第一周作业（I130 A51） PUMA

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写得不好！请狠批！麻烦了  

                                                                                           argument
51

Merely based on unfounded assumption and doubtful evidences, the writer claims that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. To reinforce the argument, the writer states that the recuperation time of the first group was 40 percent quicker than typically expected. What’s more, the average recuperation time of the second group was not significantly reduced. Finally, compared with the two groups, the patients who are suffering with the muscle strain should be advised to take the antibiotics as part of their treatment. This argument suffers from three logical flaws.

The results of the argument lacks the credibility because of the possibilities of the secondary infections. It dose not tell us whether every patients who diagnosed with muscle strain would meet the secondary infections. The assumption of the argument is unfounded.

The survey of the two groups is not persuasive for the patients of each group may be in different situations. Their gender, age and also the conditions may be different from each other. If the condition of one group is better, the patients’ recuperation time will quicker. So we can not tell if
the antibiotic can make the patients’ recovery faster.

Finally, the writer doesn’t provide us enough evidences about whether the sugar pills will influence the patients’ recovery. Comparing with the two groups, we can not make the conclusion that the antibiotic can make the recuperation time less.

To conclude, the argument stated by the arguer lacks evidence cited in the analysis. To strengthen the statement, the author have to provide more data that the sugar pills will not influence the recovery of the patients. To better evaluate, we need more information about the possibility of the secondary infection and if all of the situation are in the same, the antibiotic can also make the patients recover faster.








ISSUE
130

The author claims that we have not learnt how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. But in my opinion, children are indeed the future of our society, and we have learnt to raise them to make a better future.

Children who are the future of our society play an important role in the development of society. In a long term, we have to spend plenty of time to educate them and make them adapt the environment. When they grow up, they will teach their own children and the society will make the progress in the process.

The only thing we should do is to tell them what the world was like in the history and teach them the techniques that can change the world. Although they received the knowledge from us, they may have different views toward the society. Now we may believe that the society must be developed in this way, in the future, the believes we stack to may be wrong. So what we should do is just teach them how to change the world.

Although there are many problems in society today, our world is still walking to a better future. For example, the people who lived in the agricultural society can not imagine what the industrialized society should be like. We are now living better than the people in the history. In order to bring about a better society, we have to teach them , train them and helm them.

Therefore, I think we have already learnt how to raise a children so that the future will be better. What we must do is give them a better education and make them choose which way to go.
      

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argument51

Merely based on unfounded assumption and doubtful evidences, 第一段作为陈述段，不应该有这样的话，这是一种写法，还有一种写法就是直接指出你所要说的一系列错误的列举，这样的话，下面这一句你就应该说，作者claim的这个是不对的。但是我比较建议第一种写法，毕竟第二种写法是版主想出来的。the writer claims that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. To reinforce the argument, the writer states that the recuperation time of the first group was 40 percent quicker than typically expected. What’s more, the average recuperation time of the second group was not significantly reduced. Finally, compared with the two groups, the patients who are suffering with the muscle strain should be advised to take the antibiotics as part of their treatment. This argument suffers from three logical flaws.

The results of the argument（直接说conclusion就好了吧） lacks the credibility because of the possibilities of the secondary infections. It dose not tell us whether every patients who diagnosed with muscle strain would meet the secondary infections.（在解释一下这句话，说明二次感染和非二次感染是不一样的，怎么不一样了） The assumption of the argument is unfounded.

The survey of the two groups is not persuasive for（since） the patients of each group may be in different situations. Their gender, age and also the conditions may be different from each other.（可以详细说，女性怎么了，男性怎么了，不同年龄段又有什么不同呢？） If the condition of one group is better, the patients’ recuperation time will quicker. So we can not tell if（whether） the antibiotic can make the patients’ recovery faster.

Finally, the writer doesn’t provide us enough evidences about whether the sugar pills will influence the patients’ recovery.（为什么你说sugar pills会影响恢复呢？这要说一下，否则文章就没写什么了） Comparing with the two groups, we can not make the conclusion that the antibiotic can make the recuperation time less.

To conclude, the argument stated by the arguer lacks evidence cited in the analysis. To strengthen the statement, the author have to provide more data that the sugar pills will not influence the recovery of the patients. To better evaluate, we need more information about the possibility of the secondary infection and if all of the situation are in the same, the antibiotic can also make the patients recover faster.
逻辑链：两组患者，第一组有专科医生照看，第二组有综合医生照看——专科医生给吃抗生素，综合医生给糖丸——专科医生组好的快——抗生素有利于二次感染。
先看最主要的错误：由这个实验直接推出抗生素有利于二次感染。这里面又有几个问题，试验是否可靠？病人都是一样的么？都是二次感染么？从这个角度去写，文章中问题找出来了，但是没有主次，ETS要求我们最好按照错误的大小程度来写，而且问题在文章中就只是列举出来了，可以多一些论证的句子，我改作文不太能看来语言，我觉得逻辑还是最重要的把~~每一点多写一些，否则就没有论述，开头结尾多不是考官在意的，中间很重要，扩充一下，写完我们再交流啊~~
只是个人意见啊！！语言的问题~~我也不是很好~~所以。。。语言我觉得可以多样化一些，那种一连串的of可以省一省。
by 小白，还有一篇，明天看吧~~偶还木有写啊！！

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