郝郝同学 daily writing

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

4月 8日

独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:

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Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term？

In this competitive world, an agreement is raised whether young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. Coincident with opinion of most people, my heart felt agreement with the idea that young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Firstly, trying different job is a excellent opportunities to find out the aptitude of young people then they will decide which career they will do being engaged in one thing for a long term which they abhor it is an agonize experience. For example, my cousin, who is a doctor, abominates his job for a long term. He prefers to be a musician rather than be a doctor. He must have being a musician already if he tried different job before they decide to be a doctor.

Secondly, trying different job is an excellent opportunities to expend your horizon. Interested in novel fields are all young people. For instance, Lily, my friend, has tried three different jobs: a tourist, a tutor and a cook. I couldn’t help to be appealed by depiction she told me. Such as a fascinating scenic resort, a charming girl. I even desire to alter my job as such a high frequency.

Thirdly, as we all known that decide to one job for a long term means living a comfortable and stable life. To young people, however, considerable though the advantages that decide to do one career for a long term are, they cannot competitive with the advantages that try different job before they decide to do one job brings about when the adaptability to society is taken into consideration.

In conclusion, provident though either ways of resolve one job are, I still maintain the idea that young people young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

白猫猫UID: 3039408

4月 8日【修改 BY 白猫猫】
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term？

In this competitive world, an agreement(这里是不是a disagreement) is raised whether young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. Coincident with (插入the) opinion of most people, my heart felt agreement(改为I agree with) with the idea that young people should try different job（jobs） before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.(这个句子跟上句完全一样，有点单调，可不可以换个说法？)

Firstly, trying different job is a（an） excellent opportunities （opportunity）to find out the aptitude(这里应该写明关于什么的aptitude) of young people (插入，) then they will decide which career they will do being engaged in one thing for a long term which they abhor it is an agonize experience.（这里是如何断句的呢？） For example, my cousin, who is a doctor, abominates his job for a long term.（插入However）, He prefers to be a musician rather than be a doctor. He must have being a musician already if he tried different job (复数，jobs) before they (单数，he）decide (过去式，decided) to be a doctor.(这个句子应该是个虚拟语气吧，感觉时态好像有些问题，改为 If he had tried different jobs before he decide to be a doctor, he would have been a musician now.)(感觉这个例子不是很充分啊，要是举例，说你的侄子原来学医的，后来尝试music,然后成为了一个musician ,那就更有说服力了)


Secondly, trying different job is an excellent opportunities to （单数opportunitie，这里还是an excellent opportunities，可以尝试其他说法，如a best way 啊之类的）expend your horizon. Interested in novel fields are all young people（这句是说喜欢新奇的都是年轻人？不太理解这句放在这里的意思）. For instance, Lily, my friend, has tried three different jobs: a
（a 去掉）tourist（观光者？你的意思是导游吧，tour guide）, a（a 去掉） tutor and a（a 去掉） cook. I couldn’t help to be appealed （be appealed 是上诉的意思，改为be attracted）by （插入the） depiction
（关于什么的描述呢？）she told me. Such as a fascinating scenic resort, a charming girl.（这句是什么意思和作用呢？没理解，这里的such as 后面是Lily讲的内容吗？），I even desire to alter my job as such a high frequency.（呵呵，最后这句观点有点偏激啊，可以说去尝试一些自己感兴趣的工作嘛，不能只是想换工作）

5 @) d! @$ Z# MThirdly, as we all known that decide to one job （to one job 改为 to do a job）for a long term means living a comfortable and stable life. To young people, however, considerable though the advantages that decide to do one career for a long term are, they cannot competitive with the advantages that try different job before they decide to do one job brings about when the adaptability to society is taken into consideration.(自己觉得这个段落的主题句，有点问题啊，一个工作不一定就意味着好的生活啊。后面这句，感觉像是套的模板，但是整个句子似乎是有点问题的，想改但是无从下手，太长了，分不清楚)
In conclusion, provident though either ways of resolve one job are（这句是什么意思呢，关于一个工作的各种解决方法的思考？）, I still maintain the idea that young people young people should try different job （复数jobs）before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

