【Daily Writing作文特训小组】小呆的作文贴，求监督求指导~

应小呆UID：3109940

7月13日综合
20min 240字
The lecturer admitted that the three problems referred in the passage are relatively reasonable. What they take as evidences is true as well. But all the three problems can be explained by following researches. The following reasons is the result of some thorough researches.

First of all, the passage questions about the way the woman in the portrait is dressed.
Through carefully examination, researchers have found that the fur color was added several years after the painting had been completed.
Why did the one who owned the portrait changed the formal portrait? It is possible that the owner wanted to raise the value of the portrait.

Then the second problem can be solved too. The light reflected on to her face is from her light collar. As researchers remove the fur color from the portrait, the original color appears. The original color is light. So it is reasonable that the face is illuminated by light reflected on to it from below.

The third problem is solved in the lecture too.
Although no painting known to be by Rembrandt uses a panel glued together in this way from several pieces of wood, but the wood used in the portrait is from the same tree used in another portrait of Rembrandt, which is undoubted the work of Rembrandt.

So in a nutshell, although there are three problems that doubt the origin of the portrait, there are enough evidences to support its origin.

应小呆UID：3109940

7月14日综合
20min 257字
The lecturer introduced some explanations for the three evidences described in the passage. Through these explanations, the lecturer disagrees with the passage. Here are those explanations.

The first explanation is for polar dinosaurs. Although it is true that dinosaurs have been discovered in polar regions, it doesn’t mean that dinosaurs in polar regions can maintain a temperature well above that of the surrounding environment. On one side, the climate of the era, in which dinosaur lives, is much warmer than now. So it isn’t so cold that only endotherms can remain active. On the other side, when it comes the cold weather, the dinosaurs lives in polar region can immigrate to those warmer places.

The second explanation is for leg position and movement. The lecturer refutes the claim that the legs placed underneath the body is used only to run. In fact, legs placed underneath the body can also support weight, which can allow dinosaurs to grow much larger. The larger a dinosaur is, the more benefit it may obtain.

The third explanation is for heversian canals. It is no doubt that dinosaurs do have herversian canals. But on the contrary, they do have growth rings too. Their growth fluctuates as the temperature changes. Firstly, the growth is rapid. Then the growth gets slower. In the end, the growth stops until the next warm season. In contrast, endothermy, as we all know, can grow consistently

So in a nutshell, although the evidences in the passage are true, there are still explanations to explain them in other ways.

cherrycarrieUID：2943359

The lecturer admitted that the three problems referred in the passage are relatively reasonable. What they take as evidences is true as well. But all the three problems can be explained by following researches. The following reasons is (are) the result of some thorough researches.

First of all, the passage questions about the way the woman in the portrait is dressed. Through carefully examination, researchers have found that the fur color was added several years after the painting had been completed. Why did the one who owned the portrait changed the formal portrait? It is possible that the owner wanted to raise the value of the portrait.

Then the second problem can be solved too. The light reflected on to her face is from her light collar. As researchers remove the fur color from the portrait, the original color appears. The original color is light. So it is reasonable that the face is illuminated by light reflected on to it from below.

The third problem is solved in the lecture too. (这句= =最好如此相似的句子不要出现多次并如此频繁。。。可以说similarly之类的) Although no painting known to be by Rembrandt (known to be by R- -?觉得别扭。)uses a panel glued together in this way from several pieces of wood, but the wood used in the portrait is from the same tree used in another portrait of Rembrandt, which is undoubted the work of Rembrandt.
另：你没有说enlarged,我没有说木材相同= =

So in a nutshell, although there are three problems that doubt the origin of the portrait, there are enough evidences to support its origin.

觉得写的还不错的呀。:loveliness:

应小呆UID：3109940

7月14日独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
"The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries."
30min 397字

As a famous Chinese saying goes, "Man dies in pursuit of wealth, and birds die in pursuit of food." It is obvious that if teachers' salaries get raised, there will be more talent people want to be teachers. In other words, more part of the society's human resource will be used in education. Then the quality of education will improve undoubtedly. But in fact, it isn't the best way. This opinion can be supported by the following discussions.

First and foremost, we cannot ignore the importance of teachers' salaries to the quality of education. As presented above, salary can attract more learned people to make contribution to the education. It can be backed by many everyday examples. For instance, we can always find in newspaper that if the government wants to improve its educational quality, it will appropriate more money to the Education Department. Where does this money go? A large part of it goes to teachers' pockets. So from government's policy, we can find that the quality of education has something to do with teachers' salaries.

