一个新东方老师的献身（作文修改与阅读指导）

西安交大UID: 2723885

131. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.  


          I would prefer to struggle in stone age rather than acquesce that the only criteria to judge success becomes money. It draws controversial discussion on the relationship between money and societal statue. However, is it a truth that the more money, the more successful ,the more respected ? In my point of view, To become a victor does not nessecitate to own billions of dollars. Not only because that money is only a currency, it could measure the depth of one's life, but also due to the comlexity of numerous coincidences in our future. Additionally, what people really weighs is what determinates people's profoundity of a lifelong duration.

           First and foremost, it is rediculous to use a common paper to conclude one's final statue among the relations around. Common sense tells us it is not a patent for rich people to be renowned after death. Conversly, numerous celebrities without even one cent are highly respected by the following generation. In china, most of the poets who  both productive and distinguished always own folk's admiration while they are eventually short for money. The most famous one among them is Li Bai, who ever has been the professional poet uniquely for the emperor. He is a man of good manner and full of literacy talent. Therefore, he often donates and even could sacrefice his favourite compositions. Finally, he died without any wealth. On the contrast, all the civilians from every corner come to condole him. That's an intense glamour from morality but money.

           Second but also worthnoting. We could not only take one criterion to judge a highly complex concept. To some extent, Money could bring us good living condition. But to have a delight daytime, only what it brings transparently could not satisfy. we need more care and concern from our parents, husband, and other family members. we need the affirmation of our work from our boss. We even need to jog after dinner with our pets. Those are all money could not give but they are all, for some people, plays more significant role in daily life. Therefore, It is too superficial to say that making more money makes us more successful.
           Lastly and more importantly, it is unrealistic to apply an universal criteria on billions of folks. Everyone is unique and they have their interest and value towards life and world. They would never know what they want perhaps even till the last minute they live. Like isaac newton, he is truly the greatest inventor, whilst he is also a playboy. He fell in love with numerous his followers and he felt no repentant of that. Hence, what makes he more successful: romance or countless patents? Perhaps both, we could not say any singal one.Anyhow, not only money made him feel so.
           To sum up, due to all the reasons and analysis presented above, we can cautiously make a conclusion that earning more wealth does not make people more successful,Even though they could provide us a better standard of living. To emphisis, our life dose not depend on one thin paper, but various justification,even one we have not realised.

西安交大UID: 2723885

希望老师还可以给我一些复习的方向，最好短期有效果的，非常感谢您的帮助~！

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

请今天和昨晚发作文的同志在星期五晚上之前收取各位的作文~加油加油！生命不息，作文不止！

婧榭居士UID: 2852563

题目：为什么有些学生选择出国留学
Have you ever attended the classes teaching in a total different language? Have you ever shared a dormitory with a foreign student? Have you ever celebrated a festival with your home stay family? Students studying aboard, bearing nostalgia as well as culture shock, may have their own reasons, I suppose.

The first thing they pursue must be knowledge and advanced technology. Some developing countries’ students shipped across the Pacific Ocean, longing for better education. As for me, major in business administration, Princeton is my dream university for its Nobel-prized professors and top institutions. If I don’t go aboard, I can’t improve myself while losing the access of abundant resources and fresh ideas in contemporary academic fields.

What’s more, studying aboard broadens our horizons, thus, communication between people with different culture backgrounds eliminates prejudice towards other countries. Take my friend Kevin, a history-major student from Australia, for example. Before he took the graduate classes in Peking University, China left him the impression of people wearing dim suits, riding bicycles in the narrow paths. Things totally changed after his arrival at Beijing in 2007. Walking on the streets, he was shocked, surprisingly found this energetic city with fancy cars, gorgeous Olympics stadiums and elaborately historical palaces that have been standing still for more 200 years. If back then, he studied in home, he would never meet the modern and prosperous Asian country.

Finally, we can make more friends, who have various religions and around the world, while sharing the love for same hobbies. For instance, Steven, who took a finance study tour in France this summer, chatted with his later commercial partner on the international flight towards Europe, fell in love with his future wife under the Eiffel Tower, and acquired his best friend in a freshmen party. On the contrary, if he didn’t attend aboard study, he would miss this magical experience that benefits for the whole life.


多谢老师先~=）

mydaoqqUID: 3006223

Only movies that can teach us something about real life is worth watching. agree or disagree.

