, there are hundreds of museums set up by the government. And showing your student ID may give you a half discount or even free of charge. Visiting a museum is more financially friendly than the books or magazines.这段写得很真实。


To sum up, by comparing visiting museums with other methods, it is safely to say that visiting museums still weights over（outweigh） on getting informed of a country. But when putting it into practice, combining all the means together can result to a much fabulous and inspiring success on your travelling or research.
总体来说结构和构思都很不错，但是我个人觉得你的语法还要注意一下细节，词汇多样性很不错，不过有的词还要斟酌一下哈。。。加油哈。。。我自己是个新手，所以给分肯定不客观，还是尽我所能，共同进步吧。。。

jcf2008UID: 2681015

60# ilovevicky 谢谢vicky同学的认真修改。意见很中肯~很感谢。一起努力吧！ 下周我就考了，希望我们都能拿到理想的分数啊~

jcf2008UID: 2681015

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? An effective leader tries to make others feel that they are part of decision making.

11月左右，感觉写偏题了……欢迎拍砖

jcf2008UID: 2681015

11月22作业。让砖块如洪水猛兽般扑向我吧！

When searching some information about aforeign country, people's preference on tools delivered. Some claim thatreading newspapers and magazines are reliable; some argue that searching theinternet, as the most popular method, is more practical. For my part, mysearching experience leads me to believe that searching on the internet is notjust convenient, but also efficient and time saving.


With the rapid development of internet inthe last decades, the world is getting increasingly smaller. People can searchon the internet and find the useful information they need immediately. However,reading the piles of newspapers and magazines while finding little informationis rather a waste of time. Take myself as example, once I need some informationabout some African countries. I spent about a whole week reading the relevantnewspapers and magazines and found almost nothing useful. However, it only tookmy roommate two hours searching on the internet. And she got the messagesranging from the customs to the latest policies in those countries. It is clearthat searching on the internet is rather efficient than reading newspapers andmagazines.


Furthermore, the internet is also a convenienttool that we can obtain the message we want at any places that are accessibleto the internet. People have to find the information from magazines andnewspapers they need in a library or a book store. But they can get access tothe internet even at home. This is another advantage of the internet searching.


It is also true that, as some one claims,the information on the internet is not as reliable as that on a newspaper or ina magazine. The magazines and newspapers are always edited and amended by thewriters and editors before printing. On the contrary, the internet is relativelyopen to every individual. They can type almost whatever they want. And themistakes and errors are inevitable. Newspapers and magazines are more trustablethan the internet to some extent.


To sum up, by comparing the benefits anddrawbacks of searching on the newspapers and magazines, we can safely draw theconclusion that it is kind of out of date and less efficient than surfing theinternet. And if people choose and judge the information on the internetappropriately, they can get what they want both efficiently and reliably.

topics_jasonUID: 2859308

When searching some information about a foreign country, people's preference on tools delivered



这个地方是什么意思？请指教。delivered？. Some claim that reading newspapers and magazines are reliable; some argue that searching the internet, as the most popular methods

, is more practical. For my part, my searching experience leads me to believe that searching on the internet is not just convenient, but also efficient and time saving.
（最后一句点题句感觉没有对statement驳倒，只是说出了自己的选择，欠点。）

With the rapid development of internet in the last decades, the world is getting increasingly smaller. People can search on the internet and find the useful information they need immediately. However, reading the piles of newspapers and magazines while finding little information is rather a waste of time. Take myself as an example, once I need some information about some African countries. I spent about a whole week on reading the relevant newspapers and magazines and 两个and虽然意思到了，是否可以拆开说 ，but …eventuallyfound almost nothing useful. However, it only took my roommate two hours 缺东西，动名词还是不定式？ searching on the去掉the internet. And she got the messages ranging from the customs to the latest policies in those countries. It is clear that searching on the internet is rather efficient than

要么就连起来，ratherthan要么就比较级 reading newspapers and magazines.

Furthermore, 读完这段觉得第一句没有概括出这段的意思——随时随地，只是方便。个人觉得与其这样，还不如在上段的总领句中说internet 快捷，这段说方便。the internet is also a convenient tool that we can obtain the message we want at any places (去掉后面 through internet)that are accessible to the internet. People have to find the information from magazines and newspapers they need in a library （前面的haveto感觉是表达必须找信息，而不是你想要强调的必须呆在图书馆和书店）or a book store. 缺个承上启下，或者转折But they can get access to the internet even at home. This is another advantage of the internet searching. 可以加一个例子作证，现代人都用手机上网，anytime anywhere

缺个递进的意思，或者是说 虽然，但你用的also感觉好像是支持。It is also true that, as some one claims, the information on the internet is not as reliable as that on a newspaper or in a magazine. 缺个转折The magazines and newspapers are always edited and amended by the writers and editors before printingas well. On the contrary,
相反后面表达的是说互联网大家都能改，而前面是说报纸也会被edited，没有对比的意思感觉。 the internet is relatively open to every不知道是否用every对 individual. They can type almost whatever they want. 这两句最好能连起来And the mistakes and errors are inevitable. Newspapers and magazines are more trustable than the internet to some extent.
最后一句报杂志比互联网可信的意义是？ 这段的意思比较散。

To sum up, by去掉by comparing the benefits and drawbacks of searching on the newspapers and magazines这个地方如果是比较，那应该是internet和报纸，这样写会感觉是报纸和杂志在比。或者比较改成讨论, we can safely draw the conclusion that it因为前句的原因，这个it is kind of out of date and less efficient than surfing the internet. And if people choose and judge the information on the internet appropriately, they can get what they want both efficiently and reliably.


总体来说，语言驾驭能力挺棒的，没什么语病和语法错误。
稍微对语义加些强调就好了。另外总领句不明显，可能不同人风格不同，个人觉得老外喜欢单刀直入，那就第一句告诉他我要些什么。

topics_jasonUID: 2859308

不好意思，新手，我没有上传附件的权限，如果需要，可以群里找我，给你word。我叫bazinga
能力有限，请见谅。

jcf2008UID: 2681015

65# topics_jason 谢谢指出。问题很多，受益匪浅，麻烦了~