风雨与共 第一周 issue 69 by 【4】千寻

部落联盟fiveUID：2602690

69
"Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research anddevelopment"
政治/法律与道德
政府，作为国家权威机构，其态度对于科学的的发展是非常重要的。

政府支持的优质所在：提供经济支持
有利于相关领域精英的汇集有利于使得科学尽快从实验室走向社会以实现其应有的价值

历史上，政府对科学的打压的确在一定程度上抑制了科学的发展：宗教和科学的矛盾
政府抑制科学发展的原因

某些科学的研究和运用会危害到国家的稳定

某些科学在道德伦理领域一直备有争议 大家对其看法众说纷纭

有时政府为了维持自己的强权政治 苏联在二战时期重点发展重工业 严重忽略轻工业 但是最终历史证明了这样做的不合理性
决定科学是否应该被抑制的应该由科学本身的目的所决定

某些科学的危害不是由其本身所造成的 是由其不恰当的运用所导致的
核武器 战争作带来的危害 其起始原因真实由于人性中的贪婪和不妥协 就算抑制了一切武器的运动人类还是有能力去伤害别人


Should the government extremely use its authority to restrain the science’s development or let science alone without interference as the state mentioned? In my opinion, the appropriate intervene is advisable, which takes human welfare as essential intention.


As I mentioned above, the government’s attitude indeed influences the progress of science. Authority’s approval accelerates/boosts the headway of turning the scientific blueprint into practical usage. The financial support from government is one of the significant benefits, which maintains the running of a science program; another profit is the tined talents’ converge which promotes overcoming of project’sbottlenecks. However, restrain from government incontrovertibly withholds the creativity and blossom of science in some degree. The Christian church in middle ages Europe executed hundreds of thousands of pagans, while a large number of nature scientists were included in those so-called heretics. Bruno, who is a famous astronomer bravely sticking up and developing Copernicus’s heliocentricism,were burned to death; M.Servetus also suffered the same horrible torture for his finding and insisting of pulmonary circulatory system which cataloged as a typical ridiculous theory by Calvinist government of Geneva. Consequently,government as an authoritative organization, its influence to science’s developmentis tremendous.


The reasonable explanations do exit for some of the government’s inhibition toward science,while unfortunately the leader’s objective judgment will also lead to theirrational interposition. Several restrictions are made with the purpose of keeping the stability of the country. In addition,some laws or restrictions will be enacted in order to solving puzzles inscience realm which are questionable in moral and ethic for a long time. Nevertheless,the government may use their power to serve for the leader’s unreasonable political aspiration without taking the common’s interests into consideration. During the Second World War, the Soviet Union’s performances disobeyed the government’sessential function of striving for people’s happiness. They concentratedextremely on the heavy industry in order to be capable of competing with the United States in military strength. At the mean time, the guarantee of dailylife’s basic necessities was out of the government’s plan. The overlook of thelight industry related science somewhat accelerated the collapse of the SovietUnion.

In my opinion, if the governments want to interfere in science rational, they should pay attention to the control of science fruits’ usage. Some science methods definitely deserve rigid inhibition, including the cruel human experiments which were taken by Nazi in Second World War. However, the majority of various tragedies, such as nuclear weapon war, are organized from certain human nature such as the limitless greed. So,the government should restrain the absurd application of science fruits and give fully support to research with correct intention. It is unreasonable to attributeall responsibilities to science which cannot be labeled with guilty or cruelty directly. If both the scientists and the official leaders are holding the purpose of struggling for the human welfare, the disturbing puzzle of science inhibition is easy to handle.

Generally speaking, the government should take the research’s intrinsic purpose into consideration and try their best to keep the usage of science fruits in an acceptable and reasonable domain.

部落联盟fiveUID：2602690

首先在这边自我检讨以帮助我们组需要改我作文的痛苦的依林同志和海月同志或者还有别的看我作文的好人
（1）我的语法是很有问题的 大家要忍住 忍不住直接鄙视我
（2）我里面存在有不少的词或者句子的非正规用法 如果看着觉得很不爽就直接标出来 我会回去慢慢琢磨或者各位大侠直接给意见是最好的
（3）我那混乱的逻辑：我列出了中文的具体提纲，若是被我的英文折磨的不行就看我的中文提纲吧 万分诚恳期待大家给出意见

咖啡盐UID：2973669

哇，一天两篇，好速度

部落联盟fiveUID：2602690

3# 咖啡盐
其实我是前几天写的 今天修改了几下下才改发出来啊 羞愧 羞愧…………

咖啡盐UID：2973669

4# 部落联盟five
哪里哪里，这是认真负责的态度，值得学习...唉，我还差一篇40没憋出来

部落联盟fiveUID：2602690

5# 咖啡盐 我也在憋40啊   忍住 忍住

huyilinUID：2857280

"Government should placefew, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"
政治/法律与道德
政府，作为国家权威机构，其态度对于科学的的发展是非常重要的。

