【Daily Writing作文特训小组】小呆的作文贴，求监督求指导~

lemonsweet3UID：2848875

改完啦 回家晚了 晚上才给你不好意思^_^ 13# 应小呆

sallyremyUID：3120928

8# 应小呆


呵呵，言重了，谈不上什么指正呀~~互相学习嘛，你可以试试我的方法
GMAT经验总结我会好好看的，谢谢你~~~以后有什么问题还请多指教
听力的那个原文无老师的，我要的！！！QQ能发我吗？？

sallyremyUID：3120928

11# 应小呆


呵呵，我也赞同楼下的说你很欢乐的呀~~~
7.4那个综合的第三个观点我也帮你改了，你可以看我写的~（这个我听清的）

sallyremyUID：3120928

13# 应小呆

Humankind is like an innocent child in the universe. In fact, he does not really know what is wrong and what is right. What he regards as dogma now may become nonsense the next moment. In addition, there is no certain answer to the question that which use is practical. As a result, what we take as useless now may play an important role in our future life(与前面那句意思重复了). Based on this, on no account should our government refuses to support scientific research that does not have any practical use.(这是Introduction吗？？怎么感觉像第一个论点。。。)

There is no doubt that we, human beings, know very little about the universe. Moreover, we even do not know much about ourselves. The most simple question to demonstrate my point is that “Where does the first (human)being come from?” Nobody can answer it absolutely. It is conceivable that we can not judge the difference between practical use and its opposite, too. Thus if the government do not support scientific research that does not have any practical use, it may lose opportunities in the future.(这段跟上段是一个意思啊！！)

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What’s more, there is no unless thing in the world. Even nonsense can give rise to a new idea.' d6 n) Q& o, [' u0 K
Even an apple can bring home to Newton the law of gravity. Even an unsuccessful glue can contribute to the birth of Post-it. So if a government can tell what is of no practical use, then its future will be dim. If a government can not tell what is of no practical use, then it(舍去) the question whether or not the government should support scientific research does not exist..(还是一个意思啊！！)

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But we should also take into account that the ability and resource of a country at a certain moment is certain. So the energy must be used to do the most important jobs. The most important jobs have a name called things of practical use. As the government is behind the veil of ignogrance( 无知之幕不是什么都不知道嘛......), it can only pay the most attention on(pay more attention to) the most important jobs. So although the government should support all kinds of research, it has enough reasons to pay less on (to)scientific research that does not have any practical use. . ?3 s' i2 g: {9 Y# l

In a nutshell, it(government) pays to support scientific research that does not have any practical use. If the government is not strong enough, it can choose to pay less.- f5
文章没有实证是硬伤，还有就是层次不够丰富啊~~加油加油！！欢乐的应小呆

应小呆UID：3109940

16# lemonsweet3

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
government should support scientific research that does not have any practical 。

Humankind is like an innocent child in the universe. In fact, he does not really know what is wrong and what is right. What he regards as dogma now may become nonsense the next moment. In addition, there is no certain answer to the question that which use is practical. As a result, what we take as useless now may play an important role in our future life. Based on this, on no account should our government refuse(s ) (去掉s因为前面有should）（我自己最经常挑别人这种错误了，被你发现了，掩面==） to support scientific research that only seemingly (因为你前面就是在说这个practical与否不是绝对的，所以如果不加seemingly的话感觉又像是在自己驳倒自己了) （有道理！这两个词一加，立刻严密了不少啊）do not have any practical use.+（还有一个问题就是以前一个网上的老师帮我改作文时说论述性的句子最好主语用one、he什么的，用we、our、you好像不太好，有点中国式英语；而且最好一段话、一篇文章的主语人称保持一致，不要变来变去；所以我觉得从as a result开始是不是把we换成one, our变成his好一点？但是我也不确定，你觉得哪个读着感觉好就用哪个吧^_^）最后这个建议我觉得蛮有道理的~以前没发现这么个坏习惯呢，得改改~

