[未归类] alohasally的作文园地~~ [复制链接]

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发表于 2011-10-19 10:42:28 |显示全部楼层

30# alohasally 写的依旧很好！很喜欢LZ的语言。佩服楼主的词汇量！我还要多学习啊！

乔布斯：“记住你即将死去”。

byebyehaku
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发表于 2011-10-19 16:58:23 |显示全部楼层

改好了~！！欢迎讨论~！！

10月18日sally.doc

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冷暖自知，童话换一个角度发生

双非DIY美硕申请总结

alohasally
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发表于 2011-10-20 20:18:04 |显示全部楼层

10-20 独立

10月20日.doc (26.5 KB, 下载次数: 6)

kovi
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发表于 2011-10-20 23:02:08 |显示全部楼层

我该批你哪篇?

南瓜0729
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发表于 2011-10-21 11:49:15 |显示全部楼层

我有点事过一天再来给你改作文啊

坚持到底

alohasally
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发表于 2011-10-21 20:41:46 |显示全部楼层

10-21 因为这电脑的纠错功能有问题应该一些我自己也没有发现的错误多多见谅

10月21日.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 5)

1070810820
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发表于 2011-10-22 12:41:57 |显示全部楼层

10.21 基本没怎么改动~

10月21日-By Dawn.doc

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alohasally
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发表于 2011-10-22 15:19:08 |显示全部楼层

34# kovi

kovi童鞋应该是我的10－18的综合吧

今天的作业独立10－22

10月22日.doc (25.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)

舟随流
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发表于 2011-10-22 22:34:00 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由舟随流于 2011-10-22 22:36 编辑

10.22
改好了～
我的权限还不能上传附件呢，先贴上来。
10月22日20100925NA Do you think that young peoplein today are less dependent on their parents than in the past

Along with the fast developments of the modern society, people, especially the youngones' lifestyles have altered a lot. Whether young people become moreindependent than before is one of the phenomena that attractattentions from the whole society.（whether和phenomena不对应，phenomena改成problem似乎好一点）.
In my perspective, I do not agreewith the speaker that teenagers today rely on their parents less asdiscussed below.

Initially, we have to takea look at the differences between the past and contemporary livingstandards, which contribute so much to the independence of eachindividual. People living in the primitive times usually have largepopulation, many children in one family. Since the productefficiency is quite low, their feeding resources are promised by the large quantity of human work. Each child in the family learned towork and find food for himself or herself in early ages so that they rarely need to rely on parents. However, nowadays, children living inmetropolises call for parents' raising and protect until they become adults. This is also why young people lack of practical fares (这个词组可能错了）before they really enter the society.

Secondly, let us focus our attentions on the ways that parents educate their children. Take Chinese families as an example. According to the policies(应改为单数)that each family can only have one child, the young one is absolutely the apple in the parents' eyes. Parents would like to do or spend anything possible to make the child live a better life. Even though we take a glance at the western families with several children, just as narrated in the play named Desperate Housewives, parents pay excessive care on each child compared to the children growing up on the farm in the past. In consequence, young people feel that they are always under the protecting umbrellas from parents and asking parents to decide everything for them.

To sum up, taking into account of the modern living standards and the ways that parents educate children, young people become less independent. All they want for a better life can be served from parents.

语言很流畅，基本没有错，句式和词汇很丰富。强赞！！加油！
我挑了三个毛病，除了第二个都不影响理解。
用例子：
1.People living in the primitive times usually have large population，primitive是原始/远古之意，你想表达的是那时一家人多而不是人口众多，我觉得可以直接用largefamilies。
2.即使现在也有farms，即使过去也有城市，拿parentspay excessive care on each child和childrengrowing up on the farm对比似乎不妥。
3.例子还可以再展开。