With the development of movie technique, an increasing number of people are willing to enjoy themselves in the cinema. Quite a few obtain much from the movies which are instructive for our real life and tend to deem that only these movies are worth watching. However, I’m fully convinced it’s unfair to assert that none of other kinds of movie is meaningful, among which the recreational movies and the fantasy movies are loved by a great deal of people.
Admittedly, there is no denying the fact that people can learn much about real like after watching movies which is educative. Mr. Gump’s box of chocolate, as it seems, tells us that you will never know what you will get next. The Shawshank Redemption illustrates us that hope, a good thing or may be the best thing in the world, should never be given up. By watching movies, people do have a better understanding of life. Nevertheless, however compelling these cases may sound, they cannot overshadow other functions that movies have.
Among the countless factors which influence my opinion, the first one that can be put forward to favor my ground is that movies play an essential role in entertaining the public who live in the society without much time relaxing. There is a growing tendency that people choose to have a nearly two hours’ wonderful time in the cinema as a routine instead of surf the internet or watching TV programs, which provides a striking case in point that people have enormous fancy on the amusing movies such as Kung Fu Panda et cetera for the reason that the funny appearance like a bunny with long ears, big mouth, and small legs and amusing lines. No wonder, it brings convenience that I cannot get if I miss the comedy film.
Another kind of movie which appeals to people is the Science fiction movies, which promote the new ideas. It’s Harry Potter who bring us to a magical world, in which people fulfill the unfinished dream to use amazing incantations like a wizard. It’s lord of the ring that leads us to feel that we ourselves are hero and are the ones to save the world. The fantasy movies which are appreciated by millions of people all around the world intrigue the creativity of people who is engaged in spontaneous work day after day. There are still many other kinds of movies worth watching, but the two obvious ones have been presented as above.

From what has discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that not only instructive movies but also other movies such as amusing movies and fantasy movies are worth watching. Can you imagine what if we are live in a world without harry potter, tom and jerry etc.

凉言UID: 2996787

Topic：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Does advice given by older people more valuable than from people your age?

Although some people hold the idea that the aged are experienced to give us good advices, from my perspective, it's advices from people of my age that is much more valuable to me. Older people may have more experience than young people, but their knowledge could be out-dated. People of my age, on the contrary, can not only understand my problem better, but also come up with a solution more quickly.

We live in a world in which science and technology develop so rapidly, hence new things spring up like the mushrooms. Older people may don't know what an ipad is and how to use it, so they are not able to give advices about whether I should get one. Nevertheless, my friends of my age know quite a lot about ipad, price, function, and the list will go on. Therefore, he/she can offer me information about what I can do with it. Given the fact that I am faced up with an extremely significant exam, the ipad will be so distracting that I can't be able to focus on studying. He/She recommends me to buy it after the exam. As I said, people my age can understand my situation better to give me proper advices.

What's more, people of my age have a quicker-reaction capability than older people. Any time I run into a rush problem, unlike old people who would like to think twice before doing anything, young people can think faster and come up with a solution quickly. For instance, one time I had trouble allocating my time for my school assignments and the part-time job, so I turned to my friends and my parents simultaneously for help. Soon, my friends suggest that I decrease the amount of time that I do part-time job, and apply it to do school assignments. However, an entire day later my parents offer me a solution to drop the part-time job. In a word, I think advices from people my age are more useful to me.

On the other hand, admittedly, advices from older people have its value to some extent. They have experienced more things than our generation, and that includes difficulties, success, sadness, and failure. They are capable of telling us how to deal with negative emotions and adjusting to a proper attitude. Therefore, along with advices from people my age, we can't deny advices from older people in the meantime.

谢谢老师~~好久不写了。。。感觉再拿起来超级困难

lolarent1988UID: 2866758

老师 还能不能改了////....

s_d890426UID: 2582312

Agree or not:

Social or sports activities should receive the same amount of financial support as the classes and library.

Whether the exercise has the same importance as learning and research is all the time a controversy in modern education policy. Some supposed experts insist that schools should attach much more importance to the study itself stead the different extracurricular activities. Not yet, from my perspective, actually, financial aid should be conferred on the students' activities as much as the learning facilities for at least three reasons.

