ISSUE8【StruggleToTriumph】by C_dump 1.5

dumplingplusUID: 2762716

Issue 8. It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public.

The duty of political leaders is to sustain the peace and unity of a country, and to gain profits for people. Therefore, it is permitted to withhold some information related with the security and stability of the society appropriately, which could prevent the benefits of the mass from being encroached and contributes to the booming development of a country. But the political leaders cannot conceal the information with the attitude of obtaining profits for themselves.

Admittedly, opening some government information properly helps to the communication between the government and the populace, which is beneficial for a society's steady development. That let people participate in the government's decision, not only can improve the enthusiasm of the people, but also helps the government improve the efficiency of dealing with affairs. In the Asia Pacific Economy Conference in 2001, the government mobilizes thousands of people to design an icon as the emblem of the conference. A great of beautiful and meaningful designs have been created. Of course, with the popularity of the modern information techniques, such as internet, the channels of acquiring information have become richer than before. It is no longer that people must believe what the government says. Therefore, the government should face the mass in a candid attitude to promote the accountability.  

However, opening the government information overly also may cause some negative effects. After all, most of the affairs that the political leaders engage in are the state secrets and other diplomatic documents. Once they have been brought out in the public, the security of the country will have been seriously threatened. For example, if the notice of reducing the staffs is published prematurely, it will make officials panic, and affect the normal work of government agencies.   

Contrarily, the government cannot unduly conceal the information to the public, otherwise it will make things worse, and even lead to a social unrest. When the SARS spread in the early time over southern China, information was withheld in order not to cause people's panic and tension. But when the SARS spread to a large area of China and the government cannot help but to tell the truth to the public, various descriptions of SARS impacted on people and shaped a situation that no person dared to walk on the street and commodities in supermarkets were sold up, and even the most universal antibiotic and thermometers were sold at a very high price. Therefore, if the government warm the public to adopt protective measures ahead of time, it will not become so bad.  

In conclusion, under the case of not harming the benefits of the mass, it is necessary to withhold information in order to protect the security and stability of a country. However, on the basis of changing traditional values, the government should form a force with the responsibility of the public to achieve efficient operation of government transparency, the goal of which is to build a new type government information management.

chenge107UID: 2969676

The duty of political leaders is to sustain the peace and unity of a country（前面leaders，后面a country，是不是多少有点别扭哈，作者多回味几遍…）, and to gain profits for people（额…这一句总感觉表达得有点不地道）. Therefore, it is permitted for political leaders to withhold some information related with the security and stability of the society appropriately, which could prevent the benefits of the mass from being encroached and contributes to the booming development of a country. But the political leaders cannot conceal the information with the attitude of obtaining profits for themselves.

Admittedly, opening some government information to the pubic properly helps to the communication between the government and the populace, which is beneficial for a society's steady development. That （前面which，后面that，都是指代opening…都是说明它的优点，有 点那什么哈）let people participate in the government's decision, not only can（it can not only） improve the enthusiasm of the people but also help the government improve the efficiency of dealing with affairs. In the Asia Pacific Economy Conference in 2001, the government mobilizes thousands of people to design an icon as the emblem of the conference. A great of beautiful and meaningful designs were created.（为什么要用现在完成时呢，这样读起来不是更好么？） Of course, with the popularity of the modern information techniques, such as the Internet（Internet记得大写，且面前加定冠词the）, the channels of acquiring information have become richer than before. It is no longer that people must believe what the government says. Therefore, the government should face the mass in a candid attitude to promote the accountability.  

However, opening the government information overly also may （may/will also）cause some negative effects. After all, most of the affairs that the political leaders engage in are the state secrets and other diplomatic documents（从这句话是不是可以看出作者将题意理解错了？题目中的information是指广义的国家发生的事情，可不是指the affairs that the political leaders engage in领导人从事的事，干领导人个毛事？作者是不是以为跟有篇ISSUE中公众人物应不应该向公众公开隐私一样了啊）. Once they have been brought out in the public（用to是不是更好）, the security of the country will have been seriously threatened（你的意思还是想说如果领导人每天干些什么让公众知道了，国家隐私会面临威胁）. For example, if the notice of reducing the staffs is published prematurely, it will make officials panic, and affect the normal work of government agencies（这个example也太…了吧？如果下岗过早公布，会引起办公室恐慌，影响政府机构的正常工作，是这个意思吧？我们暂且不论你的这个example符不符合题意，就这句话本身，前面提到reducing the staffs，然后引起办公室恐慌，大家以为接下来会说影响正常工作或生产，没想到最后突然冒出个government agencies一下子收尾到了政府机构，是不是有点虎头蛇尾的感觉哈？）.   

Contrarily（“相反”，前面提到过分公布消息会有害，非得用“相反”的话也应该是过分隐瞒消息会怎么怎么样，而不能直接说“相反，政府不能过分隐瞒信息”，读起来也不通顺啊，是这样子的吧？）, the government cannot unduly conceal the information to the public, otherwise it will make things worse（使事情更坏，之前很坏么？）, and even lead to a social unrest（这个搭配很罕见哈）. When the
SARS（这个the我们去掉，好吗？） spread in the early time over southern China（一般不这么用south China）, information was withheld in order not to cause people's panic and tension. But when the SARS spread to a large area of China and the government cannot help but to tell the truth to the public, various descriptions of SARS impacted on people and shaped a situation that no person dared to walk on the street and commodities in supermarkets were sold up, and even the most universal antibiotic and thermometers were sold at a very high price. Therefore, if the government warm （？）the public to adopt protective measures ahead of time, it will not become so bad. （暴露国籍是GRE作文大忌特忌啊，尤其是of China，有几个米国佬喜欢让他们最担忧的拥有东风21D的Chinese？）


In conclusion, under the case of（有这个用法么？） not harming the benefits of the mass, it is necessary to withhold information in order to protect the security and stability of a country（第一次看到stability of a country哈，人们都说stability of society）. However, on the basis of changing traditional values, the government should form a force with the responsibility of the public（作者创作力不错嘛，这俩又是什么意思哈？） to achieve efficient operation of government transparency, the goal of which is to build a new type government information management.（名词+名词+名词+名词=作者想要的名词，作者又完成了一次创作）


带有强烈感情色彩的should慎用哈，多看看牛人的帖子，都是这么说的，议论文是让我们论证为什么要这么做，而不是让我们以上帝的名义要求这个人应该怎么做，那个人应该怎么做。这个过程虽然难以控制，中国人天生就喜欢充当ruler指使别人，但我们还是要有这个意识。

最后说点题外话哈，首先很抱歉5号晚上11点贴的作文6号晚上8点才给你改完，因为期末事情实在太多。同时希望the author有时间也帮别人改改文，大家都很忙，大家都不容易，我们没有时间自己的作文可以以后补交，但是别人写好的习作我们还是要按时给人家改好的，我们是一个团队嘛，你说是吧？

chenge107UID: 2969676

ISSUE8 by C_dump.doc (39.5 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2011-1-6 20:21:03 上传

下载次数: 6

1# dumplingplus

dumplingplusUID: 2762716

2# chenge107

没有改大家的习作，是我不对，后面会给大家补上。:)