**茶叶蛋炒饭**第一次作业ISSUE130 请组员跟帖

saybia1993UID: 2625112

Issue130 “How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.”


Education considered as a crucial part of human society, plays an important role in our progress of whole world. Recently, someone say that the degree of how children are socialized today can determine the future of our society, but we have not yet learned how to teach our children to make contribution to bring about a better society. As far as I’m concern, I totally disagree with this statement. Generally speaking, socialization of our children is merely a fraction compared to the factors of social progress and our education system turned out to be a success.

Contemporary people often complain about the society they lived in right now. Undeniable, our world has so many problems still out of people’s control. Local wars can be heard every day. Hunger, poverty threatens most of the people in Africa. Many deadly diseases still cannot be cured. The widening gap between rich and poor emerges. These issues are surely demanding prompt solution. However, we need to face problems in both sides. Comparing to the people in the old times, our lives has changed greatly. In the 16th century, our average life span was only 35. Till 20th century, it has increased greatly to 60. Scientists have already made assumptions that people’s average life span can reach 100 years in the 23th century. How did this happen? The reasons are complex due to the whole progress of our society. Right now, most people won’t worry about their basic needs in daily lives compare to the old people. We have enough clothes to resist harsh weather. We can choose variety food to satisfy our daily demand. Our houses keep constant temperature duo to the air conditioning system. Not to mention the fast development of our transportation system like maglev, jet plane and so forth. Turning our eyes to other places, the fast development of technology brings us an unprecedented level of subsistence of all parts. Electrical technology, new biochemical technology and nuclear technology act as foundation stones, supporting the building of human beings. Admittedly, great tolerance of different viewpoints, great respects of individual rights can also make contribution to our better society.

All the aspects what I said above show an incontestable changing society, what’s more ,the changing towards less problems and more happiness. Great progress won’t be made only due to one or two generation people. Exactly, because of our successfully education system, there can be generation after generation wise people who received knowledge and complex ability to devote their intelligence and diligence to build this wonderful world. Better society is not a result but a process and we are surely on the right way.

Another problem of the issue is the socialization. I admitted it was very important for children in today’s world. Communication skills and leadership of socialization act as an effective cooperation living mode show their great impact of living in groups, such as human beings. Nevertheless, socialization of people is not the only key point of progress. There are also many important qualities like knowledge, independence, foresight, moral character and so on to be the determinant factor. What’s more, some prodigious achievement can be attained only through narrow edge. Many great scientists, artists and statesmen are unsociable and paranoiac. An excellent example is Van Gogh. As everyone knows, Van Gogh was an eccentric people, he was dissocial and crankiness. To be considered as an extreme completist, Van Gogh could not bear any disagreement with the truth what he thought about. This crazy pursuit of ideality made Van Gogh addicted to his own virtual world and finally, he created such extraordinary masterpiece like “The potato eaters”, “Sunflowers”.

To put all the nuts in a shell, I suppose our society will become happier in the future due to the constant perfection. Tomorrow, we will surely see a diversity world around us. Our methods to raise children, or rather, the education will be more and more important and suitable for our baby.




This article was created by ID:saybia1993 independently at 2011/1/18.  Confirm letter number of GRE AW test : 8850000000521508.  This article only can be used for study and exchange individually. All rights reserved.





组员请在后面跟帖，贴完自己的作文后，请改自己楼上的帖子，改完编辑自己贴作文的帖子，把楼上，修改过的作文贴上去，并加入自己的评语，一个人只占一层楼，不要窜楼！ 注意：请认真修改对待他人的作文。最后贴的我来改。各位同学不必担心关于雷同的问题，等考完试我会删帖的，如果还不放心，加上我作文的最后一句话。


改bottom的


In order to figure out the answer to the question that does the method we socialize children today really determine the tomorrow of our society, we need to take a glance of the meaning of socialization, and consider what kind of society can be regarded as a better one.
开头三要素，背景，点题，下结论。 表明自己的态度是很重要的一件事。 你的开头中，只有ISSUE的一半，后面半句没有提到，而且并没有一个概括性的总结。 这里需要注意一下。
        
A child is born in a certain culture, of which the values, norms and customs play a fundamental role in the process of socialization. Being socialized by parents, teachers, and other social members, the child can acquire social skills and learn to behave appropriately in his or her culture, which is of great necessity to everyone as individual building up society. This primary process of teaching and learning directly influence the character and personality of the child, and it is never out of line to compare primary socialization to the root of a tree. Just as a tree takes in nutrition from the root to grow, a child develops his/herself based on the foundation that largely established in the process.

However, what should not be ignored is the fact that the process of socialization does not stop when childhood ends. Primary socialization take up a majority part in the first several years, and as the child grows up to an adult, interacting with other members of society and getting involved in some social groups always outweigh the simple, primary process. There even exists the possibility that one person may substitute his origin patterns with some different norms and values especially when he or she moves into a different culture. A functioning root is far from enough for a luxuriant tree. Without sufficient sunlight and water, or favorable circumstance, the best root can merely do nothing. Imagine a well-educated boy who accidentally makes friends with a group of thieves. Gradually he may acquire the opinion that stealing is a way to make money and try shoplifting under the peer pressure.前面两大段，都是在说事实？ 为后面铺垫？ 这非常没有必要，我看到这里，还不知道你想要表达的东西是什么，先写与ISSUE相关的主旨句，在展开论述是基础，这个结构最保险。

Thus, from where I see it, the issue is more about how society as a whole can provide us with a suitable environment to socialized children to become eligible adults as individual members of society than the ways by which their parents and teachers socialize them. 如果这里是你的结论句，结论呢？ Moreover, the destiny of society depends more on the former considering that adults are the leading force of society.

A better society cannot be pursued simply by ensuring that members have learned the basic interacting skills and common values and norms in their own culture. In addition, the process of socialization can be conducted by so many agents, mass media, clubs, schools, etc. that we can hardly have a good control of it. Take Richard Wagner as an example. Wagner is an outstanding composer, conductor, theatre director and essayist, who can reach the standard of “help to bring about a better society”. People all acknowledge Wagner is a great man with his excellent stage works and contributions to the development of opera, but few have more than the vaguest acquaintance with his real personality. Surprisingly, this great man had capricious temper and bad manner, and lack loyalty to his wife and his friends. He even persuaded a friend’s wife to leave her husband and be with him. All these features probably result from shortage of proper education. But this ill-socialized man did bring about the beauty of art, and make contributions to society.

Hence, it bears little significance to argue whether or not we find the way to raise children that can bring about a better society. What really matters is how we form our society to be a more suitable place for “trees” to grow and offer shelter and fruits in return.结论呢？？
你晚上上线吗？ 给我一下你的提纲吧，我对照着再一遍。 我觉得按照你这种思路写文章不好。

澈透水痕rachelUID: 2868066

130 - 教育的意义：孩子的社会化
"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
现在孩子的社会化程度决定了社会的命运。可惜的是，我们还没有学会教孩子怎么样去建设一个更好的社会。

Is the destiny of society determined by the way that children are socialized? And do we haven’t learned how to bring up children with the ability to build a better society just as the statement shows above? In my view, the answers to these two questions are negative.