First of all, not only do the sports itself have significant benefits to our student's health, but give them the opportunity to recognize teamwork and cooperation. A case from my own experience can explain this opinion in detail. I love basketball very much, so do my classmates. Because of that we always spare some time playing basketball on the court once a week, in this way, our bodies are becoming much stronger, as well as our friendship. Sometimes, we sit together before the television to see the NBA basketball game, which is a very efficient mean for us to relieve the unnecessary burden from a day long study. Thus, you can see clearly from my life how important the sports are in a college students' life.  

On the other hand, the social communication can never be dismissed as useless. The final end of university education is to offer his students the indispensible skills and crafts to cope with the hardship and difficulties after his graduating from the university, even only for this reason, the social activities should gain at least the same financial aid as other programs in the university. A persuasive research from an authoritative academic institute apparently demonstrates that the investment on social communication in a university is positively proportionate with the quality of education in this university.  

Finally, except the advantages above, these extracurricular activities can help students relax themselves, which I believe can improve the efficiency of their study and research and help them taste the happiness and sorrow out of the study or even the university.

In conclusion, my viewpoint that some activities should received the equal fund as the study and research is based on reasonable arguments and can never easily change in my mind.

非常感谢！！！

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

没有改作文的，今晚请13、15两楼楼主查收。

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

对了，顺便跟各位豪杰建议一下，最好能留邮箱，不然我发了你们看不见我们就白忙活了，是吧是吧~

waiting1UID: 2997856

谢谢哈。随时关注。^_^ 24# takshikitano

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People would be happier if they had fewer possessions.
1 _# F8 W- G/ G. S" m, k
It’s universally acknowledged that the ultimate goal of survival in this world is happiness and（这个地方需要断句，因为and前后不是一个连贯的意思） with the rapid progress of modern society, more and more people begin to own a myriad of possessions（可以考虑改成the number of people who own a myriad of possession is increasing）. When it comes to the issue that whether people would be happier with fewer possessions, different people hold distinct（一般不用distinct 修饰，不过这个影响不大） opinions. From my perspective（参考第一篇作文的修改，可以考虑去掉，或者更改此类的模板句式）, I agree with the statement/quite support the idea that people with fewer belongings would be happier and I have my reasons.
Admittedly（反驳段一般出现在你的支撑论点结束后，也就是倒数第二段吧，可以考虑一下）, no one can deny that if people want to survive and achieve a good living quality in society, they should possess some items such as dwellings, a certain amount of money and other necessary objects. By virtue（这个词一般含义为道德，美德，贞操，如果想说功效用virtue可能有些偏，virtue做功效一般是比如教育的功效，知识的功效这类的） of these possessions people are able to feel the sense of safety and belonging, afford what they want to buy, and sometimes show their dominant social status as well.
Nonetheless, the more possessions will not consequently bring about the more happiness. And as far as I am concerned, owning fewer belongings could help people avoid unnecessary troubles and worries. Moreover, these people are easier to feel satisfied and grateful about life.( D2 l, h0 R1 V! x
Firstly, possessing fewer things will help people escape many superfluous（这个词用的好！提出表扬一次！） problems and troubles in the family. Examples abound in our daily life. Imagine a large and rich family which has many belongings. Many wealthy people are often perplexed by the question of how to distribute the possessions fairly to every family member after their death. Unequal decisions may destroy the family harmony and lead to serious discrepancies while fewer possessions can avert such quarrels or troubles. Moreover, possessing fewer things will also help people get rid of additional anxieties and worries. Suppose a woman is wearing a piece of extremely luxurious jewelry. She has to pay so much attention to its security that concerns and anxieties even surpass（一般指数量上的超过，这里用个over就很好） the happiness it brings to her. In contrast, a woman with not so many decorations can behave more relaxed and live in a more happy way. . S$ x7 F- T9 T
Apart from being free from the worries and troubles mentioned above, with fewer possessions, people will more easily be contented（不需要加ed） with their life. It is quite common that people with fewer belongings live a rather simple life. They face fewer temptations and therefore have fewer desires or lusts. In contrast, many people with more possessions are prone to become unsatisfied and greedy.
From the analysis above, we can see that fewer possessions bring us more happiness and satisfaction while too many belongings cause unnecessary troubles and worries. It is sensible and necessary for people to strike a balance between possessions and happiness. What else should be also pointed out is that exorbitantly（这个。。。一般指商品的价格太高，过分追求用excessively其实就不错） chasing happiness from possessions will just lead to the opposite to what one wished.
楼主已经充分意识到了托福作文考试需要用一些所谓的难词，但是（如果我不是满口胡言的话）楼主似乎有点“走火入魔”，有一些难词生词其实明显没有出现的必要。建议楼主在学习使用难词的时候重点关注这些词的用法而不是单独的中文解释，关注搭配。另外，从立论上说，题目说的是“更少的财富能不能带来更多的快乐”而不是“更多的财富会不会减少快乐”，但是遗憾的是楼主用了过多的篇幅去描述后一种情况，这是中国考生很容易犯的错误（都怪咱们伟大的中小学发散式语文教育。。。），以后一定要注意，这种问题扣分是很多的哟，加油！期待你的进步！

