issue53 大学教育是否应该免费。写作速度上去了，质量下来了！

happyman2000UID: 136936

Issue 53. College and university should be free for all students, fully financed by the government.
大学教育应该对所有学生免费，全部由政府来承担。

I strongly disagree with the speaker that college and university should be free for all students with the full finance of the government. Were such a proposition put into effect, many serious aftermaths would ensue.  

For one thing, the behaviors of college will be severely distorted, which would lead to a significant decline of educational quality and bring a detriment to the realization of educational aims. In the current educational system in which students should pay for their received college education, university is obligated to do their utmost to enhance their educational quality and academic reputation in order to attract more brilliant students and collect as much money as possible. That is to say, this educational system skillfully links the educational quality with the mount of money available to college. The higher the educational quality, the more money college would have access to; and how much money college can control in its turn directly affect whether college can enroll the most understanding faculties and the most brilliant students, in a word, whether college can maintain a higher quality and reputation. Instead, if all the expenses are financed by the government, college would find no extra bonus in the form of more money and other educational resources from their great endeavor at the improvement of educational quality and reputation and this feeling in college is certain to bring about the decline of educational quality.  

Secondly, not only college and university, but also students would conduct a distortion in behaviors. At present, the expense of education is primarily paid by students’ parents or by their own earns, through which students learn that it is not easy for them or their parents to pay for their education and thus they would work much harder. What is more, some excellent students attend college mainly by applying for all kinds of scholars. In order to obtain sustainable financial assists, they have to maintain their glorious performance all the time, which also contributes to the improvement of educational quality. Without any charge for college and university, ostensibly equitable it may seem, the students will take their education for granted and not cherish this valuable opportunity.

Last but not the least, the proposition, if put into effect, would result in the decreasing efficiency of utilizing limited social resources. As it is well known to us, college or university education is not compulsory for all of us. Some people will find it dispensable to attend college, and also there are some people who are not enough talented to receive the advanced education. Therefore, there must be a balance between attending college and not attending college. If the charge of college can correctly reflect the cost of education or the mount of social resource that input into educational system, a rational choice could be made about how much people should spend in education. This process will help the attainment of efficiency in utilizing social resources because it bases on rational choices of individuals. However, this equilibrium will be broken down once the education become free to all. Just as discounted commodities are always over-consumed by people, this free education will also bring about over “consuming” college education. People having no necessity for attending college will spend time enjoying this kind of free “service”—education; those who are appropriate only to undergraduate education would find it favorable to apply for a graduate program; many people will find college is good place to eschew unemployment and the duty of working. As a result, many valuable social resources would be put into excessive education that people shouldn’t have needed. This mount of cost in the form of money and time seems to indicate that these social resources should be better allocated elsewhere.

In conclusion, although we can acquire an ostensible name of equity by providing free education to all students, we sacrifice otherwise tremendous benefits such as educational quality, students’ endeavor and efficiency of utilizing resources. (654 words)

yellowchildrenUID: 134407

对第三点提点想法，探讨一下：免费教育是否就意味着全民教育，中国高校教育产业化以前的教育制度我觉得应该可以近似免费教育，但不是全民教育啊。。。

happyman2000UID: 136936

有道理！我再想想！

qhywUID: 136716

奖学金是scholarship  而非scholar！
这篇说理好像有点牵强哦，特别是第三点，免费教育<>义务教育，并非所有的人都可以上的，不然要高考做什么呢？
还有不光是能动性的问题吧，采用这种方法，可以减轻政府的负担，同时只有并轨了，学生才会有更多的机会上大学（扩招）。。。。。。

happyman2000UID: 136936

最初由 qhyw 发布
[B]奖学金是scholarship  而非scholar！
这篇说理好像有点牵强哦，特别是第三点，免费教育<>义务教育，并非所有的人都可以上的，不然要高考做什么呢？
还有不光是能动性的问题吧，采用这种方法，可以减轻政府的负担，同时只有并轨了，学生才会有更多的机会上大学（扩招）。。。。。。 [/B]