To the first question, admittedly, the socialization of children takes positive effects to build a well-being society. Social experience and interacting with people is what helps to form an individual's personality or an individual's emotions, thoughts, and behavior. A child without socialization may lack the ability of communicating with others, the awareness of cooperation and become more and more selfish. Nowadays, most children are the only son of a family. If living in their solitary world all the time, we should even pray if he doesn't grow up to be a normal people, let alone count on him to make contribution to the society. And then the society will lose vigor and hope.

However, it isn’t the only way nor the most important way to determine the future of the society. The speaker overemphasis the significance of the socialization. Firstly, socialization is not so important for children’s growth. One apt illustration of this point involves the story about Helen Keller. A serious illness left her deaf and blind when she was very young. So that she couldn’t get into the society and communicate with other children. But with the help of the teacher and her own hard working, she grew up to be a famous author, lecturer, and a political activist and also made great contribution to blind welfare and education career. Secondly, there are many other factors that may effect the society’s destiny such as advanced technology, normative legal system and so on. Only with the organic combination of socialization, science, justified laws and many of    working factors can the society be prosperity and stability.

To the second question, the author’s opinion is that we haven’t learned to teach children the way to construct a better society. I think that it’s essential to definite “better society”. In my view, it means a society with well cooperation, communication and harmony which can tolerate different opinions and different cultures so that people in it can make their own value at the most extent and get on well with the nature. In our present society, we cooperate with different countries to make the economic boom. We respect every people and encourage innovation. We also begin try to protect the environment while developing economy. Though we don’t do perfectly, at least we have learned to recognize our own mistake and try hard to correct it. Then with no successful education, how can we realize all these above?

In conclusion, though I admit that how children are socialized influence the density of the society in some sense, it’s neither the only one nor the most important factor that determines the society’s future. And at the same time our now education is effective and helpful to raise children to bring up a better society.

This article was created by ID:澈透水痕rachel independently at 2011/1/18,   confirm letter number: 8850000000507136. All rights reserved.



楼上的文章。。。。
Education considered as a crucial part of human society, plays an important role in our progress of whole world.（开头第一句话觉得对引起下文没什么用啊o(╯□╰)o，可以直接开始了） Recently, someone say(额。。。这里，还是直接改成the author claims that好了，recently，someone总觉得有点怪怪的) that the degree of how children are socialized today can determine the future of our society, but we have not yet learned how to teach our children to make contribution to bring about a better society. As far as I’m concern(concerned), I totally disagree with this statement. Generally speaking, socialization of our children is merely a fraction compared to the factors of social progress and our education system turned out to be a success.

Contemporary people often complain about the society they lived in right now. Undeniable, our world has so many problems still out of people’s control. Local wars can be heard every day. Hunger, poverty threatens most of the people in Africa. Many deadly diseases still cannot be cured. The widening gap between rich and poor emerges. These issues are surely demanding（这边不需要用进行时吧） prompt solution. However, we need to face problems in both sides. Comparing to the people in the old times, our lives has changed greatly. In the 16th century, our average life span was only 35. Till 20th century, it has increased greatly to 60. Scientists have already made assumptions that people’s average life span can reach 100 years in the 23th century. How did this happen? The reasons are complex due to the whole progress of our society.（这边，你可以直接把原因归结于我们的教育吧？要不然感觉洋洋洒洒这么多有点偏题了啊,纯属个人感觉= =） Right now, most people won’t worry about their basic needs in daily lives compare to the old people. We have enough clothes to resist harsh weather. We can choose variety food to satisfy our daily demand. Our houses keep constant temperature duo（due） to the air conditioning system. Not to mention（这边是更不用说。。。的意思？好像用了let alone更地道哈） the fast development of our transportation system like maglev, jet plane and so forth. Turning our eyes to other places, the fast development of technology brings us an unprecedented level of subsistence of all parts. Electrical technology, new biochemical technology and nuclear technology act as foundation stones, supporting the building of human beings. Admittedly, great tolerance of different viewpoints, great respects of individual rights can also make contribution to our better society. （我觉得这一大段，不管是承认我们的社会还存在着一些问题，还是下面说现在的社会已经比以前好了很多，用的都是同一种论证方式——列举事实。给人感觉形式单一，所以说服力也就下降。。。。或许开始Undeniable那句话后直接用such as概括下现在社会的不足？毕竟这不是重头。还有下面，列举我们现在的社会怎么怎么比以前好，可以列的更有层次点，这样看有点乱，给人感觉就是想到什么说什么。或许可以分层？经济上，政治上，生活上，科学技术上blabla。。。。显得更有逻辑点）


All the aspects what I said above show an incontestable changing society, what’s more ,the changing towards （towards好像不能用作动词？）less problems and more happiness. Great progress won’t be made only due to one or two generation people. Exactly, because of our successfully education system, there can be generation after generation wise people who received knowledge and complex ability to devote their intelligence and diligence to build（我记得好像是devote to doing sth） this wonderful world. Better society is not a result but a process and we are surely on the right way. （再跟教育孩子联系紧密点？感觉有点偏题啊，上面successfully education system可以再讲到，正是由于这种education system，我们的孩子可以学会怎样去建设更好的社会）
Another problem of the issue is the socialization. （这句话有点指代不明哈，最好还是说清楚点）I admitted（不要用过去式吧） it was very important for children in today’s world. Communication skills and leadership of socialization act（acting） as an effective cooperation living mode show their great impact of living in groups, such as human beings（有点不明白这里的意思）. Nevertheless, socialization of people is not the only key point of progress. There are also many important qualities like knowledge, independence, foresight, moral character and so on to be the determinant factor. What’s more, some prodigious achievement can be attained only through narrow edge. Many great scientists, artists and statesmen are unsociable and paranoiac. An excellent example is Van Gogh. As everyone knows, Van Gogh was an eccentric people, he was dissocial and crankiness. To be considered as an extreme completist, Van Gogh could not bear any disagreement with the truth what he thought about. This crazy pursuit of ideality made Van Gogh addicted to his own virtual world and finally, he created such extraordinary masterpiece like “The potato eaters”, “Sunflowers”. （例子挺贴切的。。。只是梵高稍稍有点大众。。以后有更好的就改进哈(～ o ～)~zZ）

To put all the nuts in a shell,（句式新颖，学习学习O(∩_∩)O~） I suppose our society will become happier in the future due to the constant perfection. Tomorrow, we will surely see a diversity world around us. Our methods to raise children, or rather, the education will be more and more important and suitable for our baby. （结尾是不是先总结一下你上文的观点，再提出展望未来会更好？要不然又觉得有些偏题）

个人觉得，文章的后半部分挺好的，前半部分有点偏。。。。第二段有点冗长，读了很久还不知道要表达什么。。。。纯属个人感觉，楼主有保留的看看嘿嘿O(∩_∩)O~，晚上有事，很抱歉改晚了。。。

potablerUID: 2891458

No one can deny the fact that children are the future of our society, in the meantime, the children socialization period is one of the most important factors. However, it is not only parents or their relatives or their teachers raise them, but also themselves can have an impact on what kind of person they are going to be. Although we may have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, these youngmen could adopt themselves to fit in the society and help build a better society at the same time.