政府支持的优质所在：提供经济支持
有利于相关领域精英的汇集有利于使得科学尽快从实验室走向社会以实现其应有的价值

历史上，政府对科学的打压的确在一定程度上抑制了科学的发展：宗教和科学的矛盾
政府抑制科学发展的原因

某些科学的研究和运用会危害到国家的稳定

某些科学在道德伦理领域一直备有争议大家对其看法众说纷纭

有时政府为了维持自己的强权政治苏联在二战时期重点发展重工业严重忽略轻工业但是最终历史证明了这样做的不合理性
决定科学是否应该被抑制的应该由科学本身的目的所决定

某些科学的危害不是由其本身所造成的是由其不恰当的运用所导致的
核武器战争作带来的危害其起始原因真实由于人性中的贪婪和不妥协就算抑制了一切武器的运动人类还是有能力去伤害别人
(提纲很不错哈，不过好像没有写主论点呵)

Does the government should （should the government）extremely use its unique power to(useits authority to 嗯~不确定英语中有用unique power表示特权的说法么) restrain the science’sdevelopment or let science alone to develop (extend，前面已经有了一个development了，咱们尽量避免重复嘛～不过其实我也经常一个词从头用到底的)freely as the statementioned? In my opinion, the authority’s support do act as a(an) extraordinaryvital(两个形容词了哈, 不妨改成 plays a vital role in
) role in science development, so the governmentshould judge the application of limiting certain science program according tothe essential purpose of that science without any prejudice. (judge the application 有点没看懂. 文章开头提出设问，第二句说政府对科学的影响很大，第三句以此推出政府应该控制科学以让其正确发展，不过感觉这个推出关系似乎不太充分呵～。

(从全文来看，作者的中心论点应该是，政府应该努力让科学运行在对人类有益的轨道上)

As I mentioned forward(above), the government’s attitude indeedinfluences the progress of science obviously(indeed和obviously,可以删掉一个的～). The financialsupport from government is one of the significant benefits to , which isdefinitely necessary to whatever programs.(不妨直接去掉定语从句the financial support from government is oneof the most significant factors to any programs,平时对定语从句放到后面的例子见得比较少,也不知道可以不，不过感觉这句有点过于绝对了,可以委婉一点： the fiscal expenditure, in many cases, maintains therunning of science programs) .What another benefit isthe tined talents’ converge which also absolutely promote the progress（And it is the government that has the ability togather top talents to overcome those tough projects. ）. It is also can(is 去掉，it can also)accelerate/boost the headway of turning the scientific blueprint into practicalusage. While, （while 是连词呵，后面好像不用逗号吧～）restrain from government incontrovertibly withholds the vitality andcreation of science in some degree（抑制vitality似乎有点不妥，另外感觉这句有点多余了）. The Christian church in middle ages Europe executed hundreds of thousandsof so-called heretics, which a large number of nature scientists were included( which included a large number of nature scientists).
Bruno,who is a famous astronomer (,)bravelysticking up（stuck to） and developing(developed)
Copernicus’sheliocentricism, were burned to death; M.Servetus also suffered the samehorrible torture for his finding and insisting of pulmonary circulatory systemwhich(was) cataloged(catalogued)as a typical ridiculous theory by Calvinist government of Geneva. Consequently,government as an authoritative organization, its influence to（on）science’sdevelopment is tremendous(ly) vital.（语法好像有点问题，the government, as an authoritativeorganization, has tremendous influence over science’s development）

Reasons do exit for thegovernment’s inhibiting actions（actions好像可以去掉,可以用inhibition 的） toward science(sciences 后面用的them), which part ofthem are reasonable(though part of them arereasonable). The government may place restrictions(on science) with the purpose of keep(keeping) the stability of the country. Plus,several researches(some of the researches )are quite controversial for such a long period(这一句没看懂呵)
especially in thelevel of moral and ethics, then, the government may make related laws orregulations varying with leader’s politics(intention). While, the government may use theirunique power to serve for the leader’sunreasonable political aspiration without take（taking） the common’s interestsinto consideration. During the Second World War, the Soviet Union’s performancesdo(did) disobey the government’s essentialfunction of struggling for(striving for)
people’shappiness. They concentrated extremely on the heavy industry in order to
(be)capable of competing with the United Statesin military strength. Controvertibly, the guarantee of daily life’s basicnecessities is(was) out (of ) the government’s plan. The Soviet Union invested fewon the science related to lightindustry(few?好像有点绝对哦). Thus, the behaviorobviously accelerated the collapse of the Soviet Union.
(这一段开头说的是政府应该对一些科学行为采取措施，后面的部分说的是政府可能利用科学做一些反人类的事情，既然是不同的论点，为什么不分两段呢？)
In my opinion, it is thepurpose of the certain science actually（actually可以去掉） can act as the standard and thus
facilitate the government’s impartial judgment.Some science method (methods)
definitelydeserves(deserve) rigid inhibition,

