求文书修改，十万火急

threetigers107UID: 2508127

如题，因为15,16号就Interview了，文书刚写好，还没改。。至少有朋友给了点意见，说是有不少语法错误，而且句子不够精简。。但没具体指出。。还望各位看官能多少给点意见。。谢谢谢谢万分感谢。。
My name is XXX and I was born in ChangLe, China. When I was a child, I dreamed to enter an excellent University and create a bright career.

In my childhood, my cousin, who is also my piano teacher exerted a profound influence over my development. She took me to join many kinds of activities, like chorus and piano performances. Gradually, I grow up to become a confident and extrovert girl. As confidence builds up, my ability in leadership begins to burgeon. I always play the leader role among my classmates when we carry out some academic projects. In general, I would organize a meeting to discuss about the project theme and conceive a plan to implement. With our cooperation and efforts, our work is always praised by my teacher.

With time going by, I taste the sense of achievement from my own performances. It is full of excitement, joy and proud. And more I desire. Over the years I develop a strong interest in management. Therefore I decide to further tap my potential in this area in a prestigious university. Hans University of Groningen has a special and advanced education system, known for its excellent teaching quality and international academic atmosphere. And that makes Hans my best choice. I believe I will earn myself a good future with my capabilities and efforts in Hans.