一个新东方老师的献身（作文修改与阅读指导）

waiting1UID: 2997856

我也在想only real这个让我实在半天写不出东西来。。原来是理解错了。囧。谢谢指导。。 28# takshikitano

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

剩下的部分。。。同志们请明晚验收~

lucia720UID: 2848275

27# takshikitano

谢谢楼主的批改，其实之所以拿出这篇文章我也是觉得我写的走题了。。。
谢谢楼主的意见！！！

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

跟正一下，英语里面不是没有分号，是没有这么用分号的。。。我的错。

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

分号用法举例。。。狄更斯老师的：
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.”-Dickens

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

特别补充：由于在下的失误。。。出现了一个真正的问题，经我向另一个新东方作文大师求证，trauma完全可以做精神创伤，在此向各位楼主表示深刻检讨。也请各位一针见血毫不留情犀利无比痛斥一切作文与作文修改的错误！

lucia720UID: 2848275

老师，如果我那篇文章反过来说，就是说那些没多少钱的人们留给自己的家人通常只是一部分钱，其他都是美好的回忆美好的时光。他们不必为财产争夺而起纷争。然后穿着简单的人行为举止轻松自如，心情畅快，而不会像带满首饰的人那样顾虑这个顾虑那个。
这样写对题了吗？

waiting1UID: 2997856

我正在打我的回复。正在纠结要不要和老师说这个词。。特意查了韦氏和google无过滤版。。。 36# takshikitano

waiting1UID: 2997856

我觉得这道题肯定不能agree的。agree了不就犯了最常见的过于绝对化的错误了吗。
那如果不同意了。就要开始纠结real life究竟是指什么了。但real life大概我只能理解到现实生活这层意思。
那我现在disagree了。假设real life就是现实生活。那我接下来就应该写那些没有反映现实生活的电影也值得看。对吗？
其实这种问题应该可以一般化。也就是要搞清对于此类题目，agree的相对面是何物？然后从这个反面去展开对吗？
其实我本来想再写下反驳段的。但因为时间问题，宁可不展开，也不要没有elaborate。所以就收尾了。
关键是思路问题啊思路问题啊。每每想着要有eg，然后就给eg局限了。中文作文本来就不好。吹牛水平不高。英语现在要我展开，还真是个难事。囧。
b] 28# takshikitano

takshikitanoUID: 2930448

回楼上的话，“钱少会更幸福”同不同意？首先，这个题目不绝对，同不同意都行，首先不是选择你“喜欢”的立场，虽然喜欢的或者你认为对的立场能写的自然，但是还是得首先选择你“能写得出来东西”的立场，ETS不关心我们的价值取向，而是看重“语言能力”。楼主同意了该观点，那么，首先，你要论证钱少会幸福（钱多也不一定就不幸福），要着重于钱少（财产，物资等）带来的好处。至于楼主的“就是说那些没多少钱的人们留给自己的家人通常只是一部分钱，其他都是美好的回忆美好的时光”这个论点，似乎说的是“钱”不重要，而不是幸不幸福的问题。财产纠纷是很好的例子，你甚至可以用最近比较火热的澳门大佬何鸿燊的例子或者前两年小甜甜的例子来论证财产少可以获得更好的家庭关系，需要注意的是，财产纠纷是反证而不是直接证明。直接证明可以是：负担小，工作少，有时间做一些所谓“修身养性”的事，财产少意为着来自别人的“羡慕嫉妒恨”少，心理更健康（注意，你完全没必要说“尽管财产少会让人瞧不起”这类的话），如果你喜欢，大可以用所谓“城市幸福指数”来论证，调查表明，人均收入位于中等的城市幸福指数最高，而高收入城市如北京上海，幸福指数则低得令人发指。至于衣食住行，我想，巨富也可以简朴，乔布斯，王石，哪怕巴菲特，都是挺简朴的人。另外，需要在反驳段指出，财产少可能会带来的问题，并且同时指出，财产少不是没有财产，只是适度的财富会让人更幸福。这只是一家之言，有不同意见还望指正~

