issue93 谢谢大家给看看！

songyxUID: 118533

The concept of individual responsibility is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.


Syllabus: While external forces might have a large influence on individual’s behaviors, individual should be responsible for what they have done.
1.        Of necessity that ….. is that it guarantee a orderly, healthy development of society.
2.        external forces have influence
3.        But 不是largely determine
4.        people 是有思想的动物，可以控制自己的行为。.



Individual responsibility, a key word in society presently, indeed is a complex and controversial issue, since it has relations with human being’s ideology. While external forces might have a large influence on individual’s behaviors, individuals should be responsible for what they have done.

Of necessity that individual should consciously hold responsibilities for their own actions is that it guarantees an orderly, healthy society. Let us get down to fundamentals and agree that freedom, aspired by every individual, is ultimately limited, which means individuals should not behavior at their pleasure. In this sense, individual should be responsible for their behavior. If you do behavior at your pleasure and bring detriments to other individuals or society without any punishment being received, which means no responsibility required, how could an orderly society be mentioned? It is only to the extent that individuals could hold responsibility without enforcement that comes an orderly, democratic and effective society. This shows how necessary it is for the concept of individual responsibility-created intentionally by man.

Admittedly, individuals might have the chance of being influenced by external forces. That may be well demonstrated by the emerging of numerous criminals and terrorists, since no one is doomed to be criminal or other bad people. The fact that man has thoughts and mind is a two-edge sword, which, on one aspect, enables man the ability of assimilating the useful information and knowledge to head forward , while, on another aspect, makes the possibility of being effected to become bad by external forces come true.

However, the fact that people might be influenced by external forces should not be an excuse for avoiding the responsibilities. Firstly, human being is born of equality, without considering the color or status. No rights of invading the interests of others or bring detriments to society are entitled to you. Responsibility for the doings must be held. What’s more, that man is an advanced creature with mind and thoughts means man has the ability of distinguishing bad ones from things provided by external, and it’s your matter if you are affected by bad external forces since you have the ability not to do that. This could well illustrate the point that individual should not shirk the responsibility by claiming that it is not their own making but the external forces that affect them.


In sum, individual responsibility, a necessary fiction, created by man with the requirement of the development of society, guarantees an orderly and healthy-development society, and which individuals have no excuse to shirk from. As a matter of fact, what differents man for animal is that human being is a kind of creature with mind and intelligence. In this sense, if people have no necessary of holding accountable for their doings, how come to the different?

paisleyUID: 64183

The concept of individual responsibility is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.


Syllabus: While external forces might have a large influence on individual’s behaviors, individual should be responsible for what they have done.
1. Of necessity that ….. is that it guarantee a orderly, healthy development of society.
2. external forces have influence
3. But 不是largely determine
4. people 是有思想的动物，可以控制自己的行为。.



Individual responsibility, a key word in society presently, indeed is（is应该放在indeed前面，惯用法） a complex and controversial issue, since it has relations with human being’s ideology. While external forces might have a large influence on individual’s behaviors, individuals should be responsible for what they have done.

Of necessity that individual（后面用their，这里应用复数） should consciously hold responsibilities for their own actions is that it guarantees an orderly, healthy society. Let us get down to fundamentals and agree that freedom, aspired by every individual, is ultimately limited, which means individuals should not behavior（应是behave） at their pleasure. In this sense, individual should be responsible for their behavior. If you do behavior at your pleasure （If you do behavior at your pleasure这种说法很别扭，最好不要出现I 啊you的，感觉浅了。而且这个用法太chenglish咯。不如说if one acts whatever he wishes and doesn’t care how others feel） and bring detriments to other individuals or society without any punishment being received, which means no responsibility required, how could an orderly society be mentioned? It is only to the extent that individuals could hold responsibility without enforcement that comes an orderly, democratic and effective society. This shows how necessary it is for the concept of individual responsibility-created intentionally by man(man不能这样用.这是单数.要么说 a man,要么说men,这里显然应该用后者).

Admittedly, individuals might have the chance of being influenced (might have the chance of being influenced太罗嗦了，直接说might be influenced即可) by external forces. That may be well demonstrated by the emerging of numerous criminals and terrorists, since no one is doomed to be criminal or other bad people.(这句是单独的, 但是你这个since又是和上句有联系，感觉远了，建议赅改) The fact that man(问题同上一个man) has thoughts and mind is a two-edge sword, which, on one aspect, enables man the ability of assimilating the useful information and knowledge to head forward , while, on another aspect, makes the possibility of being effected to become bad by external forces come true. (这段说理感觉弱了点，真正在说理的地方就一句话)

However, the fact that people might be influenced by external forces (这句话跟上文一模一样,建议稍微修改一下,注意句式多样)should not be an excuse for avoiding the responsibilities. Firstly, human being is born of equality (我个人感觉是human beings are born equal,不过我没看过原文,不确定), without considering the color or status. No rights of invading the interests of others or bring detriments to society are entitled to you. Responsibility for the doings must be held. What’s more, that man is an advanced creature with mind and thoughts means man has the ability of distinguishing bad ones from things provided by external, and it’s your matter if you are affected by bad external forces since you have the ability not to do that. This could well illustrate the point that individual should not shirk the responsibility by claiming that it is not their own making but the external forces that affect them.


In sum, individual responsibility, a necessary fiction, created by man with the requirement of the development of society, guarantees an orderly and healthy-development society, and which individuals have no excuse to shirk from. As a matter of fact, what differents man for animal is that human being is a kind of creature with mind and intelligence. In this sense, if people have no necessary of holding accountable for their doings, how come to the different?
最近写这个题目的好多啊。你可以看看别人写这个题目时,其他人的修改意见，对你一定也有好处的.

语言不错,表达意思都很好. 如果能再深入些就好了.




希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。如果觉得自己的英文还不是特别好，那么不一定要改他们的词句, 提点结构上和想法上的建议也是好的。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！

songyxUID: 118533

谢谢斑竹的修改，
因为最近特别忙
没有很多时间去为他人服务
不过我会尽力的！