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

Only movies that can teach us something about real life is worth watching. agree or disagree.
While some people maintain that only movies which reflect our real life are worth watching, as these movies are not superficial in terms of their content, I personally do not hold that it is good idea（这个。。。稍微有点罗嗦可能，直接写四个字I take the opposite view） . Movie（注意要加s哦）, as a carrier（carriers，毕竟不是某一部电影承载着生活，基本是个电影就承载着生活，这不是语法问题，是这个这个。。。嗯。。。逻辑问题，对了，可能carrier不是很准确，推荐使用medium） of our life, should provide the audience with both real and virtual aspects of our world.
（在我们语言不是那么牛X的时候，适当的逻辑连接词还是必要滴）Most of us have dreams. We might want to be like superman and try saving（to save, saving表示你已经试过做超人了。。。我估计你没有） the world, which is absolutely impossible（这个。。。一点都不可能？我代表ETS考官表示楼主有点消极，嚯嚯）; （注意。。。英语是没有分号的，只能用or或者and连接）establish a wonderful relationship with a gorgeous girl, which is so hard or travel to a beautiful country, which is beyond our ability（能不能把这句话的中文告诉我，我看着稍微有点晕，不好意思）. So, how could we achieve them? Maybe, the best way is to watch movies. I love Paris. Its romantic atmosphere, delicious food and living condition are all attractive to me. Unfortunately, I cannot go on a trip to my dream city. My friend Chris once recommended me two movies called Before Sunrise and After Sunset which were shot in Paris. I have watched them countless times since I got the HD edition of them. By watching movies, part of my dreams can come true.
More importantly is the fact that a large number of people regard watching movies as a way of enjoyment（说完大部分人的观点，还得补充你自己的观点哈，这样看起来更清晰）. During the show time, individuals could escape from their stressful work and life troubles. When Avatar was on show last year, I immediately went to the only theater which（which可以不要） offered the IMAX edition of this movie, as（从属分局开头不用as，用because喽） I was a big fan of James Cameron. Besides, I just broke off（时态！这个。。。我有点激动，时态不能错，这里用完成时） with my girlfriend and（I） was eager to find something happy（something make me happy更好）. The experience of watching this picture, indeed, helped me recover from my trauma（这个。。。trauma是外伤。。。难道你们分手的事情。。。对你造成了外伤。。。呵呵。。。还是改成depression这类的吧）. I do not know whether or not I would have gotten rid of my sad memory if I had watched another more realistic movie Aftershock（是否是after shock？否则aftershock是余震的意思。。。）.
Taking all factors into consideration, I still prefer to watch more entertaining virtual films, as our life is filled with lots of stress and anxiety and movies should be a source of entertainment rather than a tool for education. （340）
楼主们，请注意（我以点带面了哈），偏题是共性问题，并且是容易改掉的问题。该题问的是“是不是只有‘现实教育意义’的电影才值得观看”，而不是“为什么娱乐或者商业电影值得观看”，另外呢，楼主有点把“现实教育意义”的电影描述的有点“恐怖”，并不是所有的此类电影都会增加我们的“生活压力和焦虑”（stress and anxieties）。还望楼主继续努力！关于速度问题，第一，熟悉打字是必须。另外，建议楼主从基本句型练起，书店和网上有很多高考练句型的参考书，都很好，非常值得拿来练练手。

哈鲁拉拉UID: 2427792

好帖 关注ing...:loveliness:

