拯救我的作文-宁夏的作文帖

宁夏zoeUID: 2847514

我的第一篇托福作文，写得好吃力，又简单，求指教8.22独立 Inorder to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should reviewthe past.



There is no doubt that in order to solve theproblems of the present and the future,reviewing the past is good option.Ithink the following reason can give a strong support.

Firstly,reviewing the past,when people meetproblems,can give us the most correct method to overcome thedifficulties.Obviously,we won’t waste some unnecessary time.Meanwhile,avoidingtroubles is another benefit.We can take case of my little brother.He is only 1years old,so he walks unsteadily.One day,when he walked in a small road,he wastumbled by a stone.He cried loudly because of the pain.Since then,once hementions some stones on the road,will he avoids the stone and chooses anotherway.I know it is a little thing,but no body can say that reviewing the pastdoesn’t help the way we solve the problems of the present or the future.

Moreover,reviewing the past when we considerthe methods to solve the problems has a long-term impact to our personalities.I’msure we will meet different problems everyday.Reviewing the past,we come upwith the best methods and correct our shortcomings.Undoubtly,we will become abetter person than before.There is a short story about myself.When I was achid,I am a shy girl.I am afraid to talk in public,so I lost many opportunitiesto let others know me deeply and improve myself.I was insignificantly small inprimary school.Before enter the middle school,I think I should change the pastactive,so I force myself talk loudly in public and take every chance to improvethe ability of speech.Compared to the childhood,I am braver than that time.Isuppose reviewing the past contributes to this change.

In conclusion,I strongly support to reviewthe past when people solve the problems of the present and the future.

lsmmaomaoUID: 2703539

comments from lsmmaomao
加油！

冰雪蜂鸟UID: 2754485

There is no doubt that in order to solve the problems of the present and the future, reviewing the past is good option. I think the following reason can give a strong support.
虽然有些短，但是开门见山很好。

Firstly, reviewing the past,when people meet problems,can give us the most correct（在阅读中我们也避免选择极端词汇对么，所以在写作中也尽量不要使用极端词汇，建议使用a better） method to overcome the difficulties.Obviously（此处用thus/so,或者与上句连用so that都是可以的）,we won’t waste some unnecessary time. Meanwhile,avoiding troubles is another benefit（我的建议是，最好不要一段内写几个benefit, 最好是一段写一个，用理论和例子解释深刻。）.We can take case of my little brother. He is only 1(one) years old,so he walks unsteadily. One day,when he walked in a small road, he was tumbled by a stone.He cried loudly because of the pain.Since then,once hementions some stones on the road,will he avoids the stone and chooses another way. I know it is a little thing, but no body can say that reviewing the past doesn’t help the way we solve the problems of the present or the future.这个例子虽然也算可以吧。。但是难道就没有其他成人的说服力强些的例子了吗？不到万不得已想不到例子，最好不要用这样的。

Moreover, reviewing the past when we consider the methods to solve the problems has a long-term impact to our personalities.I’m sure we will meet different problems everyday. Reviewing the past,we come up with the best methods and correct our shortcomings. Undoubtly, we will become a better这个词太笼统了，已经到文章第三句了应该更加详细。可以说seize more opportunities. person than before.There is a short story about myself.When I was a child,I am a shy girl.I am afraid to talk in public,so I lost many opportunities to let others know me deeply（well） and to 否则主语不明 improve myself.I was insignificantly small inprimary school.Before enter the middle school,I think I should change the pastactive,so I force myself talk loudly in public and take every chance to improvethe ability of speech.Compared to the childhood,I am braver than that time.I suppose reviewing the past contributes to this change.这个例子还可以。

In conclusion,I strongly support to reviewthe past when people solve the problems of the present and the future.

宁夏zoeUID: 2847514

谢谢大家

宁夏zoeUID: 2847514

8.23Books have more influence on society than television.
     Compared to books,television has only a short history,but it became popular among people rapidly.People can get dynamic pictures and euphonious sounds through Tvs.Because of the vivid world in television,people generally get rid of books.But according to the recent research,staying long time before television does harm to persons.On the contrary,books make contribute to improve our personalities and build a harmonious society.
     As we all know,books are good teacher to everyone.We will learn lots of experiences and knowledge from books.Books can expand our horizons and make us wisdom.But television is a dagger to kill our time.There are few good programs on television.People can’t improve themselves through television.There is no doubt that each of us is a part of society.The quality of society is determined by civil quality.Obviously,books make more contribute to society than television.
    Moreover,books are cheaper than television,in other word,book can spread easily.But television doesn’t have this advantage.Because of low price,more people can afford the books.It means that more people learn this world and society through books,not through television.For instance,I believe no matter how small the area is,it must have a library.People like to stay in library to read books not only the different kinds of books but also the good atmosphere.
    Analysing all the reasons above,I think everyone can conclusion the result that books have more influence on society.