It is no doubt that the way people raise children would have a great influence on them, on the other hand, no one can teach everything to their offsprings. When Newton was a herdboy, his parents barely heard of science, all they have to do is to look after those sheep. By chance, he had a chance to read a book about science, which opens the door of science for him. Later on, he became the greatest physicist on the planet at that time. Newton wasn't wonderfully raised, but he made a great contribution to the world. In the old days, the way children raise children is not as well as today. However there are still great people who could see the social needs and devoted themselves to bring a better society, and they make it. Take a look at Einstein, who proposed the relative theory, had once work as a civil servant.
Simply put, it doesn't matter how you raise your children, the key point lays in themself, as human being have a fantastic skill, learning. The socity is changing all the time, what we have learned during our childhood would be fall out of date when we grow up. Even if we have mastered the knowledge now, it will develop soon into another that may be totally different from the original one. There is no short cuts, if someone wants to make a contribution to the society, he must learn to master the up to date skill or knowledge, with  a little bit creative, which may have relate to the way he was brought up but no all. The true respectable people are the ones who sacrifice themselves to the progress of us mankind. All we have to do is handing down the spirit of self sacrifice and they will come up in time.
Assumed that we have found the best way to raise children who can help bring about a better society, we still have many problems to accur(?). No one knows what a child will become one day, the president or the dentist. If we have raised 10 children to be perfectly good at being a dentist, but the truth is we only need 5 doctors, what would the rest of them to be? Moreover, we are not the on that socialize these children, the society itself turned them into the man it needs. Our interfering would probably lead to the dead end.
In a word, the rules of society are a box which we will never know what's in the box unless we are in it. To bring about a better society, the way how people raise their children is one factor but the most important thing is to obeying the rules.

This article was created by ID:poatler independently at 2011/1/18,   confirm letter number: 8850000000541307. All rights reserved







楼上G友的习作：当中观点纯属个人观点，请大家多多对我的用词还有分析角度进行argue，


Is the destiny of society determined by the way that children are socialized? And do we haven’t learned how to bring up children with the ability to build a better society just as the statement shows above? In my view, the answers to these two questions are negative.(it is good to start the issue with a trap)

To the first question, admittedly, the socialization of children takes positive effects to build a well-being society. Social experience and interacting with people is what helps to form an individual's personality or an individual's emotions, thoughts, and behavior. A child without socialization may (suffer from lacking)lack the ability of communicating with others, the awareness of cooperation and become more and more selfish. Nowadays, most children are the only son of a family. If living in their solitary world all the time, we should even pray if he doesn't grow up to be a normal people, let alone count on him to make contribution to the society. And then the society will lose vigor(excellent word) and hope.

However, it isn’t the only way nor the most important way to determine the future of the society. The speaker overemphasis the significance of the socialization. Firstly, socialization is not so important for children’s growth. One apt(good) illustration of this point involves the story about Helen Keller. A serious illness left her deaf and blind when she was very young. So that she couldn’t get into(it is better to use the phrase fit in) the society and communicate with other children. But with the help of the teacher and her own hard working, she grew up(turned out) to be a famous author, lecturer, and a political activist and also made great contribution to blind welfare and education career. Secondly, there are many other factors that may effect the society’s destiny such as advanced technology, normative legal system and so on. Only with the organic combination of socialization, science, justified laws and many of    working factors can the society be prosperity and stability.

To the second question, the author’s opinion is that we haven’t learned to teach children the way to construct a better society. I think that it’s essential to definite “better society”. In my view, it means a society with well cooperation, communication and harmony which can tolerate different opinions and different cultures so that people in it(its people) can make their own value at the most extent and get on well with the nature. In our present society, we cooperate with different countries to make the economic boom. We respect every people and encourage innovation. We also begin try to protect the environment while developing economy. Though we don’t do perfectly, at least we have learned to recognize(aware of) our own mistake and try hard to correct it. Then with no successful education, how can we realize all these above?

In conclusion, though I admit that how children are socialized influence the density of the society in some sense, it’s neither the only one nor the most important factor that determines the society’s future. (good sentence structure)And at the same time our now(better to use the word present) education is effective and helpful to raise children to bring up a better society

Personally speaking, the writer explain the issue separately. Cut the topic into better society and the way people raise child. The HC example is convincing and impressive. Somehow, I think the author’s idea is a little bit on the surface, and the words(508) is not enough for a good issue work.

pavUID: 2667136

issue 130  How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.


The statement consists of two claims that the socialization of children is crucial to the development of our society; therefore, to build a better society requires us to raise children in a right way which we have not found yet. I fully acknowledge the former one and as to the latter one, I contend that we have done almost perfect in the family level and the school level, but in the society level it is far from satisfactory.

First of all, no one can deny that children are set to take over the society from the old generation. The destiny, that is to say the future of the society is always in the hand of the children. Before they can do so, they need to be a part of the society first. And how children are socialized means how we taught them to learn the skill they need, the culture of the society and the spirits cherished by its people so as to enable them to live within the society and be a member of it. It covers almost every corner in this society, ranging from the ability to read, write and communicate with others to the lessons from the history and to the genuine emotion among peoples. After being cultivated in the furnace of society, children’s ability will be skilled; their psyche will be mature and eventually exert their impact on the progress of our society.     

But whether we raise them in the right way or not may varies from one to another. If we consider this in three levels, that is, the family level, the school level and the society level. I found the answer clear and sound.

At the family level, except in the case of family abuse, the effort we make to the socialization of children is quite enough and successful. From the parents and relatives, children can learn the ability to speak, to write, also, many of the principles, lessons and experiences are told by the family members. Although there are exceptions, what the children inherited from the family members are lasting and it will influence one’s judgment of other things throughout his or her life.

At the school level, the process of socialization in this period is more academically oriented. Children are taught with not only the skills they need to survive in this society such as communication and cooperation but also the skills to serve the society, which is one’s expertise. Moreover, modern education pays more attention to cultivate children’s abilities which conclude the ability to deal with failure, the ability to create, etc. than the specific skills. Albert Einstein once said “education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” From this aspect, we can conclude that the education system is going towards the right direction.
  
