推荐信求鉴定，到底应该写得概括还是写得具体啊

kind03UID: 3004042

Dear Sir / Madam

I’m the thesis advisor of Mr. He Jing, who finished his thesis High Proficiency and Low Proficiency L2 Learners Processing of English wh-questions with flying colors, since almost nobody in our university studies the field of his thesis, even in the whole China few people working on this. Although I did not give Jing detailed instructor due to my busy work, Jing learned the Transformational-generative Grammar totally by himself with great difficult, which showed his much stronger self-learning ability than at least 90% of the students I’ve taught. (which showed such a strong self-learning ability that is better than at least 90% of the students I’ve taught.)  He also learned to use the experimental software Linger and some statistical method like Hierarchical Cluster Analysis and Simple Effect Test by himself.
Finishing such a study that is unfamiliar to both us and him, Jing’s self-learning ability and delving spirit was fully reflected.
At last, Jing got 95 of 100 in his thesis, ranked 1st in our major. I have strongly recommended him revising his paper and contributing to national core journal.

Then, I’m also the teacher of Cognitive Psychology of Jing. In the class I always encourage students to discuss about the question I advanced, contrast to the lukewarm response of most students, Jing often discussed lively and attentively with his classmates immediately after I posing the question. Sometimes even if I said “stop”, he and his classmates lowered the voice and continued to discuss.

In all, I’m very glad to recommend Jing for your school, since I think Jing really love psychology, and he has the distinguished competence of self-studying and strong delving spirit. It is sure for him to success in USA.

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我一在美国的舅舅看了我这封推荐信之后，帮我删了一大半。。。supporting details全删了。。。和我说言多必失。。说推荐信一般都没写那么具体的，因为他在美国工作也帮不少人写过推荐信。。。结果就变成很概括的样子了，见下文
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As the Thesis Advisor and Instructor ofCognitive Psychology Class, I have had the pleasure and privilege of knowingMr. Jing He. He has been an excellent student and an asset to our schoolprogram. I would like to take this opportunity to recommend Mr. Jing He foryour graduate program.

I feel confident that he will continue tosucceed in his studies. He is a dedicated student, and self-starter. Hisgraduation thesis, titled High Proficiency and Low Proficiency L2 LearnersProcessing WH-questions has demonstrated his abilities to compile a study utilizing“out-of-class” software (Linger) and methodologies (Hierarchical Cluster Analysisand Simple Effect Test); and therefore achieved the best score from our final review.

In addition, he has always impressed mewith his active participations of in-class discussions in my CognitivePsychology Class.

It is for these reasons that I offer highrecommendations for Mr. Jing He without reservation. His drive and abilitieswill truly be an asset to your graduate program. If you have any questionsregarding this recommendation, please do not hesitate to contact me in email orby phone.


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但是我很疑惑啊。。。。不是说写作的时候supporting details很重要啊，不是说很概括的没有说服力啊。。。。而且我看新东方那本《美国名校全奖得主申请资料写作范例》里面的推荐信也很长，细节也很多啊。。。。到底哪边的思路是对的啊。。。

kind03UID: 3004042

还有我找我们辅导员写推荐信。。。她根据我毕业时递交的自我鉴定，还真的给我写了一封。。。但是是这个样子的。。。。
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He Jing同学在校表现情况
He Jing同学，男，出生年月198x年x月x日。该生于200x年9月在上海师范大学教育学院注册报到，现为教育学院200x级应用心理本科专业应届毕业生。
大学期间，该生在专业学习方面，认真努力，刻苦钻研，尤其能熟练使用EXCEL中一些高级的公式来整理心理实验软件生成的格式复杂的实验数据，是班级同学的学习榜样。在专业实习期间，该生还充分利用所学到的心理学知识运用到教学实践中，取得了良好的效果，因而得到了领导老师以及学生的认可。
该生积极参与社会实践，利用寒暑假等空闲时间，先后两次参加我校暑期爱心学校，担任教员；在学院分团委学生会担任传媒部部长一职，全心全意为学院学生会新闻部和学院学生会网站开展“采”“编”“摄”等工作，不遗余力，使传媒部工作获得很大进展，为学生会的工作起到了推波助澜的作用。该生同时还担任班级班长一职，做事踏实肯干，讲原则，有集体荣誉感，热心服务于身边的同学，与同学关系和睦。
该生生活勤俭简朴，作息规律，性格外向开朗，乐于帮助同学，有良好的人际关系。
He Jing同学，爱学习，会思考，有深度，把理论运用于实践的能力较强。希望他对自己有更高的追求，不断进步，再创佳绩。
2011年10月7日
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这种到底怎么样啊。。。。能用吗

Fruit~UID: 2559265

第一篇英文RL第一段就有语法错。

kind03UID: 3004042

哪里，求指出，还有这个写法到底有问题么。。。语言我觉得问题不大，反正可以改的。。。而且都不是native speaker，人家老外也懂的吧应该

Fruit~UID: 2559265

既然老外都知道这个RULE了, 那你就写得短点, 省点时间

kind03UID: 3004042

我很好奇我第一段语法哪里错了。。。。您看您能高抬贵手指点一下么

Fruit~UID: 2559265

detailed instruction (not instructor)

with great difficulty(not difficult)

第一段还不止这2个, 这2个算是非常明显的语法错, 基本能当作以前PBT TOEFL语法改错题来做. 其它句子的结构上也有得可以改了.

Fruit~UID: 2559265

你还是拿短的那篇作RL. 第一篇还是算了, 中式英语也太明显了点. 最后一段短短两句又有很明显的语法错. 句子的结构也很中式, 基本象很少用英语写作的人在写的那样.  如果3篇RL都是你一个人写的话, 劝你最好找其他人写其中的1-2篇. 你写的RL, 基本可以被老美PROF当笑话了.

kind03UID: 3004042

擦。。。原来我写得这么差。。。多谢指点。。。我去好好改改。。

thierrwyUID: 2864098

校友唉,加油!

kind03UID: 3004042

10# 木多多人
的确好难编啊。。。