zy_nirvana 的独立作文作业题

bsb521UID: 2325840

11月13日作业
大家使劲拍吧，快考试了。

942wadeUID: 2948617

还有一些语法错误，我在Word里用红色底纹显示的，复制过来红色就没了，没办法，楼主自己好好检查下吧。
In current society the high salary has been pursuing(被动吧) by a huge number of people because the material requirement has great influence on their minds. Actually people will lose more if they specially emphasize something. As far as I’m concerned the life are supposed to be filled with multiple of（好像不用） elements.（感觉观点表明的比较隐晦）
As we know, nothing is more important than our health. The high-paying job which occupys most of your（记得新东方老师说过you很粗鲁） time results in that your vacation time or rest time is deprived unconsciously. Consequently, even your health situation（有点累赘，个人拙见） may be affected seriously due to overwork. I have been working on software development for more than two years and nearly spent all my time on my job. I got sick along with（这个短语好像不是很恰当，应该是表原因的due to 之类的） the long time of staring（at） the computer gradually. The obvious symptom is that the left shoulder can not be moved casually whenever I want to. In my opinion what I sacrificed is much more than the money I made. And it is predictable that the situation of the ailment will be worse with the increasing age if no measures are taken in the following years（感觉表达的有点累，希望你再斟酌一下）. The material requirement should not be the unique aim that we go after continually. Everything will be gone when losing the health（everything无法搭配lose）.The time that everyone possesses is equal and limited so that you would find out something precious disappears in your life if you only focus on job. As far as I’m concerned, I（as far as I am concerned 之后好像就不用I 做主语了
1.
As far as I am concerned, he can do whatever he likes.
As far as I am concerned, its disadvantages outweigh its disadvantages.
2.
As far as I am concerned, in order to solve the problem by a superior method, the combination of both of them should be taken into account.
） suddenly realized that I hardly kept in touch with my college classmates and some good friends for a long time(与时态不搭配) owing to the job. The result is not what I expect to be but it did happened（双重过去？） to me. As the matter of fact, the job filled all my space and then I neglected the things which means a lot for me. Later I understood that the job should not be all in our lives because there are other things （that）should be concerned like families and friends. Even the （上文没出现不应特指）celebrities like the CEO of Pepsico corporation, Indra, hardly attend society gatherings in that she prefers to spend time on caring her kids. In addition, she also concerned her children’s homework all the time. We can imagine how busy the Indra’s life should(could) be, however,she still concern(你出现的太多了) about her families（孩子也是family的一部分啊！！）. In our lives, there are lot of things that surpasses the job.
Everyone should have their own spare time to cultivate their vacations that make our lives interesting. You may feel tedious ultimately if job costs most of your time. Young ladies often pay more attention on the fashion, such as clothes and cosmetics, actually the hobbies are worth spending（删去较好 ） time because appearance is very important in our lives. Good-looking faces perhaps creates more opportunities for us or make good impression for the other people. Some people like traveling all over the world and it is a good style of relaxing ourselves （和some people 不一致）as well. At the same time we broaden our horizon and experience new cultures through the travel. Actually we can make use of our leisure time to do the things we look forward to 。after all life is short.

To sum up, people should enjoy our lives as possible as we can rather than ignore the more important things owing to long time job with high salaries.（感觉中心不是很突出， 不是很给力！！！个人愚见，我很矬的！！）

bsb521UID: 2325840

真的很感谢啊，好人好运，加油！！！

ilovevickyUID: 2937658

12# bsb521

In current society the high salary has been pursuing（pursued） by a huge number of people because the material requirement has great influence on their minds. Actually people will lose more if they specially emphasize something. As far as I’m concerned the life are supposed to be filled with multiple of elements.（个人觉得开篇观点需要读两遍才知道，最好不要在考试时写）

As we know, nothing is more important than our health. The high-paying job which occupys(occupies) most of your（举例子用one比较好） time results in that your vacation time or rest time is deprived unconsciously. Consequently, even your health situation may be affected seriously due to overwork. I have been working on software development for more than two years and nearly spent all my time on my job. I got sick along with（？？？） the long time of staring（at） the computer gradually. The obvious symptom is that the left shoulder can not be moved casually whenever I want to. In my opinion what I sacrificed is much more than the money I made. And it is predictable that the situation of the ailment will be worse with the increasing age if no measures are taken in the following years. The material requirement should not be the unique aim that we go after continually. Everything will be gone when losing the health. The time that everyone possesses is equal and limited so that you would find out something precious disappears in your life if you only focus on job.（个人觉得这一段对于例子的阐述用意比较好，但是可能句子之间的逻辑关联性有待加强） As far as I’m concerned, I suddenly realized that (和前面重复表达了)I hardly kept in touch with my college classmates and some good friends for a long time owing to the job. The result is not what I expect to be but it did happened（happen） to me. As the matter of fact, the job filled all my space and then I neglected the things which means a lot for me. Later I understood that the job should not be all in our lives because there are other things should be concerned like families and friends. Even the celebrities like the CEO of Pepsico corporation, Indra,（这是从哪里看来的，啊哟,不错哦。。。）
hardly attend society gatherings in that she prefers to spend time on caring her kids. In addition, she also concerned her children’s homework all the time. We can imagine how busy the Indra’s life should be, however,she still concerns about her families.
In our lives, there are lots of things that surpasses the job.

Everyone should have their own spare time to cultivate their vacations that make our lives interesting. You may feel tedious ultimately if job costs most of your time. Young ladies often pay more attention on the fashion, such as clothes and cosmetics, actually the hobbies are worth spending time（中式英语哈）
because appearance is very important in our lives. Good-looking faces perhaps creates more opportunities for us or make good impression for the other people. Some people like traveling all over the world and it is a good style of relaxing ourselves as well. At the same time we broaden our horizon and experience new cultures through the travel. Actually we can make use of our leisure time to do the things we look forward to after all life is short.（说不出什么大错，感觉比较平常，没什么新意）


To sum up, people should enjoy our lives as possible as we can rather than ignore the more important things owing to long time job with high salaries.(结尾比较简单了一点)
总体来说结构比较完整，但是用词方面准确性有待加强，一起加油哈~~~

ilovevickyUID: 2937658

13# ilovevicky

我不是故意的，我不知道为什么颜色会变成这样，你凑合着看吧，加油~~~~:)

bsb521UID: 2325840

非常感谢你的修改，你哪天考试啊，我后天就考试了，祈祷中

bsb521UID: 2325840

11月27日作业