However, at the society level, it is quite disappointing that mass media does not play a proper role in socialization of children. Admittedly, media, mainly TV and the internet are sources of information that enjoy the advantage of fast speed and wide coverage. However, these media are over commercialized and contain elements of violence and drug to attract eyeballs, which will be deleterious to children. Moreover, modern study shows that indulging in TV and internet may make children less creative since almost all the answers to the questions that children may meet can be searched with ease. Consequently, everyone’s answer will be similar and the society will stop progressing.

In conclusion, our society is progressing because of the new generations. How they are raised or socialized means a lot to the future. To make them less exposed to these harmful information and let them think independently may be the right way to raise them.

This article was created by ID:pav independently at 2011/1/18,   confirm letter number: 8850000000523005. All rights reserved.




No one can deny the fact that children are the future of our society, in the meantime, the children socialization period is one of the most important factors. However, it is （it is 应该去掉吧）not only parents or their relatives or their teachers raise them, but also themselves （they themselves）can have an impact on what kind of person they are going to be. Although we may have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, these youngmen could adopt themselves to fit in （adopt 和fit in重复了吧）the society and help build a better society at the same time.

It is no doubt that the way people raise children would have a great influence on them, on the other hand, no one can teach everything to their offsprings. When Newton was a herdboy, his parents barely heard of science, all they have to do is to look after those sheep. By chance, he had a chance to read a book about science, which opens the door of science for him. Later on, he became the greatest physicist on the planet at that time. Newton wasn't wonderfully raised, but he made a great contribution to the world. In the old days, the way children raise children is not as well as today. However there are still great people who could see the social needs and devoted themselves to bring a better society, and they make it. Take a look at Einstein, who proposed the relative theory, had once work as a civil servant.

Simply put, it doesn't matter how you raise your children, the key point lays in themself, as human being have a fantastic skill, learning. The socity is changing all the time, what we have learned during our childhood would be fall out of date when we grow up. Even if we have mastered the knowledge now, it will develop soon into another that may be totally different from the original one. There is no short cuts, if someone wants to make a contribution to the society, he must learn to master the up to date skill or knowledge, with  a little bit creative, which may have relate to the way he was brought up but no all. The true respectable people are the ones who sacrifice themselves to the progress of us mankind. All we have to do is handing down the spirit of self sacrifice and they will come up in time. （这一段你其实想说不管小孩被怎么样培养，他们还是可以自学成才，但是我感觉有些说的偏离你的本意了。。。你讲了我们为什么要学习云云。。最后一句话没看懂）

Assumed that we have found the best way to raise children who can help bring about a better society, we still have many problems to accur(?).（是不是想表达problems will still occur?） No one knows what a child will become one day, the president or the dentist. If we have raised 10 children to be perfectly good at being a dentist, but the truth is we only need 5 doctors, what would the rest of them to be? Moreover, we are not the on that socialize these children, the society itself turned them into the man it needs. Our interfering would probably lead to the dead end.

In a word, the rules of society are a box which we will never know what's in the box unless we are in it. To bring about a better society, the way how people raise their children is one factor but the most important thing is to obeying the rules.

这篇issue包含着两个论断，我觉得必须都有回应，但是你通篇是在回应第二句话，个人感觉还是有些不妥的吧。而且你对于第二句话的回应----不管我们怎么教育，小孩也能自学成才，我觉得有些偏离题目的本意了吧（当然issue写的范围可以很广，感觉而已，我们可以探讨一下~~）

greoge007UID: 2865153

130、How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Our children are future pillar of the nation. It is true that how we raise our children partly influence the destiny of society. At the same time, it is too absolute to say that we haven't developed a system to help socialized a better children yet.

The term "socialized" means that the way to efficiently, positively emerge in the society with both high IQ and EQ.

For children who are well-socialized, they can easily deal with social affairs and communicate with others. Thus resulting a optimistic personality and forming a positive attitude towards the surroundings. For instance, many people in rural areas are not well-educated but they face with the real society frequently. They are not pessimistic about their education level, however they handle the hardship in means of their socialized thinking. They bravely go to the cities to fight for their future careers.

For children who are not well-socialized, they simply confine to the knowledge circle of the text books and without regarding how in reality does the society work. They don't know during the lifelong learning process they can learn much more from social practice such as social investigation, social hours and so on. In the information explosion era, we can't surely say that the information what children collect are well-filtered. If children don't share their opinions with others but indulge themselves in these unhealthy or misleading information, it will be dangerous to their mental health development and the destiny of society. For example, the clown in the movie "The Bat Man" is a not well-socialized man who with a high IQ but a low EQ. He inevitablely will grow up to be a harmful worm to the society.

In modern education system today, educators do not simply focus on teaching text books, there are many clubs, social activities, international exchange programs which are beneficial for children to learn to cooperate, communicate, and take up the responsibities. All these help cultivate a well-developed person who can help to portray a colorful blueprint of the society. However, we can't safely say that this system without any flaws. If the system were invulnerable to some degree, there would be few crimes exist in the society. Thus it is to say that, there are many factors determing the process of children’s' socialization. Maybe the influence from family violence, divorce of the parents or the negative lure from peers will fluctuate the destiny of the children as well as the society.

From the above, we are sure about the way we raise our children is the reflection of the destiny of society. But we can't neither say that we totally manage the way we raise children, nor can we say that we haven't not yet learned how we raise children. Children’s' socialization are important, for we definitely don't want to see that kind of sense: non-socialized children grow up to commit crimes with high intelligence.


created by tumour~~This article was created by tumour independently at 2011/1/18.  Confirm letter number of GRE AW test :8850000000513299.  This article only can be used for study and exchange individually. All rights reserved.





以下是对楼上文章的一点拙见：
The speaker contends that not only society's destiny hinges on how juveniles are socialized but also we have not yet learned how to construct juveniles who can help bring about a better society. In my view, I deeply affirm that neither (how) juveniles are socialized determines the destiny of society nor juveniles can't construct a better society.(开头不错，既精炼地提出了原作者观点，同时表达了自己的观点，不过好像对题目第二点那个我们还没有方法培养表达自己观点，硬伤)

First of all, the term socialization refers to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it. For the juvenile it provides the skills and habits necessary for acting and participating within adult society. However, if a child is offered insufficient opportunities to communicate with people around him like his peers or with the society in which he is growing, he or she will be more likely to grow up to be one anti-social or adults. There is no denying that children need to communicate with the same-age people as much as possible.
If they take too much time to stay with adults, they may be affected by the adults and try to learn adults’ actions which should lead them have some behaviors of adults at an early age.
（感觉这里少东西，否则上面学习成人做法例子有点唐突, 最好加点学习成人做法的坏处之类的）From the angle of psychology, the lack of communication among the same-age people will form a kind of habit or mentality which make children hardly acceptable or recognized by others. If so, they will likely to show autistic or self-centered.

