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66"As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate."
大家多给点意见啊!!(560words)
Nowadays, the technology develops so fast that no one can reject it, with(with多余) which made(干吗用过去时?) people who(make sb dosth,不需要who) believed (干吗用过去时?)that it can solve most of problems of our daily life more and more depend on(more and more depend on不通), and the independent thinking capability of people will vanish someday. Actually, in my opinion, the technology mounts up progress of independent thinking rather than(少to) deteriorate it.
There is no doubt that certain ability of us(certain ability of us多别扭) had been weaken(应是weakened) of some new technology. For instance, the ability of reckoning of school students has been crippled since the making use of calculator become more and more ordinary(整句话说since the invention of calculation即可), and some more. But, we can not assert that all these are because of the technology, after all, this is just the angle of floeberg, and we must admit that the more the technology brings us is good than harm to our capability of independent thinking. (这句话不通,许多词语的词性都不对)
First, the technology assists(assist的动作发出者很少是无生命的东西的) people to think which is assistant and additional(??什么意思?). Here is an example,(少in) recent years the speed of computer technology development which changes our lives marvelous and can do most people does are so fast that the market changed day by day, and the computer had played an important part in our life and mostly used in many occasions. But can we say that it had controlled us, or even our thinking? Actually not, you can see that in most cases, thee computer’s job is to help people to think, not to replace people’s thinking. 这里就可以详细举例。否则太单薄了。Not only computer does, but also other technology equipment, like automat, autocar, and so on do, which we can say that the technology reinforce our independent thinking capability and make our conclusion improved.
In the second hand, technology is the development and affirmation of people’s thinking ability(??费解), and not to degenerate our independent thinking ability, but to strengthen it. Just as the famous germen Philosopher F.W.Niezsche said : “If you want to go up high, then use your own legs. Do not let yourselves carried aloft; do not seat yourselves on other’s people’s backs and heads.” Only independent thinking makes he/she,they or even whole society go forward, and the symbol of human being’s society’s progress is no doubt the technology’s progress which is thinking’s ultimateness, evolution and extend. In short, the technology always vegetates under people’s independent thinking.
Thirdly, and the most important one reason is the problems technology has brought us which we have to deal with. (该句出现了两个主动词,语法不通。而且意思很费解)Noting is real good and perfect,anything has its bad side.This shows that the technology does not come along, but with many other problems.What we should do? How can we handle it? Many questions comes out.Due to the productive industry, the water pollution has been concerned. Due to the car industry, the air pollution also has been concerned. Due to the global weapon competition, the safety problem has been debated heatedly. Because of these, we must find ways to solve all these problems and questions;otherwise, our society and world would become worse and worse. The important mission to do so depends on our independent thinking ability and we must trust ourselves who can surely think out ways by our fresh ideas and carefulness thought. 这个好象有狡辩的味道。就好象你说坏人是好的,因为他们促进了警察的能力,促进了好人的良心觉醒。
Anyway, technology does negative effects on some certain ability of us, but what technology does more to us is to facilitate our independent thinking capability, which can’t be deteriorated when people rely more and more on technology to solve problems.
你立论不错,虽然有一个感觉并不恰当,但是我觉得你的表书能力和思维能力还是不错的。但是它们被你的语言水平严重地破坏了。你的用词非常随意,感觉每句话都是从中文翻译过去的。而且许多句子里有语法错误。建议你努力提高一下这方面的水平。
原文还有不少错误,我来不及改了。自己多多找找吧。
希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。如果觉得自己的英文还不是特别好,那么不一定要改他们的词句, 提点结构上和想法上的建议也是好的。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊,看别人的题目,自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议,自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦! |
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