issue197 国际关系题!作文开头我想了好久,不知道是不是能吸引眼球...

天地无用UID：112318

第一次写国际关系的题目,很多话不知道说得对不对,请指教!
Issue 197, SUN Yuan 125:
The material progress and well-being of one country are necessarily connected to the material progress and well-being of all other countries.

Syllabus:
My position: human civilization has reached a stage at which we can enjoy the advantages from globalization, meanwhile, have to suffer from disadvantages of it.
1: in terms of economy, different countries of the world today are closely connected with each other through the global market and the global system.
2: in addition, global media make it easier to enjoy films and music from other countries.
3: one country’s well-being is closely connected to other countries.

The time has come. The traditional world relationship was fraying at the edges, and Globalization becomes one of the key words of our era. Furthermore, are material progress and well-being of one country necessarily connected to other countries? The author claims so, and I firmly believe that the answer is affirmative. By this I mean human civilization has reached a stage at which we can enjoy the advantages from globalization, meanwhile, have to suffer from disadvantages of it. To get a full understanding of what this means we must turn first to some recent human evidence.
不知道这个开头能否吸引眼球…

First of all, in terms of economy, different countries of the world today are closely connected with each other through the global market. American computer, Japanese car, Chinese art, and French fashionable dress have been sold all over the world. Why is this so? It seems that with the rapid development of economy, more and more countries realize that the global business is to some degree inevitable, and, it is through global system that a country can benefit itself much more than any other business. One case concerns a famous drink, Coca Cola, which almost becomes the symbol of pop element and western culture. Although its profits in U.S. have declined by years, in Asia and Africa, the Cola-phenomenon makes the incomes to mount to astronomical figures and shows no signs at present of ceasing to rise. For the reasons given above, I strongly hold that the connections to other countries can promote the economic progress, and thereby promote living standard of the country.
这段的主题很好写,例子也很好举,一不留神就写得有点多,只好刹住.感觉有点突兀似的.
可是如果把它完整地分析完,只怕第1段比2,3段加起来都长乐,这又是显然不行的…

In addition, global media makes it easier enjoy films or music from other countries. The empirical evidence supporting this position is overwhelming; yet one needs look no further than the program on television. Hollywood films, Spice Girls’ music, CNN News, make it impossible for us to isolate ourselves from the rest parts of the world. The advantages of such a mass media are clear enough: the communication from TV makes our life more rich and colorful. That is to say, as well as the material progress, mental enjoyment has been more affluent in connections to other countries.

When it comes to the other side of the coin, with regards to the negative affects of globalization, what countries should do besides promoting their material standards is to avoid themselves of monopoly and supremacy. To be more precise, since the world is becoming an increasingly eventful place，with each passing day the conflicts between nations is more and more obvious and intense. However, the well-being of one country cannot be established without a harmonious international environment, examples from 911 and North Korea Nuclear Crisis server to illustrate this point. In other words, developments of economics and society are important, but nor should they be insisted when the idea is proved aggressive or call other country’s right under damage.

In conclusion, the globalization helps us realize that people of different countries are actually in the same boat. Furthermore, a stable and harmonious international environment is necessary for everyone, so the individual should compromise its assertion or interests when it comes to the benefit of a region or the whole world. Yet only through the cooperation of international can we convey human civilization and social progress in all its dimensions, and thereby full understand and appreciate life in a harmony environment.


第一次写国际关系的题目,很多话不知道说得对不对,请指教!

gteryyUID：114434

Issue 197, SUN Yuan 125:
The material progress and well-being of one country are necessarily connected to the material progress and well-being of all other countries.

Syllabus:
My position: human civilization has reached a stage at which we can enjoy the advantages from globalization, meanwhile, have to suffer from disadvantages of it. 这么说你是有保留的肯定？
1: in terms of economy, different countries of the world today are closely connected with each other through the global market and the global system. 经济上讲
2: in addition, global media make it easier to enjoy films and music from other countries. 文化上讲
3: one country’s well-being is closely connected to other countries.

