alohasally的作文园地~~

alohasallyUID: 2860276

准备二战的我，再次开一个作文贴，希望得到更多人的帮助，希望我们共同进步；
非常感谢Daily Writing Camp      在此感谢所有看我作业的童鞋啦~~~~
二战的我，除了不断追求进步，更要一份坚持

alohasallyUID: 2860276

10-8的作业 神呐 和校园网作斗争真是不容易啊 10月8日.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 17)

2011-10-8 22:46:40 上传

下载次数: 17

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

话说作文已经下载了~改完了发上来
我们是一个小组的~这是我的作文贴~欢迎批改~~欢迎二战的同学传授经验~~！！
我写的是TPO11
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1292096-10-3.html

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

改好了。。。。。话说byebye认错……综合写的不一样的话根本没有办法看的……以后好好随团写……= =
这次基本跟没改一样真的是太抱歉了……= =

fantasyfrogUID: 2548341

写得很不错

香草鱼UID: 3125484

改好了，句式很丰富啊

In face of(应该是In the face of) sophisticated technologies making TVprograms and movies much more attractable than several years before, children,in general, get more and more addicted to them. The ensuing problem is howcould the parents who expected their children to be graded well in school helpchildren to handle these. Personally, I concord with the saying that thechildren’s watching TV time should be regulated by parents.


First of all, did the time
it would worth more to their study(were the time of watching some entertainmentprograms or movies utilized in doing students’ homework). From our own experiences, few of us woulddeny that the time with TV flies much more quickly than figuring out some mathquestions.(figuring out 前面省略the time with) Why it is like this? We needto do nothing but lying in the sofa with laugh on our faces while we arewatching funny movies like 2-hours Chicken Run. 2 hours are wasted easily sinceit calls for no labors, no matter it is brain labors or physical ones. However,the laughing points in movies have nothing to do with children’s study inschool. Within 2 hours, students may write an impressive essay, figuring (figure) out several math questions or even finish allthe daily homework. All the knowledge or methods to settle problems is put intochildren’s mind, which makes the time worth more than watching movies withoutany critical working in minds.


Secondly, in order to attract audios, mostof the TV programs or movies can tell people anything that is relevant tochildren’s schoolwork, or even(换成yet)they can be no help for the growth of children. The programs or TV plays justfocus on the touching stories, amazing visual scenes or magic things thatcannot be seen frequently, which draw people’s attentions most. They do notcontain information on the(the去掉) schoolwork such as logical line of writingissues, ways of calculating the area of a circle, chemical principles amongelements and so forth. What’s the worse, the thoughts or acting styles inmovies sometimes do harm to children’s physiological health. Admittedly(换成Thus)the negative attitudes or some terrorist movements should be isolated fromchildren.



To sum up,in order to help children do well in school, parents should limit the time ofwatching TVs, which will do favors to better use of children’s time and getmore in touch with the knowledge in textbooks. As known to all, schoolwork cannotbe engaged easily without spending time and notion to them. In the times ofwonderful TV programs and movies, parents’ regulation of watching time isprofound to children’s school performances.

用词比较到位，语言上连贯并且句式很丰富，学习了：）

zzz123xyzUID: 2762774

10月8日 20100312NA Agree or disagree? If children want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies

In face of sophisticated technologies making TV programs and movies much more attractable than several years before, children, in general, get progressively
addicted to them. The ensuing problem is how could the parents who expected their children to be graded well in school help children to handle these. Personally, I concord with(没见过) the saying that the children’s watching TV time should be regulated by parents.

First of all, did the time of watching some entertainment programs or movies utilize in doing students’ homework, it would worth more to their study. From our own experiences, few of us would deny that the time with TV flies pass much more quickly than that with figuring out some math questions. Why it is like this? We need to do nothing but lying in the sofa with laugh on our faces while we are watching funny movies like 2-hours Chicken Run. 2 hours are wasted easily since it calls for no labors, no matter it is brain labors or physical ones. However, the laughing points in movies have nothing to do with children’s study in school. Within 2 hours, students may write an impressive essay, figuring out several math questions or even finish all the daily homework. All the knowledge or methods to settle problems is put into children’s mind, which makes the time worth more than that of watching movies without any critical working in minds.