includingthe cruel human experiments which Nazi related,(which were taken by Nazi in WW2) . However, the majority of various tragedies, such as nuclearweapon war, are organized from some certain human nature including thelimitless greed. So, the government should restrain the absurd application ofscience fruits and give fully support to the research which with correctintention(which不用了with correct intention). It is unreasonable to attribute all responsibilities to sciencewhich (in) itself cannot be labeled withguilty or cruelty. If both the scientists and the official leaders are holdingexpect and purpose of struggling for the human welfare, the disturbing puzzleof science inhibition is easy to handle with(is easy to handle).


Generally speaking, thegovernment should take the research’s intrinsic purpose into consideration andtry their best to keep the usage of science fruits in an acceptable andreasonable domain.

千寻的第一篇习作呵～
嗯～个人观点评价一下，有几个问题：一.句子之间逻辑连贯性还是不强，（其实主要是有些地方我没看明白，也不是没看明白，就是不太顺畅，）
比如这一段：

Reasons do exit for the government’sinhibiting actions toward science, which part of them are reasonable. The government may place restrictions with thepurpose of keep the stability of the country.Plus, several researches are quite controversial for such a long periodespecially in the level of moral and ethics, then, the governmentmay make related laws or regulations varying with leader’s politics.
While, the government may use their unique power to serve for theleader’s unreasonable political aspiration without take the common’s interestsinto consideration.






分开来看就是1. Reasons do exit for the government’s inhibiting actions towardscience, which part of them are reasonable.


1. 政府对一些科学行为采取抑制措施是有必要的，尽管其中有一些是合理的。




2. The government may placerestrictions with the purpose of keep the stability of the country.


2.政府应该采取这些措施以保证社会稳定性的。




3. Plus, several researches arequite controversial for such a long period especially in the level of moral andethics,

同时，一些科学研究在道德伦理方面长期存在争议。


4.
then, the government may make related laws orregulations varying with leader’s politics.

然后，政府应该制定一些并非领导者个人意志的制度。


5. While, the government mayuse their unique power to serve for the leader’s unreasonable politicalaspiration without take the common’s interests into consideration.

然而，政府可能利用它的绝对权力去为领导者的政治服务而不考虑人民利益。

实施上，这几个论点都是到了点子上，而且有的逻辑串联。但是从语言上，一眼很难直接把脉络看出来。同时在一小段里面阐明这么多论点，肯定会带来很多的转折，可能会让考官比较纠结。我觉得可能还是把独立的论点尽量分成独立的段，要不只能依靠强大的语言来维持段落的可读性了哈～


二
定语从句得复习一下了哈～

三
行文上和我一样，估计还是存在问题，多看范文吧！

四
以上的东东纯属个人观点，由于水平极其有限，错误疏漏肯定是有的，千寻同学要谨慎采纳哈～

部落联盟fiveUID：2602690

7# huyilin

文章重新改了一遍 发现一些比较严重的问题
（1）逻辑真的很混乱 主要问题就是在一个段落中可能每句话都和主题有一点点问题 但是联系非常不紧密 感觉就是很多句话凑在一起
（2）不规范用词 以及 胡乱的添不必要词 使得阅读起来很困难
（3）中心思想不明确 或者说的例证和中心有偏差 形散神也散


ＰＳ：解释一下我经常用的一种ｗｈｉｃｈ从句的用法
例：Reasons do exit for the government’s inhibition toward science, which parts of them are reasonable
把which放在逗号后面是为了修饰前面整个句子，主要就是修饰reason,因为要是用两句话说的话，难免会有重复的词语，如果想不出来近义词，所以就经常这么用定语从句，不过貌似很容易用错，哎哎，再次感慨一下我那混乱的逻辑

huyilinUID：2857280

原来是这样啊～
其实我语法不过关的，高中就经常被老师说，没办法，硬着头皮来改文章。
另外觉得千寻态度好好～，小感动一下。我也得努力呵～向千寻同学看齐！

部落联盟fiveUID：2602690

9# huyilin 我的语法也是啊  反正你也看过我的文啦 我差不对就是这个窘况   
不过GRE给了我们改进的机会啦  这也是考G的福利之一啊 在大家的帮助下慢慢的提高就好啦 反正偶就是这么想的
以前看一个牛人写的经验就是说 帮别人的改文章就是一件幸福的双赢事件 帮助自己也帮助别人  
依林童鞋改作文真的也是非常非常认真的 加油加油