The time has come. The traditional world relationship was fraying at这种表达法我没见过，真的，你是不是在什么文章上见过？如果是的话就可以放心用，但是如果是你自己组合的，请慎用 the edges, and Globalization becomes one of the key words of our era. Furthermore, are material progress and well-being of one country necessarily connected to other countries? The author claims so, and I firmly believe that the answer is affirmative. By this I mean human civilization has reached a stage at which we can enjoy the advantages from globalization, meanwhile, have to suffer from disadvantages of it. To get a full understanding of what this means we must turn first to some recent human evidence.
不知道这个开头能否吸引眼球… 开头无论如何都会有人看的，不过感觉罗嗦了点。我一直都强调开头简单，可能也是从个人感受出发的，大家自己斟酌吧。我也同意大家养成自己的风格，不过至少能让ETS改卷子的一眼看上去舒服。没办法，人为刀俎

First of all, in terms of economy, different countries of the world today are closely connected with each other through the global market. American computer, Japanese car, Chinese art, and French fashionable dress have been sold all over the world. Why is this so? It seems that with the rapid development of economy, more and more countries realize that the global business is to some degree inevitable, and, it is through global system that a country can benefit itself much more than any other business. One case concerns a famous drink, Coca Cola, which almost becomes the symbol of pop element and western culture. Although its profits in U.S. have declined by years, in Asia and Africa, the Cola-phenomenon makes the incomes to mount to astronomical figures and shows no signs at present of ceasing to rise. For the reasons given above, I strongly hold that the connections to other countries can promote the economic progress, and thereby promote living standard of the country.
这段的主题很好写,例子也很好举,一不留神就写得有点多,只好刹住.感觉有点突兀似的. 如你所言，这段的意思还是好论述的。不过把公司如可乐公司的利润同国家的物质利益衔接起来
可是如果把它完整地分析完,只怕第1段比2,3段加起来都长乐,这又是显然不行的…

In addition, global media makes it easier to enjoy films or music or other artsfrom other countries. The empirical evidence supporting this position is overwhelming; yet one needs look no further than the program on television. Hollywood films, Spice Girls’ music, CNN News, make it impossible for us to isolate ourselves from the rest parts of the world. The advantages of such a mass media are clear enough: the communication from TV makes our life more rich and colorful. That is to say, as well as the material progress, mental enjoyment has been more affluent in connections to other countries.
从文化享受上来说。你仅仅谈了媒体对于文化的交流，这样浅显了一些。还有文化的交融、旅游、资源共享等很多方面。

另外还可以从坏的影响方面谈合作联系的作用。比如一个国家发现了问题，另一个国家可以帮助解决，及时防止等。比如SARS。

When it comes to the other side of the coin, with regards to the negative affects of globalization, what countries should do besides promoting their material standards is to avoid themselves of monopoly and supremacy. To be more precise, since the world is becoming an increasingly eventful place，with each passing day the conflicts between nations is more and more obvious and intense. However, the well-being of one country cannot be established without a harmonious international environment, examples from 911 and North Korea Nuclear Crisis server to illustrate this point. In other words, developments of economics and society are important, but nor should they be insisted when the idea is proved aggressive or call other country’s right under damage.
感觉不是在说负面影响啊，这不还是合作的重要性吗？

In conclusion, the globalization helps us realize that people of different countries are actually in the same boat. Furthermore, a stable and harmonious international environment is necessary for everyone, so the individual should compromise its assertion or interests when it comes to the benefit of a region or the whole world. Yet only through the cooperation of international can we convey human civilization and social progress in all its dimensions, and thereby full understand and appreciate life in a harmony environment.
最后总结怎么感觉是在强调和睦的国家环境的重要性啦？我感觉结尾就是重复一下论题，并且避免和首段重复


总的说来你的文章是不错的啦。思路也比较清晰，语言也没什么大问题。不过可以试着把问题想深一点。当然，考试时来不及也很不错了。加油吧。

ilikeappleUID：135385

挺好，就是觉得论述电视等大众媒体对全球化的影响这一段有点不妥

天地无用UID：112318

关于开头,是从每日一星里看见的.好像是介绍一个科学家的什么新理论,推出对世界有很大影响.我的确不敢自己编,不过当时我觉得很有力很危言耸听的一个开头,就记了下来.
非常感谢斑竹的修改!
ilikeapple兄, 有什么不妥呢...

天地无用UID：112318

自己又看了看,的确有点偷换概念...