处女作，备战首篇独立作文！！！求各位使劲拍砖啊~~~~~~523words~~~~

野豌豆UID: 2738317

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
People should take a secure job immediately when finding one instead of waiting for the job that they find more satisfying.

With the advent of graduation season in every year, there is not any topic hotter than career hunting and all kinds of interviews among graduation students. Those who have been experiencing myriads of interviews, either aggressive or conservative, always confront a paradoxical choice, which is hard and frustrated for them to decide, which is whether to take a secure job or keep searching for the next one. As far as I am concerned, risking that someone might call me a conservative, I holds the idea that we should take the secure one.

First of all, as an adult, we need to take the responsibility of supporting ourselves as soon as possible, not to mention supporting our families. There is an expiry date on relying on our parents to provide economical support for us, when we graduate, responsibility lies with us. If a job is “secure”, I consider it as it can assure our basic needs for living and development, which can secure us in the process of transforming from a student to a professional worker. It is this economic independence that helps us realize our first step of entering the society.

Second, since there is limited time to find a job before we graduate, always looking forward to some better jobs and cannot make a decision decisively is an extremely risky adventure. Some unexpected consequence might happen. To further clarify my demonstration, I would like to quote the result of a research delivered by a big consulting company in China this year, which suggests that nearly 76 percentage of the students who cannot find a job before they graduate is because that they expected too much. The fact that the number of university graduates now is more than four times than that of five years ago can always remind us that university graduates are not as precious as before, as a result of that, it is inevitable that we cannot always find jobs that are of high status and high salary. To coping with this situation, we need to adjust ourselves to changes and lower our expectation.

Finally, the first job that we take cannot determine our whole lives. It is because of changes and challenges that life becomes vivid and fascinating. We still have a long journey to go in our lives, during which we should not be confined to the first job we take, instead of that we need to open our horizons and improve ourselves step by step. By doing so, we can be eligible for the next challenge and opportunity. So to speak, any job can provide us with a platform to discover ourselves over and over again, by which gives us deeper understanding of ourselves every time, and force us to improve ourselves consciously. If we overcome our drawbacks step by step and know clearly what we want, it is not that we searching for a job, but good jobs are waiting for us.

In a nutshell, at graduation time, we need to find a secure job as soon as possible, while during our long life journeys, we never stop hunting for better jobs and more extraordinary lives.

小小的小娃娃UID: 2922978

太像GRE作文了吧，托福考官不会喜欢的

sunyi0415UID: 2108467

With the advent of graduation season in every year, there is not any topic hotter than career hunting and all kinds of interviews among graduation students.
评：Advent(formal)某种（重要事物的）降临、出现，此处用的不妥。There is 句型用的很累赘，很不idiomatic. career hunting根本搭配不当, job hunting可以，但是career只能build或者create. Graduation students什么意思？
改：As the time to say good-bye to campus is coming nearer, there’s no hotter topic than that of job offers and interviews among senior students.

sunyi0415UID: 2108467

Those who have been experiencing myriads of interviews, either aggressive or conservative, always confront a paradoxical choice, which is hard and frustrated for them to decide, which is whether to take a secure job or keep searching for the next one. As far as I am concerned, risking that someone might call me a conservative, I holds the idea that we should take the secure one.4 g# U: h2 B9 J  b5 b
6 p2 Z( i0 J& h*评评：楼主时态把握太差，现在完成进行时表达的是一种动作的延续，此处现在完成时才对。Confront用错了，改成be confronted with比较自然。Paradoxical choice用得莫名其妙，一知半解的错误，改成dilemma，hard与frustrating与前面的dilemma同义重复，太累赘，删去。写英语文章，雅思也好，托福也好，简洁为美，切忌堆砌辞藻。你的文章实在太罗嗦了。
改：Many of them are now seasoned veterans in job hunting. They often find themselves confronted with a dilemma---to take a secure job when finding one or to let go that job and wait for a more satisfying one. As far as I am concerned, I would take a secure job.

sunyi0415UID: 2108467

First of all, as an adult, we need to take the responsibility of supporting ourselves as soon as possible, not to mention supporting our families. There is an expiry date on relying on our parents to provide economical support for us, when we graduate, responsibility lies with us. If a job is “secure”, I consider it as it can assure our basic needs for living and development, which can secure us in the process of transforming from a student to a professional worker. It is this economic independence that helps us realize our first step of entering the society.
评：英语是很讲逻辑思辨的语言，你的逻辑很有问题。之所以选一个稳定的工作是为了尽快的养家？等一份更令人满意的工作不是可以更好地养家？assure basic needs是什么搭配？词汇学的很不扎实。而且你的思维完全是中文式的思维，这是你最大的问题。评到这里我还发现楼主把题目里的people偷换成college graduates,这是审题错误，但是我懒得回到上面去改了。如果考试，请楼主注意审题。以下我的修改是重新审题的结果。
First of all，with economic conditions souring globally, competition for job vacancies is getting increasingly fierce. Therefore job hunters should be realistic and satisfied with what they have got. A secure job, far from satisfying as it might be, can PROVIDE FOR our basic needs and get us on our own feet.

野豌豆UID: 2738317

5# sunyi0415


谢谢，批评的是！我也觉得现在思维逻辑问题是我很大一个问题，不知该肿么办~