In addition, how a person is socialized is actually one factor among those influencing his own contribution to a better society.（你原文说一个人如何社会化，是影响他对更好社会的贡献的一个因素。下文又说优秀领导等创造更好社会的原因不是因为他们怎样好的社会化，而是他们具有其它要求的特征。转得有点厉害，这个过渡没有写好，以至于下文的举例我感觉和你论点缺乏逻辑关系） Great leaders in politics or social movement contribute a lot to creating better society not because they are well socialized but they have some other required characteristics like some religious pursuit or strong appetite for knowledge. For example, Mother Teresa, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, dedicated the majority of her life to helping the poorest of the poor（貌似有点重复） in India. Mother Teresa said that “I will do more than belong and will participate.” （个人建议例子之间有过渡外加自己的议论，否则感觉有点堆砌例子的感觉）Franklin, a great scientist who invented lightning rod to broke the superstition about the disaster of thunder. On the face of it, socialization is only one factor that influences the progress of society, while an individual（individual pursuit） is the basic of social progress and will ultimately contribute to a better society.（最好写在前面过渡处，然后在结尾处再点一下）

In such a modern era, if we define a society as one which is characterized by greater acceptance with different viewpoints or people, great respect for individual human rights and greater cooperation across different cultures, then contemporary children and the their following generation will be creating a better society. Today’s society can be defined as a nice one, since it allows free communication. For instance, Peking Opera, unique artistic forms of china, is welcomed in many foreign countries while many famous foreign musicals also make their performances in China. And in the social life, we can hear many different viewpoints from different people on one issue, and talk about it together. The same in the politic aspect, the country leader usually visits other countries to promote the state political relations and mutual credit. （这段你想表达现在的好的社会现象开放啊，相互交流啊之类的，有什么用意？看不出来）

Just as I have demonstrated in the above, I consent to this issue merely because the key determinant is that children grow up （to be?）effective leaders and they will learn that our society’s benefit to contribute better society. （什么意思？没看懂，感觉句子有问题）（还有开头你说反对作者观点，后来又consent to this issue，逻辑有点混乱）

整体感觉过渡时导致逻辑有点乱，另外你语言上表达还不错，以上仅是个人意见，若有出入恕我水平有限~！希望对你有所帮助！

原地兜风UID: 2812262

There is no denying to the fact that children are the foundation of the future of society. How they are raised plays key role in bringing about a better society. However, I think some unfavorable aspects exist in the way which we educate junior. If it is not, we have lived a better life at present without facing the financial crisis.

In the first place, I want to mention that the current system of exam is unfair in selecting students to access to higher education. The whole process of exam is like a host of candidates taking lots of paper tests and their work is judged by simple number. As a matter of fact, the inherent value of a person may not be fully presented in the test, because the possibility exists that someone possess good memory and hence it is easier for him or her to gain a higher score. Another phenomenon can't be ignored is that a series of exams are designed to test the students so they have to perform well in both tests. However, it is not uncommon to see a brilliant human who may develop breathtaking theory in a curtain subject is excluded from further education for the reason that this man is not versatile and the average score is low, losing advantage when compared to other competitors.

Further, the curriculum offered by the schools should be evaluated. In this day and age, there is a trend that schools prefer to give their students more practical skills which will help the graduated gain a better position in the job market. This behavior seems reasonable but many headmasters just dismiss the development of social subject for the sake of a good reputation of school, because they want to urge their students to gain more practical skills. It is a common sense that a responsible and capable citizen needs not only professional skills but also a sense of obligation. Apparently, the school education just ignores the mental health of junior and they should establish subjects to mold integrity, brave and equal personality of their students.

Last but not least, certain concern should be raised on the way of household educating their children. In contemporary society, with the progress of science and engineer technology, parents always offer luxury living conditions for their child. However, this behavior will definitely impede the mold of characteristic of juvenile, which should be discouraged. The competition in society tends to be fierce and cruel, living in an ease and convenient atmosphere, the offspring can't undertake the responsibility to bring about a better society.

In sum, we can easily reach the consensus that how children are socialized is crucial to the society and more improvements should be constituted in order to construct a better society.

写之前未参考提纲，觉得写得有点陈腐也许还有点跑题，逻辑也不严密，先贴上吧，到时候再补一篇


Our children are future pillar of the nation. It is true that how we raise our children partly influence the destiny of society. At the same time, it is too absolute to say that we haven't developed a system to help socialize a better child yet.

The term "socialized" means that the way to efficiently, positively emerge in the society with both high IQ and EQ.(这句不是很懂)

For children who are well-socialized, they can easily deal with social affairs and communicate with others. Thus resulting an optimistic personality and forming a positive attitude towards the surroundings. For instance, many people in rural areas are not well-educated but they face with the real society frequently. They are not pessimistic about their education level; however they handle the hardship in means of their socialized thinking. They bravely go to the cities to fight for their future careers.(这句逻辑上感觉没什么用)
(这一段写了well-socialized的优点，例子却似乎突出了education与personality的无关，值得商榷)
For children who are not well-socialized, they are simply confined to the knowledge circle of the text books and without regarding how does the society work in reality. During the lifelong learning process, they don't know they can learn much more from social practice such as social investigation, social hours and so on.(social hours没有查到) In the information explosion era, we can't surely say that the information what children collect are well-filtered. If children don't share their opinions with others but indulge themselves in these unhealthy or misleading information, it will be dangerous to their mental health development and the destiny of society. For example, the clown in the movie "The Bat Man" is a not well-socialized man who with a high IQ but a low EQ. He will inevitably grow up to be a harmful worm to the society.(这个例子好像没有很好的反应你的观点，你想说的是不良信息的危害吗？)

(这一段写了not well-socialized的缺点)
In modern education system today, educators do not simply focus on teaching text books, there are many clubs, social activities, international exchange programs which are beneficial for children to learn to cooperate, communicate, and take up the responsibilities. All these measures(these后面我感觉应该加个名词) help cultivate a well-developed person who can help to portray a colorful blueprint of the society. However, we can't safely say that this system is without any flaws. If the system were invulnerable to some degree, there would be few crimes exist in the society. Thus it is to say that, there are many factors determining the process of children’s socialization. Maybe the influence from family (domestic推荐) violence, divorce of the parents or the negative lure from peers will fluctuate (affect有这个用法，但没有见过fluctuate) the destiny of the children as well as the society.
(这一段写了一些socialized measures，同时指出不足)
From the discussions above, we are sure about the way we raise our children is the reflection of the destiny of society. But we can neither say that we totally manage the way we raise children, nor can we say that we haven't yet learned how to raise children(这句感觉只要后半句就够了，整体有点画蛇添足的意思). Children’s' socialization is important, for we definitely don't want to see that kind of scene: non-socialized children grow up to commit crimes with high intelligence.
(整体而言，应该可以论证的更深入一些，我只是一家之言，嘿嘿，拣有用的看吧)