alohasallyUID: 2860276

Compared to(with) books,televisions has only a short history,but it became popular among people rapidly.People can get dynamic pictures and euphonious sounds through Tvs.Because of the vivid world in television,people generally get rid of books这有点绝对了吧.But according to the recent research,staying long time before television does harm to persons.On the contrary,books make contribute to improve our personalities and build a harmonious society.
     As we all know,books are good teachers to everyone.We will learn lots of experiences and knowledge from books.Books can expand our horizons and make us wisdom.But television is a dagger to kill our time.There are few good programs on television.People can’t improve themselves through television.There is no doubt that each of us is a part of society.The quality of society is determined by civil quality.Obviously,books make more contribute to society than television.对于个人和社会收到的影响最好分为两段写  另外各有例子就跟好
    Moreover,books are cheaper than television,in other word,book can spread easily.But television doesn’t have this advantage.Because of low price,more people can afford the books.It means that more people learn this world and society through books,not through television.For instance,I believe no matter how small the area is,it must have a library.这个例子也有点绝对，  山沟里的小农村哪里来的图书馆呀People like to stay in library to read books not only the different kinds of books but also the good atmosphere.即使是人们更容易获得书籍  本段没有强调对于社会的影响
    Analysing all the reasons above,I think everyone can conclusion the result that books have more influence on society.字数较少了一点

cedericaUID: 2818833

Compared to（with） books,televisions has only a short history,but it became(becomes) popular among people rapidly.People can get dynamic pictures and euphonious sounds through Tvs.Because of the vivid world in television,people generally get rid of books.But according to the recent research,staying long time before television does harm to persons.On the contrary(这里和前面电视造成伤害没有相反关系),books make contribute to improve our personalities and build a harmonious society.（首段最好直接表面自己的观点，不要那么弱的表述，直抒胸臆，Books have more influence than televisions.而且你说书比电视好，却列出电视的好处，只列出一点坏处，就能说书比电视好吗？主次有点不明显）; ^$ （）L0 F: h0 k/ P+ i0 {, j
     As we all know,books are good teacher to everyone.We will learn lots of experiences and knowledge from books.Books can expand our horizons and make us wisdom.But television is a dagger to kill our time（仅仅这个用途?televisons 也可以做book的功能啊，审题，influence才是重点！那个的influence更多，要比较他们的影响力大小，影响范围，影响的人数）.There are few good programs on television.People can’t improve themselves through television(科教节目也不能提高？).There is no doubt that each of us is a part of society.The quality of society is determined by civil quality.Obviously,books make more contribute to society than television.! A  ]! U9 K( ^  j
    Moreover,books are cheaper than television,in other word,book can spread easily（现在信息时代，看书的人越来越少了吧）.But television doesn’t have this advantage.（貌似电视传播信息更容易，不是价格高低的问题）Because of low price,more people can afford the books.It means that more people learn this world and society through books,not through television.For instance,I believe no matter how small the area is,it must have a library.People like to stay in library to read books not only the different kinds of books but also the good atmosphere.

Analysing all the reasons above,I think everyone can conclusion the result that books have more influence on society.

（这篇作文，主要问题有两点：1.审题不认真，条理不清  2.自己的观点感觉很弱，不能说服别人）
————————————
ps:纯属个人意见，假如觉得不恰当的可以共同探讨！

xieqy0326UID: 2653877

改好了~~

宁夏zoeUID: 2847514

8.24Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should play sports only for fun, children should not attend competitions

     When it comes to children,most of people have the same opinion that children are far away from competitions,they are the group that have no pressure in society.But the truth is more and more children have to face competitions.There is a controversial debate rising in society—Children should play sports only for fun or attend competitions?In my point of view,I suppose children should attend competitions.
     You may think young children attend competitions is unfaithful to them.They will not have play time with their friends and they must scarify their leisure time to train in order to receive good result in competitions.But I want to illustrate my reasons about this topic.
Firstly,sports is not only for building children’s bodies,the glamor of sports is competitions.People will feel happy and get sense of achievement when they win the match,including children.When children attend competitions,they will understand the glamor of sports more deeply.When I was a child,my primary school would hold sports meeting every year.In Grade One,I participated in girls’ 100-meter race.Surperisingly,I won the first place.I almost have no words to express my feeling that time,even in today,I like to recall this memory.
    In addition,as we all know,this is a competitive era.Nobody can avoid competition.Attending competitions will help children to establish the ability of competition.Ability of competition is one of the most important personalities today.This ability lead children to people competitions.In order to win the competitions,people will spare no effort to improve themselves.The same to children.There is a book entitled ‘Let others can’t replace’.In this book,the author point what is personal core competitive—personalities and specialty.The ability of competition paves the way for fulfillment.
     To sum up,attend the competitions has more advantages than sports only for fun.No matter to built strong physical or improve the quality of themselves.So I agree the opinion that children attend to competitions.