lucia720UID: 2848275

40# takshikitano


哦~终于绕过来了~~豁然开朗~
回去好好再写一遍了！
非常感谢！！！

waiting1UID: 2997856

改了下。。。仍旧disagree。换了种举例的思路吧。要突破下总是围绕自身来编例子的窘境。不知道这回还有没有偏题的情况。囧。但我仍旧觉得real life就是现实生活吗。既然我不同意，那我应该说明没反应现实生活的电影也值得看咯？。。。也许确实不写倒数第二段的话有点太一面倒，似乎就显得不严谨。但写了好多篇文章发现，我暂时是无法达到30分钟写五段，又要每段都充分的。五段的话，至少450+吧。下月就要考了。所以如果四段也可以应对t了，还是只考虑4段。。谢谢。whu1989@sina.com 很囧的还是留了这个邮箱。话说老师应该从给我的邮箱发现，我至少是个大学生了吧。像我这种大龄青年了才刚走这一步，增是稀有的。。。又不知道这样的作文水平是何水平。老师见多识广，尽管给我个低等级。我个人比较喜欢受打击。呵呵。。。在下很惭愧的今年考研英语67。但作文靠汪江涛老师的讲的基本都靠背。国内的英语考试为什么就和纯正的美国考试差距这么大呢。。哎。。太囧了。一开始绝没想到作文这么难写。以前写的少，也不怕犯错。言多必失啊言多必失。言多还要考虑思维，想想这些句子之间是不是能形成逻辑blahblah。国内的考试吗。。论点+扩展+eg一两句话。就差不多了。。哎。。。。。老师辛苦了。

While some
people maintain that only movies which reflect our real life are worth watching, I assume that it is a good idea. Films with a variety of themes, not just the realistic ones, are worthwhile.

To begin with, according to the most well-known movie site - IMDB, a majority of the top 250 pictures are not based on real people or incidents. Why does this happen? It is maybe because that those films consist of stories different from our real life, which meet various interests of audience. One good example is Forrest Gump. In this epic, despite the protagonist's below average intelligence quotient, he is really a successful man in many fields: he becomes an All-star football player, he is the hero in the war and he gains the championship of Ping-Pong matches. All these seems to be unlikely in our life, as we have seen most slow- witted person show the inability to even live on their own.

More importantly is the fact that a large number of people regard watching films as a way of entertainment. During the show time, individuals could escape from their stressful work and life troubles. Stephen Chow is famous for his comical movies such as A Chinese Odyssey and King of Comedy. His films are so funny and interesting that people always cannot help laughing. There is no denying the fact that audience could relax themselves to a huge extent while watching such kind of pictures.

However, producers should pay great attention to what they offer to our ordinary people since some movies may mislead their audience. In 2009, a film called 2012 shocked the world with its portrayal of the end of the world. Because of its fidelity, NASA had to announce to the world that there is no factual basis for the prediction of the doomsday. Unfortunately, 2012 has exerted a negative influence on the public. As a result, an increasing number of people are now afraid of a real end of the world based on frequent catastrophes happening these years.

Taking all factors into account, I still prefer to watch more entertaining virtual films, as movies could enable us to know a world from a different angle. Besides, our life is full of pressure and anxiety and movies should be a source of entertainment.

lucia720UID: 2848275

真的是太感谢楼主了！！！今天考试居然考的就是这篇，幸好得到您的指点才有思路！！真的是万分感谢老师！！

婧榭居士UID: 2852563

神马情况。。老师您现在还能改啵？ 俺的作文求指导T T.

holmeszhouUID: 2617873

It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends?

In modern society, the convenient transportation and rapidly-developing urbanism have terminated the primitive communal way of living permanently in one place. People have to change their living city or country because of work or study. As to me, I kind of enjoy moving to a new place and meet different people.


I am an adventurous and extrovert person who love meeting new people and communicate with them. I always believe that i should make friends wherever I am. When I first arrived at a new place, I usually invite my neighbors to my home for dinner. During the dinner, which I serve delicious Chinese food, I can get better understanding of what the local culture is and how people react to my coming. Also, I can learn many interesting stories and experiences from the chatting. After dinner, I always become good friends of my neighbors. This process of meeting new guys and learning new things is quite intriguing to me.

Moreover, moving to another place gives people a chance to know various cultures and experience things distinct from your previous life. When you move to china, you can eat delicious Chinese food and visit Chinese Zen temple which is unusual to westerners. If you move to Canada, you can rent a big house far away from cities’ noise and just enjoy the peaceful forest and craggy mountains. If you live in a Islam country, you can closely observe how people there worship their own god ,conform to the disciplines and how their major festival is different from other cultures. All these experiences can broaden our horizons and make our life more colorful.

Last but not least, when you leave your previous place, it doesn’t mean you have lost your friends. True friends never leave us just because of the distance. Their concerns and regards will just follow us wherever we go. The modern high-tech makes it easy to communicate with each other by use of Internet or telephones. As to me, chatting software such as msn is always the first choice to communicate with my friends. It is really warm and satisfied to chat with my old friends and conveying each other’s concerns.

Actually, I love moving to new places and meet different people because I will never lose my previous friends and in the meantime can make more friends.