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个人终极PS,请狠狠地拍(后面加上了修订版的,多谢大家,请继续批下去) [复制链接]

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发表于 2011-12-15 00:54:50 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 754860166 于 2011-12-16 21:15 编辑

       In my formative years, my parents often taught me to cherish education and independent thought. With the significant value of the pursuit of excellence, as well as perseverance, I always enjoyed embracing and overcoming life’s challenges, instead of evading.

       From my early age, having a portable radio indeed intrigued my interest and thus inspired me to explore further in the territory of Electrical Engineering. As a consequence, through the Chinese National College Entrance Exam, during which I ranked 1410th among 220,000 candidates, I was selected into the Electrical Engineering program at an elite Chinese university, XX University.

       During my first semester in the university, I went into Professor L’s research group in the XX National Laboratory for XXX. With helping to do some of experiment about the laser speckle imaging, I completed high constant current LED drivers there. Besides, I attended XXXX International Meetings there and learnt some latest development of photoelectronics.

       After finishing some course designs such as a MATLAB program for speech signal sampling and spectral analysis, a 51-single-chip based traffic light model, a 51-single-chip based temperature gathering and displaying system, a variable capacitance diode frequency modulator and a quadrature detector, I participated in the Student Research Training Program (SRTP). The project, a model of Z-source grid connected inverter, acquired approval from XX University. I also took part in the Summer Vocation Social Practice to investigate the employment demands of local electronic industry

       In 2010, I went to the Laboratory for wireless technology in XX University (main part of XX Provincial Key Laboratory for Wireless Communication) and learnt from Professor Y about XXX radar. A radar responder for XXX Radar (this radar is a project of National High-Tech Research and Development Program of China or 863 Program) became my recent completed project there. I also learnt some researches on the MUSIC Algorithm and electromagnetic wave propagation over rough sea surface there.

      Through these projects above, I have not only learned many practical techniques but also acquired a solid theoretical background and a broad scope in scientific research in my fields of interest. Now I started my undergraduate final project. It is about the electromagnetic cavity effects from the transmitter. My work is mainly about using FEKO software to simulate the RF environment. I owe much of my achievement in these research projects to my undergraduate study in XX University.

      The Radio is a National Key Discipline in XX University. Having immersed myself in this rigorous undergraduate program, I have become well versed in my chosen Major, together with a consolidated grounding in its allied disciplines. My established interest on electrical engineering was intensified with further study and I obtained very high scores and ranks in related courses such as Methods of Mathematical Physics, Electromagnetic Wave and Field, Electromagnetic Wave Propagation, Microwave Principles, RF Circuit as well as High Frequency Electronic Circuit and Low Frequency Circuit. My low scores are mainly in Elective Courses because I selected too many and didn’t withdraw. Anyway, I didn’t fail in any exam. I have learnt how to deal with the similar situation now.

      Research in electrical engineering has achieved great progress. And electromagnetics is an epitome. For example, because the finite element mesh generation and data pre-process of Finite Element Method are very complex, scholars start new research on element-free method. The accurate modeling for RFIC is also very promising because commercial software can be helpless with the increasing of frequency.

      Finally, I made a decision that I should further my education by pursuing a PhD degree in Electrical Engineering. I believe I am competent to match my advisor’s research well for three reasons. Firstly, I have strong interest on electromagnetics. Secondly, my activities above contributed to my indispensible practical ability which is necessary to researches. Last but not least, I have a solid theoretical foundation in relative courses.

     Naturally, I am contenting to a comforting sense of security should I pursue an electrical engineer career in my home country. However, I find myself currently standing in the shallow end of the pool, and to accomplish my dreams, to draw out the person within me, and to attain the Holy Grail in the field of Electrical Engineering, I am required to venture into those deep waters. Consequently, I elect to apply to the PhD in Electrical Engineering at the D University in order to gain a new range of educational and living experiences. With a solid reputation among scholars and students, some faculty members’ research on electromagnetics there appealed to me greatly. For examples, I knew a cloaking device capable of hiding a 3D object in free space from microwaves has been created there. I also learnt Dr. A’s research on the Adaptive Integral Method and some other researchers’ work.

      If I can be accepted by D University, I can cooperate with others to make quick progress in electromagnetics. To pursue this PhD with enthusiasm and zeal, I shall mingle theories with practical applications, and bring to the table interesting problems from my experience and past education.

      Driven by my interest and capacity in electromagnetics, I would expect myself to be a senior professional in the future. Today, the great progress has been made in many areas such as radars, antennas and electromagnetic compatibility. I believe pursuing a PhD degree at your renowned Department of Electrical and Computer Engineering would be a most reasonable extension of my academic pursuit and a major step forward toward my career goal.