But it is known to all that we can't kill a weed without hurt its roots. So if we can not improve the educational systems, money will only have a limited function. For one thing, a good system has more glamour than high salaries. As economy develops, the dream of getting more money is chased by less and less people. More and more people choose to get enough money and have a meaningful life. In a good system, it is easier for individual to realize his own mission. For example, people will realize more in a company with good organization.
What's more, a good system not only means good organization but also means good support. That means to change the way teachers are trained.
As we all know that the more successfully a child is raised, the more progress he may achieve in the future. The same is to teachers. If teachers were trained more successfully, then the whole educational system will get more achievements. If there are more achievements in educational system, the quality of education will be improved naturally and consistently.

To sum up, I think the best way to improve the quality of education is to develop the whole educational system. If we have a more productive education machine, nobody will worry about low quality of education.

应小呆UID：3109940

有件事情我想不明白，就是综合协作里面，passage的部分到底占多大比例呢？

theflyfishUID：2101420

改了下7月13日的作文。是同主题的几篇里理由最充分，最让人信服的了。继续加油啊。

theflyfishUID：2101420

7月14日独立改好了。
观点很深刻，论证也很充分。学习了

zw9191UID：2766986

谢谢批改我的作文。以下蓝字=欣赏，红字=评改
Which is better, challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future? 10,3,60 j

这种开头方式不入俗套，但是会不会让人觉得太突然？
You will never know what you can do until you have tried. As a result, choosing challenging plans about one's future is better. It not only makes the society to be more creative, but also gives those who try a more colorful life. Although practical plans still have some advantages too, their virtues cannot outweigh their drawbacks. My opinion can be strengthened by the following reasons.
First and foremost, choosing challenging plans means choosing to try something new, or in other word, to explore the unknown. All progress human has made is based on exploration of the unknown. The more people choose to try something new, the faster our society develops. Let me take some examples. Without trying to create a new language, how can we communicate so conveniently with others? Without the invention of steam engine, how comes the industrial age? Without Columbus, how comes America?（个人认为有点中文式说理了，两者的关系点得明白些是不是更好？英文不像中文那么含蓄） So in a nutshell, choosing challenging plans can help the society to enjoy more progress.
On the other side, choosing challenging plans can provide more possibility for one's life. If Chen Sheng and Wu Guang (老外可能看不懂，呵呵) had not risen in arm, they would never enjoy freedom from Qin Dynasty. What's more, I can take myself as an instance. When I was five years old, I hated playing the piano, as it was too hard for me to handle and shortened my spare time to play with my friends. But when I was eleven, my opinion about piano (删除has，此处不可用完成时) changed totally, as I can enjoy more entertainment from music than my peers. Moreover, choosing challenging plans may mean choosing a harder life experience. However, it also means choosing to give yourself more possibilities of future life. (看到好多choosing，个人认为能换的就换种表达，重复这么多次可能会让人厌烦，更有可能认为你词汇量有限)
But I have to make it clear that practical plans also have some advantages, although less than challenging plans. Practical plans can bring stability to the whole society and provide a(an) appropriate choice for those cautious people.So in a nutshell (再重复一遍就不好了…特别是这种有亮点的词，第二次用就没意思了，反而显得做作), challenging plans about one's future is better, although practical plans have some advantages, too.

lyn7981UID：2758158

"Man dies in pursuit of wealth, and birds die in pursuit of food", good salary is obviously a competitive bait for more talents willing to serve in pedagogy. From that point, the quality of education would be evidently improved if considerable amount of money was invested on. But in fact, it isn't the best way. This opinion can be supported by the following discussions.(我觉得这样更精简点，可以少很多连词，嘿嘿）
First and foremost, we cannot ignore the importance of teachers' salaries to the quality of education. As presented above, salary can attract more learned people to make contribution to the education. It can be backed by many everyday examples. For instance, we can always find in newspaper that if the government wants to improve its educational quality, it will appropriate more money to the Education Department. Where does this money go? A large part of it goes to teachers' pockets. So from government's policy, we can find that the quality of education has something to do with teachers' salaries.(这段没看懂，想支持什么观点？还是作为过渡段？有点看糊涂了，你和我说说我再改改好吗？）
But it is known to all that we can't kill a weed without hurt its roots. So if we can not improve the educational systems, money will only have a limited function. （这句很精彩呐）For one thing, （for on thing 接的很好，学习了）a good system has more glamour than high salaries.（What sys.?) As economy develops, the dream of getting more money is chased by less and less people.Instead,(或者把两句用instead并一句我觉得也不错） More and more people put emphasis on a meaningfulmental life. （这里要不要过渡一下？有点突然）In a good system, it is easier for individual to realize his own mission. For example, people will realize more in a company with good organization.
What's more, a good system not only means good organization but also means good suppor（good support 有点大，可不可以改成well-trained staff or well-educated staff)t. That means to change the way teachers are trained.
we all know that the more successfully a child is raised, the more progress he may achieve in the future. The same is to teachers.(The same to 用的漂亮呢，学走了） If teachers were trained more successfully, then the whole educational system will get more achievements. If there are more achievements in educational system, the quality of education will be improved naturally and consistently.
To sum up, I think the best way to improve the quality of education is to develop the whole educational system(需不需要点一下题？I think increasing the salaries of teachers may be a feasible way to improve the quality of education, but not the best one.。。。。。。blabla). If we have a more productive education machine（machine是不是有点吓人啦，我想到变形金刚了，呵呵）, nobody will worry about low quality of education.

