憋了两天憋到内伤...终于憋出了第一篇托福作文。求指导~欢迎打击！

fishduckUID: 2946746

还有一个月考试，终于开动开始写作文了，第一篇，写了两天，请前辈们指导。我不知道自己写的怎么样，没有概念~欢迎打击，欢迎拍砖！！！！

Topic:It is better for children to grow up in the contryside than in a big city.Do you agree or disagree?

Where is better for children to grow up? The contryside or a big city? As the information I have collected over recent years, many couples who settle in cities prefer to send their children to the contryside, where their grandparents live for some certain reasons. But I'm not agree with that. As far as I'm cancerned, living in cities can give children a better environment for their growth.
  Admittedly, air in the contry is clean and people in the contryside is pure. Children can play with their fellows in the nature, with no stress and no worries. Having a simple diet and running everywhere all day also do good to their physical fitness. That's quite good for them.
  However, playing all day in their children possiblely made them have no inspiration for advancing when they are older. In cities, they have more opportunities to learn some knowlege. Children need teachers who have professonal skills to educate them. Teachers will tell them, for instance, it is important to build a proper behaviou at their early age, such as keeping cloth clean, looking at books at a distance of 25 centermeters and being polite to people around them.
  Additionally, as modern society is changing everyday. Children have to know many new things. To enhance their competitiveness in the future. Otherwise, when they come back from the contryside and go to a school, they will find that they are out of world. It will be worse if their classmates jeer at them for a reason that they just don't know what KFC is. Children's self-respect is weak. Parents should give them right to know what's going on of the world.
  To sum up, living in the contryside is a good choice to enjoy life, but not good for children to seek their future. My suggestion is living in cities and going to the contryside, just in vocation.

fishduckUID: 2946746

木有人帮我看看么。。。。