【NINE小组】第一次作业—by 橙子

会飞的橙子UID: 3012240

26)
The luxuries andconveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developinginto truly strong and independent individuals.
Write a response in which you discuss theextent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain yourreasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting yourposition, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might nothold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


The statement associates the contemporarylife of abundance and great ease negatively with the chance that people developinto a both physically and intellectually strong individuals with independence.Without doubt, there has been no time throughout history that we human beingshave experienced so much technological changes rapidly. Providing us anincreasingly more suitable environment, the modern life satisfies people inevery aspect of life. Owning to the automobile, we are available to reach theplace comfortably in a short time; thanks to the nice instruments, we haveaccess to tell the results effortlessly; what is more, because of the wide useof Internet, we can prepare the materials with only one click. None of ourancestors could go through the ease we are enjoying currently.


Attempting to bridge the contemporary lifeto the less chance that people become strong and independent individuals indeed,the statement assumes that humans are surely addicted to the coziness andrefuse to step forward. Admittedly, one may argue that if we live in ancienttimes when there were no automobiles instruments and Internet, we had to walkto the destination all the time, thus we could build our body and be physicallystrong; we had no choice but to calculate, to analyze and to collect informationon our own, as a consequence, we could exercise our brains and will, and beintellectually strong and truly independent. The luxury and convenient currentlife prevents people to be strong and independent by reducing simple exercisesand training.


However, contemporary life does not necessarilylead to weak and dependent, in fact, serving as stepping-stone, it promotespeople to be stronger and more independent than any of their forerunners. Asmentioned above, current life including automobiles instruments and theInternet help us free from simple work. Consequently, on one hand, we have moretime to put forward new issues that our ancestors had never thought. Takeautomobile industry as an example. Tracing back to the time when Karl Benzinvented the first car with internal-combustion engine, no one had ever come upwith the idea that automobiles should design to save fuels, not mention to theidea of low-carbon. We, living in contemporary life, not only have called theideal to mind, but also have invented the Hybrid Electrical Vehicle intelligently.


On the other hand, we can see howcontemporary life makes us physically strong. Modern life also offers a largequantity of tools for us, especially the advanced instruments in the hospitals.The advanced instruments assist doctors to make more exact diagnoses, or play keyroles in operations. In current life, the level of medical treatment hasincreased dramatically, which serves as insurance of body health. For instance,in the 19th century, the average life span of people is about 40years; while in the 20th century, it increased to approximately 75,increased by 35 years, which proves that we are increasingly strongerphysically. The modern life makes contribution to such obvious growth.


What is more, the wide use of Internet isthe bright spot that marked modern life and via searching Internet, people aretrained to be independent. That is to say, in information age, when the societystresses individual ability, staff members who ought to learn to choose usefulinformation from the sea of messages by herself, who are supposed to finish excesswork on his own, are facing unprecedented challenges. Spreading rapidly on theInternet, the fake information calls for our ability of independence.


To sum up, it is not the luxury andconvenient contemporary life that keeps the chance of human being strong andindependent at bay. Indeed, the luxuries and conveniences give us an advancedplatform, where we can have the aid of our forerunners, free from simple andmeaningless practice, think further, creatively, independently, to be realstrong and independent.










好久没写了，越写越纠结，╮(╯▽╰)╭。。。多练习吧。。。

Rita2046UID: 3064583

本人水平有限哈，又是第一次改别人作文，说的不到位请谅解。
优点：1. 语言很流畅，可见英语底子很不错。
      2.文中举了简单的例子，显得很充实。
缺点：1.打字不注意，两词之间常常没有空格。
      2. 最最重要的一点，前两段主题句没有，中心思想不明显，第三段以后才有了明显的脉络。

会飞的橙子UID: 3012240

由于明天要回那个鸟不拉屎的地方，中午就来不及了，早点发上来。。

那个那个空格问题，应该是复制文章过来产生的。。。:funk:





26) The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into trulystrong and independent individuals.
Write a response in which youdiscuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement andexplain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supportingyour position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or mightnot hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.






The statement associates the contemporarylife of abundance and great ease negatively with the chance that people developinto a both physically and intellectually strong individuals with independence.Without doubt, there has been no time throughout history that the luxuries andconvenience simply our life. Providing us an increasingly more suitableenvironment, the modern life satisfies people in every aspect of life. Owningto the automobile, we are available to reach the place comfortably in a short time;thanks to the nice instruments, we have access to tell the resultseffortlessly; and because of the wide use of Internet, we can get informationwith only one click. None of our ancestors could go through the ease we areenjoying currently.




Attempting to bridge the contemporary life to the less chance thatpeople become strong and independent individuals indeed, the statement assumesthat humans are surely addicted to the coziness and refuse to step forward.Admittedly, one may argue that if we live in old times when there were noautomobiles instruments and Internet, we had to walk to the destination all thetime, thus we could build our body and be physically strong; we had no choicebut to calculate, to analyze and to collect information on our own, as aconsequence, we could exercise our brains and will, and be intellectuallystrong and truly independent. The luxury and convenient current life preventspeople to be strong and independent by reducing simple exercises and training.
(前两段是受范文启发来写的，第二段是在什么情况下statement是TRUE，TS是最后一句，不知道可不可以。。。)

However, contemporary life doesnot necessarily lead to weak and dependent, in fact, serving as stepping-stone,it promotes people to be stronger and more independent than any of theirforerunners. As mentioned above, current life including automobiles instrumentsand the Internet help us free from simple work. Accordingly, on one hand, wehave more time to put forward new issues that our ancestors had never thought.Take automobile industry as an example. Tracing back to the time when Karl Benzinvented the first car with internal-combustion engine, no one had ever come upwith the idea that automobiles should design to save fuels, not mention to theidea of low-carbon. Under unremitting efforts, we have invented the HybridElectrical Vehicle intelligently. The contemporary life not only allows peopleto think more deeply but also illuminates people to pursue harmony to make usstrong intellectually.