以上两位的批评是正确的，我已经注意到了这个问题！

imongUID: 140258

直接改在原文上了，上下对照着看吧。

I strongly disagree with the speaker that college and university should be free for all students with the full finance of the government. Were such a proposition put into effect, many serious aftermaths would ensue.  (还是可以连起来的,感觉会紧密一些)

For one thing, the behaviors of college will be severely distorted（by什么？原因没有写）, which would lead to a significant decline of educational quality and bring a detriment to the realization of educational aims. In the current educational system, in which students (should) pay for their (received) college education, university(前边是college后边就university，还是多用institution和higher education吧) is obligated to do their utmost to enhance their educational quality and academic reputation in order to attract more brilliant students and collect as much money as possible. That is to say, this educational system skillfully links the educational quality with the mount of money available to college. The higher the educational quality, the more money college would have access to; and how much money college can control in （its） turn directly affect whether college can enroll the most understanding faculties and the most brilliant students, that is, whether college can maintain a higher quality and reputation.(因果关系说得好象不太清楚) Instead, if all the expenses are financed by the government, college would find no extra bonus in the form of more money and other educational resources from their great endeavor at the improvement of educational quality and reputation and this feeling in college is certain to bring about the decline of educational quality.  后边的这个claim基本上没有support，更不用说develop了。好像aàbàc，论述了半天aàb而后一半却一笔带过的样子。

Secondly, not only college and university, but also students would conduct a distortion in behaviors. At present, the expense of education is primarily paid by students’ parents or by their own earns, through which students learn that it is not easy for them or their parents to pay for their education and thus they would work much harder. What is more, some excellent students attend college mainly by applying for all kinds of scholarships. In order to obtain sustainable financial assistances, they have to maintain their glorious performance all the time, which also contributes to the improvement of educational quality.(不太convincing) Without any charge for college and university, ostensibly equitable it may seem, the students will take their education for granted and not cherish this valuable opportunity. Idea的组织和develop应该再仔细考虑一些。论点其实很好但是没能给说非常明白。

Last but not the least, the proposition, if put into effect, would result in the decreasing efficiency of utilizing limited social resources. As it is well known (to us,) that college or university education is not compulsory for all (of us). 简洁是语言的美德。Some people will find it dispensable to attend college, and also there are some people who are not enough talented to receive the advanced education.不好。 Therefore, there must be a balance between attending college and not attending college. （Therefore balance becomes necessary.）If the charge of college can correctly reflect the cost of education or the mount of social resource that input into educational system, a rational choice could be made about how much people should spend in education. This process will help the attainment of efficiency in utilizing social resources because it bases on rational choices of individuals. However, this equilibrium will be broken down once the education become free to all. Just as discounted commodities are always over-consumed by people, this free education will also bring about over “consuming” college education. People having no necessity for attending college will spend time enjoying this kind of free “service”—education; those who are appropriate only to undergraduate education would find it favorable to apply for a graduate program; many people will find college is good place to eschew unemployment and the duty of working. As a result, many valuable social resources would be put into excessive education that people shouldn’t have needed. This mount of cost in the form of money and time seems to indicate that these social resources should be better allocated elsewhere. 不错，建议把论点和语言做的紧密一些，不要散，还可以refer to存在的现象来支持你的论点，你这里只有正面论述没有例子。

In conclusion, although we can acquire an ostensible name of equity by providing free education to all students, we sacrifice otherwise tremendous benefits such as educational quality, students’ endeavor and efficiency of utilizing resources. (654 words)

其实说来说去都是一些老毛病，只是需要努力才能进步。没有51和52写得fabulous,但是也是很不错的了。语言上也不错，但是一定要小心不要显得太造作。用词追求舒服，华丽的话容易空洞，堆砌则是会造成宕余，好好体会。还有一个，你每次都是3段论述3个原因，有没有考虑把3个段落联系的更紧密一些？就算都是平行的，也要前后交代一下吧，总分总也得把来龙去脉上下文都说清楚啊。