个人终极PS，请狠狠地拍(后面加上了修订版的，多谢大家，请继续批下去)

754860166UID: 3042793

59# ZTree
方向不够细的问题，我发帖在寄托上问过，多数回帖说如果方向点得太细的话，可能会有不好的影响，一个学校搞electromagnetics的导师只有几个， 一个导师做一个方向，如果只说一个方向，会不会把其他的老师灭了呢？

ZTreeUID: 3165682

61# 754860166
其他评论呢？有什么想法？

boneweUID: 3139926

36# 754860166

是啊，你可以考虑下不要讲小时候的那个radio让你走入这个领域，逻辑上说不通（至少你一句话说不通），你直接说你喜欢什么方向，然后说你为啥申请这个项目。开门见山，要直接，要准确，radio的故事打动不了老男人的！

这个ps比上一篇好多了， 结构比较清楚，但还可以简化，用词比较高深，建议再通俗些。

boneweUID: 3139926

我之前参考了一个康奈尔的申请人写的ps，不过我们都是文科。她第一段是这么写的，lz你可以参考下。

I am an M.A. student in the final year of the Middle Eastern Studies program at the
University of Texas at Austin, with a focus on modern Arabic literature and history. My
formal training in literary studies at both the MA level and during the course of my BA in
Comparative Literature at the University of Virginia have provided me with invaluable skills
in textual analysis and semiotic readings of Middle Eastern cultures, especially literary
productions. However, given the entanglements of contemporary global politics, the vagaries of the war on terror and the imperatives of capitalist interests in the Middle East, I do not believe that the purely textual analysis of literary or historical scholarship can fully
encompass the complex set of phenomena that have most powerfully captivated me as a
student of the region. My intention in applying to the doctoral program in Cultural
Anthropology at Duke is to acquire a solid training in ethnographic techniques that will allow me to move beyond the archive, and to build a theoretical framework to analyze affect, urban consumption practices, and the politics of asylum as they pertain to communities of displaced Iraqis in the Middle East.           

这个姐姐非常直接，根本没什么废话讲故事（当然从后面她璀璨的经历看，她有这个兴趣是有原因的）

另外给你推荐个网站，是对一篇申请ivy学校的ps的评价，质量非常高，不过也是文科
http://www.ivycloser.com/blogs/blog_detail/63

真心觉得不用讲高考那段和radio那段，会让那些老男人觉得你幼稚，你要体现的是专业素养，因为你出去phd是和他们一起工作。

754860166UID: 3042793

62# ZTree
科研部分的却可以细化一下，正在按建议修改ing，
我在想天线塔这个到底要不要？是深入细化这个引子（如我看到我家附近的天线塔高耸入云，能将信号在苍茫天空从传播，于是自学查阅相关书籍，发现自己数理知识不够，便又teach myself to learn it，知道是electromagnetic wave在传播，遂兴趣大增，投身于此），但这样感觉引子讲得有点长，还有就是开门见山，直说我对这个感兴趣，但我发现好像很少有范文是这样写的。

boneweUID: 3139926

65# 754860166

因为你看的不是美国人写的。你要娓娓道来也可以，可是你有这样的故事吗？800字的微型小说囊括过去这么多年的经历和心得，对于我等而言是个难事。主要是我们之前活的比较单一化，没什么可讲的经历，索性按照美国人的思维，直接了当来得好。

radio的故事——一个radio导致的思考倒是可以说，由这个思考引发后续一连串的探索——就跟牛顿的烂苹果一样。

utonosanUID: 2909149

你确定你的专业，教授会去那么认真看你的PS？很多时候PS是在浪费时间，只要不成为短板就可以了。

754860166UID: 3042793

66# bonewe
那个做中东研究的范文我好像在哪看过一下，主要是已是UT-austin的master了，大方向已经定下（范文上写的近代阿拉伯文学和历史），而国内本科的培养口径很宽，因为所做的项目和这个方向谈不上紧密相关（只能是沾边，这三个是沾得很多的）。具体就这篇而言，将那个radio塔的故事改成radio塔引发的科学思考好呢？还是砍掉它？


文科的话，莫非你是数理金融班的？

boneweUID: 3139926

68# 754860166

砍掉吧，至少我是想不到有什么打动人的地方。不过你留着也没什么，那些老男人看多这种一触而发的故事（哎，我们都遵循牛顿的路径），只是多加你一个而已，不会讨厌也不会喜欢，