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There is no doubt that we, human beings, know very little about the universe. Moreover, we （even） do not even know much about ourselves. The most simple question to demonstrate my point is that “Where does the first being come from?” Nobody can answer it absolutely. Similarly (这样在句首连接一下两个类比句会比较醒目，要不然万一考官判卷时一看全是道理论证没有例子，一没仔细读乍一看没看懂其中的联系什么的就完蛋了；但也有可能是我理解力太差一上来读第一遍时没过脑子就没看懂==) （我确实木写例子，木写的原因是脑子里存货太少，最近正努力恶补着~）it is conceivable that we can not （考试一般连着写cannot）simply judge the difference between practical use and its opposite, too. Thus if the government does not support scientific research (that does not have any practical use) that seems impractical (句子有点累赘，你读读试试， 我觉得该简单时还是要简单，长短句结合) （有道理，下次我得读读看~我自己有的句子读起来真恶心啊。阿西吧==）, it may miss an actually functional research and lose opportunities in the future.

What’s more, there is no （unless） useless吧（嗯O(∩_∩)O~） thing in the world. Even nonsense can give rise to a new idea. Even an apple can bring home to Newton the law of gravity. Even an unsuccessful glue can contribute to the birth of Post-it. So if a government can tell what is （of no practical use） impractical（这样比较简洁）, then its future will be dim. If a government （can not）cannot tell what is （of no practical use）impractical, then (it) the question whether or not the government should support scientific research that has no practical use（你忘了加啦） (does) will(主将从现)（发现自己这种变化时态的方面做得很不好，以后得格外注意了~） not exist anymore(表强调).9 \( B- x, \/ L

But we should also take into account that the ability and resource of a country at a certain moment is certain. So the limited energy must be used to do the most important jobs and the most important jobs (have a name called) mean the things of practical use. As the government is behind the veil of ignorance （没看懂== 在无知/忽视的面纱下？（是“无知之幕”，好像是大二上财政学里学的，当大家都不知道自己的利益时，集体做出的决定是最公平的http://baike.baidu.com/view/2091510.html?fromTaglist）, it can only pay the most attention (on) to the most important jobs. So although the government should support all kinds of research, it has enough reasons to pay less on scientific research that seems to (does not) (即使是让步段也要加上seem，否则和你自己前面的观点矛盾) have no （any） practical use.
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In a nutshell, it pays to support scientific research that seemingly does not have any practical use. If the government is not strong enough, it can choose to pay less.:  R$ f) f2 i" Q6 J# A

我觉得咱们俩的风格迥然不同，你特别理性，擅长道理论证，而且每一段都论证的头头是道很有条理，不会自己把自己给绕乱了，好厉害你是理科生吧^_^ 我就不行，我总也写不出纯理论性的陈述句，我总习惯于举例子，缺少道理论证，这方面还得向你多请教啊！由于结构思路无可挑剔所以就在语言上多提了些建议。9 j/ R' p/ C- Y! G# S% U

喵，其实我是把它当成一个证明题来做的，用数学上学到的攻击方式去攻击它（比如证明一个说法前提、论证过程、结论是错的，错误是XXXX，这样想的），攻击完了之后再一个一个添例子，很多时候都想不起来或者来不及==
我觉得你比我的问题简单，你可以去看看GMAT写作的“七宗罪”，里面总结了七个常见逻辑错误，而且我研究之后发现，基本上所有的东西都能套进这七宗罪里面（就连两点之间直线最短这种也可以被怀疑一下~）

应小呆UID：3109940

20# sallyremy

Humankind is like an innocent child in the universe. In fact, he does not really know what is wrong and what is right. What he regards as dogma now may become nonsense the next moment. In addition, there is no certain answer to the question that which use is practical. As a result, what we take as useless now may play an important role in our future life(与前面那句意思重复了). Based on this, on no account should our government refuses to support scientific research that does not have any practical use.(这是Introduction吗？？怎么感觉像第一个论点。。。)（introduction 会死星人的努力尝试连师傅都木有看出来，下次要再努力吖，刚把爹~）

There is no doubt that we, human beings, know very little about the universe. Moreover, we even do not know much about ourselves. The most simple question to demonstrate my point is that “Where does the first (human)being come from?” Nobody can answer it absolutely. It is conceivable that we can not judge the difference between practical use and its opposite, too. Thus if the government do not support scientific research that does not have any practical use, it may lose opportunities in the future.(这段跟上段是一个意思啊！！)' _1 X( U8 l' D' O

