ISSUE6 （revised by paisley, feier and linlin）

金山糍粑UID: 129685

刚开始写，用了大约2个小时，哭，感觉单词量严重不足，句型的变化也很单调。写起来极度郁闷，拜谢各位老大能给点批评意见，谢谢！！


6."The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth."

In contemporary society, because the high speed develop of information technology , various information can easily gained from every source possible, the culture trend to be more and more multiplex and diversiform, it is a quite complex problem which understand the contemporary culture. The general culture is constituted by the culture of all sections of the society. It is impossible to understand a culture by analyze the people of anyone individual rank.

Firstly, The youth is merely the minority part of the society, the people of others age-degree including children, older, and so on, who have their own distinct interesting and culture. The culture of them have the same important station in the society. It is absurdly to describe the panorama of a elephant by observe one of its leg or ear. The ex parte evidence can only bring us the ex parte conclusion. It is helpful to us to understand the contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of the youth, but that is not enough, we should research the cultural status of all the societal degree to get a integrated result.

Secondly, The youth is not the most powerful estate in our society, because they are neither economical nor political dominator in the world. It is impossible to one culture developing and radiating without money or the support of the policy. Therefore, most of the culture of the young can hardly being the most important mainstream culture in the society. For example, much younger enjoy the sports clothes, it does not mean that the culture of dressing is to wear sports clothes at present. The culture of the youth can not represent the general cultural complexion.

Moreover, the trends of the youth are quite unstable, because they tend to accept the new thinking and concept. Culture is not only the ephemeral fashion, actually the culture in one nation formed through long time, influenced by its history , its tradition, and otherwise. It is doubtful to make conclusion in our culture by scantly analyzing a changeful popularity.

In sum, the youth is one of the ordinary sections of our society, and it is not the most strongly one. By analyzing the trends of the them can help us to understand the contemporary culture. But it is unreasonable to say that it is the most effective way. The culture of our society is quite complicated, hence we can not judge it by any single factor.

金山糍粑UID: 129685

大家帮忙亚。。。

linlinUID: 137589

In contemporary society(我建议用Resently/nowadays-个人观点), because (of) the high speed develop(development) of information technology , various information can easily (be) gained from every source possible(available), (and) the culture trend to be more and more("more and more" is not a recommended phrase in GRE Issue writing which might be replaced by "increasingly more")  multiplex(???) and diversiform,(.) [it is a quite complex problem which(that) understand the contemporary culture.]->(The process of understanding ordinary cuture is quite complicated.) The general culture is constituted by the culture of all sections of the society. It is impossible to understand a culture by analyze the [people of anyone individual rank]->(isolated individuals and their status).

Firstly, The youth is merely the minority (part)DEL of the society, (in which) the people of (from) others (other) age-degree including children, older(elders), and so on, who have their own distinct interesting and culture. (The)DEL their culture (of them)DEL have the same important station in the society(play a role as important as others). It is absurdly(ridiculous) to describe the panorama of a elephant by observe(ing merely) one of its leg or ear. The ex parte evidence can only bring us the ex parte conclusion. It is helpful to(for) us to understand the contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of the youth, but that is not enough, we should research the cultural status of(from) all the societal(social) degree(???) to get a integrated result(to draw to a comprehensive and reasonable conclusion).

Secondly, The youth is not the most powerful estate in our society, because they are neither economical(economic) nor political dominator in the world. It is impossible to(for) one culture developing and radiating(improving) without money or the support of the policy. Therefore, most (of the)DEL culture of the young can hardly being(be) the most important mainstream(popular) culture in the society. For example, much(many) younger(s) enjoy the sports clothes, it does not mean that the culture(trends/ perference/ inclination) of dressing is to wear sports(sport-) clothes at present. (so) The culture of the youth can not represent the general cultural complexion.

Moreover, the trends of the youth are quite unstable(constant), because they tend to accept the new thinking and concept. Culture is not only the ephemeral fashion, actually the culture in one nation formed through long time, influenced by its history , (its)DEL tradition, and otherwise. It is doubtful to make(draw to a) conclusion in our culture by scantly(merely) analyzing a changeful(???) popularity(group).

In sum(generally), the youth is one of the ordinary sections of our society, and it is not the most strongly(strong) one. (By)DEL (A)analyzing the trends of the them can help us to understand the contemporary culture. But it is unreasonable to say that it is the most effective way. The culture of our society is quite complicated, hence we can not judge it by any single factor.


我认为你首先要注意一下你的语言问题，一些句法存在问题，而且用词也有许多不当之处。建议你先背一下《新概念3》再写文章。只有语言过关才能谈到叙述的详尽、清楚的问题。而且开始时不要找这样难写的文章，从有话说的文章开始。

feier521UID: 109747

6."The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth."