lucky惠starUID: 2877406

The socialization of an individual refers to that the process of inheriting norms, culture or other traditions. It provides the individual with the skills and habits necessary for adjusting to their society. I concede that children’s socialization could decide on the prosperity of a society to some extent, but it’s not the only reason. In addition, I take exception with the statement when it comes to the second statement.
The extent of children’s socialization symbolizes the prosperity of a society. There’s no doubt that outstanding qualities of a nation would stimulate its development. As we all know, every country has the essential spirit that was cherished by all the people of the country. American is the classical example of this case. The equality of right allows every individual in American to pursue his happiness that he could attain successful only not to harm other’s interests. This distinct personality was instilled to their children by their parents in the youth. And American became the strongest nation in the world, especially in the academic research. There once was a notable profession to commence improvement of American who relies largely on the personality such as curiosity to the world and equality. So I would draw a conclusion that each good conventional quality was passed on to children would boost a nation’s development.
The destiny of a society would not only be determined by children’s socialization, but relies on other factors such as a leader of a society. The leader’s strategies that administer a nation have a tremendous impact to the society. A wisdom strategy leads to a stable society and the opposite incites/invites different harms??. Hitler, the precursor of the Nazi party, starts the World II. Nazi forces engaged in numerous violent acts during the war, including the systematic murder of as many as 17 million civilians,[3] including an estimated six million Jews targeted in the holocaust. The prisoners of war, people with disabilities, homosexuals,, and other political and religious opponents. A leader, especially dictatorship, always place dominance over a country, and people in this country miss the right he deserved.
While I concede that children’s civilization could make a contribution to a good society. Yet, as a parent, they also don’t know how to bring about a better society. Racial discrimination overwhelmed most White people in a society until Martin Luther struggle a right with Negro and successfully abolished the unequal rights as a result. However, before the abolishment of slavery, the white children learned the conduct that how to treat a black man from their parents. They wouldn’t polite to the black people, even to scorn them. Is this a good behavior to made a better society. Absolutely not. If this ambience not relieves and the conflict arises, the result can be solved only through violence.
It is indisputable that children stand for the promising future of a society. But the improvement of a society requires a quality well in creativity which fails to instruct by their parents.



楼上习作的修改意见：个人观点，仅供参考……

There is no denying to the fact that children are the foundation of the future of society. How they are raised plays a key role in bringing about a better society. However, I think some unfavorable aspects exist in the way which we educate junior ( 这个应该是当……的时候吧 ). If it is not, we have lived a better life at present without facing the financial crisis.（这句话不是很明白）
（说说这一段的感受哈：感觉好像社会化的定义没有弄清楚吧，即使你要说教育，你也应该说明白教育与社会化之间的关系）

In the first place, I want to mention that the current system of exam is unfair in selecting students to access to higher education. The whole process of exam is like a host of candidates taking lots of paper tests and their work is judged by simple number. As a matter of fact, the inherent value of a person may not be fully presented in the test（通过考试呈现是不是更好？）, because the possibility exists that someone possess good memory and hence it is easier for him or her to gain a higher score. （知道你这里想说有更好的记忆力但是没有能力，得说明吧，要不然别人可以认为有能力的人也有很多有好记忆力）Another phenomenon can't be ignored is that a series of exams are designed to test the students so they have to perform well in both tests. However, it is not uncommon to see a brilliant human who may develop breathtaking theory in a curtain（这个单词？） subject is excluded from further education for the reason that this man is not versatile and the average score is low, losing advantage when compared to other competitors. （这段我觉得理说的还行，可是没有说服力，比较空洞，主要是没有展开论证，我觉得这个可以从官方六分中好好学习下的~）

Further, the curriculum offered by the schools should be evaluated. （记住，每段的开头是统领这一段的，被评估了，结果怎么样呢）In this day and age, there is a trend that schools prefer to give their students more practical skills which will help the graduated gain a better position in the job market. This behavior （感觉不对，不知道是不是+--）seems reasonable but many headmasters just dismiss the development of social subject for the sake of a good reputation of school, because they want to urge their students to gain more practical skills. （你看看这两句话，有逻辑吗？）It is a common sense that a responsible and capable citizen needs not only professional skills but also a sense of obligation. Apparently, the school education just ignores the mental health of junior and they should establish subjects to mold integrity, brave and equal personality of their students.
（论证很无力~而且我觉得扯远了……）
Last but not least, certain concern should be raised on the way of household educating their children. In contemporary society, with the progress of science and engineer technology, parents always offer luxury living conditions for their child. However, this behavior will definitely impede the mold of characteristic of juvenile, which should be discouraged.（我觉得你应该说的具体点，什么特点，这样会更有让别人看了有一个清晰的认识） The competition in society tends to be fierce and cruel, living in an ease and convenient atmosphere, the offspring can't undertake the responsibility to bring about a better society.（逻辑上不紧凑，他缺少特质就不能承担责任了？这是什么逻辑，老美看完不是崩溃了吗）

In sum, we can easily reach the consensus that how children are socialized is crucial to the society and more improvements should be constituted in order to construct a better society.（这个和你的第一句也太相似了吧，貌似结尾应该升华的……）

你自己也说是草草了事的，所以呢，以后认真写好让别人改吧，问题再说下
语言方面我不多说，主要是逻辑上，首先觉得确实有点偏，你把社会化分散开可以，但是最后要点题啊，你没有，然后就是文章的那个没有说服力，说理很空洞，逻辑不严谨……
总之，第一篇，加油咯~~~~~~~

saybia1993UID: 2625112

帮Shirin 发的


A person's socialization can be regard as one's maturity,ability to communicate and shouder responsibility.How children are socialized decide them how to deal with things,treat people,which connects to the dvelopment of society,the destiny of society. But how to equip these capability to become socialized —one is education,the other is society itself.
Through education children learn to research and explore,absorb knowledge,come to know what is virtue then form one's own perception, which is the foundation of socialization.When graduated from school go to the real world ,one can feel the atmosphere and certain demands of society and realize what truly need to do in order to make contribute to the society.This is the process to become socialized  However,nowadays the conditions of education and society both run far away.As similar mode of education throughout schools,mechanically infused knowledge and rigid teaching method make students become dull children who are lack of questions and creativity .Less of them holds unique perception.Meanwhile,pursuing of high mark also inhibit children's intellectual interest which misleading the purpose  What about the society?Profit,all is about profit.Personal interests domain almost every field,the temption of making huge profit force them betray honest,fabric illusion,lie to heart. People learn from failure not to improve themselves to become stronger but to look for greater power to depend,fantasize success without hardworking.  People lost even the basic virtue ,let alone take on liability.T  It's a bit gratified that examples like Bill Gate ,Steve Jobs give us a beam of light.They perfectly combine intellectual interest and commercial benefit together.In spit of well-educated background,both of them went through dirtressed experiences which meant no less than disaster.But they doesn't submit to fate and finally overcame it :Gates built the Microsoft empire ,Jobs creats the apple myth.  
While I think we need more well-rounded education system not only emphasized knowledge acquiration but also spiritual construction.A child isn't a vase to be filled but a fire to be lit.I do believe we also need to look for balance between physical and moral .Don't be afraid to meet difficulties,don't waiting for the storm to pass,but learn to conquer it ,enjoy it which may become a great wealth o  
Don't be afraid to meet difficulties,don't waiting for the storm to pass,but learn to conquer it ,enjoy it which may become a great wealth of society push forward society to be a better one.