第一次改，自己水平也很有限，改得不好不要生气。帮我也看看我的吧。https://bbs.gter.net/frame.php?frameon=yes

lyn7981UID：2758158

地址发错了，https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1284659-1-1.html

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

As a famous Chinese sayinggoes, "Man dies in pursuit of wealth, and birds die in pursuit offood." It is obvious that if teachers' salaries get raised, there will bemore talent people want to be teachers. In other words, more part of the society'shuman resource will be used in education. Then the quality of education willimprove undoubtedly. But in fact, it isn't the best way. This opinion can besupported by the following discussions.
在看你的最后一句前，我一直都是认为你是支持增加工资的。并且你还用两句话解释了你否定的观点，形容词用的非常肯定。我认为每个人在读文章的时候都会有期待，开头应该以简洁明确为主。

First and foremost, wecannot ignore the importance of teachers' salaries to the quality of education.(第一句话是在支持相反观点。) As presented above,salary can attract more learned people to make contribution to the education.（这句话不仅支持了相反观点，并且重复了第一段内容，应当删去。） It can be backed by many everyday examples. （后面的for instance可以替代这句话）For instance, we can always find in newspaper that if thegovernment wants to improve its educational quality, it will appropriate moremoney to the Education Department. Where does this money go? A large part of itgoes to teachers' pockets. So from government's policy, we can find that thequality of education has something to do with teachers' salaries.（我认为到本段到结尾都没有给出明确观点）

But it is known to all thatwe can't kill a weed without hurt its roots. So if we cannot improve theeducational systems, money will only have a limited function. For one thing, agood system has more glamour than high salaries. As economy develops, the dreamof getting more money is chased by less and less people. More and more peoplechoose to get enough money and have a meaningful life. In a good system, it iseasier for individual to realize his own mission. For example, people willrealize more in a company with good organization.
这一段是从反面说，一个好的education system才是一个最有效的方法。但是有两个问题，第一、这个system的function是什么，如何增强的教育质量，这个没有解释清楚。从反面说是可以的，但是仍然应该从正面联系如何improve education system就比increase teacher’s salary更好，否则容易造成偏题。


What's more, a good systemnot only means good organization but also means good support. That means tochange the way teachers are trained.As we all know that the moresuccessfully a child is raised, the more progress he may achieve in the future.The same is to teachers. If teachers were trained more successfully, then thewhole educational system will get more achievements. If there are moreachievements in educational system, the quality of education will be improvednaturally and consistently.

To sum up, I think the best way to improve the quality ofeducation is to develop the whole educational system. If we have a moreproductive education machine, nobody will worry about low quality of education.
后两段确实偏题了。倒第二段在说一个system如何好的改善了教育质量。完全没有提到工资问题。结尾你说你认为的最好的曾倩教育质量的方法，也是完全没有提工资。仔细看题目Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The bestway to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers'salaries."
问的是是否同意涨工资是提高教育质量的方法，应该主要谈你的观点，然后给出同意或者不同意的理由。而你的文章写的是一个完善的教育体系是否是提高教育质量的方法。


个人意见仅供参考啊~ 咱们继续讨论！

carol0607UID：3022610

谢谢小呆改我作文，我水平不高，如果把你对的改错了还望见谅啊~~

As a famous Chinese saying goes, "Man dies in pursuit of wealth, and birds die in pursuit of food."（哇，信笔拈来好棒，我都背不到这么多） It is obvious that if teachers' salaries get raised, there will be（have）more talent people want to be teachers. In other words, more part of the society's human resource will be used in education. Then the quality of education will improve undoubtedly. But in fact, it isn't the best way. This opinion can be supported by the following discussions.

First and foremost, we cannot ignore the importance of teachers' salaries to the quality of education. As presented above, salary can attract more learned people to make contribution to the education（high salary attracts more learned people and push them to make great contributions for education 薪水一定要高才能吸引人哦，还有后面两个to to 连着用读起有点怪怪的，这样改不晓得会不会好点）. It can be backed by many everyday examples. For instance, we can always find in newspaper that if the government wants to improve its educational quality（去掉its ，the quality of education）, it will appropriate more money to the Education Department. Where does this money go? A large part of it goes to teachers' pockets（这句有点幽默，我笑了）. So from government's policy（so， base on the government policy 这里不用加’s）, we can find that the quality of education has something to do with teachers' salaries.