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发表于 2011-12-15 01:01:14 |显示全部楼层
Anyway, I didn’t fail in any exam. I have learnt how to deal with the similar situation now.草草看了一下,觉得这句好扎眼........
二十年人生四茫茫

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IBT Zeal Gemini双子座 GRE斩浪之魂 US Advisor US Assistant US Applicant

发表于 2011-12-15 07:45:06 |显示全部楼层
写的太虚无飘渺了,假,大,空

此人已死,有事烧纸。

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发表于 2011-12-15 07:59:09 |显示全部楼层
说句实话,很长,很烂,这种PS根本不会给你的app加分.一,强调你个人的某段经历给你的motivation,二,几个重要的projects描述一下,和你从中学到的。三,how you gonna fit in the specific program。 四, 你为什么选这这个school

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发表于 2011-12-15 09:34:26 |显示全部楼层
4# deundertaker
第二段“From my early age, having a portable radio indeed intrigued my interest and......”可否算是个人的某段经历给的motivation?
从第三段 “I went into Professor L’s research group in the XX National Laboratory for ......到第六段“My work is mainly about ......”一直在谈project的经历和其中所学,可否细说有何不妥?
第九段段“ I believe I am competent to match my advisor’s research well for three reasons...... ”细述how I gonna fit in the specific program,说得不妥吗?
第十段回答为什么选这个学校和对学校的了解,难道说得不够?
请选几处细说之

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发表于 2011-12-15 09:36:34 |显示全部楼层
2# toby677
嗯,想删了这句

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发表于 2011-12-15 09:37:37 |显示全部楼层
说句实话,很长,很烂,这种PS根本不会给你的app加分.一,强调你个人的某段经历给你的motivation,二,几个重要的projects描述一下,和你从中学到的。三,how you gonna fit in the specific program。 四, 你为什么选 ...
deundertaker 发表于 2011-12-15 07:59

同意

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发表于 2011-12-15 10:10:37 |显示全部楼层
感觉是先写好中文版的,翻译过来似的。不知道是不是这么写的,但中文的确很容易写成这种感觉。。。
The key to change is to let go of fear.

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发表于 2011-12-15 10:51:04 |显示全部楼层
9# milopclee
这篇长度为800-900字,是按这样的架构写的:个人的某段经历给的motivation(第二段)+科研经历(第三段到第六段)+课程学习(第七段)+学科前景个人看法(第八段)+我能fit对方program的三点(第九段)+为何去他们学校及对他们学校的了解(第十段)+入学后能给他们带来什么(十一段)+未来展望(十二段),前面几位说假大空长的,能指出几个具体的点来么?这样我便于修改

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IBT Zeal Gemini双子座 GRE斩浪之魂 US Advisor US Assistant US Applicant

发表于 2011-12-15 10:52:33 |显示全部楼层
开头太假,不管这是不是对你来说真的这样,你应该知道很多PS都是从小时候开始写起,XXX激发了我对XX的兴趣,然后我决定以XX为专业,不会给你加印象分。应该算是最烂开头之一了。
高考那一段太幼稚,想说成绩好开个排位证明足以,大学成绩如果没那么好那你那一段写的也没意义,想说你曾今很优秀?
第三段到第六段很空,就不细说了,流水账,想说明什么?写科研不是这么写的。
下省略若干字

PS:不要做重复劳动,你没必要强调你理论背景好,委员会的人通过你的成绩单可以做出自己的评价,你应该把有限的PS空间多用来发掘自己其他的优点,而不是不断强调成绩很好。
PSS:找个英语比你好的人好好帮你改改语言吧。

此人已死,有事烧纸。

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发表于 2011-12-15 11:00:33 |显示全部楼层
仁者见仁智者见智,别人的话自己好好想想,也不用太在意。楼主加油吧。
Day Day Up~~

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发表于 2011-12-15 11:08:50 |显示全部楼层
10# 雪梦无痕
请问科研该怎么写啊?请不要省略那若干字,这对我很重要

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IBT Zeal Gemini双子座 GRE斩浪之魂 US Advisor US Assistant US Applicant

发表于 2011-12-15 11:16:34 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雪梦无痕 于 2011-12-15 11:17 编辑

12# 754860166

你可以到网上搜索一下ps,多看看别人怎么写的,怎么写科研没有模板,重点就是给人印象深刻,你科研作的很牛B(如果你有很多文章),或者很有想法或者解决问题的能力很强,你只是叙述一遍你做过什么,so what?很少会有教授在乎你具体做过什么,除非你和他做的很像很像,你要通过PS反映出你的quality。不是说我这半年做了这个实验,然后加深了我的理解,增强了我的理论基础,这没有任何激情在里面,很空洞。你想想你做科研时候最引以为豪的事情是什么?如果有,你可以写进去,当然语言要琢磨一下。

此人已死,有事烧纸。

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发表于 2011-12-15 12:02:45 |显示全部楼层
个人感觉科研还是以叙事为主,不过从LZ的文章中,基本没有太多的新观点和新思路想法,只是很肤浅地说了一下。
低GPA的穷矮丑想飞跃

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发表于 2011-12-15 12:43:41 |显示全部楼层
too long
看到开头就不会有人有耐心看下去的
实在不行找家米国文书修改机构

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RE: 个人终极PS,请狠狠地拍(后面加上了修订版的,多谢大家,请继续批下去) [修改]

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个人终极PS,请狠狠地拍(后面加上了修订版的,多谢大家,请继续批下去)
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