本帖最后由 柏拉图的世界 于 2010-12-5 08:13 编辑
我是二战700+800+3.5，这个3.5着实抱憾。还是动了复议的念头。贴上来我之前练习的作文，请帮忙参谋一下有没有复议提分的空间。
Issue当时考的就是高频题的第一个，孩子的社会化，我之前练习的作文如下。考试现场我基本上是按照这个写的，写了足有800字...
130. "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
Children are to take charge of the society, and how well they would be socialized would largely impacts on the destiny of our world. But it won’t determine where the world will go as the speaker states. Influencing factors other than children’s socialization, or even other than children’s cultivation would collectively steer the ship of whole society. Besides, the assertion that our education system fail to cultivate children capable to create a better world is unduly pessimistic, for it has ignored existing and progressing endeavors for that goal.
Hardly can anyone live in state of totally isolation, thus to learn to get along with others and cooperate with others is critical for survival. Our ancestors gained their living from the dangerous nature by hands and minds, and more by cooperation. From families to communities, and then to villages, towns and nations, they came together sharing obligation and benefits. By the power of human wills bonded, thorns are eliminated, rocks are moved, roads are paved and homes are built. History of human beings can be considered as a progress to make more and more people connected, which is more conspicuous in present world. Tasks we are in face of are increasingly huge and complicated, such as the management of transnational corporation, human genome project, and especially environmental ticklers like insufficiency of power resources, global warming and pollutions. Solutions to these problems intensively call for skills to interact, to negotiate with people looking for mutually clashing interests, just as those nations bearing individual calculations in minds sitting at the table of global climate conference in Copenhagen. Thus, to cultivate students from minor age, with skills and minds as a social member in systematic and stepwise manners play a big role, in order to ensure both their personal fulfillment and the prosperity of our society.
Howbeit, we’d better not place excessive emphasis on socialization of children, and consequently discard respect to character intensively needed to be taught to children more than this. Many virtues are also keepers of human’s thriving and harmony. Honesty, for example, is the footing stone for a grandeur architecture of community. Suppose a scenario that people are all telling lies for their private benefits, and milk is adulterated, houses are jerry-built, account books are cooked. How can we expect facial flourish would go long without any almost ineluctable catastrophe that children are sick, houses crash, and companies go bankrupt? As I see it, when people are involved and playing well tricks in the society which is immanently fraught with evils, they often throw such virtue far behind them.
Furthermore, children are not the mere constituent of a society, adults are actually taking charge in contemporary affairs. Adults are producing things we share, creating ideas revolutionize our living condition, and these will definitely continually act on future shape of our world. They are also deciding how to educate children, whose are to be in charge. At this point, adults just seem the more potent sponsor where the society is going.
When it comes to the assessment how well or how poorly our education system functions to bring children to sound preparation for their coming responsibility to ensure human’s more well-being, a dependable gauge loses its way. Should we praise a school where children are taught to get well with any other, avoiding any kind of collision at the price of forgoing individual or collective pursuit? Or should we praise a team in which teacher direct children to success every individual irrespective of intense interpersonal relation? Maybe the former one only sends Mr. or Ms. Nice to the society, and the latter one breed up cold-blooded utilitarianism. Both are not so good, but how can we wield an ideal balance of them? Let alone ways to examine personal or collective personal relations and achievements themselves are as well intricate. Although hardly can we determine the situation of children’s education, there are efforts aiming to make this better, at least as far as I know. For instance, some scholars and educators are advocating the importance of children’s holistic conception, in view of that the traditional courses majorly impart analytical concept and the pressing issues, such as economic and environmental crisis in globe. They are calling for generalist with interdisciplinary and intercultural ideas.
In conclusion, children’s socialization and, to be boarder, children’s vital virtue and characters deserve our adequate endeavor. Labors and materials have already been devoted. But bearing mind that it is adults who may be more potent in directing the world, biased emphasis on children would fail to create a better world.
Argument是公立和私立医院的比较。我找了一篇自认为水平相近的习作如下：
TOPIC: ARGUMENT181 - From a letter to the editor of a city newspaper.
"One recent research study has indicated that many adolescents need more sleep than they are getting, and another study has shown that many high school students in our city are actually dissatisfied with their own academic performance. As a way of combating these problems, the high schools in our city should begin classes at 8:30 A.M. instead of 7:30 A.M., and end the school day an hour later. This arrangement will give students an extra hour of sleep in the morning, thereby making them more alert and more productive. Consequently, the students will perform better on tests and other assignments, and their academic skills will improve significantly."
WORDS: 525
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-8-9 14:17:09
Mainly in light of a recent study showing a phenomenon that many adolescents need more sleep and many high school students complain of their academic performance, the author suggests that high schools should make both beginning and ending later. He/she also predicts significant improvement in students academic skills and performance as long as those actions are set forth. The author's proprosal has a chance to help promote students studies, but several logic flaws undermine the credibility of this argument indeed.
As the movitation of the author's proposal and an important
testimony in this argument, the study actually hardly lend strong enough support to the author's assertion. Firstly, the details of the study are missed. The author fails to tell us what number of people took part in this study. The fewer the number is, the statistically credible the results are. Secondly, it is a severe mistake that the author cite the complaints of adolescents to be the reason why students are dissatisfied with their own academic performance. We must be wary that the two groups are very different. Adolescents have to be faced with many burds in
their lives, namely they have to go to work, take care of their children, and worry about their savings and so forth. Thus, they might have insufficient sleep compared with their efforts. On the other hand, the students might not have to condiser so many ticklers. Probably the school works are not laborous at all, thus they are having sufficient sleeping time.
Granted that the students need more time to sleep, the author's concrete recommendations might not meet their demands. The author proposes that school should begin and end classes one hour later, yet one hour might not be an adequate number for students to suplement their destitution in sleeping. Even if one hour is enough, we cannot be convinced that students will take this additional time to sleep or rest. Maybe they will simply spend this an hour in playing on sports ground, having fun in cyber-games. If it is the case, students will probably be more tired in studies.
Finally, assuming that the author's suggestion does ensure students' adequate restment, we still cannot confirm that their academic performance and skills will improve significantly. The academic performance and skills have to do with many factors other than sleeping.
For example, to make a decede grade in test, students are supposed to be more diligent in class, carefully listening, remembering and writing. After school, they ought to spent considerable time to review their courses. Since the author cannot justify that the students will make more efforts, the consequence of these actions is unknown. Besides, the students' situation in studies is largely influenced by educators. If these educators don't play an instructive role in schools, the students' performance will be compromised indeed.
To conclude, the author fails to justify less sleeping time to be the reason for students' dissatisfaction. And he/she also fails to prove that the recommendation is sufficient to improve students' performance and skills. To make his/her argument sounder, the author could conduct more convincing surveys in students, to investigate their factual and concrete situation and demands.
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发表于 2010-12-5 08:10:47
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发表于 2010-12-5 11:37:07
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