求批口语第一题！谢啦

nancyflyUID: 2768538

练了真经2上一题要求是a skill you want to learn，文本自己写的，希望大家能帮我指正下发音、连贯性上存在的一系列口语问题，感天动地谢谢大家啦！文本如下：
The skill I really want to learn is playing violin.For one thing ,my favourite cartoon character is an violin musician,It's really cool when he's playing violin in the front of a great amount of audiences,so I think it's a good way to boost my confidence and temperament.Secondly,after a long time of mental activities,learning violin frees me from the computer and work pressure.I can relax during this process,and last but not the least,I really appreciate the timber of the violin,deep and beautiful.

nancyflyUID: 2768538

难道我传不了附件吗？。。。。我太弱了。。

new_chengUID: 3035485

个人认为讲两个点比较好
要注重detail
第一个点，so I think it's a good way to boost my confidence and temperament或许改为 I hope one day i have a chance to play in front of the audience too之类的，这样和你的第一句favorite character才有联系。因为你的confidence and temperament可以另外做一个点说
第二个点，还是不够详细，个人认为你说有一次期末考试，你很stressful，然后就说玩了violin就好了之类的
第三个点，没有细节
主要还是传统点好吧，先主题句再reason and detail
个人看法
加油！！