Secondly, in order to attract audiences, most of the TV programs or movies can tell people anything that is relevant to children’s schoolwork, or even they can do nothing for the growth of children. The programs or TV plays just focus on the touching stories, amazing visual scenes or magic things that cannot be seen frequently, which draw people’s attentions mostly. They do not contain information on the schoolwork such as logical line of writing issues, ways of calculating the area of a circle, chemical principles among elements and so forth. What’s worse, the thoughts or acting styles in movies sometimes do harm to children’s physiological health. Admittedly, the negative attitudes or some terrorist movements should be isolated from children.


To sum up, in order to help children do well in school, parents should limit the time of watching TVs, which will do favors to better use of children’s time and get more in touch with the knowledge in textbooks. As known to all, schoolwork cannot be engaged easily without spending time and notion to them. In the times of wonderful TV programs and movies, parents’ regulation of watching time is profound to children’s school performances.


有地方用词 有点不妥 不知道怎么传文件上来

alohasallyUID: 2860276

辛苦大家之前的批改了  这是10-10的独立 10-10.doc (27.5 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2011-10-10 21:54:25 上传

下载次数: 5

alohasallyUID: 2860276

嗯嗯 这就是今天的作业 两个 10月11日.doc (28 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2011-10-11 20:12:41 上传

下载次数: 8

chrisliangUID: 2820644

In the face of teamwork has become a more and more vital(这么早就把vital这种霸气的词用了略显不妥。。） during the progress of one job recently, everyone has to not only be adjusted to this kind of discussing but also figure out what is the perfect action style in the team. Personally, we should accept others' intelligence as well as learn to speak out our sensible advice, which is momentous to our success.

After a perception of the somebody's reacts to others' words, it is not difficult for us to recognize the meaning of having an ear for the criticism. The world is just like a stage where marvels are performed every day. However, each individual is just a marvel since he or she comes from different backgrounds, holds creative ideas about each topic and thus be unique. That is the very reason why we should listen to others before we judge. On the contrary, there are people like most teenagers or mavericks who are too arrogant and believe only his word is the only truth in the world. Finally, we have seen how embarrassed they were and the cost they've paid. Furthermore, while each one are connected in a team no one can be outstanding because the success was accomplished by the whole group. Harmony is a profound element in teamwork and the patience to listen is the catalyst for it.

Secondly, the experience of taking tips from others can give a push to us to establish our innovative thoughts, which will give a hand(可以用 give an assistance) to our success in the foreseeable future. With a respect to the history of the noble people, the paths to the success, beginning with the skepticism, are not rare. Consider the revolution in economics that are spearheaded by John Keynes as an example. His proposal of governing the economic order by some policies brought about an reform in economic which was strongly debated by the classical theorists. Admittedly, we can be armed with critical thinking thanks to the accepting of others' critical words.

To sum up, I agree with the words that listening to different criticism could be the wing for us while we are struggling for the success. No matter for the sake of the whole team or for the benefit that can be obtained by each individual, accepting others' criticism is in the vital place.

有好几个单词我不认识。。逻辑上基本找不出错来，就帮忙给你改了两三个语法。。我是新手，意见仅供参考。
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1310076-1-1.html 这是我的作文贴，求拍。

qqlddUID: 2594915

9# alohasally

rjj21664264UID: 3004467

你考过Gre了吗？单词用的比较深呢，呵呵，good！

alohasallyUID: 2860276

10-12 独立一篇 10月12日.doc (27 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2011-10-12 21:43:20 上传

下载次数: 8

alohasallyUID: 2860276

12# rjj21664264

恩恩 确实考了  不过那些单词不记得多少的

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

作文我下了~~明早发过来~
这次没来得及参加分组……所以……
总之欢迎改我的作文！！！
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1292096-12-1.html