感觉自己的这篇作文写得不错，求意见

luyandaUID: 2564608

Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.


Before my parent`s retiring, they devote their entire work life in their respectively companies for forty years and had made much in their fields. So, they hope me like them choosing a good company and working for a long term. However, I do not like that. Whatever my parents` opinion is, I still believe young people should try different jobs before the decision of their final career.

First, trying different jobs help youth knowing which jobs they are real interested in. In school time, students learn several of subjects. But when they leave campus, they must choose only one field as their job. This is a difficult choice. Some subjects seem very interesting when studying them in campus, but as a job, they may be very bored. Thinking of chemistry, it is so interesting that observing various experiments. But being a chemist, the boring feeling of doing a same experiment for thousands of times can kill a person. So it is wise for young people trying different jobs, then they can know which subject is not only interesting in school but also in work.

Moreover, another important reason is young people can find which job they are good at and they are not good at. Although one`s interesting is an important factor when choosing a job, people still must consider if they are suitable for this job. For example, being a report needs one`s linguistic ability, being a engineer needs one`s manage ability and being an account needs one`s mathematic ability. Only by trying them, people can know if they can satisfy these needs. Another occasion is some disadvantages of one job can be known only when it is experienced. Like being a photographer, it seems very interesting to take a camera visiting famous scenes. However, it is an extremely tired job needing strong body, because one must take several cameras and a number of lenses traveling a long way. Without trying it, people always ignore its disadvantage.

Finally, the material rewards of a job are must be taken into consideration. Only by trying different jobs, the incomes, working environments and promotion potential can be revealed. After my brother being report, engineer and account, he knew the difference of their working environments and salaries, and he finally chose being a report. Now he is very satisfied with his job.

In sum, by trying different jobs, young people can combine their interesting, ability and the materiel rewards to make a better decision of which job worth being a long-term career.

luyandaUID: 2564608

有木有什么好的办法用不同的话说题目，比如trying different jobs, young people blur blur在每一段都要出现，感觉很重复，有没有什么好的替代的办法

luyandaUID: 2564608

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement？
The best way to travel is led by a tour guide。
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer。

My parents always like hiring a tour guide arranging their travel plan and introducing the history background of the scenes. However, I do not like this. Whatever my parents` opinion is, I still prefer having a trip without tour guides.

First, the most disadvantage of hiring guide is spending too much money. Being a student, I have not much expense on my trip, so hiring a guide looks like a luxury thing for me. In Beijing, China, a local guide cost fifty dollars one day. Without hiring them, I can save this money on other more valuable things, like tasting local delicious or buying some beautiful clothes in Chinese style. Both are more attracting for me than having a trip with a tour guide.

Moreover, another disadvantage is that I cannot enjoy my trip by my own time schedule. In our country, the income of a tour guide depends on the numbers of the scenes which he accompanies with. So, to earn more money, a guide always arranges limited time for each scene. In this case, even visiting some scenes I am very interested in, I must finish the trip in a short time and cannot deeply explore them.

On the trip to Shanghai, China, owing to my unfamiliar with the city, I hired a local guide. He wake me up at six o`clock in the morning and guide me visiting six scenes in one day. Especially in the Oriental Pearl, the third tallest tower in the world, I wanted to overlook the whole Shanghai from this high building. But to my disappointed, I even have not reached the top of the tower when he urged me leave. After this terrible experience, I began disliking hiring tour guide.

Finally, without tour guide, I can find out the history background or some other information about the scenes by myself. Like visiting Warminster Abbey, buy a book, read it carefully and find out who built the Abbey, why built the Abbey and how many people buried in the Abbey. How interesting it is! Maybe it will waste some time, but I think it is an essential part of a trip.

In sum, the trip without a tour guide can not only save my money but also give me free feeling. Furthermore, I can have the exciting feeling of exploring new things. So, no doubt will I not hire a tour guide.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

1# luyanda

Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Before my parent`s retirement, they devoted their entire work life in their respectively companies for forty years and had made much in their fields. So, they hope for me to be like them in choosing a good company and working for a long term. However, I do not like that. Whatever my parents` opinion is, I still believe young people should try different jobs before the decision of their final career.

