【daily writing】作文特训主题xu8431习作

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

加油

wq1102UID: 2962374

8月18日 20100813NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? More and more people spend too much money on their pet (dogs, cats and others), although there are better uses for these money. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There are a growing number of people keeping pets nowadays. Most of them spend so much money on their pets that while some people claim it’s not worth doing that and they could make fuller use of theose money. As far as Ii concerned, sometimes pets do deserve the money we spend on them.

A key reason is that those doggies and kitties may bring us a great amount of joy and relaxation. Animals can communicate with each other in their particular way. They also communicate with human beings, for they are quick to sensesensitive to anger and sorrow. With the communication, we could get out of the bad moods soon. For example, once my friend Betty failed a math exam soand she was very upset about that on our way home. Suddenly she saw a little kitty walking toward her and smelling her shoes. Her heart got smooth and gentle immediately and took out (这里的主语对应的是her heart) a piece of chocolate to feed it. When she raised her head, Ii saw a big smile on her face clearly.

In addition, pets also make good contribution to family education and daily life (这里的family education and daily life指的都是the aged people，和后面的内容不一致了) of the aged people. Pets are of particular importance to children in this Plastic Age(这个词没听过，翻译成“塑胶年代”？) when most of us live in large cities. Watching the everyday activities of a pet helps a child to understand nature and cope with problems (这段展开不够充分哦 ).

As for the aged, in this developing society developing with a high speed, young people ought to work very hard to support their family. As a result, they get less time to accompany their old parents and grandparents. It’s reported that the number of aged people who catch dementia is increasing by 30,000 a year. And some scientists all agree that living with pets can lower the rate of catching that kind of disease. My cousin’s grandma who is， a 66-year-old lady， keeps 2 dogs. Before she does so, she used to play Mahjong in her spare time, which requires players sit around a table for a long time, in her spare time. She often had a backache because of that. (这里缺少过渡，比如说她的背痛好了) Now she has spent much money on keeping dogs, but she always tells people with loud laughter, ”totally worth!”

Most importantly, in the modern society, the money that spending on pets is kind of necessary. Because people now spend more money on the pets’ cleaning and vaccine which help them to live a better life, get along better with humans and even contribute to the whole society. What’s more, it cost some people thousands of dollars to train a guide dog. It leads the blind people a better living standard which you can’t consider as a waste of money.

Pets can not only offer freedom to disable people, but also help human beings develop both mental and physical health. There is no doubt that we are supposed to focus on other things, but what can be more important than our health and freedom?

楼主写了好多呀，例子很多，用词也比较丰富，偶尔一两句指代不明确，我也有这毛病，共同进步呀~

wq1102UID: 2962374

级别太低，上传不了附件，文中红色为删除的内容，蓝色是我修改的部分，楼主可以参考下。

wq1102UID: 2962374

关于这个题目有点疑问想跟楼主探讨下，因为我们的观点都是支持花钱养宠物的，写完我突然发现这个题目有两个点，一个是money，一个是pets，我感觉我们对于money的论证都不是很充分，将keeping pets的好处比较多，不知道这样算不算跑题，从昨晚提交就一直忐忑中啊`

little_catyUID: 3014175

改好了，加油~

xu8431UID: 3147108

谢谢两位修改，辛苦啦

草莓刨冰UID: 3141036

8月17日独立 xu8431 revisde by 草莓刨冰.doc (35.5 KB, 下载次数: 47)

2011-8-19 12:39:35 上传

下载次数: 47

Sorry I'm late

zuraghUID: 3145992

晚了啊真不好意思~8.17 独立 已修改 8月17日独立 xu8431..zuragh修改.doc (21 KB, 下载次数: 49)

2011-8-19 15:13:56 上传

下载次数: 49

xu8431UID: 3147108

谢谢大家 辛苦了

xu8431UID: 3147108

17# wq1102

They also communicate with human beings, for they are quick to sense anger and sorrow.这句话是我从托福作文书上背下来的 写完还检查过 所以应该没有错啦 Plastic Age 这个词也是从托福作文书上看到的，如果你以后要用 请放心...我不收你钱 >< My cousin’s grandma who is a 66-year-old lady keeps 2 dogs. 这句如果要改成含插入语的话，个人认为前一个逗号应该加在who前面 Most importantly, in the modern society, the money that spend on pets is kind of necessary. 我承认这句有点问题。但是你把spend改成spending，好像不太妥当。按老师的说法，money是被动spend，那就应该去掉that，改成spent 关于你的文 我是发觉有对money论证不够的问题 所幸你结尾段有很明确地点题 所以还是很不错的 但是我写的时候有考虑到这个问题 所以在论证部分的第三段 特意写了花在宠物身上的钱是物有所值的（大多数是用于清洁与疫苗以及训练），让宠物和人更好地和谐相处，并为人类谋福利 恩恩 非常感谢童鞋抽出时间改我的文 大家一起努力吧~~~

xu8431UID: 3147108

23# zuragh

intuitively 除了直觉地 还有直观地 的意思吧

florescent 是作为引申义 繁荣昌盛的 来使用的 不知道可不可以...

reading newspapers and magazines in order to get the information about a foreign country is not the best choice
这句话包括下面一段重点放在best上  表示还有其他更好的办法...引起歧义了啊...

xu8431UID: 3147108

22# 草莓刨冰

谢谢啦  笔记本刚刚买来 word不会自动揪出拼写错误 我又打得比较急  辛苦你了啊 ><

xu8431UID: 3147108

8月19日 独立

8月19日 独立 xu8431.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 60)

2011-8-19 21:49:28 上传

下载次数: 60

wq1102UID: 2962374

25# xu8431
楼主的意见我看了，
关于插入逗号的位置是我的疏忽，是在who is前面的
spend处的意见我同意，好久没学英语了，这个当时真没有注意
希望楼主继续把文章中的问题提出来讨论

wq1102UID: 2962374

写得很好~ 赞啊·