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

131. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.  
嗯。。。楼主打算把185全部写完？值得鼓励！加油！
首先，在没看作文之前，跟各位交流一句：only出现，一般不能同意。。。

I would prefer to struggle in stone age rather than acquesce（拼写错误要避免哈，改成acquiesce） that the only criteria to judge success becomes money（呵呵。。。中式英语哈，把become 改成is就行）. It draws controversial discussion on the relationship between money and societal statue. However, is it a truth that the more money, the more successful ,the more respected（这个。。。还是中式，楼主你用whether句型写写看，写出来发给我） ? In my point of view, To（大小写哈，多多留意才是） become a victor does not nessecitate to（necessitate及物动词，去掉to，并且。。。拼写。。。） own billions of dollars. Not only because that money is only a currency, it could（我一开始看成but also省略的倒装-没倒，后来才发现是修饰money的，建议合并写成currency which could…） measure the depth of one's life, but also due to the comlexity（啊啊啊。。。有点替你担心，楼主需加强词汇拼写部分，一定要注意，一旦出现三个以上的拼写问题，扣分会很惨烈的，complexity） of numerous coincidences in our future. Additionally, what people really weighs（这里不是第三人称，不用加s哈） is what determinates people's profoundity（拼。。。拼写。。。profundity，类似的拼写转换，请关注pronounce和pronunciation） of a lifelong duration." U0 _) S3 r2 g8 ?  N" _3 ?6 O  ~
First and foremost, it is rediculous（ridiculous，请原谅我崩溃三秒钟。。。） to use a common paper to conclude one's final statue among the relations around. Common sense tells us it is not a patent for rich people to be renowned after death. Conversly（conversely…）, numerous celebrities without even one cent are highly respected by the following generation. In china, most of the poets who（少了be动词） both productive and distinguished always own folk's admiration while they are eventually short for money. The most famous one among them is Li Bai, who ever has（had） been the professional poet uniquely for the emperor. He is a man of good manner and full of literacy talent. Therefore, he often donates and even could sacrefice his favourite compositions. Finally, he died without any wealth. On the contrast, all the civilians from every corner come to condole（这个。。。过去式，现在应该不悼念了。。。如果用现在时，那应该强调直到现在也有人悼念他老人家） him. That's an intense glamour from morality but money.( \2 M# q7 E: A
9 S9 Y3 @9 a5 `2 ^) k
Second but also worthnoting. We could not only take one criterion to judge a highly complex concept. To some extent, Money could bring us good living condition. But to have a delight daytime, only what it brings transparently could not satisfy. We（大写） need more care and concern from our parents, husband, and other family members. We（大写） need the affirmation of our work from our boss. We even need to jog after dinner with our pets. Those are all money could not give but they are all, for some people, plays more significant role in daily life（请注意，你插入语前用的是they are all，后面却是plays，这是明显有问题的，请注意插入语使用时的前后对应）. Therefore, It（小写） is too superficial to say that making more money makes us more successful.

Lastly and more importantly, it is unrealistic to apply an（a） universal criteria on billions of folks（这个反驳的很好）. Everyone is unique and they have their interest and value towards life and world. They would never know what they want perhaps（去掉perhaps） even till the last minute they live. Like isaac newton（牛顿很特殊，牛顿很唯一，牛顿要大写）, he is truly（中式哦，嚯嚯，去掉truly。。。） the greatest inventor, whilst he is also a playboy（嗯。。。够胆识。。。）. He fell in love with numerous his followers and he felt no repentant of that. Hence, what makes he（make…不对。。。made…him…） more successful: romance or countless patents? Perhaps both, we could not say any singal（楼主请购买四级词汇书一本！必须，然后一个个拼写直到全部能默写，single） one. Anyhow, not only money made him feel so.  W. x" |( x, A5 |1 f* s

To sum up, due to all the reasons and analysis presented above, we can cautiously make a conclusion that earning more wealth does not make people more successful, Even though they could provide us a better standard of living. To emphisis（emphasis）, our life dose（does） not depend on one thin paper, but various justification, even one we have not realised（realized）
楼主，你的立论很好。但是可惜的是词汇。。。怎么说呢，相对于托福而言的确差了很多，一定要勤加练习，多多默写，在写字板里写完之后拖进word，改错字，把所有写错过的单词记在本子上（一定要哦）。.加油，你有很大的提升空间！