作业帖

zerrUID: 3006555

A51

噜噜噜啦啦UID: 2982014

16# zerr
The argument contains several facets that are questionable. First, the reliability and generalizability of the research are open to question. In addtion, the argument assumes a correlation amounts to a causal relationship. The argument also fails to examine alternative explanations. I will discuss each of these facets in turn.（直接指出要害，很干脆的开头）~和我今天拜读的官方范文SAMPLE3很像哦
In the first place, when evaluating the evidence of the research, we find that there are only 25 samples. As we know, most scientific researches shoud be based on a large number of samples. While the quantity of samples mentioned in the argument, in itself, is too small to support the conclusion. Hence, the generalization drawn might not apply to most infants. Besides, there is no information to prove whether the research was limited in certain ways. For instance, was the research limited to a certain city or geographic region? Were the male infants as many as the female? Factors such as these could explain the result of the research and could undermine the reliability of the research results.

In the second place, even if the research was broad enough, the argument remains questionable. The argument presumes that the correlation between the level of melatonin and shyness during infancy means that production of melatonin causes shyness during infancy. But the argument fails to provide sufficient evidence to prove the conclusion. However,（应该改成IN ADDITION吧，是递进，不是转折关系） the family environment and education are also important factors for children to shape their characters, which are not mentioned in the argument. Furthermore, there is also probability that it is the the unfamiliar stimuli that causes shyness during infancy, instead of the increased levels of melatonin.


Finally, even the research result
that production of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy is acceptable, the argument’s author does not provide any evidence to show this shyness will continue in later life and fails to examine alternative reasons. On the contrary, it is likely that the shyness will disappear in later life because of the change of the environment around them or the development of their personalities. Moreover, teenagers are always changing, and the characters of teenagers are much easier to change than adults. It is likely that through participating (加上动词，与后面对称 )a summer camp or reading an inspiring book the teenagers will become more outgoing.

In conclusion, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. The argument could be improved by providing a more convincing research. And it will be more interesting(?是不是想说convincing?) to be given the information about samples, such as the educational environment, family details, and whether they are shy in later life.

全文干脆利落，构架清晰，跳出了几个致命错误，进行了有力的攻击
段内也有递进、转折的链接词，显出逻辑性。
语法错误不多。
已经提炼了较好的模板并进行吸收，不过最好把开头再改一点。

似乎能挑的错误不多啊··看来你对ARGU比较有感觉了，呵呵！
水平尚且如此，如有理解不到位之处，请谅解


不过个人始终有一个问题想请教，“assumes a correlation amounts to a causal relationship”（错误的假设因果关系）
和(fail to examine alternative explanations) 这两点似乎都是一个意思，都是想说并不一定是因为A导致了这个结果，还有可能是其他原因的，那不是几乎是并列的两个段落吗？还有首段没有提到最后一段现在推将来的那个错误（其实这个错误我也写了一段，但是也在考虑是不是要在首段归纳总结一下），这样可行吗？

噜噜噜啦啦UID: 2982014

咦？我粘贴上去还有好多彩色的，发出来居然只剩下两种颜色了。算了，下次给你弄好看一些，呵呵

guiyujuanUID: 2898340

不好意思，来晚了~~

ps. 感谢楼主对我Issue112的修改~~我觉得我的入题点找的不对，请问楼主在写Issue时喜欢用那一种观点？（肯定，否定，平衡？）

zerrUID: 3006555

不好意思，来晚了~~

ps. 感谢楼主对我Issue112的修改~~我觉得我的入题点找的不对，请问楼主在写Issue时喜欢用那一种观点？（肯定，否定，平衡？）
guiyujuan 发表于 2011-3-6 01:05

我基本都是平衡观点。

zerrUID: 3006555

17# 噜噜噜啦啦
"不过个人始终有一个问题想请教，“assumes a correlation amounts to a causal relationship”（错误的假设因果关系）和(fail to examine alternative explanations) 这两点似乎都是一个意思，都是想说并不一定是因为A导致了这个结果，还有可能是其他原因的，那不是几乎是并列的两个段落吗？还有首段没有提到最后一段现在推将来的那个错误（其实这个错误我也写了一段，但是也在考虑是不是要在首段归纳总结一下），这样可行吗？"
这篇是仿满分范文写的，错误也是和那篇的一样。这两个错误，我个人认为可以理解为一个，也可以分为两个，忽略他因几乎是万金油式的错误，在我那个最后一段主要写的是他因的问题，当然也可以理解为错误扩展结论。

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

修改了楼主的I170 写的不错，加油！

夏诺多UID: 2981956

i170.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2011-3-8 08:27:37 上传

下载次数: 0

都快对不上号了。。应该是这篇。。

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

楼主的A51改好了，不好意思，晚了。
写的很给力啊，楼主继续努力，他日必能得高分。

zerrUID: 3006555

a7

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

楼主的文章写的太好了，真的很给力，PF

zerrUID: 3006555

I-56

zerrUID: 3006555

A161

夏诺多UID: 2981956

a7.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2011-3-10 22:52:40 上传

下载次数: 0

guiyujuanUID: 2898340

Issue 17 修改
不好意思，来晚了。。