But it is known to all that we can't kill a weed without hurt its roots. (这个形容赞)So if we can not improve the educational systems, money will only have a limited function. For one thing, a good system has more glamour than high salaries. As economy develops, the dream of getting more money is chased by less and less people. More and more people choose to get enough money and have a meaningful life. In a good system, it is easier for individual to realize his own mission. For example, people will realizes more in a company with good organization. What's more, a good system not only means good organization but also means good support. That means to change the way teachers are trained.（最后这句怪怪的，我也不知道咋改，你有把握这句是正确的么，可能是我有问题把~）

As we all know that the more successfully a child is raised，the more progress he may achieve in the future. The same is to teachers. If teachers were trained more successfully, then the whole educational system will get more achievements. If there are more achievements in educational system, the quality of education will be improved naturally and consistently. （两个if连得真舒服）

To sum up, I think the best way to improve the quality of education is to develop（s） the whole educational system. If we have a more productive education machine（s）, nobody will worry about low quality of education.( O1 u3 |0 f/ ^6 w& K

dadafanUID：2659273

7.14
加油！

sallyremyUID：3120928

45# 应小呆
You will never know what you can do until you have tried. As a result, choosing challenging plans about one's future is better. It not only makes the society to be more creative, but also gives those who try a more colorful life. Although practical plans still have some advantages too, their virtues cannot outweigh their drawbacks. My opinion can be strengthened by the following reasons.

First and foremost, choosing challenging plans means choosing to try something new, or in other word, to explore the unknown. All progress human has made is based on exploration of the unknown. The more people choose to try something new, the faster our society develops. Let me take some examples. Without trying to create a new language, how can we communicate so conveniently with others? Without the invention of steam engine, how comes the industrial age? Without  Columbus, how comes America? So in a nutshell, choosing challenging plans can help the society to enjoy more progress.(这段的观点很不错哟~~)

One the other side, choosing challenging plans can provide more possibility for one's life. If Chen Sheng and Wu Guang had not risen in arm, they would never enjoy（have enjoyed）freedom from Qin Dynasty. What's more, I can take myself as an instance. When I was five years old, I hated playing piano, as (换成because更好，as容易引起歧义，理解成当) it was too hard for me to handle and shortened my spare time to play with my friends. But when I was eleven, my opinion about piano has changed totally, as I can enjoy more entertainment from music than my peers. Moreover, choosing challenging plans may mean choosing a harder life experience. However, it also means choosing to give yourself more possibilities of future life.

But I have to make it clear that practical plans also have some advantages, although less than challenging plans. Practical plans can bring stability to the whole society and provide an appropriate choice for those cautious people.(可以explain more 噢~)

So in a nutshell, challenging plans about one's future is better, although practical plans have some advantages, too.
昨晚批好了传了好几次没传上。。。果然论坛深夜不给力。。。加油！！

应小呆UID：3109940

7月16日
独立


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.10,2,13
If there is no woodpecker to take worms out of a tree, the tree will die. People's life has something like a tree. If he cannot accept criticize, he won't be successful. My opinion can be strengthened by the following discussion.
For one thing, nobody likes people who ignore his advice. Support from others is very important in cooperation of team. If one is disliked by his colleagues, he will get little support from them. As I have said above, he will lose the ability to be successful in a team. For instance, when I was 10 years old, I was distributed to a 10-person team to explore the weeds around our school and each write a report to the Biology teacher. One girl of our team was so aggressive that she would jeer anyone who criticizes her way of collect weeds. So we decided to leave her alone. On last day, we all completed our reports with abundant data and examples shared from each other.  But the poor girl had only a short report with 12 sentences on it. I don't have to say that she was criticized by the teacher in the end. So if one cannot accept criticize from others, he will not get support from them.
For another, everyone will make mistakes. If you correct it in time, that will be fine. Whereas you leave them along, the accumulation will be serious. How to find your mistakes? For most of us, we need criticize from others, as we can not find the hole on the back of our pants. So criticize can help us do better job. It is especially true in a cooperation of team, as a black sheep in a team will destroy all of the work, no matter whether the black sheep is unintentional or not. For instance, last week one of my teammates called Lin Tong was ill, so she had to finish her part of our teamwork at hospital. As we cannot connected her easily, nobody can help her to find her mistakes. In the deadline, she asked her sister to send us her part of report and we just merge it with ours without revise. Yesterday, I saw our score on the internet. It is so low, beyond my worst wishes. I went to ask our professor, Dr Zheng, for reasons. When I came back, I was feel so bad about the fact that we didn't revise her part.
Some people may think that not all critics should be accept in a cooperation of team, as others may not know about what you are doing and may give wrong advice. They use a good company broken by a bad team leader as an example. But I have to say that, in a cooperatio of team, we can firstly accept critics and then judge it depend on ourselves, or ask more experienced parnters.
So in a nutshell, in a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn't be successful.