【甚解小组】【TASK 4】范文开头结尾段分析 FROM M

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Argument test 1: Speed Limits in Forestville
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.

“Six months ago the region of Forestville increased the speed limit for vehicles traveling on the region's highways by ten miles per hour. Since that change took effect, the number of automobile accidents in that region has increased by 15 percent. But the speed limit in Elmsford, a region neighboring Forestville, remained unchanged, and automobile accidents declined slightly during the same six-month period. Therefore, if the citizens of Forestville want to reduce the number of automobile accidents on the region's highways, they should campaign to reduce Forestville's speed limit to what it was before the increase.”

6分：
The agrument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. （第一句就表明态度。）By making a comparison of the region of Forestville, the town with the higher speed limit and therefore automobile accidents, with the region of Elmsford, an area of a lower speed limit and subsequently fewer accidents, the argument for reducing Forestville's speed limits in order to decrease accidents seems logical.


第一句表明态度，然后一句简单概括题中所表达的逻辑关系。最后一句seems logical 表达了貌似符合逻辑，没有强化态度，不过是否是最佳有待商榷吧，最近一直觉得突出TS是很重要的 - -  。

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题目如上


The argument above presents a sound case for arguing that if the region of Forestville wants to reduce the number of automobile accidents on the region's highways, they should consider reducing the speed limit to what it was before the increase in speed limit took place 6 months previously.（同样的一句话概括，较精炼） However, there are some intermediate steps that one could take before jumping to the conclusion that reducing the speed limit is the only way in which traffic accidents can be reduced.（为下文过渡）

However,there are some intermediate steps that one could take before ..... 为下文做铺垫

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At first look, this seems to be a very well presented arguement. A logical path is followed throughout the paragraph and the conclusion is expected. However, upon a second consideration, it is apparent that all possibilities were not considered when the author presented his conclusion (or at least that s/he did not present all of the possibilities).（表态）

没有简单地概括题中的内容，直接作评论，显然不是最佳的方式。

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Argument test 2: Scott Woods
The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a local newspaper.

"Five years ago, we residents of Morganton voted to keep the publicly owned piece of land known as Scott Woods in a natural, undeveloped state. Our thinking was that, if no shopping centers or houses were built there, Scott Woods would continue to benefit our community as a natural parkland. But now that our town planning committee wants to purchase the land and build a school there, we should reconsider this issue. If the land becomes a school site, no shopping centers or houses can be built there, and substantial acreage would probably be devoted to athletic fields. There would be no better use of land in our community than this, since a large majority of our children participate in sports, and Scott Woods would continue to benefit our community as natural parkland."


6、
This letter to the editor begins by stating the reasons the residents of Morganton voted to keep Scott Woods in an undeveloped state. The letter states that the entire community could benefit from an undeveloped parkland. The residents of the town wanted to ensure that no shopping centers or houses would be built there. This, in turn, would provide everyone in the community with a valuable resource, a natural park.


这篇6分作文的开头却并不是最佳，陈述的内容太多，而且开头态度也没有表明，不符合精炼的原则。

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The author's argument is weak.（开篇表明思想） Though he believes Scott Woods benefits the community as an undeveloped park, he also thinks a school should be built on it. Obviously the author is not aware of the development that comes with building a school besides the facilities devoted to learning or sports.


我很喜欢的开头，开篇点题，然后简略说明情况。接着再陈述辩论。

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The argument that the writer is trying to make contains several flaws. First of all, the writer needs to be clear on whether or not he or she wishes to keep Scott Woods in a "natural, undeveloped state." To be natural and undeveloped suggest that Scott Woods is free from anything man-made. It has not been infected with man-made buildings of any kind. The author suggests that the building of a school in Scoot Woods would preserve Morganton's "natural parkland" by preventing the construction of shopping centers and houses. Yet, the building of a school would prevent Morganton from preserving this natural parkland just as shopping centers and houses. While the school may provide substantial acreage for athletic fields, it would be still contributing to pollution, the loss of vegetation and overall disruption to the natural ecosystem of Scott Woods. Consequently, the area would not be a "natural parkland" as the author suggests.


直接第一段就开始论证，感觉上略略缺少一些开头点题，总领全文的部分。不过也许READERS看厌了千篇一律的文章，别出心裁可能会收到不错的效果。

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Argument test 3: Smile Bright
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.

A recent survey of dental patients showed that people who use Smile-Bright toothpaste are most likely to have capped teeth -- artificial but natural-looking protective coverings placed by dentists on individual teeth. Those people who had begun using Smile-Bright toothpaste early in life were more likely to have capped teeth than were people who had begun using Smile-Bright later in life. In addition, those who reported brushing their teeth more than twice a day with Smile-Bright toothpaste were more likely to have caps on their teeth than were those who reported brushing with Smile-Bright less frequently. Therefore, people wishing to avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste.


6、
The argument contains several facets that are questionable. （同样是开篇表明态度。）First, the reliability and generalizability of the survey are open to quesiton. In addition, the argument assumes a correlation amounts to a causal relationship. The argument also fails to examine alternative explanations. I will discuss each of these facets in turn.


同样是简单阐述题中的逻辑关系，满分作文的共同闪光点。

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5、The argument above is not sufficiently supported by the evidence given.（AGAIN，阐明态度。） Arriving at the conclusion that people wishing to avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste is not valid based on the information above.