On the other hand, we can see how contemporary life makes usphysically strong clearly. Modern life also offers a large quantity of toolsfor us, especially the advanced instruments in hospitals. The advancedinstruments assist doctors to make more exact diagnoses, or play key roles inoperations. In current life, the level of medical treatment has increaseddramatically, which serves as insurance of body health. For instance, in the 19thcentury, the average life span of people is about 40 years; while in the 20thcentury, it increased to approximately 75, increased by 35 years, which provesthat we are increasingly stronger physically.






What is more, contemporary life offers us more chances to beindependent. The wide use of Internet is the bright spot marked modern life. Ininformation age, bombarded with millions uponmillions messages, we are expected to choose usefulinformation via our own judgment; surrounded by fake or overstated news, we ought to tell them apartby thinking for ourselves. Thus, owning to the convenience of modern life, weare more independent than we realize.
（自己觉得这段原来写的很不好，乱）




To sum up, it is not the luxury andconvenient contemporary life that keeps the chance of human being strong andindependent at bay. Indeed, the luxuries and conveniences give us an advancedplatform, where having the aid of our forerunners, we can free from simple andmeaningless practice to think further, creatively and independently, to be realstrong and independent.

winterfineUID: 3141531

The statement associates the contemporary life of abundance and great ease negatively with the chance that people develop into a both physically and intellectually strong individuals with independence. Without doubt, there has been no time throughout history that the luxuries and convenience simply our life. Providing us an increasingly more suitable environment, the modern life satisfies people in every aspect of life. Owning to the automobile, we are available to reach the place comfortably in a short time; thanks to the nice instruments, we have access to tell the results effortlessly; and because of the wide use of Internet, we can get information with only one click. None of our ancestors could go through the ease we are enjoying currently.
我感觉下一段中已经距离说明了现代生活都提供了哪些便利，在这里就没有必要写这么具体了。

Attempting to bridge the contemporary life to the less chance that people become strong and independent individuals indeed, the statement assumes that humans are surely addicted to the coziness and refuse to step forward. Admittedly, one may argue that if we live in old times when there were no automobiles instruments and Internet, we had to walk to the destination all the time, thus we could build our body and be physically strong; we had no choice but to calculate, to analyze and to collect information on our own, as a consequence, we could exercise our brains and will, and be intellectually strong and truly independent. The luxury and convenient current life prevents people to be strong and independent by reducing simple exercises and training.


However, contemporary life does not necessarily lead to (the) weak and dependent, in fact, serving as stepping-stone, it promotes people to be stronger and more independent than any of their forerunners. As mentioned above, current life including automobiles instruments and the Internet help us free from simple work. Accordingly, on one hand, we have more time to put forward new issues that our ancestors had never thought. Take automobile industry as an example. Tracing back to the time when Karl Benz invented the first car with internal-combustion engine, no one had ever come up with the idea that automobiles should design to save fuels, not mention to the idea of low-carbon. Under unremitting efforts, we have invented the Hybrid Electrical Vehicle intelligently. The contemporary life not only allows people to think more deeply but also illuminates people to pursue harmony to make us strong intellectually.


On the other hand, we can see how contemporary life makes us physically strong clearly. Modern life also offers a large quantity of tools for us, especially the advanced instruments in hospitals. The advanced instruments assist doctors to make more exact diagnoses, or play key roles in operations. In current life, the level of medical treatment has increased dramatically, which serves as insurance of body health. For instance, in the 19thcentury, the average life span of people is about 40 years; while in the 20thcentury, it increased to approximately 75, increased by 35 years, which proves that we are increasingly stronger physically.


What is more, contemporary life offers us more chances to be independent. The wide use of Internet is the bright spot marked modern life. In information age, bombarded with millions upon millions messages, we are expected to choose useful information via our own judgment; surrounded by fake or overstated news, we ought to tell them apart by thinking for ourselves. Thus, owning to the convenience of modern life, we are more independent than we realize.
这段偏短


To sum up, it is not the luxury and convenient contemporary life that keeps the chance of human being strong and independent at bay. Indeed, the luxuries and conveniences give us an advanced platform, where having the aid of our forerunners, we can free from simple and meaningless practice to think further, creatively and independently, to be real strong and independent.

从字数上看，论证strong的部分是论证independent的部分的3倍多，如果把physically与intellectually适当删减合为一段，另外更加充分讨论independent那部分，会不会更优秀呢？

观点明确并得到了恰当的展开，逻辑清晰，语言也很流畅，非常值得我学习啊~

batman4000UID: 3139168

之前我给别人改文章的时候，往往都能改出很多东西。可是，额，实在抱歉，以我的水平，这篇文章我改不出什么东西。
我觉得这篇文章的逻辑还是很严谨的，作者的态度很鲜明，并且论证也充分说明了这一点。而且你对词汇的掌握真的很好，用的很灵活~
可真正出彩的地方是，文章里引用的例子的确很恰当，可以很好的支持文章的观点。看来你有很好的积累。希望有机会能跟你交流学习一下~
在我看来，如果说有问题的话，那也只是一些拼写错误之类的小毛病，完全可以忽略的~还有就是倒数第二段有个小总结就更好了~