8924570的托福作文贴

892524570UID: 2975104

批改的同学麻烦大家啦，我的语法比较糟糕，我尽量用WORD自己改了一遍再发上来的，麻烦大家着重帮我注意一下语法问题，我也会认真帮大家批改每一篇作文，大家共同进步，共同加油！尽量帮我用有颜色的字体标注一下错误，谢谢啦！辛苦大家了！

892524570UID: 2975104

3月28日  综合写作For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?


I do not support that a government focus its budget more on young children education rather than on universities. I think there is no which one is more important between the children education and universities. Because both of them playing an important role for a country.

First of all, young children education provided basic knowledge and essential ethics education for young students. The basic knowledge cultivated children’s study interests and other important things. For example, teach children math will help students to build the interesting in the math and at the same time math will enhance children's logic ability which plays an important role in their latter yard life. Anther example is physical education which not only teaches students how to exercise but also help students to care about their health. Ethics education has a can not substitute effect on children. Scientists conclusive that children early ethics education will influences on the children’s whole life. Therefore, if adults instruct the children right ethics our society will be more harmony. In order to increase children's basic knowledge and obtain the right ethics education, government has the responsibility to make sure children education development.

second, university bring up the excellent students by offered professional education for they students. In one successful country, the government should never ignore the universalities’ significant function. The graduated students make a great contribution to their countries' development. Just like the famous English person Pecon said "knowledge is the power". In the 21 century, knowledge and elitists become a standard weighed which country is great power and university is just the place where instructed knowledge and cultivated elitists. USA is the most developed country in the world. Many famous universities in the united state made contribution to their country. Such as Harvard University bring up generations politician who lead American to a prosperous life. Princeton University teaches many famous litterateurs who enriched the American culture. In sum, a foresight government will never overlook the university education's affections.

At last, in the budget, governments need a balance between the children education and universities. If government focuses on the young children education more than the universities, the country will lack the profession people who could improve country soft power. We cannot image a country lack of elitists. If government focuses more on the universities then those elitists will lack the basic ability and essential ethics. Many high degree people are good at science research but weak basic ability and ethics. Such as Newton, the famous scientist cannot get along with other people. Government should understand both young children education and universities' education have themselves cannot substitute function which well for their country and focus its budget not only on children education but also universities.
（谢谢批改的同学了！辛苦了！大家一起加油！努力！见证大家的努力！谢谢！）

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

I do not support that a government focus its budget more on young children education rather than on universities. I think there is no which one is more important between the children education and universities.(这句话有点别扭) Because both of them playing (play) an important role for a country.  B% U5 k, N, R8 R1 y; w( @2 j

First of all, young children education provids basic knowledge and essential ethics education for young students. The basic knowledge cultivats children’s study interests and other important things. For example, teaching children math will help them to build the interesting in the math and at the same time math will enhance children's logic ability which plays an important role in their latter yard life (什么意思呢？). Another example is physical education which not only teaches students how to exercise but also help students to care about their health. Ethical education has an indispensable effect on children. Scientists conclude that children early ethical education will influence on the children’s whole life. Therefore, if adults instruct the children right ethics our society will be more harmonious. In order to increase children's basic knowledge and obtain the right ethics education, government has the responsibility to make sure children education development.例子丰富，很好哎

second, university brings up the excellent students by offering professional education for students. In one successful country, the government should never ignore the universalities’ significant function. The graduated students make a great contribution to their countries' development. Just like the famous English person Pecon said "knowledge is the power". In the 21 century, knowledge and elitists become a standard weighed which country is great power(没看懂?) and university is just the place where instructs knowledge and cultivates elitists. USA is the most developed country in the world. Many famous universities in the united state made contribution to their country. Such as Harvard University brings up politician who lead American to a prosperous society. Princeton University teaches many famous litterateurs who enriched the American culture. In sum, a foresight government will never overlook the university education's affections.观点明确，例子不错
At last, in the budget, governments need a balance between the children education and universities. If government focuses on the young children education more than the universities, the country will lack the professional people who could improve country soft power. We cannot imagine a country lack of elitists. If government focuses more on the universities then those elitists will lack the basic ability and essential ethics. Many high degree people are good at scientific research but weak in basic ability and ethics. Such as Newton, the famous scientist cannot get along with other people.(牛顿也念过小学嘛，英国的小学教育很差吗？) Government should understand both young children education and universities' education have themselves cannot substitute function which well for their country and focus its budget not only on children education but also universities.（最后一句读着困难）

