1117independent

edmantUID: 2879727

There is widespread discussion on the issue that whether younger school children ought to be demanded to learn music and art or not. Referring to children, the music and art curriculums are meant wasting their time and goes against to the America spirit—freedom, for the reason that all students do not agree this point of view. However, as far as I am concerned, students required studying music and art is suitable, considerate about the individual aesthetic standard and emotion, and a method to relax.

The first reason is that the music and art play a significant contribution to the human being’s aesthetic standard. It means that the factor of art and music are able to promote the ability of comprehension of people. This can be best illustrated with the example of my Guangzhou tourism. The Guangzhou television tower, the new city sign, composes some of exception designs and possesses the most advanced facilities. When I was first charmed by it, I who was trained appreciation article just found that the article implicit a unique information about this urban because the façade of the building has many holes, which represents the construction of ancient Guangzhou. In this sense, the art and music brings much benefit for people.

Another reason for sustaining my belief is that these arts elements enable people be more all-round developed. According to the anatomy professor’s experiment, the art and music study can enhance the development of people’s left brain. For instance, Yuan Longping, the famous biologist in all over the world, is an outstanding amateur the violin player. Furthermore, Albert Einstein, the remarkable chemist, is also an excellent musician when he was teenager. Thus, applying the art or music ability is the same feature of the celebrities.

The last reason supporting my point of view is that playing music and appreciating art are a kind function of people relaxed and refresh. Currently, the citizens contain more and more daily pressures. If their performance can release the pain of their life, the music and art might be the most important for people.

In conclusion, I reinforce my stand point that younger children should be required to learn music and art. By doing so, children’s aesthetic standard and left brain will be improved. It is music and art study that bring children a happy and prosperous life.

jiaojiaojing198UID: 2428625

我感觉文章结构很好，第一点是提出了人们的审美享受的需求，第二点强调了全面发展，第三点是放松心情。
不足的地方是，第一点中的那个例子中有些单词可能有点问题，读起来很不通顺，第二个例子里面爱因斯坦不是化学家。末尾再总结，挺全面的，不错。
对了，英语作文的这种固定的五段结构，在现在的评判中，仍然是可以高分么，我的意思是，是否需要推陈出新，那个评阅人看了这么多的同样结构会不会头痛而导致不给特别的高分呢？

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

1# edmant

There is widespread discussion on the issue that whether younger school children ought to be demanded to learn music and art or not. Referring to children, the music and art curriculums （are meant wasting) mean a waste of
their time and goes
goes与前面的are矛盾 against to the America spirit—freedom, (for the reason that all students do not agree this point of view).没有证据说所有的学生不同意 However, as far as I am concerned, students required (studying) to study music and art is suitable, (considerate)体贴的，体谅的 about the individual aesthetic standard and emotion, and a method to relax.

The first reason is that the music and art （play a significant contribution）play contribution? to the human being’s aesthetic standard. It means that the factor of art and music (are)
able to promote the ability of comprehension of people. This can be best illustrated with the example of my Guangzhou tourism. The Guangzhou television tower, the new city sign, composes some of exception designs and possesses the most advanced facilities. When I was first (charmed)
attracted by it, I who was trained appreciation article just found that the article implicit
implicited
a
information是不可数，不用a unique information about this urban because the façade of the building has many holes, which represents the construction of ancient Guangzhou. In this sense, the art and music brings much benefit for people.例子对论点的证明作用不强

Another reason for sustaining my belief is that these arts elements enable people be more all-round developed. According to the anatomy professor’s experiment, the art and music study can enhance the development of people’s left brain. For instance, Yuan Longping, the famous biologist in
删掉all over the world, is an outstanding amateur the 删掉violin player. Furthermore, Albert Einstein, the remarkable chemist, is also an excellent musician when he was teenager. Thus, applying the art or music ability is the same feature of the celebrities.以偏概全，两个例子就说明所有的名人都有这个特征吗？

The last reason supporting my point of view is that playing music and appreciating art are a kind function of
chinglish了people relaxed and refresh. Currently, the citizens contain more and more daily pressures.居民包含了压力？ If their performance can release the pain of their life, the music and art might be the most important for people.

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In conclusion, I reinforce my stand point that younger children should be required to learn music and art. By doing so, children’s aesthetic standard and left brain will be improved. It is music and art study that bring children a happy and prosperous life.



文章的结构还比较仔细，但是文章的整体逻辑上稍微有点欠缺，还有就是句式结构显得有些凌乱和单薄，建议可以多学习些好的例文，逐步提高！第一次写的话已经不错了~~加油加油哦！

windslpUID: 2903140

There is widespread discussion on the issue that whether younger school children ought to be demanded to learn music and art or not. Referring to children, the music and art curriculums are meant wasting their time and goes against to the America spirit—freedom, for the reason that all students do not agree this point of view. （我觉得这句的阐述有点问题额,,米有看懂- -。） However, as far as I am concerned, students required studying music and art is suitable, considerate about the individual aesthetic standard and emotion, and a method to relax.4 c3 \% U  P3 m

The first reason is that the music and art play a significant contribution to the human being’s aesthetic standard. It means that the factor of art and music are able to promote the ability of comprehension（对于什么的理解,?） of people. This can be best illustrated with the example of my(应该去掉my) Guangzhou tourism. The Guangzhou television tower, the new city sign, composes some of exception designs and possesses the most advanced facilities. When I was first charmed by it, I who was trained appreciation article just found that the article implicit a unique information about this urban because the façade （- -！？？？）of the building has many holes, which represents the construction of ancient Guangzhou. In this sense, the art and music brings much benefit for people（what benefits 应该呼应下会比较好~）.! z' t7 |3 a4 M' A6 n+ J! L, L% j
9 H$ n2 H# U1 [+ G5 y) H
Another reason for sustaining my belief is that these arts elements enable people be more all-round developed. According to the anatomy professor’s experiment, the art and music study can enhance the development of people’s left brain（这里可以加个从句which….补充下会更好~）. For instance, Yuan Longping, the famous biologist in all over the world, is an outstanding amateur the violin player. Furthermore, Albert Einstein, the remarkable chemist, is also an excellent musician when he was teenager. Thus, applying the art or music ability is the same feature of the celebrities（例子很好~~）.( f& }6 ~; x3 |

The last reason supporting my point of view is that playing music and appreciating art are a kind function of people relaxed and refresh. Currently, the citizens contain more and more daily pressures. （这里建议用个转折会比较好,再阐述音乐会带来什么好处会比较有逻辑~~）If their performance can release the pain of their life, the music and art might be the most important for people.
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In conclusion, I reinforce my stand point that younger children should be required to learn music and art. By doing so, children’s aesthetic standard and left brain will be improved. It is music and art study that bring children a happy and prosperous life

总体来说是不错的~~如果例子能更丰富点就好了~.