First, trying different jobs help youth knowing which jobs they are really interested in. In school time, students study several of subjects. But when they leave the campus, they must choose only one field as their job (‘Their job’..you’re having a rather difficult time here because you’re talking about people in plural and ‘job’ in the singular, unique sense of the word. It’s hard to sync them. In such a scenario, it’s better to keep everything to the singular – ‘a student studies several subjects, but he can only choose one field as his job when he graduates’.). This is a difficult choice. Some subjects seem very interesting when studied them in school (The subject of this sentence is ‘subjects’ – your original sentence reads ‘some subjects seem very interesting when some subjects studying them in campus’. Also, ‘campus’ is not equal to ‘school’ and cannot substitute ‘school’.), but as a job, they (Again, this is out of sync in terms of plural/singular. Do not write blindly upon what feels to be correct.) may be very boring. Thinking of chemistry: it is so interesting that observing various experiments. But being a chemist, the boring feeling of doing the same experiment for thousands of times can kill a person. So it is wise for young people to trying different jobs, then they can know which subject is not only interesting in school but also in work.

Moreover, another important reason is young people can find out which jobs they are good at and they are not good at. Although one`s interesting is an important factor when choosing a job, people still must consider if they are suitable for this job. For example, being a reporter needs one`s linguistic ability, being an engineer needs one`s management ability (I thought it should be managers who need management ability..an engineer needs experience and logical thinking.) and being an accountant needs one`s mathematical ability. Only by trying them, people can know if they can satisfy these needs. (Well, the truth is often that such professional jobs have qualification requirements, and you can’t just ‘try’ them without a related degree..e.g. you don’t really find any chance to ‘try’ being an accountant if you had an engineering degree, unless of course you do something like the CFA first..you didn't really address the practical difficulty in 'trying' different jobs.) Another occasion is that some disadvantages of one job can be known only when it is experienced. Like being a photographer: it seems very interesting to take a camera and visiting famous scenes. However, it is an extremely tiring job needing a strong body, because one must take several cameras and a number of lenses, traveling a long way. Without trying it, people always ignore its disadvantage.

Finally, the material rewards of a job are must be taken into consideration. Only by trying different jobs, the incomes, working environments and promotion potential can be revealed. After my brother being reporter, engineer and accountant, he knew the difference of their working environments and salaries, and he finally chose being a reporter. Now he is very satisfied with his job. (I find it hard to believe that a person can do all three without some significant effort in acquiring the necessary qualifications..plus, a reporter is generally not regarded as the best job in terms of working environments and salaries – a reporter may work an accountant’s hours but earn little compared to accountants or engineers. With this in mind I have to ask: so what is your point? Are you saying your brother made his final decision because the working environment and salary of a reporter is good, or what? Because I seriously don’t think the working environment and salary of a reporter are ‘good’, compared to accountants and engineers.)

In sum, by trying different jobs, young people can combine their interesting, ability and the materiel rewards to make a better decision of which job is worth being a long-term career.

总结：

论述上还算好，除了最后一个论点没看出到底是什么意见。。

语言上总体来说表达比较累赘，有一点滥用doing从句的倾向，另外乱用词性的问题比较严重。。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

3# luyanda

本来6.2没有人排队，所以计划了6.2晚上帮你看这一篇，但是突然有新的求改进来了，所以把你延后到6.3，作为下一轮的第一篇~不好意思哦~谢谢理解~鞠躬~

mpromanusUID: 2565872

3# luyanda

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The best way to travel is led by a tour guide.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My parents always like to hire a tour guide to arrange (‘likes +doing’ usually refers to a permanent hobby, e.g. ‘likes playing basketball’, and is more like describing a ‘state’ rather than an ‘action’, compared to ‘likes to do + something’. If you say someone likes ‘hiring’ a tour guide, it’s like saying he does ‘hiring’ of a tour guide as a hobby.) their travel plans and introduce the historical backgrounds of the scenes (THE scenes of what? If you use ‘the’, the noun must be specific, e.g. ‘the cat that I saw yesterday’. You can’t say ‘I saw the cat’ without explaining which specific cat it is. Likewise you can’t say ‘the scenes’ without saying which specific scenes they are, e.g. ‘the scenes they see’. ). However, I do not like this. Whatever my parents` opinion is, I still prefer having a trip without tour guides. (The question is not about whether you PREFER to travel with or without a tour guide, but whether to travel with a tour guide is the BEST way to travel. You can of course say that you prefer something because it is the best, but this is not universal truth – people may, can, and do prefer things that may not be the best, as the idea of ‘best’ depends a lot on which and whose value system you are using. This question needs to be addressed either in a less personal manner, or backed with an early definition of ‘best’ == ‘my preferred’.)

First, the most (the most ‘what’ disadvantage’? ‘most’ is an adverb. It goes with adjectives, not nouns.) disadvantage of hiring a guide is spending too much money. Being a student, I have not much expense (I think you mean ‘budget’..’expense’ is the money you actually spend.) on my trip, so hiring a guide looks like a luxury thing for me. In Beijing, China, a local guide costs fifty dollars (US dollars? )one day. Without hiring them, I can save this money on other more valuable things, like tasting local delicacy or buying some beautiful clothes in Chinese style. Both are more attractive for me than having a trip with a tour guide.