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What’s more, there is no unless thing in the world. Even nonsense can give rise to a new idea.' d6 n) Q& o, [' u0 K( ]) r2 P  Y- b9 w/ j! S
Even an apple can bring home to Newton the law of gravity. Even an unsuccessful glue can contribute to the birth of Post-it. So if a government can tell what is of no practical use, then its future will be dim. If a government can not tell what is of no practical use, then it(舍去) the question whether or not the government should support scientific research does not exist..(还是一个意思啊！！)

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But we should also take into account that the ability and resource of a country at a certain moment is certain. So the energy must be used to do the most important jobs. The most important jobs have a name called things of practical use. As the government is behind the veil of ignogrance( 无知之幕不是什么都不知道嘛......), it can only pay the most attention on(pay more attention to) the most important jobs. So although the government should support all kinds of research, it has enough reasons to pay less on (to)scientific research that does not have any practical use

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In a nutshell, it(government) pays to support scientific research that does not have any practical use. If the government is not strong enough, it can choose to pay less.- f5
文章没有实证是硬伤，还有就是层次不够丰富啊~~加油加油！！欢乐的应小呆

实证实证，内心默念一百遍~决定去下载个中小学生作文宝典回来恶补例子~

应小呆UID：3109940

15# theflyfish


The government should support scientific research that does not have any practical use.

Humankind is like an innocent child in the universe. In fact, he does not really know what is wrong and what is right. What he regards as dogma now may become nonsense the next moment. In addition, there is no certain answer to the question that which use is practical. As a result, what we take as useless now may play an important role in our future life. Based on this, on no account should our government refuse to support scientific research that does not have any practical use.

There is no doubt that we, human beings, know very little about the universe. Moreover, we even do not know much about ourselves. The most simple question to demonstrate my point is that “Where does the first being come from?” Nobody can answer it absolutely. It is conceivable that we can not judge the difference between practical use and its opposite, too. Thus if the government do not support scientific research that does not have any practical use, it may lose opportunities in the future.

What’s more, there is no unless(?) thing in the world. Even nonsense can give rise to a new idea. Even an apple can bring home to Newton the law of gravity. (It is an urban legend.) Even an unsuccessful glue can contribute to the birth of Post-it. So if a government can tell what is of no practical use, then its future will be dim. If a government can not tell what is of no practical use, then the question whether or not the government should support scientific research does not exist.6


But we should also take into account that the ability and resource of a country at a certain moment is certain. So the energy must be used to do the most important jobs. The most important jobs have a name called things of practical use.(上面说we cannot judge the difference between practical use and its opposite,这里有给了个practical use的定义，好像有点矛盾soga！有道理啊！) As the government is behind the veil of ignorance(“veil of ignorance”是个专业术语吧，可以这么用吗？应该可以吧？他是代表一个通用的哲学理论), it can only pay the most attention on the most important jobs. So although the government should support all kinds of research, it has enough reasons to pay less on scientific research that does not have any practical use（不给钱，只是口头支持?）（下次要注意说明白呢==）

In a nutshell, it pays to support scientific research that does not have any practical use. If the government is not strong enough, it can choose to pay less.9 _! \1 q7 m- W0 N( M

应小呆UID：3109940

TPO14 综合写作
20min 278字
The lecturer thinks that the disadvantages of the salvage logging outweigh the advantages of it. She has three reasons to support her opinion.

First of all, the decomposition of dead trees will make the soil more suitable for new trees to grow. In the progress of decomposition, many parts of dead trees will turn into nutrient supplement to the soil. In addition, the spaces dead trees take up does not effect fresh growth very much.

Secondly, the spruce bark beetle has lived in forests for many years and never causes any large damage. Thus although the increase of their number will pose some threat to the healthy spruce trees, the majority of spruce trees will not be effected. What’s more, we can not forget the predator of insects, the bird. The more insects, the more birds. If the forest has more birds, then it will not be afraid of insects for a long time.