DorisMaUID: 2929531

The assertion that the degree that the children are socialized today determines the density of society, from my perspective, has neglected other groups of people and factors which might play more crucial roles in building up the society. Besides, I also hold the point of view that we have already learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, which is contradictory to the speaker's claim.

We have to concede that children are the future of the society, but do they determine the society significantly? In my opinion, children are only part of the society; other groups of people also influence its quality. The older ones are the guidance of the development of the society, owing to their great amount of experience; they could direct us into the correct orientations. They are also the heritage of the culture, thus what they impart could be called nothing but classical. What's more, since they have gone through the longest than any of us, they have seen the way the society develops. As a consequence, they have more priority to announce how the development of the society should be promoted. Nevertheless, the ones who really determine the density of the society most are the adults. Adults are working in every corner of the world, utilizing their various talents and skills in different industries. They carry the most responsibilities of the society due to the fact that most of the wealth are created by them. Meanwhile, adults' behaviors and thoughts also have great influence on the economics, the spirit and the culture of the society, and moreover, on the next generation, in other words, the future of the society. Therefore, it is not exactly to maintain that children are the determination of the density of society.

Of course, we could never deny that children's great significance to the society. After all, their behaviors now suggest what they might behave in the future. Thus it might be possible to infer what the future would be like. But is sociability the only factor that decides their future? Obviously, many other factors play, we might say, even more important roles. Being socialized means being cooperative, accommodating, political, etc. Admittedly, well socialized children could be easily cultivated to become the mainstream of the society, which means they could turn out to be great educators, politicians, sociologists, officials, leaders, etc, who would lead the society to a world of peace and harmony. But if the world is only constituted by these people, it would never be called a society. A society must include scientists, doctors, engineers, etc. Only with sociability, these groups of people would never fulfill their responsibility. They must acquire enough knowledge of science and technology and be capable of handling human's practical problems by practicing knowledge. What the Industry Revolution has brought us has already testified the importance of science and its fruit--high efficiency in productivity has flourished the society in an unimaginable speed. What we are enjoying today are all due to the development of science. Thus we could tell that without the base of science, nothing could function in this world.

I also do not agree with what the speaker asserts that we do not know how to cultivate children into bringing about a better society. First of all, what does "better" mean? Here, the word better means improvement. Has not the world been improving all the time? Since the human beings appeared in ancient time, we had acquired cultivation and hunting. Afterwards, words and languages had emerged, resulting in the records of the culture, and followed by the appearance of poems, songs and the literatures. Not only the material world has gone through great improvement, the spirit has also fulfilled our souls. Continually, people started to discover the nature from a scientific view. People had been on the journey of detecting the world and our own. When faults had proved to be wrong, and truth had finally been born, people began to discuss a brand new subject--philosophy, in which people are observing the life and the wonders of cosmos. Until now, with the emergence of the information age, our life standard has reached a height which could never be imagined before. And I do believe that our life would turn into a much better one. All the above has shown that we have mastered how to educate the next generation to bring about a better society.

In a nutshell, the speaker's point of view that how children are socialized today are of great significance to the future of the society and that we do not understand how to make the next generation capable of improving the world into a better place is totally wrong. Because other aspects are also the key elements in society and we have mastered the way to bring about a better society.  And I do believe that with our efforts, our world would turn out to be a much better one in the near future.
This article was created by ID:DorisMa independently at 2011/1/18.  Confirm letter number of GRE AW test : 8850000000475863.  This article only can be used for study and exchange individually. All rights reserved.



楼上的习作~~（请这位同学复制到自己的word里看吧~我调了半天还是这样，重新发帖也是这样，不好意思~~实在看不到跟我联系，我发给你~~）
A person's socialization can be regarded as one's maturity, ability to communicate and shoudering responsibility. How children are socialized decides them how to deal with things, and how to treat people, which connects to the dvelopment（拼写） of society, the destiny of society.（这个connect用的。。。整句话有点奇怪） But how to equip these capability to become socialized —one is education, the other is society itself.（典型的chinglish!）（第一段没有点明自己的立场丫~）
Through education children learn to research and explore, absorb knowledge, come to know what is virtue then form one's own perception, which is the foundation of socialization. When graduated from school and go to(step into) the real world ,one can feel the atmosphere and certain demands of society and realize what truly need to do in order to make contribute(contribution) to the society. This is the process to become(of becoming) socialized.  However, nowadays the conditions of education and society both run far away. As similar mode of education throughout schools, mechanically infused knowledge and rigid teaching method make students become dull. Children who are lack of questions and creativity .Less(Few) of them holds(去掉) unique perception. Meanwhile, pursuing of high mark also inhibit children's intellectual interest which misleading the purpose  What about the society? Profit, all is about profit. Personal interests domain（domain有动词意思吗？请教） almost every field, the temption（temptation） of making huge profit forces(force to do) them betray honest, fabric illusion, lie to heart. People learn from failure not to improve themselves to become stronger but to look for greater power to depend on, fantasize success without hardworking.  People lost even the basic virtue ,let alone take on liability. T??  It's a bit gratified that examples like Bill Gate, Steve Jobs give us a beam of light. They perfectly combine intellectual interest and commercial benefit together. In spit(spite) of well-educated backgrounds, both of them went through dirtressed(What does it mean??) experiences which meant no less than disaster. But they doesn't(!!) submit to fate and finally overcame it :Gates built the Microsoft empire ,Jobs creats the apple myth. (这个只是education，跟本题有什么关系？？！！)
While I think we need more well-rounded education system not only emphasized knowledge acquiration but also spiritual construction.（又是Chinglish！）A child isn't a vase to be filled but a fire to be lit. I do believe we also need to look for balance between physical and moral .Don't be afraid to meet difficulties, don't waiting（原型！） for the storm to pass, but learn to conquer it ,enjoy it which may become a great wealth o？？？  
Don't be afraid to meet difficulties, don't waiting for the storm to pass, but learn to conquer it ,enjoy it which may become a great wealth of society push forward society to be a better one.（感觉作者严重的跑题啊~请先审题再习作！还有，请作者先自己在word里粘一下再往上贴，全是红线啊，有些错误是自己可以改的，不要都让别人给你改。。。比如单复数，人称，还有最要命的空格，作者每句话后都不敲空格呢！最重要的是作者的语法，好多chinglish，请先复习一下语法~~）

zoezjwUID: 2903541

In order to figure out the answer to the question that does the method we socialize children today really determine the tomorrow of our society, we need to take a glance of the meaning of socialization, and consider what kind of society can be regarded as a better one.
        