1、首先是文章中有很多小错误，比如单复数的问题。希望楼主下次自己先检查一遍。
2、思路的话，第一个例子比较牵强。后面的思路感觉也有一点问题。
3、再就是，楼主用了很多很复杂的句型，但是越复杂越容易出问题，在自己不能完全掌握的情况下，还是建议楼主自己熟悉的句型表达意思。
4、很多相同的意思可以用不同的表达形式，这样不会枯燥。

上面只是个人看法，本人水平不高，如果有疑问希望多讨论。

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:

6 X9 a) ^, g! K/ P8 q2 S* Z7 \2 N& A- A% M( D! i5 A$ O
: o9 P( p) V8 I- Q% L  w" H

Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term？

5 W( P% \8 Z! U
/ U) I8 A% n& I3 V+ Y. b5 n
In this competitive world, an agreement is raised whether young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. Coincident with opinion of most people, my heart felt agreement with the idea that young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.6 I: p9 B9 N! D
# t9 |/ G1 z4 E$ T

Firstly, trying different job is a excellent opportunities to find out the aptitude of young people then they will decide which career they will do being engaged in one thing for a long term which they abhor it is an agonize experience. For example, my cousin, who is a doctor, abominates his job for a long term. He prefers to be a musician rather than be a doctor. He must have being a musician already if he tried different job before they decide to be a doctor.' C. F+ D% L2 z

Secondly, trying different job is an excellent opportunities to expend your horizon. （这里缺主语）Interested in novel fields are all young people. For instance, Lily（汗~~）, my friend, has tried three different jobs: a tourist（旅游者也是职业？）, a tutor and a cook. I couldn’t help to be appealed by depiction she told me. Such as a fascinating scenic resort, a charming girl. I even desire to alter my job as such a high frequency.1 J7 q( e9 K3 `+ D. Z1 Q8 b

Thirdly, as we all known that decide to one job for a long term means living a comfortable and stable life. To young people, however, considerable though the advantages that decide to do one career for a long term are, they cannot competitive with the advantages that try different job before they decide to do one job brings about when the adaptability to society is taken into consideration.

In conclusion, provident though either ways of resolve one job are, I still maintain the idea that young people young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.
1.同样的，蓝色单词我觉得用的很棒的。
2.论点还行。行文也很流畅，我水平有限前几天才写作，昨天才进来，不能改什么了。我认真尽力纠就是哈。

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

3# jiangruiqian
Interested in novel fields are all young people. 这个句子不是缺主语 这是个倒装句 你可以把谓语前后颠倒一下 看看
谢谢你的批改 :loveliness:

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

2# 白猫猫
你改的真是细致 我太喜欢你了:kiss:

小词的问题我一定会改正的 我表达的逻辑自己也觉得有点问题
then they will decide which career they will do being engaged in one thing for a long term which they abhor it is an agonize experience.（这里是如何断句的呢？） being前面我忘写句号了。。。
musician 的例子很好 谢谢 cousin是堂兄弟的意思:loveliness: 是e- `9 ^3  k) cousin
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Interested in novel fields are all young people（这句是说喜欢新奇的都是年轻人？不太理解这句放在这里的意思）.是说所有年轻人都喜欢新鲜
事物
套模板的句子本身不会有问题 应该是逻辑上的问题 这个让我很纠结呀！
In conclusion, provident though either ways of resolve one job are（这句是什么意思呢，关于一个工作的各种解决方法的思考？）, 尽管两种决定工作的方法都是有远见的。。。

非常感谢你的批改 希望能够多讨论

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

2011 4月9日
综合 tpo5

The lecture controverts the idea which raised in the reading passage about use of great houses which lies in Chaco Canyon that is built with colossal stones. He says that none of argument is useful because it is not conceiving.

First, the great houses just looks like a late American apartment building which broken down seriously inside. For instance, if over hundreds of people live there, there must be many fire places for cooking. But the problem is, there is no enough fire places to offer for such many families. At least one fire places for ten families. That leads to the function of the building which is deviate from the reading material transferred. So It could not be residential.

