快要去上海签证了，写了一篇study plan，希望高手能够帮我看一下，多谢了！

huayixiaoluUID: 2654427

大家好，本人快要去上海签证了，这几天写了一篇study plan，不知道是否符合要求，希望各位朋友能够帮我看一下，谢谢你们了！
Dear Visa Officer,
It is definitely my honor to be accepted to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln (UNL) to continue my doctoral education, thus I’m writing my study plan to apply for a study permit. I sincerely believe that this letter will give you a clear explanation of my decision. And I look forward to my visa application being assessed and approved at your earliest convenience.
My personal status:
My name is ×××, male, born on 04/04/1986, in Wuxi, China. Currently I am a student in the final year of graduate study for a Master Degree at Nanjing University of Astronautics and Aeronautics (NUAA). Until now, I have completed a written master dissertation with an oral presentation and defense. I will get my Master of Science degree this July and pursue my Ph.D. graduate study in Mechanical Engineering at UNL from this August.
My Choice of University of Nebraska-Lincoln:
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln, chartered in 1869, is an educational institution of international stature. UNL has built up a solid reputation amongst its students and their parents as a school that cares, which offers pretty high quality education - most of the students are able to enter celebrated companies after graduation. The school attracts students from different nations throughout the world. This exposes students at UNL to the enriching experience of learning about different cultures in one place - an important aspect of education since globalization deepens. Furthermore, my advisor Prof. ×××, a distinguished scientist in Mechanical Engineering at UNL, has been performing some very pioneering research, part of which closely corresponds to the research I have been doing. I have read her voluminous publications and wish to enter her laboratory. She will provide me with full financial support during my study and research there.
My reasons for returning back to China after finishing my studies:
Born and bred in China, I have deep feelings for my own country and this emotional attachment is the most important factor that will bring me back to China. Moreover, obtaining a doctor’s degree in the U.S. means that I will have stronger research abilities in my specialty, greater English proficiency and broader horizon than graduate students undertaking their program in China. This will definitely make me more competitive in the Chinese labor market and help me find a more decent job in China. Besides, I am the only son of my parents, it's my duty to come back to take care of them according to Chinese tradition.

I will be deeply grateful for your kind approval of my visa application.


Yours sincerely,
Applicant: ×××

dreamiashUID: 2935035

1# huayixiaolu
感觉你对回国后个人发展的描述太抽象了，而这反而是VO看的重点。

SilentScorpiusUID: 2686998

我前不久写完了study plan，并且外导帮忙改了很多。这里说一点个人意见：
谈对方学校的优势用词太笼统，可以谈谈具体专业的优势，导师是做哪些工作的，你自己的背景跟他很match，过去准备做哪些研究。
另外归国计划神马的我也不是很明白，盼更加详细的回复。。。

huayixiaoluUID: 2654427

1# huayixiaolu  
感觉你对回国后个人发展的描述太抽象了，而这反而是VO看的重点。
dreamiash 发表于 2011-5-17 12:54

其实以后回国如何发展我也不是很清楚，不过还是要谢谢你给我的建议，我会再好好改改的！

huayixiaoluUID: 2654427

3# SilentScorpius
哎，其实我的专业和国外的导师还是有一定差距的，所以我不敢说的太详细，至于以后回国的发展我也不是很清楚，要不我再和对方教授联系一下吧！谢谢你了啊！