剑6 Test2 Task2 求拍！

songshuang87UID: 2750824

以下是我写的剑6 Test2 Task 2，肯定诸位大牛看一下能打几分？该如何改进？
上帝证明这决不像我的写作风格，我是套了模板才写成这个样子的…… 呜呜

In contemporary society, successful sports professionals become stars and it is generally acknowledged that they are makng much more money than people in ther important professions. People are havng a hard time reaching consensus on whether this is fully justified or unfair. From my own perspective, I am n favour of the latter view.

It is evident that professonal athlets who succee n their games earn a huge amount of money that they do not completely deserve. This view involves the consideraton that sportsmen and sportwomen are not makng the greatest contributions to human race, especially compared with those dedicated teachers, scientists, doctors, etc., who accelerate the development of tecnology and economy and take the responsibility for our well-being. Apart from that, some sports stars set negative examples for their fans, teenagers n particular, which can be best illustrated with the cases of their doing drugs, gambling on games and disrespect to rivals. Personally, I think their excessive salaries, to some extent, foster their misbehaviors.

On the other hand, some people argue that the sports stars put in hard work on their way to success, which make their high salaries justified. Apparently, they underwent ong processes of strict training. Furthermore, it seems true that most of them will suffer from pains of all kinds of injuries that are left on their muscles and bones. Despite that, this opinion does not sound convincing since most outstanding individuals in various professons had gone through all kinds of hard ships before they succeed. Consequently, the hard work of successful athletes should not be put undue stress on.

On the basis of the arguments above, I would concede that it is not justified that sports stars earn so much more money than people in other important professions, even though they climb to the peak with painstaking efforts. In conclusion, it is unfair that successful sports prfessionals have such large incomes.

eweUID: 2891191

6分左右？小拼写错误略过。。。。主要的问题是通篇时态非常混乱。。。。然后还有一些小小的用词问题。。

People are havng a hard time reaching consensus on whether this is fully justified or unfair.　觉得having a hard time reaching consensus说得有点太严重了。。。

which can be best illustrated with the cases of their doing drugs, gambling on games and disrespect to rivals. 　（by issues of drug abusing, gambling and disrespection to their rivals)

which make their high salaries justified (which justify their high salary)

Consequently, the hard work of successful athletes should not be put undue stress on.
(Therefore)

KinsimonUID: 2846953

我还没做到6 呢，到时候希望再有人切磋~

songshuang87UID: 2750824

2# ewe
灰常灰常感谢！我现在就是邯郸学步 但ewe好生了得啊！

songshuang87UID: 2750824

3# Kinsimon
共同努力！