Moreover, another disadvantage is that I cannot enjoy my trip by my own time schedule. In our country, the income of a tour guide depends on the numbers of the scenes (I think you mean ‘spots’ or ‘locations’ or ‘places’..) which he accompanies his guests to. So, to earn more money, a guide always arranges limited time for each scene. In this case, even I am visiting some scenes I am very interested in, I must finish the trip in a short time and cannot deeply explore them in depth. (Again, this is not a question where you simply list disadvantages of travelling with a tour guide – it is not good, but it can still be the best if other ways of travelling are all even worse. Think about it this way: 5 is the smaller number compared to 10, but it’s still the largest out of {0,1,2,5}. The question asks whether something is the best. This is a question with an implied scope. You need to show an understanding of the limits in the expected discussion, define what you are ‘best-ing’ against, and write comparisons to show that something really is or is not the best.)

On one trip to Shanghai, China, owing to my unfamiliarity with the city, I hired a local guide. He woke me up at six o`clock in the morning and guided me to six scenes in one day. Especially in the Oriental Pearl, the third tallest tower in the world, I wanted to overlook the whole Shanghai from this high building (This sentence reads ‘I wanted to …from this high building, especially in the Oriental Pearl’.. You haven’t really mastered the use of inversion with ‘especially’, so just don’t do it. Your essay is already pretty adequate without this so-called ‘complex sentence structure’.). But to my disappointment, I even have not reached the top of the tower when he urged me to leave. After this terrible experience, I began disliking hiring tour guides. (This seems like an example for the previous paragraph. Do you really mean to separate this into an individual paragraph? I’d say don’t even if you want to..)

Finally, without a tour guide, I can find out the historical backgrounds or any other information about the scenes by myself. When visiting the Westminster Abbey, I would buy a book, read it carefully and find out who built the Abbey, why he built the Abbey and how many people were buried in the Abbey (This is not a complete sentence. ‘Like’ precedes a noun, so it does not lead a full sentence. If you want to give an example in a sentence, use ‘For example’, and follow with your normal sentence.). How interesting it is! Maybe it will waste some time, but I think it is an essential part of a trip. (Erm. If you can get this same information from a tour guide without the ‘waste’ of time, then what makes this better than hiring a tour guide? Again, this goes back to what I said much earlier: your preference doesn’t necessarily be based on an absolute ‘best’. This question is not asking about your preference.)

In sum, a trip without a tour guide can not only save my money but also give me the feeling of freedom. Furthermore, I can have the exciting feeling of exploring new things. So, no doubt will I not hire a tour guide. (An inversion + double negation..this is just too hard to read for an examiner who reads some 100 essays per day. Keep things simple. Your meaning would not be less expressed with ‘no doubt that I would travel without a tour guide’..)

总结：

请认真注意一下词性的问题。。=.=

题目是问你跟导游旅行是不是最好的，结果你从头到尾都在回答：我喜欢不跟导游旅行因为跟导游旅行有不好1不好2不好3，基本的文不对题。。所以请看清题目到底要你写一篇什么样的文章，而不是上来就把关键字全部转化成优缺点列表再说。。这不是说你写这些不好1不好2不好3不对，你的内容材料，基本论述神马的都没有太大问题，就是要注意一下论述的方法，如何以能切中题目的方式去表达你的材料。。

luyandaUID: 2564608

It is easier to be a success in the past than it is today.

For many people, to be success means earning much money. Generally speaking, in today, people can earn money easier than before, so it is obviously that succeed in today is much easier than at past.

First, the rapid development of information technology makes easier to be success. In the past, the main means spreading information is using telephones. In this method, after a thing happens, people must spend some time to find a telephone and dial to another. If the recipient is not beside the telephone, the only thing the dialer can do is waiting. This case always results in much opportunities elapsing. However, the situation now is totally changed. By cell phones and Internet, almost everyone can know the first-hand information, whatever the news happening anywhere and anytime. For example, the stock manager using a computer connecting the Internet can capture the information of the Wall Street immediately, even if he sits in the office located in China or Russia. And with the timeliness information, the manager can make decisions without delay. Thus, in nowadays society, he can easier grasp the opportunity and to be a successful stock manager.

Moreover, the convenient transportation also contributes to the situation that to be success easier. Now, whatever in America and Europe or in Asia and Africa, airplane can reach every major city of all the countries. With this advantage, a businessman can meet the clients in Tokyo in morning, and have lunch with commercial friends in London, and return his home located in Chicago to accompany with his family members. Then the businessman can not only meets more clients but also relaxes him at home almost everyday. This case, which cannot be imagined in the past, of course, can help businessman to be successful.