In contemporary society, because ＋of（the） high speed develop（ment） of information technology , various(是不是修饰可数的？) information can easily(be) gained from every source possible(possible source或者possibly), the culture trend （tend）to be more and more multiplex and diversiform, it is a quite complex problem which(不如改为to) understand the contemporary culture.（上下两句衔接不好，句式重复。） The general culture is constituted （constitute及物，不用被动）by the culture of all sections of the society. It is impossible to understand a culture by analyze（analyzing） the people of anyone（any） individual rank. （没有点题youth）

Firstly, The （the）youth is（are） merely the minority （minor）part of the society（程度大了点？“只是小部分？”）, the people of others（去掉s） age-degree including children, older, and so on, who（去掉who） have their own distinct interesting（interests） and culture. The culture of them have（has） the same important station（position） in the society. It is absurdly （absurd）to describe the panorama of a（an） elephant by observe（observing） （one of ）its leg or ear. The ex parte evidence can only bring us the ex parte conclusion. It is helpful to us to understand the contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of the youth, but that is not enough, we should research the cultural status of all the societal degree to get a（an） integrated result. （3个It is…句式有点简单，句间衔接不大好）

Secondly, The youth is（are） not the most powerful estate in our society, because they are neither economic（al） nor political dominator in the world. It is impossible to one culture developing and radiating without money or the support of the policy. （it is impossible for one culture to develop …）Therefore, most of the culture of the young can hardly being(be) the most important mainstream culture in the society. （因为不是经济和政治的控制者，就不能代表现代文化嘛？感觉理由有点牵强，下面的例子好像和你的原因（经济、政治）无关）For example, much younger enjoy the sports clothes, it does not mean that the culture of dressing is to wear sports clothes at present. The culture of the youth can not represent the general cultural complexion.

Moreover, the trends of the youth are quite unstable, because they tend to accept the new thinking and concept. Culture is not only the ephemeral fashion, actually the culture in one nation formed through long time,（开头词单调culture啊culture） influenced by its history , its tradition, and otherwise（我觉的题目中说得是contemporary culture不等于cuture，contemporary是不是经过很长时间才形成的呢？）. It is doubtful to make conclusion in our culture by scantly analyzing a changeful popularity. （contemporary culture 不正是unstable 吗？）

In sum, the youth is one of the ordinary sections of our society, and it is not the most strongly（strong） one. By analyzing the trends of (the) them can help us to understand the contemporary culture（to some extent太绝对了！）. But it is unreasonable to say that it is the most effective way. The culture of our society is quite complicated, hence we can not judge it by any single factor.

好好理解题目，句式有点简单，句间衔接不好，说理不是很充分，
个人意见，可能有些地方不对！
我的水平也很差，你的一些错误我也经常犯，一起努力吧。

paisleyUID: 64183

6."The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth."

In contemporary society, because the high speed develop of(这个短语不通，应是because of the quick spread of) information technology , various information can(少be) easily gained from every(possible应该放在every和source之间) source possible,(这里应该用句号) the culture trend to be more and more multiplex and diversiform,(这里也应该用句号.但这句话缺少成分，而且意思很含混) it is a quite complex problem which(不该用which,而是to) understand the contemporary culture. The general culture is constituted by the culture of all sections of the society. It is impossible to understand a culture by analyze the people of anyone(应是any) individual rank(应是class. Rank用在这里太奇怪了。).

Firstly, The youth is merely the minority (该词不妥.青年是一部分，但是不能说是少数)part of the society, the people of others age-degree(还是说people of other ages) including children, older(老人叫做the elderly), and so on, who(who应该去掉) have their own distinct interesting(应是interests) and culture. The culture of them have the same important station in the society. It is absurdly to describe the panorama of a elephant by observe one of its leg or ear. The ex parte evidence can only bring us the ex parte conclusion. It is helpful to us to understand the contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of the youth, but that is not enough, we should research the cultural status of all the societal degree to get a integrated result.

Secondly, The youth is not the most powerful estate in our society, because they are neither economical nor political dominator in the world. It is impossible to one culture developing and radiating without money or the support of the policy. Therefore, most of the culture of the young can hardly being the most important mainstream culture in the society. For example, much younger enjoy the sports clothes, it does not mean that the culture of dressing is to wear sports clothes at present. The culture of the youth can not represent the general cultural complexion.

Moreover, the trends of the youth are quite unstable, because they tend to accept the new thinking and concept. Culture is not only the ephemeral fashion, actually the culture in one nation formed through long time, influenced by its history , its tradition, and otherwise. It is doubtful to make conclusion in our culture by scantly analyzing a changeful popularity.

In sum, the youth is one of the ordinary sections of our society, and it is not the most strongly one. By analyzing the trends of the them can help us to understand the contemporary culture. But it is unreasonable to say that it is the most effective way. The culture of our society is quite complicated, hence we can not judge it by any single factor.

建议你先去找我们已经收集的范文(见精华区),然后挑选其中一个题目来写。这样写完了好有个比较和借鉴. 也容易进步.

你的语法概念非常混乱. 我建议你还是先考托福吧. 这样可以先把基础打扎实. 我只给你改了一部分语法错误. 再改下去也不能使你的概念清楚起来。你需要一本好的语法书,以及比较多的习题. 说实话，你这么多的语法错误, 很容易导致低分, 不论你写的多深刻. 还有你对标点也掌握得不行. 一句话只能有一个主语和一个谓语.结束了就得用句号，不能像中文这么随便。

说理方面你还可以的。但是用词不够准确. 这需要积累, 光靠查金山糍粑是不行的。再说考试时谁给你查? 还有尽量避免用first second这样的词, 看起来太肤浅.

你论说方面，需要细致的分析和宏观大论结合起来。或者用些例子.

总之，你最大的问题在你的语言上，论说上还好.

金山糍粑UID: 129685

谢谢大家，我也是这样认为的，语言太差了。。-_-

8月就要考试了。。。555

偶会努力的，谢谢大家！！