观点和分论点展开的很好，例子很充实，就是小问题比较多，我就直接在上面改了（没标出来）下次可以用word帮助修改语法的问题

aurora0624UID: 3039878

欢迎交流~

892524570UID: 2975104

谢啦  你的作文我明天早上或者晚上批完给你啊  今天我课太多了 4# aurora0624

892524570UID: 2975104

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: It’s more important for government to spend money to build art music performance center than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool, playground)   （3月29日，辛苦批改的同学了，麻烦重点帮我看看我的语法,我也一定会认真对待您的作文，大家一起努力，考个好成绩，奔赴理想的学府，加油！）
I do strongly disagree with the statement that government should give more financial to support build art music performance center than to support build recreational facilities. In different regions, people have different choices. Some likes art and music performance or some prefers recreational activities. In my view, government decide to spend money for building which one need to accord the people's needs and take other factors into account. Because both of two have they unique function for our society.
First of all, art music performance center has an indispensable function for a country's culture. First, it offers a stage to the musician, artist, and amateur performance lover exhibit they interest and enthusiasm in the art field. Second，Art music performance center allow people to enjoy and absorb the other countries exotic art and at the same time enrich the country’s culture system. The most important function is art music performance center able to bridge the gap between local culture and other races. It contains all kinds of art from different race and accelerates country's harmony pace.
In the second, recreational facilities play an important role in people's daily life. Especially, it encourages people communication with other people and helps people build the consciousness exercise. The close house structure in most cities made people lack communication with their neighbor or even do not know who their neighbors are. In the most big cities where full of edifices, people lack of place to exercise. In this environment, people need some public recreational facilities in they community or in they city. They could make friends with their neighborhoods from a playground basketball competition. They could invite their neighbors to go to the swim pool got exercise and to enjoy the happy time. The recreational facilities make people leave the couch and TV to get the exercise and happiness. At the same time, people will pay attention to their health and to do some regular exercise that good for their health.
At last, it is hard to judge in Art music performance center and recreational facilities which one should get the more support by the government. Government should not subjective judgments which one holds the more important position then builds it. It needs to consider other important factors such as needs, interest, and income. For the city where most people love music and enjoy music in the performance center, build a music performance center is a good choice for the government. For the city where people care about exercise more than art music performance, build some recreational facilities is a wisdom action. Second, government needs to consider the people's income level. If the people hold a generally lower income, perhaps they begrudge affording the cost of expensive tickets even they are addicted to those performance. Therefore, in the lower income city art music performance centers hardly subsistence due to the non profit. Moreover, government needs to consider the city’s structure of population age. Statistic research shows, 80% older people like to go to the art music performance center than take part in recreational activities but the younger people age between 12 and 35 are prefer the recreational activities. So, art music performance center is more suits for the city where older people hold a high percent in the population.

凉言UID: 2996787

改好了~~水平有限，见谅！

niehanmjUID: 3005699

楼主 改你这篇作文真的不容易。。。 40分钟才改完。。

892524570UID: 2975104

3月30日独立写作：do you agree or disagree with the following statement: people who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in villages.
麻烦修改的同学着重帮我看看语法错误，谢谢啦！辛苦啦！我也会尽我最大的努力认真批改您的作文。
In contemporary society, with the advancing of modern life level and convenient transportation, an increasing number of people prefer to go outside rather than stay in villages. Because go outside, they are happier and more successful than others who stay in villages.

Compared to villages, the outside places especially the developed cities could offer more opportunities to success for people. There are more jobs readily available in big cities than in small villages. Moreover the pay is more decent. The high salary makes people have the extra money which could invest in business or do other profitable investments. People who want success could more easily realize his dream in the big city’s advantaged environment which includes the more jobs, high salary and all kinds of investments.

There are more public utilities and recreational facilities in outside provide the enjoyable activities for people make them happier than bear the villages boring life. The outside people often have a much comfortable and rich life style. After a day's busy work, people could go to the music centre enjoy the soft music which helps them forget tiredness and stress. Through take part in the vivid parties, people could make friends with other people.

At last, the most important thing is the outside has the higher education quality than the villages’. Education has an indispensable function for people's life. Just like the old proverb in China ‘education makes people pleasure, knowledge makes people success". Many famous professors who teach the high quality education to students are work in the big city's famous schools. If the people who stay in the villages could go to outside and receive the high quality education, their will more easily to success.

In sum, the outside environment is better than the villages’. People would realize they dreams in the outside world .The developed environment will make people feel happier and receive success.

凉言UID: 2996787

改好~~加油！

892524570UID: 2975104

谢谢啦

凉言UID: 2996787

又是我- -

adj-remyUID: 2974851

已改

892524570UID: 2975104

4月12日，辛苦批改的同学

snowlauraUID: 2872328

412独立修改:loveliness: