issue48 请帮忙修改一下

wwz1234UID: 89824

先列提纲，还花了一个小时，写的也不怎么样
issue 48  
"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

The study of history, giving us lessons and apocalypses, should place balanced emphasis on both individuals and groups of people, not favoring only one of them.

Many history events were advocated by famous few individuals, who were usually the sparkles during them. Without their commencement, things following would not happen most of the time. They also played important roles in the processes, which made great contributions to the results. So indeed, we should remember these few elites forever. Chinese former chairman Deng Xiaoping is one of the greatest leaders who took the policy of reforming and opening to the world to China, which brought with great development in China. He first objected to the former policy which nearly made the country go to disaster, and then decisively opened up the window of China. He stressed the importance of economy, and once gave a well-known saying that (and I paraphrase) “Science and technology is the most significant productivity to a country". Under his leadership, great changes have taken place in China, which made Chinese people an increasingly wealthy life.

The other momentous factor in history events is groups of people who also gave many efforts in making them carried out. It is widely known that most of the events cannot be implemented by just a few persons, but the whole persons taking part in them. Actually a few elites started them and made decisions on them, however, it is the common groups of people who really did most of the work. As it has been pointed out in the former paragraph that a few leaders made decisions of the reform in China to open up to the whole world. Yet it is carried out by all the Chinese people. They worked harder than ever before, using all their capabilities to try to make the country developing fast. The achievements of China today should also be attributed to the whole Chinese normal people.

It is the fact that the study of history always places too much emphasis on the few elites, forgetting groups of people who make the history possible. There are two reasons why researchers did so. First, the documents that historical researchers studied histories from usually connected the events and trends of history with only the famous few ones. It is most likely that ancient researchers did so because of political reasons, they had no choice but obeying the leaders. Second, some researchers were usually attracted by the charm of the elites, which made them believe that the whole results were just because of the efforts of the few ones, forgetting all about the normal ones.
Everyone wants to be a person like them, producing crucial influences on others. By this reason, such researchers placed too much emphasis on individuals.

Above all, the study of history should not forget groups of common people any more, placing balanced emphasis on the two, which makes the research more factual.

imongUID: 140258

issue 48
"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

The study of history, giving us lessons and apocalypses(这个词是不是大了一点), should place balanced emphasis on both individuals and groups of people, not favoring only one of them.

Many history events were advocated by famous few individuals, who were usually the sparkles during them（？）. Without their commencement, things following would not happen most of the time. They also played important roles in the processes, which made great contributions to the results. So indeed, we should remember these few elites forever. Chinese former chairman Deng Xiaoping is one of the greatest leaders who took the policy of reforming and opening to the world to China, which brought with（bring…to） great development in China. He first objected (was the first among Chinese top leaders to reject) to the former policy which nearly made the country go to disaster(which have had disastrous impact on the country), and then decisively(?) opened up the window of China. He stressed the importance of economy, and once gave a well-known saying that (and I paraphrase) “Science and technology is the most significant productivity to a country". Under his leadership(direction?), great changes have taken place in China, which made Chinese people an increasingly wealthy life. （conferred an ever increasing wealthy life on Chinese people?）

The other momentous factor in history events is groups of people who also gave many efforts in making them carried out. It is widely(well) known that most of the events cannot be implemented by just a few persons, but the whole persons taking part in them(?). Actually a few elites started them and made decisions on them, however, it is the common groups of people who really did most of the work(put into practice). As it has been pointed out in the former paragraph that a few leaders made decisions of the reform in China to open up to the whole world. Yet it is carried out by all the Chinese people. They worked harder than ever before, using all their capabilities to try to make the country developing fast. The achievements of China today should also be attributed to the whole Chinese normal people.

It is the fact that the study of history always places too much emphasis on the few elites, forgetting groups of people who make the history possible. There are two reasons why researchers did so. First, the documents that historical researchers studied histories from usually connected the events and trends of history with only the famous few ones. It is most likely that ancient researchers did so because of political reasons, they had no choice but obeying the leaders. Second, some researchers were usually attracted by the charm of the elites, which made them believe that the whole results were just because of the efforts of the few ones, forgetting all about the normal ones.
Everyone wants to be a person like them, producing crucial influences on others. By this reason, such researchers placed too much emphasis on individuals.短句可以合并为长句

Above all, the study of history should not forget groups of common people any more, placing balanced emphasis on the two, which makes the research more factual.
论述有些问题，观点是balance，但是后面没有体现出来
而且para4不适合放在body的最后一段,反而是放在前面比较好

wwz1234UID: 89824

Thank you, imong.
如果我的观点是：
Both individuals and groups of people should be placed equal emphasis on, neither of which can be ignored.
怎么样？

imongUID: 140258

我的看法是观点怎么样都行，只要你能说明白
其实问题往往出在后一半上（就是说不明白）

wenwenchaoUID: 87067

有道理阿。