Issue114 请指正小弟的文章，谢谢

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Issue73:（孙远书号）
“Humanity has make little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.

Syllabus:
1.        Position: disagree
2.        humanity 的进步，example：921地震各国的协助，国际红十字会组织等为例。
3.        战争虽仍在发生，但却不能否认humanity的进步之处，及其解决之道。
4.        科技的进步可以提高人类的生活水准，并使其有能力来帮助需要帮助的人，同时透过媒体的帮忙，也可以促进humanity。
5.        结论


In the past decade, the progression of the nature science profoundly influences people’ life. Thus, the issue of that whether technology can change the condition of humanity has been brought to public attention. Some people believe that technology could improve the circumstances of human beings as well as the state of humanity. Others claim that technological innovations could not shape the people’s conditions for there are still some evil things around us. In my view, with the advanced technology, human beings could not only make their life more convenient but also modify their conditions.   

Humanity, in fact, has make real progress in recent years. There are numerous humanitarian institutions around the world and they surely do the actions. For example, the 921 earthquakes, a horrible disaster, took approximate 2,000 people’ lives in Taiwan. There were many foreign rescue teams such as Turkey, Japan, America, etc, coming to help Taiwan and they also provided a great deal of goods and materials for people who lost their family members or homes. Their assistance certainly encouraged Taiwan’s people to go out of their sadness. For another example, International Red Cross Organization, established in 1863, always unselfishly support people without discrimination as to nationality, race, and religious beliefs. These organizations are unprecedented. Therefore, apparently, these are proofs that humanity is constantly progress.   

Admittedly, wars, violence, and poverty are still taken place all over the world. However, people should not deny the development of humanity, because of these unsolved events. It is similar to that although today’s people could not come and go freely in the solar system, no one could neglect the significant progress of the space technology and astronautics today. Thus, people should try to find the solutions to these events rather than shirk and blame their responsibility to the technology. For instance, violence and poverty could be decreased through moral and skill education; peace negotiation might avoid the unnecessary wars or dispel the prejudice between two hostile countries.   

Meanwhile, technological innovations are instrumental to change the conditions of human beings. Fist, with advanced technology, people have better living standard today than they did before. Therefore, they have more time and ability to help others regard as low-level. Second, humanitarian can educate people the concept of charity by today’s prospered information technology such as newspaper, broadcast, TV sets, Internet, etc. Take an example, we can easily find the advertising about relieving the refuges and paupers through donation. Besides, advanced mass media not only clearly divulges the situation of the poor countries that might be devastated by wars but also rapidly conveys these information to all places of the world and hence indirectly provokes commiseration of the people receiving these messages. Technology, therefore, is a useful device to directly improve the people’ life conditions as well as to indirectly help people to recognize the cruelty of atrocities and the important of humanity.

In conclusion, as the matter of fact, even if its step seems slow, humanity still continually progresses. It is the best evidence that many unprecedented charitable organizations have distinguished results all over the world. Besides, with help of advanced of technology, people have more time and ability to benefit others who needs help. However, although wars and violence are still around the world, the better solution is to cultivate people the concept of humanity and to educate them how to relieve the disputes while having different opinions but to merely blame the responsibility to the technology.      


谢谢大家辛苦指正小弟的文章，不胜感激…^_^

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-26 02:59 编辑 ]

gteryyUID: 114434

“Humanity has make little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.

Syllabus:
1. Position: disagree
2. humanity 的进步，example：921地震各国的协助，国际红十字会组织等为例。
3. 战争虽仍在发生，但却不能否认humanity的进步之处，及其解决之道。
4. 科技的进步可以提高人类的生活水准，并使其有能力来帮助需要帮助的人，同时透过媒体的帮忙，也可以促进humanity。
5. 结论
我感觉这条题目主要就是humanity VS technology

In the past decade, the progressionprogress of the naturenatural science profoundly influences people’ life. Thus, the issue ofof不要，that就成了这个定语从句的关系代词 that whether technology can change the condition of humanity has been brought to public attention. Some people believe that technology could improve the circumstances of human beings as well as the state of humanity. Others claim that technological innovations could not shape the people’s conditions for there are still some evil things around us.我还是比较提倡简洁。个人观点认为“有些人认为。。有些人认为。。。可以不要” In my view, with the advanced technology, human beings could not only make their life more convenient but also modify their conditions.

Humanity, in fact, has make real progress in recent years. There are numerous humanitarian institutions around the world and they surely do the actions. For example, the 921 earthquakes, a horrible disaster, tookaway approximate 2,000 people’ lives in Taiwan. There were many foreign rescue teams such as Turkey, Japan, America, etc, coming to help Taiwan and they also provided a great deal of goods and materials for people who lost their family members or homes我觉得用family就可以了，因为family已经包括了家人和家的概念. Their assistance certainly encouraged Taiwan’s people to go out of their sadness. For another example, International Red Cross Organization红十字组织是这么说的吗？, established in 1863, always unselfishly support people without discrimination as to nationality, race, and religious beliefs. These organizations are unprecedented. Therefore, apparently, these are proofs that humanity is constantly progressing.

Admittedly, wars, violence, and poverty are still taken place all over the world. However, people should not deny the development of humanity, because of these unsolved events. It is similar to that although today’s people could not come and go freely in the solar system, no one could neglect the significant progress of the space technology and astronautics today. 我倒是觉得这个类比是好的，但是不够工整。你可以说虽然航空失事事件一直在发生，但人类探索宇宙还是取得了进步。Thus, people should try to find the solutions to these events rather than shirk and blame their responsibility to the technology. For instance, violence and poverty could be decreased through moral and skill education; peace negotiation might avoid the unnecessary wars or dispel the prejudice between two hostile countries.

Meanwhile, technological innovations are instrumental to change the conditions of human beings. Fist, with advanced technology, people have better living standard today than they did before. Therefore, they have more time and ability to help others regarded as low-level. Second, humanitarian can educate people the concept of charity by today’s prospered information technology such as newspaper, broadcast, TV sets, Internet, etc. Take an example, we can easily find the advertising about relieving the refuges and paupers through donation. Besides, advanced mass media not only clearly divulges the situation of the poor countries that might be devastated by wars but also rapidly conveys these information to all places of the world and hence indirectly provokes commiseration of the people receiving these messages. Technology, therefore, is a useful device to directly improve the people’ life conditions as well as to indirectly help people to recognize the cruelty of atrocities and the important of humanity.

In conclusion, as the matter of fact, even if its step seems slow, humanity still continually progresses. It is the best evidence that many unprecedented charitable organizations have distinguished results all over the world. Besides, with help of advanced of technology, people have more time and ability to benefit others who needs help. However, although wars and violence are still around the world, the better solution is to cultivate people the concept of humanity and to educate them how to relieve the disputes while having different opinions but to merely blame the responsibility to the technology.


我觉得这篇文章写得不错的，立意很好，表达也很清楚。个人认为头尾可以再短一点这样层次更分明。而且我觉得本文作者的一个方式可以提倡，他会在论述问题后提出自己的解决方法，这样更显得比较有思考，如果方法很有深度那就更好了。
另外，如果有同学认为这个题目不好写。我觉得可以不一定要把humanity局限于人性、慈善那方面，艺术、社会道德等精神方面都可以论述。

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感谢gteryy在百忙之中还抽空指正小弟的文章，感动…呜呜呜
版主辛苦了，感谢….

p.s. 红十字国际委员会的名称应为International Committee of the Red Cross（ICRC）
     我原写有误，谢谢gteryy指正 :)