A child is born in a certain culture, of which the values, norms and customs play a fundamental role in the process of socialization. Being socialized by parents, teachers, and other social members, the child can acquire social skills and learn to behave appropriately in his or her culture, which is of great necessity to everyone as individual building up society. This primary process of teaching and learning directly influence the character and personality of the child, and it is never out of line to compare primary socialization to the root of a tree. Just as a tree takes in nutrition from the root to grow, a child develops his/herself based on the foundation that largely established in the process.

However, what should not be ignored is the fact that the process of socialization does not stop when childhood ends. Primary socialization take up a majority part in the first several years, and as the child grows up to an adult, interacting with other members of society and getting involved in some social groups always outweigh the simple, primary process. There even exists the possibility that one person may substitute his origin patterns with some different norms and values especially when he or she moves into a different culture. A functioning root is far from enough for a luxuriant tree. Without sufficient sunlight and water, or favorable circumstance, the best root can merely do nothing. Imagine a well-educated boy who accidentally makes friends with a group of thieves. Gradually he may acquire the opinion that stealing is a way to make money and try shoplifting under the peer pressure.

Thus, from where I see it, the issue is more about how society as a whole can provide us with a suitable environment to socialized children to become eligible adults as individual members of society than the ways by which their parents and teachers socialize them. Moreover, the destiny of society depends more on the former considering that adults are the leading force of society.

A better society cannot be pursued simply by ensuring that members have learned the basic interacting skills and common values and norms in their own culture. In addition, the process of socialization can be conducted by so many agents, mass media, clubs, schools, etc. that we can hardly have a good control of it. Take Richard Wagner as an example. Wagner is an outstanding composer, conductor, theatre director and essayist, who can reach the standard of “help to bring about a better society”. People all acknowledge Wagner is a great man with his excellent stage works and contributions to the development of opera, but few have more than the vaguest acquaintance with his real personality. Surprisingly, this great man had capricious temper and bad manner, and lack loyalty to his wife and his friends. He even persuaded a friend’s wife to leave her husband and be with him. All these features probably result from shortage of proper education. But this ill-socialized man did bring about the beauty of art, and make contributions to society.

Hence, it bears little significance to argue whether or not we find the way to raise children that can bring about a better society. What really matters is how we form our society to be a more suitable place for “trees” to grow and offer shelter and fruits in return.


This article was created by ID:zoezjw independently at 2011/1/18.  Confirm letter number of GRE AW test : 8850000000525209.  This article only can be used for study and exchange individually. All rights reserved.







改Doris

The assertion that the degree that the children are socialized today determines the density of society, from my perspective, has neglected other groups of people and factors which might play more crucial roles in building up the society. Besides, I also hold the point of view that we have already learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, which is contradictory to the speaker's claim.（用speaker怪怪的，可考虑 the statement above 之类的；另外就是建议尽量用其他词来替换原来题目中的，避免直接用原句。）

We have to concede that children are the future of the（去掉，下同，society作“社会”的意思时不加定冠词，除非有带修饰性定语，如a civilized society）society, but do they determine the society significantly? In my opinion, children are only part of the society; other groups of people also influence its quality. The older ones are the guidance of the development of the society, owing to their great amount of experience; they could direct us into the correct orientations. They are also the heritage (遗产？人不好称为遗产吧，继承者用successor）of the culture, thus what they impart could be called nothing but classical. What's more, since they have gone through the longest than any of us, they have seen the way the society develops. As a consequence, they have more priority to announce how the development of the society should be promoted.（development 和 promote 重复） Nevertheless, the ones who really determine the density of the society most are the adults. Adults are working in every corner of the world, utilizing their various talents and skills in different industries. They carry the most responsibilities of the society due to the fact that most of the wealth are created by them. Meanwhile, adults' behaviors and thoughts also have great influence on the economics, the spirit and the culture of the society, and moreover, on the next generation, in other words, the future of the society. Therefore, it is not exactly（用形容词，exact)to maintain that children are the determination of the density of society.

Of course, we could never deny that children's great significance to the society. After all, their behaviors now suggest what they might behave in the future. Thus it might be possible to infer what the future would be like. But is sociability the only factor that decides their future? Obviously, many other factors play, we might say, even more important roles. Being socialized means being cooperative, accommodating, political, etc. Admittedly, well socialized children could be easily cultivated to become the mainstream of the society, which means they could turn out to be great educators, politicians, sociologists, officials, leaders, etc, who would lead the society to a world of peace and harmony. But if the world is only constituted by these people, it would never be called a society. A society must include scientists, doctors, engineers, etc. Only with sociability, these groups of people would never fulfill their responsibility. They must acquire enough knowledge of science and technology and be capable of handling human's practical problems by practicing knowledge. What the Industry Revolution has brought us has already testified the importance of science and its fruit--high efficiency in productivity has flourished the society in an unimaginable speed. What we are enjoying today are all due to the development of science. Thus we could tell that without the base of science, nothing could function in this world.(这段感觉有点杂，嘿嘿，建议分开来，分别论述children对社会命运的重要性，和单有社会化是不足以推进社会发展）

I also do not agree with what the speaker asserts that we do not know how to cultivate children into (加adults that can) bringing about a better society. First of all, what does "better" mean? Here, the word better means improvement. Has not the world been improving all the time? Since the human beings appeared in ancient time, we had acquired cultivation and hunting. Afterwards, words and languages had emerged, resulting in the records of the culture, and followed by the appearance of poems, songs and the literatures. Not only the material world has gone through great improvement, the spirit has also fulfilled our souls. Continually, people started to discover the nature from a scientific view. People had been on the journey of detecting the world and our own. When faults had proved to be wrong, and truth had finally been born, people began to discuss a brand new subject--philosophy, in which people are observing the life and the wonders of cosmos. Until now, with the emergence of the information age, our life standard has reached a height which could never be imagined before. And I do believe that our life would turn into a much better one. All the above has shown that we have mastered how to educate the next generation to bring about a better society.（这句与你上文有矛盾之处，你前面说决定社会命运的不只是孩子的社会化，还有其他很多因素，那么反过来，社会进步了，并不能说明孩子的教育问题）

In a nutshell, the speaker's point of view that how children are socialized today are of great significance to the future of the society and that we do not understand how to make the next generation capable of improving the world into a better place is totally wrong.（要是totally wrong的话，你的文章第三段就有点矛盾了。。。）Because other aspects are also the key elements in society and we have mastered the way to bring about a better society. （是使社会更美好的方法，还是找到教育好下一代，以使社会更美好的方法？） And I do believe that with our efforts, our world would turn out to be a much better one in the near future.

思路还是挺清晰的，建议可以找些例子作为论证支持，最好再顺顺行文的逻辑~本人拙见，不足之处请多包涵哈！