Thirdly, the economic benefits are so small that we do not have to clean dead trees. Moreover, additional jobs created y salvage logging is temporary, thus they will disappear soon after dead trees are cleaned up. Furthermore, the nearby people do not enjoy much of the benefit brought by the additional jobs. As cleaning dead trees in forests needs a lot of special skills, workers who take it as a job need special training to acquire it. So it is hard for the inhabitants nearby to share the benefit of additional jobs brought by the dead trees.

So in a nutshell, the lecturer casts doubt on the passage in three convincing reasons. It is clear that salvage logging is not as beneficial as described.

应小呆UID：3109940

TPO14 独立写作
35min 418字
问题是people benefit more from travelling in their own country than travelling to foreign countries.

As qualities of people’s living develop, the desire of travelling has become stronger and stronger. But which kind of travelling is more beneficial? There has been a hot debate about it. People, because of their emotional concerns, different backgrounds and personal experience, may hold different opinions. For me, I tend to believe that people benefit more from travelling to foreign countries. I have the following reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, curiosity is the nature of all human beings. It does not have much to do about the age, gender, nationality. So travelling to foreign countries can be more interesting. In fact, there are some numbers to support my opinion. In 2008, the number of people in Jiangxi Province who travelled to foreign countries is about 12300. In the next year, 2009, the number doubled to about 25000. What’s more, in the third year, 2010, the number reached about 53000. In contrast, the number of people who travelled within our own country remains unchanged to some extent.

In addition, people will learn more by travelling to foreign countries. A very famous example is a monk in Tang Destiny called Tang Xuanzang. He went to India along with four assistants. Although he met a lot of difficulties and almost lost his life for many times, he finally reached India and learned about the India Buddhistic classic. When he came back, he became one of the most learned people of that time, not only because of the knowledge he learned from India but also of the knowledge he learned from his travelling experience. Many people were helped by his knowledge. I can not image if Monk Tang didn’t travel to India, what China’s Buddhism will be like. Although for normal people, the influence will not be so impressive, travelling to foreign countries can also help one to learn more about the world.

Someone may think that although travelling to foreign has so many advantages, it is a little too expensive for some poor families to afford. From my point of view, I think they can make plans about the travel, choose the right countries and travel with some friends to share the expense. For example, one can go to the countries near their homeland. American can go to Canada and Mexico. Chinese can go to Japan and Korea. As these countries are very close to the traveler’s own countries, it won’t take much to afford it.

So in a nutshell, people benefit more from travelling to foreign countries.

sallyremyUID：3120928

22# 应小呆


中小学作文宝典的例子怎么够用啊！！研究生的可以试试~:D

应小呆UID：3109940

26# sallyremy

担心人名太复杂，记不住......

lemonsweet3UID：2848875

hi！
那天你给我批的作文我又改了改，你有时间时可以看看 提提建议 谢谢：）
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1280367-2-1.html

theflyfishUID：2101420

25# 应小呆
昨天的作文大致改了一下。总体来说挺好的，提高一下词汇的准确性和多样性就更好了。

sallyremyUID：3120928

27# 应小呆


这个可以随便编的。。。考官也记不太清吧

应小呆UID：3109940

综合写作 TPO2
15min 235字
The lecturer takes the view that the best way to approach certain new projects is not to assemble a group of people into a team. According to a 6 months research, group work not only did not make any contribution, but also took the benefit away. He has the following reasons to support his opinion.
First of all, the result of the work is recognized as a whole, not a single name is mentioned. So those people who really contribute to the result will hold the opposite idea of the distribution of the contribution.  They may feel unfair.

What’s more, it will take much more time than other ways to approach certain new projects. This is because it is hard for the team to reach consensus. Everyone may hold different views.

The last but not the least reason is that the decision of the team may be restricted to the desire of one or two influential people. If the influential people regard some plans as plans never work, then most of the team will choose to drop the plan, no matter how beneficial it may be. To make things worse, if those influential people strongly support some plans which may be direct opposed by some others. Then the team will ignore the upcoming failure and go straight to the wrong direction. When the failure does come, the blame is on everyone of the team.