Finally, the economical boom in the developing country is another key factor to make people easier to be successful. With the development of China and India, the whole world began to focus on these developing countries, like China, Brazil, India and so on, especially after the financial crisis. A large number of jobs have been created, and a market of billions of dollars has been created, as well. So, now people can earn money not only in the developed countries but also in developing countries. The opportunities of to be successes are no doubt become more than before.

In sum, in today`s high developed society, people can obviously earn more money than before, and in other words, can to be success easier.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

7# luyanda

It is easier to be a success in the past than it is today.

For many people, to be successful means to earning much money. Generally speaking, in today (This is almost the equivalent of 在今天
in English..but no, you don’t say this. It’s just ‘today’, or ‘nowadays’.), people can earn money more easily than before, so it is obviously that succeess in today is much easier to achieve than in the past.

First, the rapid development of information technology makes it easier to be successful. In the past, the main means of spreading information is using telephones. With this method, after something happens, people must spend some time to find a telephone and dial to another. If the recipient is not beside the telephone, the only thing the dialler can do is to waiting. (You say ‘I wait’, not ‘I do waiting’, don’t you? Use ‘to + <verb>’ when you can. Gerunds like ‘do waiting’ are awkward and very tiring to read.)This case always results in many opportunities elapsing. (There, another gerund. You can actually simply say ‘People may miss many opportunities in this case.’ Use active, people-centric verb structures. Do not try too hard to sound formal.) However, the situation now has totally changed. By cell phones and the Internet, almost everyone can get the first-hand information, on the news happening anywhere and anytime. For example, a stock manager using a computer connected to the Internet can capture the information from Wall Street immediately, even if he sits in an office located in China or Russia (This is all very redundant. A simple ‘a stock manager in China or Russia can capture real-time Wall Street news from an online computer’ will do you a better job. Focus on the important concepts that you need to get across - location and connectivity - not aimlessly describing trivial details like ‘sits in an office’. TOEFL essay examiners will generally give you more credit for more words, yes, but do not assume your future academic writings will be like TOEFL essays.). And with the timely information, the manager can make decisions without delay. Thus, in the society nowadays society (‘nowadays’ is an adverb, not an adjective. You can say ‘the society nowadays’ – although this is rather informal - but not ‘the nowadays society’, just as you can say ‘the accident yesterday (was horrible, etc.)’ but not ‘the yesterday accident’.), he can more easily grasp the opportunities and to be a successful stock manager.

Moreover, the convenient transportation also contributes to the situation that to be easier success easier (This is just another case of meaningless, unnecessary stuffing of a sentence. Stuffing doesn’t add value to your discussion..on top of this, stuffing also makes it harder for you to write correct sentences since the sentence becomes a lot longer than it should be.). Now, whether in America and Europe or in Asia and Africa, airplanes can reach every major city in all the countries. With this advantage, a businessman can meet the clients in Tokyo in the morning, and have lunch with commercial friends in London, and return his home located to Chicago to accompany with his family members. Then this businessman (Connect your sentences – this not only means you should use explicit words like ‘then’, but also pronouns that establish a more subtle but more natural connection.) can not only meets more clients but also relaxes himself at home almost every day. This scenario, which cannot be imagined in the past, of course, can help businessmen to be successful.

Finally, the economical boom in the developing countries is another key factor to make people easier to be successful (You don’t say people are ‘easy’. You say ‘make it easier for people to be successful’.). With the development of China and India, the whole world began to focus on these developing countries, like China, Brazil, India and so on, especially after the financial crisis (Which financial crisis is ‘the’ financial crisis? There was one in 1997. There was another in 2009. There used to be a big one around 1930. Which one is ‘the’ one? REMEMBER: if you use ‘the’, the noun must be specific and unambiguous (the cat I saw yesterday), or abstract (the society, the government), or singular (the Earth, the Sun).). A large number of jobs have been created, and a market of billions of dollars has been created, as well. So, now people can earn money not only in the developed countries but also in developing countries. The opportunities of to be successful are no doubt becoming more numerous than before.

In sum, in today`s highly developed society, people can obviously earn more money than before, and in other words, can to be successful more easily.

总结：

这篇论述非常不错，但你真的需要认真注意一下词性。。主要是同词根的动/名词，和形容词/副词的区别，而且你需要注意一下搭配，名词搭形容词，动词/形容词搭副词。。剩下的主要是提升语言精练度和可读性，属于考试之后可以继续努力的方向。。