求T版大神改作文

dandelionttUID: 2852417

刚写了一篇作文，想求大神帮改改。
我比较穷，先给这么点吧，大神不要嫌少啊~ 我主要在G版混，对T版不是很熟悉，大神们多关照啊。

======我是分割线======
我说说我的问题吧。就是不会写，不是英文的问题，而是没有什么思路，用中文写也写不出来，感觉举不出特别specific的例子。我刚刚开始写T的作文，感觉套路很不熟悉。写出来感觉很空泛。

好了，下面帖文章。
题目

Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
文章
As increasing numbers of people choose to keep pets, some people have developed an intimate relationship with their pets. Would such kind of relationship between people and pets beneficial? Those people who uphold this point assert that close relationship with pets will help reduce people's feeling of loneliness. Yet from my perspective, such kind of close relationship brings more impediment than benefit for people.

Admittedly, as some people had asserted, close relationship with pets may bring help to reduce people's sense of loneliness. For those who treat their pets as their family members, the accompany of their animals would be a great comfort for their soul and heart. When feeling sorry, they could "talk" to their pets, similar in the way that we communicate with our friend. Such kind of emotional relationship with people and animals might helps to release their stress and comfort them, especially when people are in difficulties or in sorrow.

This point, however, cannot be taken too far. According to my observation, intimate relationship could provide a person with comfort when he is faced with difficulties or he is in sorrow, but such comfort could not give him the courage to overcome the difficulty and sorrow. Caressing and embracing his or her dog, a person might forget his sorrow, and he or she could reach comfort at that moment. Nevertheless, such kind of comfort is immediate, this person has to face his or her situation sorrow or later. Immense in the comfort with his or her pet, the person is evading facing his or her true situation, and he or she might lose the courage to overcome his difficulties ultimately.

Moreover, I'm afraid that too intimate relationship with pets might hinder a person from communicating with outside world. Since staying with pets is a so comfortable experience, some people who have such relationship might feel that there is no need to communicate with other people. When having the impulse to communicate with some, they would at first time come to their pet. Gradually, such intimate relationship will impede them from touching outside world. A friend of mine once had an intimate pet. She was so unwilling to talk to other people because she felt that talking to her pet is safer and she was afraid of communicating with people.

Thus, I consider that close relationship with pets do more bad than good. Intimate relationship with animals would never compar to the intimate relationship with people.

这篇文章写出来感觉不太好，所以拿来求大神给拍拍，思维，语言，结构，各方面都给点意见吧~感激不尽啊~~~~~

hycqyUID: 2819662

我觉得这篇文章的写法还是GRE的思路  就是逻辑性比较强 但是缺少例子的支持  建议在叙述论点的时候采用观点->理由->例子这样的模式  这样就有话可说了

wendychuengUID: 2811319

哟 才发现寄托现在有这样一悬赏功能了，有意思。我不是大神，所以... 只是看看

sonicjamUID: 2507839

哟 才发现寄托现在有这样一悬赏功能了，有意思。我不是大神，所以... 只是看看
wendychueng 发表于 2011-7-21 01:22

一直都有。。

sonicjamUID: 2507839

等几个大斑斑来改吧 我就不乱掺和了~ 我顺便也学习一下~

dandelionttUID: 2852417

ls，表这样嘛

dandelionttUID: 2852417

大神快来~

dandelionttUID: 2852417

7# hycqy
谢谢指导。这一点我也一直很困惑。
因为我写aw的时候用的例子基本上都是历史事件或者历史材料，但是我觉得T的作文应该尽量写得生活化一点，可能是一时没有适应，总是想不出来特别贴切的例子。
而且我觉得T的要求在语言上的要求比GRE作文要高一些，我在写GRE作文的时候就不是很在乎语言，但是现在写T作文就觉得有点不知道怎么下手的感觉。