【snicker】issue130

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I130.doc (23.5 KB, 下载次数: 11)

2010-11-16 09:33:10 上传

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How important is socialization to children, and in turn to the destiny of society? The speaker asserts that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of the society, and he points out that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. I cannot agree with both of the speaker's contentions, though I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion that how children are socialized is of great significance to them.

In one respect I agree with the speaker's assertion insofar as socialization greatly influences the mentally(mental) development of children. To some extent, socialization has a close linkage with mental health. Only by observing what is going on among people, can a child better understand the society. Only by receiving and comparing different ideas and opinions of other people, can the child gain the ability of telling apart good from bad. Only by communicating with others besides his family and other intimate people, can the child learn how to deal with various kinds of people and intricate affairs. One negative example supports the caution. (连贯句式很好)（举例之前可以过渡下，要不很突然）A boy was abandoned soon after he was born, and was brought up by a female wolf in the wild far from the village where people lived. When people found him, he was totally unsocialized that he could not speak and communicate with people, and was rude and vulnerable to everyone until he died, leaving us with introspections of the socialization education to children. However, it is problematic to say that the socialization of children determines the destiny of the society. There are many other factors that influence the development of society, most of which, in my view, are much more important than socialization of children. For instance, the first has to do with the talents in science and technology. The development of science and technology helps to（去掉to） broaden our views and in turn provide（provides） us ways to promote efficiency and the quality of our life. The second has to with the courage to fight for a more democratic and peaceful world and to challenge the authority. （这里可以继续深入阐述的）

Now turn to the second assertion of the speaker. We have to make clear what the standard of learning how to raise children who can bring about a better society is, which depends on a subjective judgment. If we define that to be socialization, perhaps contrary to the speaker's contention, most of the children today are well socialized today than before（这句话有点问题……）. On the individual level, children have been sent to school since they are young and have been learning to deal with people. Moreover, on the societal level, we have been more and more tolerated to the racial problems, "nonmainstream" concepts such as morbidity, nevertheless, on a more common accepted level; it is the development of economy, technology and the pace toward peace that most people consider to be the symbol of a better society. For that matter, we are taking measures to provide children with the education system that including nature science, social science, and emotional training. And we are happy to see that so many young people are well equipped with reasoning and logical thinking and emotional thinking. From this perspective, we can say that we are well prepared to teach children to bring about a better society.

In sum, it is no doubt that socialization is of great significance to children. But the speaker begs the question that whether how children are socialized today determines the destiny of the society and to what extent are we doing well in learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, because there are many other factors that determines the development of the society and the concept of “a better society” is a subjective one, of which we can get different evaluations on different standards.


这篇文章写的不错。但第三段的论述不是很清楚，需要更加清楚直接。

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"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
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实在是不行了。。。
How important is socialization to children, and in turn to the destiny of society? The speaker asserts that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of the society, and he points out that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.可以再改写一下 I cannot agree with both of the speaker's contentions, though I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion that how children are socialized is of great significance to them改为themselves.
In one respect I agree with the speaker's assertion insofar as socialization greatly influences the mentally development of children. To some extent, socialization has a close linkage with mental health. Only by observing what is going on among people, can a child better understand the society. Only by receiving and comparing different ideas and opinions of other people, can the child gain the ability of telling apart good from bad. Only by communicating with others besides his family and other intimate people, can the child learn how to deal with various kinds of people and intricate affairs. One negative example supports the caution. A boy was abandoned soon after he was born, and was brought up by a female wolf in the wild far from the village where people lived. When people found him, he was totally unsocialized that he could not speak and communicate with people, and was rude and vulnerable to everyone until he died, leaving us with introspections of the socialization education to children. However, it is problematic to say that the socialization of children determines the destiny of the society. （There are many other factors that influence the development of society, most of which, in my view, are much more important than socialization of children. For instance, the first has to do with the talents in science and technology. The development of science and technology helps to broaden our views and in turn provide us ways to promote efficiency and the quality of our life. The second has to with the courage to fight for a more democratic and peaceful world and to challenge the authority.）到括号这里才开始论述社会化并不是决定社会命运唯一因素，感觉前面的叙述比重太大了。 而社会化这个词也比较抽象，也可以在段首就先下一个你自己的定义，方便后面的理解。
Now turn to the second assertion of the speaker. We have to make clear what the standard of learning how to raise children who can bring about a better society is, which depends on a subjective judgment. If we define that to be socialization, perhaps contrary to the speaker's contention, most of the children today are well socialized today than before. （可以先用简短的句子把你所定义的 更好的社会 先定义出来。）On the individual level, children have been sent to school since they are young and have been learning to deal with people. Moreover, on the societal level, we have been more and more tolerated to the racial problems, "nonmainstream" concepts such as morbidity, nevertheless, on a more common accepted level; it is the development of economy, technology and the pace toward peace that most people consider to be the symbol of a better society. For that matter, we are taking measures to provide children with the education system that including nature science, social science, and emotional training. And we are happy to see that so many young people are well equipped with reasoning and logical thinking and emotional thinking. From this perspective, we can say that we are well prepared to teach children to bring about a better society.
In sum, it is no doubt that socialization is of great significance to children. But the speaker begs the question that whether how children are socialized today determines the destiny of the society and to what extent are we doing well in learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, because there are many other factors that determines the development of the society and the concept of “a better society” is a subjective one, of which we can get different evaluations on different standards.