处女作 argument 1, 大家看看有希望得3分吗

wd_wangdaUID: 2795390

argument 1

1.
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."


In the argument, the memorandum draws a conclusion that the company would be profitable to build the next new store in Plainsville. And then, the memo states an assumption and cites a resent survey to support the conclusion. At fist glance, the memo appears to be somewhat convincing, but further analysis reveals that the assumption is not reliable and the evidences are suspicious. Therefore, the argument is open to doubt.

First of all, the memo assumes that the store would be profitable if it build in Plainsville, because Plainsville has many residents who are highly concern with leading healthy lives. In my point of view, residents who concern with health is not necessary for the store can be profitable, because apart from buying NW’s products, people have other methods to concern with their health. Perhaps most people who live in P prefer walking after dinner or climbing outside at weekends rather than buying NW’s products. As a result, it is more likely that it will not be profitable, if NW decides to build a new store in P.

Even if it is a fact that the store would be profitable to build in the area where residents are highly care a healthy life, another controversy arises. Do the local residences or some tourists who buy the running apparels? What are the uses people buy the shoes and cloths? Perhaps people buy those only because these running clothing is comfortable. Possibly, the local basketball team is popular, and most residences are fans of the team, and thus they buy the exercise clothing only for the favor of the basketball team.But factly do the residences exercise little. Followingly, there are not sufficient evidences to support that people lives in P like to exercise.

In addition, the argument also fails to supply sufficient evidences to support that the schoolchildren in P is a new generation of customers. Although they are required to take part in the program that highly stressed the benefit of exercise, it not means the children are willing to do these boring exercises. Even though the children like to exercise themselves, no evidence indicate that they will buy NW’s products after grown up. For example, perhaps most of these children are used to exercise rather than buy NW’s products to care their health. Furthermore, we do not know the condition after the children earns their own money. Thus, the argument is unwarranted without ruling such possibilities.

Overall, the decision that to build a new store in P is somewhat convincing, but lack more powerful evidences. So, before coming into the conclusion, a more all-around and accurate report should be present. what is more, the author should address all the aspects discussed above, and draw a conclusion logically supported.

wd_wangdaUID: 2795390

自挽，基础超差，真心感谢同学战友提出珍贵意见。。

conglinfeiniaoUID: 2947415

楼主 用什么软件写的  建议你刚开始用office比较好  因为可以避免很多语法错误  。。 because Plainsville has many residents who are highly concern with leading healthy lives这个貌似有点小问题 之后的我没有细看  因为我也在纠结自己的。。。对不住。。。

fangjianruiUID: 2757181

我就说说，lz你作为建议就好。
首先是lz应该要注意词汇的多样性。纵使说文章的最高境界是简洁美，但也不能太平板化吧。
其次lz可以在发帖前先检查语法上错误。

wd_wangdaUID: 2795390

4# fangjianrui 谢谢珍贵意见

wd_wangdaUID: 2795390

3# conglinfeiniao 嗯 3Q 还30多天就考了 才刚刚入门哎