修改的作文

美丽小黑你UID??3057440

4月15日独立
有数字记号的表示错了，或者这点要注意
It’s more important for the government tobuild art museums and music performance centers than to build recreationaldevices, such as swimming pool and playgrounds.# \9 ?4 b4 {: G! P( b. A




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Disagree
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With the fast developing这个词有错，应该用development. and increasing这词也有错，应该用increasingly developed

livingcondition,
peopleare no longer contented with having可省略 enough food, comfortable house or other life necessities最好用living necessities. life necessities很好，但不常用。 Some recreational devices such as artmuseums, music performance centers, swimming pools and playgrounds, are longedfor eagerly to provide places for us to relax ourselves after tired直接用busy就行 work and improve the comprehensive quality.When governments build these infrastructures, there is a discussion about whichis more important to build between cultural devices like art museums, musicperformance centers and recreational devices such as swimming pools andplaygrounds. As far as I concerned, regardless of their diverse functions,这句可以放到这一段的结尾
这样比较地道
both are equally important and necessary andneeded可省掉
for people to have a good time.

First of all, building these instruments is allaimed at promoting people’s standard of living and satisfying different people’s 用people这个词有时会显得生硬，语气不自然，这里可以省掉
requirements, which is also governments’duties, so there is no need to care about which is more significant. Workingand studying all the time, especially sitting still and lacking to 用了lack就没有to了，因为你这里lack应该是作动词。有to的话lack应该是名词。

physical exercise can make people sub-healthy,feeling tired easily. As a healthy and strong body is the basic basic貌似是形容词？ for us to study and work efficiently andeffectively, fitness facilities like swimming pools and gymnasiums are useful. Not only a physical healthy body, do we need to be mentallyhealthy.
这句没讲完整，不懂意思
Art exhibitions in art museums as well as operas andconcerts in music performance centers can cultivate people's taste and improvetheir appreciations of art, making life colorful and diverse.
) P# q, ?% q! W: p9 e6 U这一段写得很好，说理很清楚，而且很有条理

Inaddition, operas and art performances may be beyond children, while 前面要加the
playgrounds are their paradises. Also , not all people can appreciate and enjoy artperformance, 前面加一个because或者and,这样语气意思都更连贯。
they are just appropriate for simplehappiness and physical stimulation, preferring climbing mountains,swimming, going hiking and so on.这句有点罗嗦了，说明他们不会欣赏艺术，用一点小事例就好，不需要说这么多。 So government should offer other assistanceand convenience for citizens besides creational devices and art devices.
可直接说成creationaland art devices.

To sum up, government should buildart museums and art performance centers as well as swimming pools andplaygrounds to fulfill people’s various need, and provide more choices for people toenjoy life.




楼主，总体来说你的文章写得还是相当好的，所以并不需要觉得自己基础差，或者麻烦了别人啊！

我觉得你的文章好，在这两个方面：
用词有变化，而且难度比较大的词也有
文章论证比较全面

不好呢，在这两个方面：
有点罗嗦，有的地方重复的论证，会让人觉得云里雾里，不知所云
单词的运用，虽然词汇量应该不小，但是运用的还是不够好，也就是不太恰当。

所以楼主在遣词造句的准确性和文章结构精练性的方面还需要提高加强。


在看文章时，我标了三个数字，也就是这三个方面楼主出错了，而且这些错误可能楼主以后还有可能再犯哦！因为他们是很容易弄混淆的，呵呵！
不过也不怪楼主啊。基础差一点慢慢锻炼。最重要的是你要知道你到底缺在哪里。

⑴develpoment和developing分不清。

这两个真的很好分清。。。。。在意思上不太像，而且多记几遍就可以记住。
Development是名词。指发展、进步等等意思，在不同的领域可能还会有不同的意思。比如说在生物方面，它指植物等的生长，在经济方面指开发区的建立。是名词。不要把它和形容词混淆。
一般来说单词中带ment这个后缀的都是名词。你记住这一点也会好办很多，马上就能分清一大批单词。

Developing是形容词。在进行中的、在发展中的。
一个是名词，一个是形容词，所以不要弄混哦！

P．S．
其实这两个词都是由develop引申过来的，develop是动词，一般动词后面加ment 就变成名词，动词的ing 形式就变成形容词


⑵这句话的语序问题

With the fast developing and increasing living condition,
。。。。。。。。。

首先呢，整个句子要修饰的是condition 和develop, 也就是说，随着快速的发展，人们的生活条件越来越好了，对吧？
但是，就像刚才说的，developing是形容词，要换成名词development才可以表达这句话准确的意思。
Increasing是有上升的、上涨的意思，但是它指的一般是数量上的上涨，这句话应该说的是质量上的上涨，可以换成 increasingly developed
还是要注意多练，多练就能知道具体的语义下应该用什么样的词汇。

楼主，您很有希望的！继续努力写作，用心提高，你会获得一个好成绩的！加油。

das_postkarteUID??3012913

谢谢你的批改！！！
我的基础不是很好，经常对自己写的不是很有信心，一篇文章要写好久才能凑出一篇来，你提的建议对我很有帮助，非常感谢~！我会努力的！

美丽小黑你UID??3057440

呵呵，加油啊