argument164 我的第一篇

huhulaee8UID: 2864855

TOPIC: ARGUMENT164 - Claitown University needs both affordable housing for its students and a way to fund the building of such housing. The best solution to this problem is to commission a famous architect known for experimental and futuristic buildings. It is common knowledge that tourists are willing to pay money to tour some of the architect's buildings, so it can be expected that tourists will want to visit this new building. The income from the fees charged to tourists will soon cover the building costs. Furthermore, such a building will attract new students as well as donations from alumni. And even though such a building will be much larger than our current need for student housing, part of the building can be used as office space.


      This argument recommends commissioning a famous architect known for experimental and futuristic buildings to solve a problem which Claitown University needs both affordable housing for its students and a way to fund the building of such housing. The resons to substanitate this solution are these: (1) Tourists will want to visit this new building and bring us money to cover the cost.(2) This building will attract new students and also donations from alumni.(3) The redundant space can be used for working. However, these three resons above that seems reasonable have many critical points to lend little credible support to solve the initial problem.
       First of all, the arguments relies on the tenuous assumption that tourists will be interested in paying for tours of a building used for apurpose as mundane as student housing. It's entirely possible that once the buiding is in use, tourists will not be willing to pay money to tour this building, just because we cannot assume a famous architect konwn for experimental and futuristic buildings is also good at building students' house. Even if this building is worth visiting, tourists may not be willing pay fees for it since there are many other choices, such as a famous building with long history, a building which a famous person lived in. Besides, nor does the mere fact that this new building can appeal donations from alumni lend significant support to it. It's quite possible that alumni will donate teching facilities to this university other than donate money to a building. Additionally, even both cases can bring money to the university,however, construating a new building costs considerable money and the fees and the donations are so little that it can be ignore finally.In short, this argument cannot ensure there will be adequate money to cover the building costs, let alone it will soon to cover.
       Secondly, the argument fails to present strong and convincing evidents and survey data to support that new students will be interested in such kind of building. A large number needs will be considered when moving into a new building for new students, there will be more. Is this new building have quality with its warm system? Is this new building have a quiet environment ? So many problems are not given answers so that the argument's proponet cannot conclude subjectively  this new building can atrract new students. Also, this argument fails to present clearly evidents that this new building is affordable for its students. Doubtedly, such buidling that are designed by a famous architect will add much more costs, and just as the argument says, this building will be much larger than the current need for student housing, that is to say, students should pay more money for no use. Without offering explanations for these things, the author cannot justifiably reach his conclusion that the new building will attract new students.
     Thirdly, even that the spare space will not increase the costs from students and it can be used as office space, it is not a good solution because it is oppsite to the purpose of student housing. As we known, student housing is some place just for student living and resting, building a office here undoubtedly break the environment. Moreover, working here will absolutely affect working efficiency. Not considering entiredly and giving an hasted solution, it can hardly support the initial conditions that the new building can be both affordable and to fund the building of such housing.
   In sum, as it stand the argument is not well supported. To strengthen it, the arugument's proponent must supply enough evidence---perhaps involving other college buildings designed by famous architects----that tourists will be willing to pay for tours of the building once it is completed and is in use as student housing, also he must give the surey data of students that what kind of building are they desired and how much money can be affordable for them. To better assess the argument I would need detailed and realistic financial projections, accounting for the architect's fees, to determine hte project's financial feasibility.

huhulaee8UID: 2864855

自己顶一下吧。。3月份考机考 也没有合适的小组加

justbegunUID: 2746795

This argument recommends commissioning a famous architect known for experimental and futuristic buildings to solve a problem which Claitown University needs both affordable housing for its students and a way to fund the building of such housing.（第一句这个WHICH的从句 读起来不是很顺 建议分开来） The resons（reasons?） to substanitate this solution are these: (1) Tourists will want to visit this new building and bring us(US何来?) money to cover the cost.(2) This building will attract new students and also donations from alumni.（这句和原文几乎一样了）(3) The redundant space can be used for working. However, these three resons（reasons) above that seems(seem) reasonable(前面已用REASON这里可以换个词 语顺也可以适当调整 整句话这样写显得很罗嗦） have many critical points to lend little credible support to solve the initial problem.
       First of all, the arguments relies on the tenuous assumption that tourists will be interested in paying for tours of a building used for apurpose as mundane as student housing. It's entirely possible that once the buiding is in use, tourists will not be willing to pay money to tour this building,（前两句似曾相识……） just because（这个just because用得很奇怪） we cannot assume a famous architect konwn for experimental and futuristic buildings is also good at building students' house. Even if this building is worth visiting, tourists may not be willing （to）pay fees for it since there are many other choices, such as a famous building with long history, a building which a famous person lived in. Besides, nor does the mere fact that this new building can appeal donations from alumni lend significant support to it. It's quite possible that alumni will donate teching(teaching?) facilities to this university other than(个人更喜欢用rather than在这里) donate（可以省略这个donate) money to a building. Additionally, even both cases can bring money to the university,however, construating a new building costs considerable money and the fees and the donations are so little that it can be ignore finally.(这句话没看明白……the fees.....be ignore这是LZ的assumption吗？）In short, this argument cannot ensure there will be adequate money to cover the building costs, let alone it will soon to cover.
       Secondly, the argument fails to present strong and convincing evidents and survey data to support that new students will be interested in such kind of building. A large number needs will be considered when moving into a new building for new students, there will be more(这半句的作用是？). Is this new building have quality with its warm system? Is this new building have a quiet environment ?（does...have...?） So many problems are not given answers (to) so that the argument's proponet(proponent?) cannot conclude subjectively  this new building can atrract(attract) new students. Also, this argument fails to present clearly（clear） evidents that this new building is affordable for(to) its students. Doubtedly, such buidling that are（省略) designed by a famous architect will add much more costs, and just as the argument says, this building will be much larger than the current need for student housing, that is to say, students should pay more money（不要自己make assumption 没有说学生要付多与地方的钱） for no use. Without offering explanations for these things, the author cannot justifiably reach his conclusion that the new building will attract new students.
     Thirdly, even that the spare space will not increase the costs from students and it can be used as office space, it is not a good solution because it is oppsite to the purpose of student housing. As we known, student housing is some place just for student living and resting, building a office here undoubtedly break the environment. Moreover, working here will absolutely affect working efficiency（这句话也是没有依据的）. Not considering entiredly(entirely) and giving an hasted solution, it can hardly support the initial conditions that the new building can be both affordable and to fund the building of such housing.
   In sum, as it stand(s) the argument is not well supported. To strengthen it, the arugument's proponent must supply enough evidence---perhaps involving other college buildings designed by famous architects----that tourists will be willing to pay for tours of the building once it is completed and is in use as student housing, also he must give the surey(survey) data of students that what kind of building are they desired and how much money can be affordable for them. To better assess the argument I would need detailed and realistic financial projections, accounting for the architect's fees, to determine hte(the) project's financial feasibility.


大致看了下 作为第一篇文章还是可以的 后面看得比较粗了恩。。。
文中的错词比较多……可能是打得快了打错了？以后文发上来的话……请把文放入word里面先纠错之……
一些语法的小错也可以自己先改改的~~
文章的整体很规矩 但是有些地方因为想说明太多问题而显得混乱
刚开始写有模板的痕迹没关系~~ 但和与其他文章雷同的句子还是改下吧……

恩~~3月考的话现在还很早~~所以才没有小组吧~~~距离现在 有很长的准备时间恩~~~

huhulaee8UID: 2864855

3# justbegun 恩恩 非常感谢。。那么多错误 好汗颜啊~~嘿嘿