issue32

天外飞仙UID: 136821

"A school or college should pay its teachers at the same rate in all disciplines, regardless of differences in salaries for related fields in the world outside of school. For example, entry-level teachers in mathematics and in the arts should receive the same pay, even if outside of school, math specialists earn a much higher salary on average than do specialists in the arts."

The speaker asserts that teachers of a variety of disciplines should be paid at the same rate, no matter how much they earn with their expertise, respectively, if they were outside school or college. While when it comes to the feasibility of the same payment to teachers, it is a question requiring more rational consideration than emotional abruptness.
Admittedly, teacher is a respectable character no matter what the discipline he/she belongs to. A competent teacher, either of art or of mathematics, as quoted by the speaker, is a good navigator who has the magic to enlighten the students of their intrinsic interests and to orient the students to the right prospects. Thus, from the part of “value” or function, it is plausible to pay the teachers at the same rate. However, there is much more to be taken into account when making such decisions.

Firstly, it is the outside circumstances which determine the discriminated payment to the teachers. Just because teachers themselves are, to some extent, experts of their own fields, almost surely they will find themselves a decent job outside the colleges or schools with much less efforts than those of a new graduate. So if not paid properly according to the standard which employers outside the colleges are willing to pay, how can the teachers in these fields find it reasonable to stay in the colleges? For instance, a mathematician teaching entry-level mathematics who will probably be of great help and well paid in a statistics company will more or less feel disappointed if he discovers that he is actually paid the same salary with a musician, who can only take some part-time jobs as family tutors teaching some piano lessons outside the schools.

Secondly, it is the different tuition fees of disciplines which made the discriminated teachers salaries more reasonable. I would like to ask the speaker why the different tuition fees are not questioned instead. As I have admitted earlier, the value or function of each discipline are varied but should be considered of equal contribution to our culture. While equal contributions does not means that different kinds of expertise should be paid equally. For example, medical students paid much more tuition than others, not merely because the teaching facilities are expensive, but also because their teachers, the medical practitioners themselves, have a far bigger salary. So when it comes to the payment to the teachers, they are discriminated.

In sum, it is a both discrete and rational decision to discriminate teachers in terms of payments. Not because any of them are of less value, but for they actually earns different salaries no matter inside or outside the colleges. Furthermore, differentiated tuition fees also assist this discrimination.

imongUID: 140258

"A school or college should pay its teachers at the same rate in all disciplines, regardless of differences in salaries for related fields in the world outside of school. For example, entry-level teachers in mathematics and in the arts should receive the same pay, even if outside of school, math specialists earn a much higher salary on average than do specialists in the arts."

The speaker asserts that teachers of a variety of disciplines should be paid at the same rate, no matter how much they earn with their expertise, respectively, if they were outside school or college. While when it comes to the feasibility of the same payment to teachers, it is a question requiring more rational consideration than emotional abruptness.
Admittedly, teacher is a respectable character no matter what the discipline he/she belongs to. A competent teacher, either of art or of mathematics, as quoted by the speaker, is a good navigator who has the magic to enlighten the students of their intrinsic interests and to orient the students to the right prospects. Thus, from the part of “value” or function, it is plausible to pay the teachers at the same rate. However, there is much more to be taken into account when making such decisions.（太啰嗦，最要命的是闹了半天你的position也没写出来，不就彻底砸了？）

Firstly, it is the outside circumstances which determine the discriminated payment to the teachers. Just because teachers themselves are, to some extent, experts of their own fields, almost surely they will find themselves a decent job outside the colleges or schools with much less efforts than those of a new graduate. So if not paid properly according to the standard which employers outside the colleges are willing to pay, how can the teachers in these fields find it reasonable to stay in the colleges? For instance, a mathematician teaching entry-level mathematics who will probably be of great help and well paid in a statistics company will more or less feel disappointed if he discovers that he is actually paid the same salary with a musician, who can only take some part-time jobs as family tutors teaching some piano lessons outside the schools.（结论？）论述再细致一点，看作文的人是需要你来引导的，你的思维跳跃了，体现在文章中，人家可不一定跟得上。

Secondly, it is the different tuition fees of disciplines which made the discriminated teachers salaries more reasonable. I would like to ask the speaker why the different tuition fees are not questioned instead（这样反问又不给结论不太好，还不如你自己直接question去）. As I have admitted earlier, the value or function of each discipline are varied but should be considered of equal contribution to our culture. While equal contributions does not means that different kinds of expertise should be paid equally. For example, medical students paid much more tuition than others, not merely because the teaching facilities are expensive, but also because their teachers, the medical practitioners themselves, have a far bigger salary. So when it comes to the payment to the teachers, they are discriminated.

In sum, it is a both discrete and rational decision to discriminate teachers in terms of payments. Not because any of them are of less value, but for they actually earns different salaries no matter inside or outside the colleges. Furthermore, differentiated tuition fees also assist this discrimination.
语言上还有很多提高的余地。我觉得可能没有找到想法，所以论点显得不是很有力。句法和用词我都没改，可以自己去看一看人家的文章，体会一下好句子是怎么写的。

天外飞仙UID: 136821

改了改 请各位再指正

The speaker asserts that teachers of a variety of disciplines should be paid at the same rate, no matter how much they earn with their expertise, respectively, if they were outside school or college. I would vote against this claim for its lack of feasibility.

Admittedly, teacher is a respectable character no matter what the discipline he/she belongs to. A competent teacher, either of art or of mathematics, as quoted by the speaker, is a good navigator who has the magic to enlighten the students of their intrinsic interests and to orient the students to the right prospects. However, teachers should not be paid merely in consideration of its inherent value which they bear.

Firstly, it is the outside circumstances which determine the discriminated payment to the teachers. Just because teachers themselves are, to some extent, experts of their own fields, almost surely they will find themselves a decent job outside the colleges or schools with much less efforts than those of a new graduate. So if not paid properly according to the standard which employers outside the colleges are willing to pay, how can the teachers in these fields find it reasonable to stay in the colleges? For instance, a mathematician teaching entry-level mathematics who will probably be of great help and well paid in a statistics company will more or less feel disappointed if he discovers that he is actually paid the same salary with a musician, who can only take some part-time jobs as family tutors teaching some piano lessons outside the schools. Thus, teachers need a psychological balance when comparing their payments with the counterparts outside school/colleges.

Secondly, different experiences and efforts involved in teaching also determine this discrimination in payments to teachers. For instance, teaching arts is, generally speaking, a job requiring less effort than that of teaching students of some complicated mathematical theories. Or teachers of computer don’t need to worry about contacting any toxic or even carcinogenic materials while the chemistry teacher should take caution in every single step of their work to avoid that. Therefore, instead of paying teachers at the same rate, schools and colleges should determine their teacher’s salaries after a thorough evaluation of the working environment and the actual efforts involved.

In sum, teachers should be paid at different rates according to the salaries of the corresponding positions what they will probably take if they were outside the school or colleges. Also, efforts involved in teaching should be taken into account to make it a fair decision.

imongUID: 140258

有进步
discrimination是不是换一个词
para2的话，建议只说intrinsic value的相同之处，然后第三段开头来个Yet或者However