二战处女座，求重批~~目标不高，5.5-6

liuyang57440201UID: 2834897

各位大侠，我12月11号二战了，上次就死在作文上了，所以很郁闷很久没写作文，昨天终于狠下心痛苦的写了一篇作文，希望各位大侠给看看这是多少分的水平，并改下作文，跪谢了~~
1 Some people think that children should obey the rules and what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children who are controlled too much cannot deal with problems by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is universally acknowledged that education plays a pivotal role in individual success. The educational method is a topic of public interest and concern. There is a perception that children should do what their parents and teachers want them to do while a counter-argument is that it would make children less independent.

It cannot be denied that rules set by adults can contribute to children’s healthy growth. Children tend to lack the capacity to distinguish between right and wrong. Without the proper guidance of adults, they are likely to fall into a beneficial influence on children’s character. For instance, respecting elderly people and taking good care of the young can let children to be more polite.

On the other hand, teaching children by forcing them to abide by the rules also has some disadvantages. This method may make children overly dependent on rules and parents’ advices so that they lose the ability to cope with problems by themselves. In addition, some young people rebel against their parents and teachers as some rules are too stringent. They may run contrary to all suggestions and be likely to fall prey to harmful practices.

My view is that we should utilize different methods to educate children in different age group. For little children, the most effective way is to teach them what they should do and what they should not. For youngsters who have their own thoughts, adults would be well-advised to give them enough freedom to make decisions on their own things and some appropriate suggestions at a proper time.

liuyang57440201UID: 2834897

自己顶自己~~

KinsimonUID: 2846953

光这篇看来5.5-6 应该可以吧。句子挺流畅的，观点也明确 衔接也挺好；词汇方面加强一下，当然语法也许提高。。。

祝好

KinsimonUID: 2846953

3# Kinsimon 红色和黄色代表不同程度的不切当用法~
当然 这只是我的看法。欢迎其他人纠错。

liuyang57440201UID: 2834897

谢谢啊，呵呵，能有5.5我就满足了~~欢迎其他人纠错。我感觉我的body部分写的少了，今天再加点东西进去~~ 4# Kinsimon