Second, how to store foods supplies in the great building without covers and containers? Why large containers are needed if the function of great houses is preservation? A series of questions demonstrate that storing foods is not a proper way to make full use of great houses. It is depart from the expectation which indicates in the reading passage.

Third, the great house to be a ceremonial center is difficult to be supported. In the building, it is not resemble to the depiction of reading material. Virtually, it contains lots of trash besides construction material, like sand and stone. And large quantity construction material like broken pots is trash, too. So abominable is the condition that it is arduous to prepare meals. Therefore, it is not a good evidence for use for special ceremonial center.

jiangruiqianUID: 2838124

我 也觉得白猫猫 改的超细致超细致  赞一个

凉言UID: 2996787

改好了~

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

7# jiangruiqian

那你不去她那里赞  怎么来我这赞？？

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

非常感谢凉言同学修改:loveliness:
So abominable is the condition that it is arduous to prepare meals  这个句子是so。。that 句型，so 后面又倒装了一下  不知道内容上 与听力是否一致

我tpo综合写作 听力有的词听不清 求文字版共享  谢谢各位

凉言UID: 2996787

文本~

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

11# 凉言
非常感谢 你人真好:loveliness:

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

2011 4月11日
独立写作
A/D all school teachers should be required to take courses every five years to update their knowledge.


In this modern society, with the high rate of updating information, it’s widely believed that all teachers should be required to take courses every five years to update their knowledge because ,to their students, of particular importance is teachers’ knowledge. Contrary to the opinion of many people endorse, my heart feel objection with the idea that all teachers should be required to take courses. In this essay the reasons are introduced as below.

First and fore most, among the advantages brought by all teachers not taking courses is saving a large amount of money. No one is willing to afford such numerous funds, including both government and schools. Apparently, part of teachers is of reluctance if they are required to pay for the courses individually. For example, every semester, in our school, only a few teachers have opportunity to take courses which was paid by school.

Second, equivalently critical to the first reason is time conflict. Interested in leisure time are all people, of course, comprising teachers. Therefore, it has no possibility that they feel agreeable to abandon their spare time which they crave for a long time. However, it would not be approved by parents that all teachers take courses during students learn at school. For instance, when I was in high school, our English teacher went to take course in another city. Failing in the examination was a response after changing another teacher, which lead to our English teacher coming back.

Finally, taking courses is an excellent method to enhance teachers’ capability, which could expend their horizon, grasp men type of teaching pattern and exchange the teaching experience with other teachers. Considerable though the advantages that taking courses to update knowledge are, they cannot compete with the disadvantages they brings about when grades of students are taken into consideration.

In conclusion, I reinforce the opinion that all teachers should not be demanded to take courses to renew their knowledge. All teachers taking courses is not the best way to access the knowledge. When they depend on their teachers, should not they pay more attention to making efforts by their own?

凉言UID: 2996787

改好

郝郝同学UID: 3024925

2011 4月13日
综合 tpo8

Relationship between reading and lecture is contrary. The lecturer talks about the accuracy of the three episodes about the memoir of Chevalier which is rely on historical sources. However, the reading passage stands on the opposite of the lecture.

First, a point in the lecture, in Switzerland, although he borrowed money form merchant, Chevalier was not a poor. Spending numerous money on party and on gambling is a way to earn more money, which took several days. During these days, he had to borrowed money from others until his money arrived to his account but not as showed, he had wealth still.

Second, the accuracy of conversation that it occurred between Voltaire and Chevalier, which suspected by critics, was corroborated by the details in the memoir. The writer recorded everything about the conservation when it finished for many years. Of course, he remembered the details long time ago which refuted the reading material.

Third, other prisoners had more powerful friends than Chevalier had but no one was able to get freedom though bride. After Chevalier escaped from the prison, they repaired the ceiling which affirmed the accuracy wrote in Chevalier autobiography and replied the question raised in reading passage.

感谢批改的同学:loveliness: