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liuyuan1990UID: 2894778

TPO18

It is more important for the government to spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.


The statement in the direction is a long-term consideration of many people including me. Many people（重复了两次，改一下用词吧） argue that spending money on art museums and concert halls are able to（这个短语的主语一般是人，这样用不对。这里的are 也应该是is） promote the culture（
改为cultural ） development of a country. However, others deem（惭愧，没见过这个词，学习了~） that investing more money on recreational facilities is better because the entertainment occupies people’s life in a larger extent currently. I, after thinking about it in many aspects,（我不知道这样写是不是你在哪里借鉴的，我没看到过，但感觉怪怪的，还是把I 写在decide 前面看起来句子均匀些） decide to stand on the former side for the following reasons.

The first reasons for my supporting the idea are that art museums and concert remain the history and covert those to generations. In another word, it is tool（改为a kind of tool或者直接 a tool） to spread out the soul of the history that we are unwilling to understand（不愿意理解吗？什么意思，不是很懂） from recreational facilities. In addition, art museums and concert, in some senses, spurs financial growth. It provides people more employee（改为employment） opportunities because it is a large program, and it needs more people playing （改为to paly ）different roles to support the accomplishment.

Another reasons（去掉s） for my agreement is that compared with recreational facilities, art museums and concert(注意是concert Hall 我看到你一直写的是concert，这题目应是指建立这些场所) is after all an entertainment. Abandoning the trifle in the normal days, we indulge in ourselves to（应该是indulge ourselves in 然后去掉 to） a different world filled with art. In the way, this kind of entertainment also enable people refresh (refresh 前面加to 构成 enable sb. to do sth.)themselves mentally. Furthermore, instead of recreational facilities, it is more safety（此处逻辑不对，代替什么？应该是比较起来吧）. There are countless instances that children and elder（elders） injured in the course of playing. I can not imagine that just for a temporary relax, people tend to leave some scars even fatal wound alonging with （along with）their whole life (rest lives).

Admittedly, sometimes people say that the consumption of play of amusement is suitable for more people. However, a close inspection would reveal how flimsy it is: if the high consumption of art places could be a power urges people working （to work）hard and be better, nobody will reject it. Consequently, I am sure that my above examples can conquer all opposes. (太绝对了。。。)


In conclusion, although some people still support their view point: the government are （此处我写作文时也很纠结，刚查了一下可以用单数也可用复数，呵呵，看到你在我作文中帮我改成了单数）supposed to invest more money on recreational facilities such as swimming pool and playgrounds. I still contend my opinion: 0ffering more money to the establishment and development of art museums and concert halls are probably to make it universal, so that the normal people all can exposed to the art and history and the new 风气 comes to the society as a result.

论据不是很给力。不是很了解art museum什么的，没有写深。。。
我觉得你的文章我没有看很懂，所以就改了一些词的用法等，整体我不知道怎么评价，很抱歉，我需要更努力。不过，你写的不错，继续加油哦~

liuyuan1990UID: 2894778

我表示鸭梨很大，别人的作文粘贴进来是好的，我的弄进来怎么就排版乱了呢？郁闷ing

liuyuan1990UID: 2894778

哈，刚弄好了~~~我的也好了~~~

AthrúUID: 2965183

谢谢改~。:handshake

liuyuan1990UID: 2894778

4# Athrú 呵呵，不用谢，我很悲剧的电脑刚出了些问题，郁闷死了，我的大部分的托福资料都没了。。。