cedericaUID: 2818833

When it comes to children,most of people have the same opinion that children are far away from competitions,they are the group that have no pressure in society.But the truth is more and more children have to face competitions.There is a controversial debate rising in society whether children should play sports only for fun or attend competitions?In my point of view,I suppose that children should attend competitions.  w& A1 e* s5 x$ `  \) l/ l
    You may think young children attend competitions is unfaithful to them??.They will not have play time with their friends and they must scarify their leisure time to train in order to receive good result in competitions.But I want to illustrate my reasons about this topic.(这段貌似没什么用，可以省略，以为第一段已经给出主观点，可以直接分小论点去论证)6 x' K' ~& N; |8 a" I- [# N2 o/ u3 L
Firstly,sports is not only for building children’s bodies,the glamor of sports is competitions.People will feel happy and get sense of achievement when they win the match,including children.When children attend competitions,they will understand the glamor of sports more deeply.When I was a child,my primary school would hold sports meeting every year.In Grade One,I participated in girls’ 100-meter race.Surperisingly,I won the first place.I almost have no words to express my feeling that time,even in today,I like to recall this memory.9 a6 C' ^# O+ h- a# f% {" \
    In addition,as we all know,this is a competitive era.Nobody can avoid competition.Attending competitions will help children to establish the ability of competition.Ability of competition is one of the most important personalities today.This ability lead children to people competitions???.In order to win the competitions,people will spare no effort to improve themselves.The same to children（children不属于people吗？直接把people改成children不就行了吗？）.There is a book entitled ‘Let others can’t replace’.In this book,the author points out what is personal core competitiveness—personalities and specialty.The ability of competition paves the way for fulfillment??.
To sum up,attend(动词不能直接做主语，要用attending) the competitions has more advantages than sports only for fun(这句话表达不正确，改一下）No matter to built strong physical or improve the quality of themselves.So I agree the opinion that children attend to competitions.（整个结尾段都有问题，句子和句子之间链接关系不对，而且看不懂神马意思，感觉好像每句话和每句话是脱节的，NO matter....这句话没写完啊，So是表因果的，前面都没说完整，怎么有果?)

萝卜须根多UID: 3008387

改好了~如果我改错了什么地方麻烦告诉我下，谢谢~

宁夏zoeUID: 2847514

In recent decades,as the science and technology developing rapidly,internet gradually plays more and more important role in our life and work.To some extent,internet has already been the necessary part in our life,even I can’t image what the world will be without internet.Because of this phenonmen,someone claim governments should spend more money in improving internet access than public transportation.But when it comes to me,public transportation is important as well as internet access.
    It has been acknowledged that internet is one of the greatest inventions in last century.Thanks to the internet,we can make friends with people in other countries.And internet broaden my horizon.Moreover,every part of the society,such as government,hospitals,schools and so on,connects as a whole through internet.Civil card,which is a useful card in Hangzhou,can be swiped in parks,restaurants,libraries or even in hospitals. How convenient it is!Internet access which makes it possible,should be improved so that more and more groups can share the information.
    But,as to the public transportation,buses or subway will immediately come up to my mind.There is no doubt that it is convenient when we travel by public transportation.However,public transportation is so cheap that a large amount of people will choose to use it.You have to share small space with lots of people.Hangzhou is a city without subway,so buses is virtually the only public transportation in the city.Thus,squeezing into bus,which is my obligatory thing every day,makes me crazy.In addition,it takes a long time for me to wait for a certain bus,especially in rush hours.Public transportation,which is the reflection of civilization,has improved urgently.
     To sum up,internet access and public transportation have the same class in our life.Government should treat equally without discrimination

xu8431UID: 3147108

826 改好了

826 by xu8431.doc (32 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2011-8-27 20:44:30 上传

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宁夏zoeUID: 2847514

8.24 独立

宁夏zoeUID: 2847514

9.2 独立