sunnylinmy的作文帖

sunnylinmyUID: 2914584

A question begging an answer centers on whether people should do things they like to do or whether doing things people should do might be wiser. Determining the answer is not quite an easy proposition, folks'opinion differ sharply on this issue. In weighing up both prospective benefits and potential risks, I suppose that people didn't spend too much time on personal enjoyment and we can still do things we like to do in our lives.

When it comes to spending too much time on personal enjoyment, to some small extent, I may agree with the opinion. With the rapid development of modern technology, there is surely some phenomenon that people spend endless time on the Internet or on the television or on the meaningless video game. Some people addict to these kind of entertainment and erode their ambitions or future on the sofa, or on the chair before the computer. However, playing video game or addicting to computer and television, are just a little part of the world of personal enjoyment. Most of people won't do that and they have a different understanding of personal enjoyment.

Firstly, there are already lots of people working in the world and you don't need concern that the whole world can't rock without you. Hundreds of people work for the big company, the investment bank, they rarely can sleep enough hours or entertain themselves. They are the person always doing things they should do. Some people really like the way the job is going but others work that hard only for money. But what they got? A number in their bank account, which represent the money which can't even be spent because of the lack of shopping time. It isn't said that people don't need to work hard. But that hard? I can't agree with that unless you really don't have any affection with your body or your heart.

Secondly, doing things folks like to do can inspire them to make bigger differences. For example, if Einstain's parents asked him to study to be a  lawyer because the lawyer is what they thought him should be, when will we discover the energy function? As the old saying goes, "intersting is the best teacher", a man or a woman, can't succeed in an area he or she doesn't like at all. Even if he or she is succeed, the process can't be happy. To view the famous scientist, you will find they are always doing things that they like to do. Gradually, the things that they like to do controvert to his or her career, to the things that they should do to the human beings in their whole life.

Finally, I may conclude that we should enjoy our life to do things that we like to do. Life is really short. Don't waste time on the things that are meaningless to you. By enjoying ourselves, we can achieve our career all the same.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

1# sunnylinmy

A question begging an answer centers on whether people should do things they like to do or whether doing things people should do might be wiser? (With this added, this sentence is not correct anymore.). Determining the answer is not quite an easy proposition, folks' opinions differ sharply on this issue. (This is a run-on sentence. In English you can’t piece two complete sentences together with a single comma. There has to be a connective somewhere.) In weighing up both prospective benefits and potential risks, I suppose that people didn't spend too much time on personal enjoyment and we can still do things we like to do in our lives (This conclusion does not answer the question ‘should people do things they like to do, or things they should do?’. It answers the question ‘do people do too much of what they like to do and not enough of what they should do?’ I don’t know what your exact essay question is, so I can’t make a conclusion about whether this is correct or not. The only point I can make is this: since this conclusion doesn’t relate to your first sentence in this paragraph at all, that first sentence doesn’t really serve much of a purpose in your discussion.).

When it comes to spending too much time on personal enjoyment, to some small extent, I may agree with the opinion. With the rapid development of modern technology, there is surely some phenomenon that people spend endless time on the Internet or on the television or on the meaningless video games. Some people are addicted to this kind of entertainment and erode (The entertainment ‘erodes’ away people’s ambitions. People cannot ‘erode’ their own ambitions.) their ambitions or future on the sofa, or on the chair before the computer. However, playing video games or being addicted (‘Addict’ is seldom used as an active verb. It is normally used as a passive adjective form ‘addicted’, or as a noun ‘drug addict’.) to computers and television, are just a little part of the world of personal enjoyment. Most of people won't do that and they have a different understanding of personal enjoyment.

Firstly, there are already lots of people working in the world and you don't need to worry concern (If you have to use ‘concern’, it should be ‘be concerned’.) that the whole world can't rock without you (?? What do you mean by ‘the world can’t rock’?). Hundreds of people work for the big companies, the investment banks, they rarely can sleep for enough hours or entertain themselves. (This is a run-on.) They are the people always doing things they should do (You mean working themselves to near death is what people ‘should’ do?). Some people really like the way the job is going but others work that hard only for money. But what do they get? A number in their bank account, which represents the money which can't even be spent because of the lack of shopping time. It isn't said that people don't need to work hard. But that hard? I can't agree with that unless you really don't have any affection with your body or your heart (If you have an ‘affection’ with your body you’re probably quite obsessed with it. The appropriate emotion here is not ‘affection’ but ‘care’.).

Secondly, doing things folks like to do can inspire them to make bigger differences. For example, if Einstein's parents asked him to study to be a lawyer because a lawyer is what they thought him should be, when will we discover the energy function (1. Einstein’s theory is called ‘mass-energy equivalence’; 2. Einstein was, in fact, not working as a physicist when he published his theory of mass-energy equivalence; 3. Einstein discovered this equation, yes, but it doesn’t mean if he was not a physicist then he won’t be able to discover it and nobody else will be able discover it either. Him being a physicist (or not) is NOT THE CAUSE of the equation’s discovery. You can say if Einstein becomes a lawyer he MAY not discover the equation, but not that he WILL not discover the equation.) ? As the old saying goes, "intersting is the best teacher", a man or a woman, can't succeed in an area he or she doesn't like at all. Even if he or she does succeed, the process can't be happy. Look at the famous scientists, and you will find they are always doing things that they like to do. Gradually, the things that they like to do controvert to his or her career ??, to the things that they should do to the human beings?? (You mean all famous scientists do things that should be done to human beings? Darwin would not qualify as a famous scientist then..) in their whole lives.

Finally, I may conclude that we should enjoy our lives to do things that we like to do. Life is really short. Don't waste time on the things that are meaningless to you. By enjoying ourselves, we can achieve in our careers all the same. (This, again, doesn’t address anything said in the opening paragraph, which means your essay doesn’t have any clear focal point.)


总结：

这位童鞋我需要题目。。没有题目我无法判断你是否走题神马的。。

语言上就是太过用力，很多大词用不对，表达很奇特。。请注意不要硬套翻译。。

论述方面，第一完全不知道你全篇到底要论证的中心是什么，不知道题目是一个原因，但是文中第一段和最后一段也基本没有可比性，所以也看不出你到底在论述什么样的一个命题。。第二就是文中指出的关于爱因斯坦的那个例子，爱因斯坦是不是当了律师并不是他发现E=mc2的原因。。实际上爱因斯坦发表E=mc2的时候他就是利用业余时间研究物理的，所以实际上他就算当了律师也很可能以同样的业余研究的方式发现E=mc2。。