第一句表明态度很鲜明，然后简言题中所给的逻辑关系。个人觉得有必要为下文做个铺垫。

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This argument has nice examples but is not very logically sound. I'm sure that there are many people that have capped teeth that never used Smile-Bright toothpaste. Has a similar study been done on people using other brands of toothpaste? Also, did all of the patients in the study see the same dentist? Maybe the dentist was faulty. Additionally, were all of the patients from the same geographical area? There could be a problem with the water that causes one to need caps. This argument is not telling all of the pertinent facts.


开篇依然表明了态度，不过作为开头显得陈述得过于累赘，没有提及原文中的逻辑关系而直接开始批判FLAW。直接叙述有很多需要质疑的地方然后再分段讨论更合适。

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Argument test 4: Roller SkatingDiscuss how well reasoned you find this argument.
Hospital statistics regarding people who go to the emergency room after rollerskating accidents indicate the need for more protective equipment. Within this group of people, 75 percent of those who had accidents in streets or parking lots were not wearing any protective clothing (helmets, knee pads, etc.) or any light-reflecting material (clip-on lights, glow-in-the-dark wrist pads, etc.). Clearly, these statistics indicate that by investing in high-quality protective gear and reflective equipment, rollerskaters will greatly reduce their risk of being severely injured in an accident.

Benchmark 6
The notion that protective gear reduces the injuries suffered in accidents seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. After all, it is the intent of these products to either prevent accidents from occuring in the first place or to reduce the injuries suffered by the wearer should an accident occur. However, the conclusion that investing in high quality protective gear greatly reduces the risk of being severely injured in an accident may mask other (and potentially more significant) causes of injuries and may inspire people to over invest financially and psychologically in protective gear.


这篇6分作文并没有开篇直接表示对原题中的逻辑关系的质疑，而是通过接下来的陈述中引入自己的思想。这样既阐述了题中所表示的因果，同时也适时地提出疑问，也让人耳目一新。

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The argument presented is limited but useful. It indicates a possible relationship between a high percentage of accidents and a lack of protective equipment. The statistics cited compel a further investigation of the usefulness of protective gear in preventing or mitigating roller-skating related injuries. However, the conclusion that protective gear and reflective equipment would "greatly reduce...risk of being severely injured" is premature. Data is lacking with reference to the total population of skaters and the relative levels of experience, skill and physical coordination of that population. It is entirely possible that further research would indicate that most serious injury is averted by the skater's ability to react quickly and skillfully in emergency situations.


个人感觉useful的出现有认令人费解。。而且对原文支持的陈述偏多，显得开篇切题不是特别紧。接下来的陈述很精彩，也为下文打好了铺垫。

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Although the argument stated above discusses the importance of safety equipment as significant part of avoiding injury, the statistics quoted are vague and inconclusive.


开篇很有力，只是没有分段，一整个下来。

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Argument test 5: University of ClariaDiscuss how well reasoned you find this argument.
The University of Claria is generally considered one of the best universities in the world because of its instructors' reputation, which is based primarily on the extensive research and publishing record of certain faculty members. In addition, several faculty members are internationally renowned as leaders in their fields. For example, many of the faculty from the English department are regularly invited to teach at universities in other countries. Furthermore, two recent graduates of the physics department have gone on to become candidates for the Nobel Prize in Physics. And 75 percent of the students are able to find employment after graduating. Therefore, because of the reputation of its faculty, the University of Claria should be the obvious choice for anyone seeking a quality education.

SAMPLE-1 (score 6)
While the University of Claria appears to have an excellent reputation based on the accomplishments and reputations of its faculty, one would also wish to consider other issues before deciding upon this particular institution for undergraduate or graduate training.（很喜欢这个开头，有新意而且引出原文逻辑的同时提出了质疑。） The Physics and English departments are internationally known, but these are only two of the areas in which one might study. Other departments are not listed; is this because no others are worth mentioning, or because no other departments bothered to turn in their accomplishments and kudos to the publicity office?


开头很精彩，接下来的质疑和陈述也很有力。不过个人并不喜欢以问句结束的开头，会感觉全文的发散都要围绕这一个问号。不过如果确实是想要批驳的 MAIN FLAW， 这样做也未尝不可。

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While it is true that the facts presented in the above passage contribute to the idea that the University of Claria is a fine university, it can hardly be concluded from the propaganda that the University of Claria is the best university for every applicant. For example, it appears, based on the passage, that the University of Claria is largely a research-oriented university. No where in the passage, however, is the quality of the education discussed. The faculty/student ratio is not discussed. It is largely possible that while many of the faculty are teaching at universities in other countries, the students at U. Claria are left being taught by graduate students or non-doctoral instructors.


开篇表态，分步捋清攻击点，单从思路上很值得借鉴。

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The argument states that anyone who is looking for a quality education should choose The Universtiy of Claria based on the instructors they have to offer. The argument assumes that students can learn better from faculty members who are internationally renowned and who have been invited to universities in other countries to teach. The proof of their argument rests on the fact that two recent graduates have been candidates for the Nobel Prize in Physics, and that 75 percent of their graduates find employment upon graduation.


完全陈述题中含义，没有提出个人的意见。根据前几篇高分作文的经验来说，不是值得借鉴的，为后面的出彩陈述加分增加了压力。