关于研究方向，你说的有道理，本科做什么都行，研究生比较明确。

其实你这样的ps已经保本了，想写成那种精品这么短时间是不可能的，不要为了完美耽误了大事。

对于本科来说，招生委员会主要是看硬件，gpa，语言啥的，ps没我们想的那么重要。

把句子和用词简练下，就交了吧，结构啥的都可以。

754860166UID: 3042793

62# ZTree
关于科研，我把科研的第三段再细化了一下，看看能用不？
  A synchronous radar responder, which can radiate the radio wave to simulate the reflected signal in certain distance for the testing of this radar, became my recent completed project there.  It was my first time to deal with such a complex radiation system. To put forward the design for this radiation system required fully comprehension to radar system and radio wave propagation over rough sea. So I examined related vital knowledge after class despite of its physical and mental challenge during my busiest semester. The most enjoyable thing in these days was to immerse myself into a dozen of relative books and papers, such as Leslie W. Barclay’s Propagation of Radiowaves and Hamish Meikle’s Modern Radar Systems. Then I was in contemplation of the computer night after night without fatigue to complete the PCB for my design and debug the control program. The wave form in oscilloscope touched on my nerve, and brought me every exciting and depressing. Failure cannot be avoided all the time, but under Prof. B' instruction I debugged the system patiently until I was on cloud nine to see the correct wave form showing up in the oscilloscope. In this project, I  programed to generate a linear frequency-modulated continuous wave with DDS and built marching ciruit to radiate this 200-mw signal away from the antenna. It is a valuable asset in my life to undertake this biggest project ever in my work. Participating in this project taught me more than knowledge about Radio Wave Propagation and how to build circuits and program for the DDS. Most importantly, I learned although there may be considerable technical, mental, and physical challenges in a extremly difficult project, I can conquer all of them by my energy and persistence.

ZTreeUID: 3165682

有点意思了
我觉得科研大篇幅写一件事就行了，剩下的可以略写
你这一段也不是每句话都要说的那么细的，如果committee都知道的内容就可以一笔带过

瓶子要学习UID: 2999456

50# ZTree 请教一下，本科申master也需要着重写科研麽？我觉得推荐信或是CV里面都已经写了啊，再写不会很重复麽？？我申经济的....有的还是应用经济。

ZTreeUID: 3165682

50# ZTree  请教一下，本科申master也需要着重写科研麽？我觉得推荐信或是CV里面都已经写了啊，再写不会很重复麽？？我申经济的....有的还是应用经济。
瓶子要学习 发表于 2011-12-17 23:58

master理论上说不用特别着重科研。。。写明白你为什么要来读master就行了

瓶子要学习UID: 2999456

73# ZTree 就是通过自己的的个人，学术或是实习上的experience最后得出去那个program的motivation是么？

754860166UID: 3042793

73# ZTree
能对这段话提出些具体点的优化建议吗？
A synchronous radar responder, which can radiate the radio wave to simulate the reflected signal in certain distance for the testing of this radar, became my recent completed project there. It was my first time to deal with such a complex radiation system. To put forward the design for this radiation system required fully comprehension to radar system and radio wave propagation over rough sea. So I examined related vital knowledge after class despite of its physical and mental challenge during my busiest semester. The most enjoyable thing in these days was to immerse myself into a dozen of relative books and papers, such as Leslie W. Barclay’s Propagation of Radiowaves and Hamish Meikle’s Modern Radar Systems. Then I was in contemplation of the computer night after night without fatigue to complete the PCB for my design and debug the control program. The wave form in oscilloscope touched on my nerve, and brought me every exciting and depressing. Failure cannot be avoided all the time, but under Prof. B' instruction I debugged the system patiently until I was on cloud nine to see the correct wave form showing up in the oscilloscope. In this project, I programed to generate a linear frequency-modulated continuous wave with DDS and built marching ciruit to radiate this 200-mw signal away from the antenna. It is a valuable asset in my life to undertake this biggest project ever in my work. Participating in this project taught me more than knowledge about Radio Wave Propagation and how to build circuits and program for the DDS. Most importantly, I learned although there may be considerable technical, mental, and physical challenges in a extremly difficult project, I can conquer all of them by my energy and persistence.