argu 31题 首段描写 恳请过目

夏夜的未央UID：2939345

题目：


31.The followingappeared in the editorial section of a newsmagazine.

"Some states are creating new laws that restrict the use of of handheld
cell phones by drivers of automobiles. Such legislation, however, is sheer
folly. Although some people with cell phones undoubtedly cause problems on
the road, including serious accidents, the majority do not. Besides,
problems are also caused by drivers who are distracted by any number of
other activities, from listening to the radio to disciplining children.
Since there is no need to pass legislation restricting these and other
such activities, it follows that there is no need to restrict people's
freedom to use a device that they find convenient-or helpful in
emergencies."

一些州正在制定新法律来禁止汽车驾驶员使用移动电话。然而这种立法是很愚蠢的。尽管有些拥有移动电话的人无疑将会在路上引发一些问题，包括严重事故，但大多数人并不会。而且，事故也同样由于因其他行为而分心的驾驶员引发，比如听收音机和管教儿童。由于没有必要通过立法来限制这些行为，因而也没有必要限制人们使用他们认为方便或在紧急时有帮助的设备。


我所写的首段：
       The argument talking about a restrict inusing of the cell phone when driving a car in some states results in theconclusion that it is sheer folly having such a decision , grounding on seemly reasonablecomparison between use of cell phone and other activities, such as listening tomusic, disciplining children, and indefensibly providing the evidence that majoritydrivers would not be influenced by the use of cell phone.

请问： 这样写作为首段可以木？会不会还是有点空虚，没有实质性的分析？还欠缺一些神马？谢谢谢谢

夏夜的未央UID：2939345

自己先顶一下啦@~