WW的作文日志

日落沙发UID: 2764889

1# 日落沙发
that was a very good article which contained clear main three main points and good development.

However, there are some rules that you are better to know.

first, do not use personal pronoun in your article like "I, you,and we" because people might make mistakes (too personal).

also, you can write a "map" in the end of your first paragraph. i will get you a modal.

moreover,one more thing that you should know is the conclusion sentence was toooooooo short, and i also saw the same problem in another article.
:handshake

日落沙发UID: 2764889

2010年11月18日 周四：
8 ?/ u. x9 t1 `- Y独立：

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.

综合： TPO13  e; Z& V8

In modern society, people often have a busy schedule. It is very common to see those middle ages walk in a hurry with many papers in the office. Some people appreciate this kind of life for it brings them a sense of achievement. In my perspective, however, a job with more free time is much more appealing.

For starters, money cannot buy everything. Only having more time to share with our families and friends can ensure us happiness. Just imagine what a beautiful picture it is when you are sitting on a beach with your beloved ones. On the other hand, all work and no play would make Jack a dull boy. We are human beings, not machine. We really need some time for entertainment. Many bosses’ lives are so busy and stress that they even commit suicide. Maybe they have little time to stay with their families and friends, and they usually feel lonely and have no one to turn to. Since they are always so busy, it is easy for their friends and families to become unfamiliar with them. What a pity it is!

In addition, living with a busy schedule everyday is bad for our health which cannot buy with money either. There is a saying that, “When we are young, we use our health to earn money. When we are old, we use the money to buy health.”
Although many people know that it is an impossible deal, they still do it. Perhaps it is because they cannot experience the terrible result immediately. Although medical has developed a lot in modern society, people do not turn to be healthier than they are in the past. Most of them suffer a lot from many kinds of disease even they are only thirty years old. Thousands of people die from overworking every month. Even some college students cannot avoid it.

Finally, have some vacation time is better for our work. We can work much more efficiently with a better rest. And we can also learn more knowledge in our free time which can make us better prepared for our job. There is no denying that the regeneration of knowledge is so rapid that no one can say that he or she has acquired all the knowledge needed in the job area. So learning is a lifelong job. If we undertake those jobs even without any vacation time, it is impossible for us to learn something new in order to keep pace with the development of the society. On the other hand, if we have some free time, we can read a lot and learn more about the latest news and have a better understanding about the society and our job career as well.

To sum up, having a job with enough free time is better for us to maintain a better relationship with our families and friends, better for our own health and even better for our future career life as well.

jiaojiaojing198UID: 2428625

修改：
我觉得需要学习的地方直接用红色在原文标记出来，括号中的是我的修改
In the modern society, people often have a(/) busy schedules. It is very common to see those middle ages(the middle age) walk in a hurry with many papers in the office(on hands这样是不是更容易跟walk in a hurry形成一定关系). Some people appreciate this kind of life for it brings them a sense of achievement. In my perspective, however, a job with more free time is much more appealing.

For starters, money cannot buy everything. Only having more time to share with our families and friends can ensure us happiness. Just imagine what a beautiful picture it is when you are sitting on a beach with your beloved ones. On the other hand, all work and no play would make Jack a dull boy. We are human beings, not machine. We really need some time for entertainment. Many bosses’ lives are so busy and stress that they even commit suicide. Maybe they have little time to stay with their families and friends, and they usually feel lonely and have no one to turn to. Since they are always so busy, it is easy for their friends and families to become unfamiliar with them. What a pity it is!

In addition, living with a busy schedule everyday is bad for our health which cannot buy with money either. There is a saying that, “When we are young, we use our health to earn money. When we are old, we use the money to buy health.”
Although many people know that it is an impossible（good） deal, they still do it. Perhaps it is because they cannot experience the terrible result immediately. Although medical has developed a lot in modern society, people do not turn to be healthier than they are in the past. Most of them suffer a lot from many kinds of disease even they are only thirty years old. Thousands of people die from overworking every month. Even some college students cannot avoid it.
% L3 I/ X6 d, L$ Q+ B% N) x1 ?7 d
Finally, have(having) some vacation time is better for our work. We can work much more efficiently with a better rest. And we can also learn more knowledge in our free time which can make us better prepared for our job. There is no denying that the regeneration of knowledge is so rapid that no one can say that he or she has acquired all the knowledge needed in the job area. So learning is a lifelong job. If we undertake those jobs even without any vacation time, it is impossible for us to learn something new in order to keep pace with the development of the society(这个论据有待于斟酌，感觉不是很能反映论点，后面的话应该是你想表达的意思，我觉得这里也应该直接点明：休息也可以学习很多其他领域知识，扩展我们的知识面从而与社会发展同步). On the other hand（很多地方都用了这个，但是前面都没有找到one the one hand,不晓得是不是这两个要同时出现才在语法上比较正确）, if we have some free time, we can read a lot and learn more about the latest news and have a better understanding about the society and our job career as well.+ O' a. u+ v% v4 X5 ^

To sum up, having a job with enough free time is better for us to maintain a better relationship with our families and friends, better for our own health and even better for our future career life as well.

总体非常好，结构很清楚，完整，而且语句方面不死板，用了很多with结构和形式主语等，对了，听新东方的课说，作文句子越长越好，我现在就努力着使劲往长写句子，这个想法是不是对，因为我觉得你的作文读者很舒服，但是很多句子不长很口语化，但是论证一环环扣的很紧，很不错，值得我学习，敢问你的作文是不是至少26吧？

rysfUID: 2514937

你太可爱了 同学
我猛的看到总帖子的中间有你发的给我的批改。。。。。。。。
哈哈

日落沙发UID: 2764889

10# rysf
非常抱歉，我弄错了。。。

日落沙发UID: 2764889

2010年11月19日 周五：
; t  ?/ D3 B. X, A" x独立：
- Q4 X- ~8 v: I* \! hDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Observing and studying animals’ behavior are useful for knowing more about humans.
# x' D8 W* `$ A1 {综合： TPO14

Some people hold the view that since humans and animals are from the same ancestor millions of years ago, it is useful for us to research animals’ behavior in order to learn more about our human beings. In my perspective, however, it does not make any significant sense.

To begin with, humans and animals have so many differences in the structure of their bodies which make it difficult for them to have the same behavior toward the same thing. There is no denying that our human beings walk with our feet and pick up things using hands. But few animals can do the same as we do. Many of them even flying in the sky and swimming in the water. When a man is tired, it is very likely for him to go to sleep in a bed. While animals like horse would still stand when they are sleeping. In these cases, we can draw nothing from observing animals with the purpose of indicate what humans would do in the same condition or for a certain purpose. Because we totally response different with animals.

In addition, the behaviors of animals are always very simple, while those of humans are often too difficult for us to analyze. When an animal is angry, its emotion would be expressed on face immediately. A dog would bark. A cat would upright its tail. A snake would bite. But our human beings especially those adults often choose to hide their feelings in front of others. Even though they are totally angry, they would not show in their experience in the public. They would not even quarrel.

Finally, I suppose researching human beings’ behavior is a much more efficient way for us to better know about ourselves. There are so many people around us and we can understand their language. We just need to step into the street to do the research. While doing research with animals, we need to drive far away to find the animal and even have to run after them with patience let alone that we cannot understand their language. Moreover, sometimes living with animals is very dangerous.

To sum up, researching animals is not a good way for the purpose of learning more about our human beings. Animals and humans usually have many differences between each other.